Here's the downside of constantly seeking out new and interesting horror movies. You can go into many of them without knowing anything about them. And if you don't know anything about them then that increases the chance of it not being a good movie. It's also the way to find the "undiscovered gems", which is why horror fans often spend their time taking such risks, arguably more so than fans of other genres.
So I saw Never Play With The Dead, a British horror movie from 2001 that I'd never heard of, and decided to give it a go. That turned out to be a big mistake.
Things start with a group of young children breaking into an abandoned building. They don't seem to come out, but things then jump forward in time. The abandoned building is still abandoned, but it is about to be livened up by a group of young men and women who are looking to host a rave party there. As well as taking care of the business side of things, Craig (Mark Homer) has given himself a big headache by inviting Victoria (Kara Tointon) along, which causes tension among the women, and has Craig's girlfriend (Sarah Kayte Foster) suspicious of his behaviour and motivation.
The only full feature film to be directed by Ray Kilby (who has also directed one TV movie and episodes of various TV shows), and also the only feature written by David Fedash, Never Play With The Dead feels, perhaps unsurprisingly, like an extended TV episode. It reminded me of shows like Dramarama and Urban Gothic, with everything competent enough, but not quite cinematic, and a cast full of faces you have seen somewhere else, even if you cannot remember exactly where you saw them, but that is doing a slight disservice to those shows. They made the most of a certain format, and the limitations of whatever timeslot they were going to appear in. This, on the other hand, feels like it was thrown together by people, both behind and in front of the camera, who didn't really want to do it.
The cast never feel like they're doing more than local theatre work, with the exception of Mohammed George (who is, unfortunately, absent for about half of the movie), the plotting is ridiculously padded out, considering the core of the film is an idea that could have been presented in a 5/10-minute short, and there are no attempts to create any legitimate scares or tension. Well, there may be attempts, but I couldn't tell you. Nothing here felt even close to being atmospheric, effective, or even just enjoyably bloody.
Although titled Never Play With The Dead, this could just as easily, and just as accurately, been called Never Play This Movie. Because that is the advice I am giving people. Including those who were involved in making it. I just hope they were able to keep it hidden away in their CV.
2/10
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