The Top 10 Things Pissing Me Off Right Now . . . . . . . . . . As A Horror Fan.

I know, quite a catchy title.

I LIKE to keep this blog focused on the movies for a couple of reasons. First of all, any political comments tend to upset people, and I'm not aiming to do that (despite my defence of certain dubious movies appearing to show me in a contrary stance). Second, I just don't have the time to make the many blog posts I'd love to have here every single day. But today reminded me that, hell, if you can't go online and type a lot of words out while suffering from a rebellious digestive system then what's the damn point in having wi-fi?

So, in between the noir reviews (and a little something extra popping up here in an hour or two), I'm going to present my current 10 pet peeves as a horror fan.

10) Fans who are all talk and no action. It's a tough time, economically, for most people. And I am not going to say that I rushed out to see every independent horror that piqued my interest. But we all know people who love to bemoan the state of the horror genre, and this isn't just restricted to this year, while never actually checking out the non-mainstream titles. If the people who went to see Annabelle over the past few weeks also went to check out something like Housebound or The Canal then we'd be looking at a much more interesting playing field. I'm sure that some did. I'm also sure that it wasn't as many as it could have been.

9) People tagging horror stars in a way that suggests casual friendship. I'm friends with a lot of horror stars on Facebook, and I love it. But I'm Facebook Friends with them. None of those people want tagged in my photos, whether or not I'm holding up one of their movies. I've tagged people now and again, more so on Twitter, and that has been for two reasons.
A) Twitter is much more direct, and quicker, and I'm giving a heads up if there was something I caught that I wanted more people to see.
B) I have had enough minor interactions with the person to know that they appreciate all of their fans, and don't mind occasional mentions if it's relevant to their career/filmography.
This has stopped me from pretending every photograph I was in was linked somehow to Robert Englund . . . . . . . . but it's also stopped me being a shithead.

8) Intolerance. Like any community, the horror field has tolerant folks and intolerant folks. Most of the great horror fans I know are incredibly tolerant, and I'm talking about in relation to opinions on movies here. You will, however, always get arguments that crop up from time to time that show some horrible cracks. There's the lover of the slow-burn who wouldn't go near a Stuart Gordon movie if you paid him. There's the gorehound who needs a bodycount. There's the person who won't read subtitles, sometimes arguing with the person who will ONLY watch subtitled movies. I have enjoyable, fun arguments with a lot of my friends, but I've also seen far too many discussions turn ugly just because people like different things (thankfully, this doesn't usually involve friends of mine).

7) On the flipside of the above point, our seeming ability to forgive any sins. I include myself in this bracket. I'm probably in a few of the other brackest too, so this isn't all directed out to the world around me. There should surely come a time when we just want to see Dario Argento, John Carpenter, and Tobe Hooper (to use the first examples that came to mind) all head off into permanent retirement. I mean . . . . . . . . . . . . look at their cinematic output in the last decade or so. They're like T-101s with supersoakers full of urine, transporting further and further back each time to piss all over their own glorious heydays. We need a John Connor to end this. Even if I do quite like Ghosts Of Mars nowadays.

6) Reviewers gaining more and more self-importance. Again, and I can't emphasise this enough, I have a lot of friends who also review movies, and they do so for a love of cinema, often also a love of words, and just as a way to express themselves about a genre they have given a lot of time to over the years. I'm not on about those. I hope I'm not on about myself either, but you can make that call. I love it when someone enjoys what I've written, but I put no stock into my own opinion, as any kind of weighted commodity. I have even been known to remind people of that after criticising a film that I thought had potential to impress others more than myself. I want to praise films, I want to sometimes rant about them, but I don't want to be the sonorous voice trying to drown out all others. I don't ever want to be the guy connected to everyone in the industry, or the person reviewing the trailer of the Evil Dead remake, because it's hard to read those types of voices without thinking that the behind the scenes went a little like this:
"Hey, you, slightly nerdy guy."
"Who, me?"
"Yes, you. Pause that crazy movie you're watching (*The Ring*) and we'll make you an offer you can't refuse. You're a nerd, or a geek, whatever . . . . . . you're kinda like people who are now making up a large share of our audience, and who now have lots of money, because they don't spend it on sunbeds or Harvey Nichols sales. Write for us. Get us IN with that crowd. And we'll make it worth your while. One day you could even meet . . . . . . . . . . someone who was a walking tree in the background of that movie that made us shitloads of cash. The Box Office Rings, I think it was."
"Yes, yes, YES. I'll do it. And for my first piece . . . . . . . I'll be interesting and edgy and write about why I think The Ring is actually superior to Ringu."
"Ringu? You're adorable. Nobody knows what that is. Figure out some great kills from semi-forgotten slasher movies and we'll kick things off with that, okay?"
*END SCENE*

5) The never-ending stream of remakes . . . . . . . . . complaints. I get it. Yes, people could make better use of the money and talent they get working in the genre, but we all know that a lot of the time they actually get that money and talent because they can work with something that has brand recognition. Do I love them all? Hell no, but I tend to find that it's more 50/50 nowadays, thanks to some surprisingly good films that have come out in just the past few years. Remakes like Maniac, 13 Sins, and even Evil Dead (despite the fact that I didn't love it as much as many others did).

4) FINE, I'll say it. Found footage. But not just found footage as a style, because there are still occasional movies done in this style that I REALLY like. It's an intense experience, when done right. Lazy found footage, however, is a choice made by people who think it's either going to make their movie easier to film or make it easier to sell. Either way, it's often based purely on economics, which is no way to make a horror movie (even though I realise it's the movie BUSINESS). Prime example = The Sacrament.

3) Horror fans who ONLY watch horror. Bear with me here, bear with me. I know that there's not really too much wrong with finding a genre you love and sticking with it. That's kinda fair enough, but it's hard to argue against the fact that the horror genre has been more influential, and more influenced, than any other genre around. So my complaint here, if it needs reworded, is about the pigeonholing that some choose to do. I often made the case for Dead Man's Shoes as a slasher movie (masked main character, actual bodycount, troubled history). It was just a bit of fun, but the truth at its core always made me more amused when people started to shake their heads more vigorously and demand that it never be construed as such. Why? What does it matter to you if some consider it horror or not, and why won't you watch/rewatch something not given the traditional seal of approval? You might just be pleasantly surprised.

2) Loving anything old school. A lot of movies are being marketed now with an old school vibe. Apparently, that often translates to "wasted resources, some bad actresses can get naked, and blood". Yes, those elements were often present and correct in the movies we loved watching throughout the '70s and '80s, but just as often we had real care taken with the material, real actors who were on their way to becoming stars, either in or outwith the horror genre, and . . . . . . . . okay, blood was often flooding the screen, but not always. It IS possible to make a great film with an old school feel, even the wonderfully twisted You're Next managed to do so while also turning a lot of things on their head, but just making a movie that's cheap and crude doesn't make it fucking so.

1) Unchecked love-ins. This may say more about the state of my mind than the state of horror at the moment, but there are a few figures cropping up that you'd be forgiven for mistaking as untouchable wunderkinds. I hate this. Personal taste aside, because maybe people speaking up for them genuinely DO always love their work, I just find it highly unlikely that so much unchecked adoration doesn't make other people narrow their eyes and "hmmmmmmmm" in suspicion. I'm not going to name any names here, especially anyone who is receiving any such adulation, because it's not as if I personally outright hate anyone on the receiving end of such love (and, hey, what a problem to have, right?) or, indeed, anyone giving it out. It's just unfair. It's unfair to anyone writing, if they're no longer able to be seen as impartial. It's unfair to the people being praised, who may end up finding others reacting negatively to them in some misguided attempt to balance things out (a la every 1/10 - 10/10 rating on IMDb). And it's unfair to anyone seeking out opinions on new films, talent, music, books, etc.