Sometimes I have to wonder about myself. My thoughts on Van Helsing are a prime example of just why I have to do that. I remembered quite enjoying this movie. I own the 2-disc special edition released years ago. I have even defended it, considering how much I enjoyed the general plot points used to bring together the main Universal horror icons. But I just rewatched it. Everyone else was right when they kept telling me how awful this film is.
Hugh Jackman plays the titular character, an action hero with the might of the church behind him (although they equally frown upon his methods, and deny his position as their main soldier). He ends up sent to Transylvania, accompanied by the much more timid Carl (David Wenham), as a certain Count Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) seems intent on finding a way to create a whole brood of baby bloodsuckers. Dracula needs a monster, of course (Frankenstein's creation being played here by Shuler Hensley), but he also tries to experiment with a werewolf or two. Meanwhile, Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale) does her best to keep thwarting a supernatural enemy who seems to have a keen interest in her family.
There are things to enjoy here, and I'll mention some of them soon, but it's worth noting that this is a film so awful that it pretty much derailed the directorial career of Stephen Sommers, a white American man. Do you know how hard you have to fail to have your movie career derailed when you're a white American man? You get about three attempts for everyone lone chance a woman would get. Okay, Sommers did direct a couple of other features after this, and seems to have something in development at the moment, but he's far from the celebrated figure he was when helming two fun Mummy movies.
Those in front of the camera have generally fared better, perhaps helped by the fact that people seem to have (rightly) wiped this film from their memories. Jackman has been busy in many better movies, although he doesn't do a terrible job here as an action hero version of the famous character. Beckinsale has kept fans happy in a number of other vampire movies, of course, as well as a number of lesser-known, but fun, films. Roxburgh seemed to realise how bad he was at picking blockbuster projects (just look at his choices between 2000-2004), Wenham continued to move between bigger and smaller projects with ease, and Hensley isn't someone I can say I've noticed in anything else.
It's almost impossible to describe Van Helsing as anything other than an ugly movie, and that's a descriptor it works hard to earn. The sets and production design are quite gorgeous, as are many of the costumes and the many props, but shame on Sommers for putting faith in computer effects that weren't yet ready to deliver anything close to what he must have so happily envisioned in his mind. The werewolf moments are the worst, but it's also not good when the brides of Dracula morph from the real actresses (one being the wonderful Elena Anaya) to clumsy CGI. Then we have action sequences that are overdone and ridiculous in a way that makes everything unforgivably boring. It's hard to enjoy any spectacle when it all feels as if it has been created in a computer-enabled vacuum.
I like the Alan Silvestri score, that is the other main plus, and I do like the core idea at the heart of the plot, but it's hard to think of anything else I can be positive about. Kevin J. O'Connor is a fun Igor, and there's still something entertaining about the opening sequences (one presented in line with the Universal classics from the 1930s, the other featuring a bizarre interpretation of Mr. Hyde, voiced by Robbie Coltrane), but I would have to encourage people to stay away from this one. It's a lot of loud noises and overfilled scenes that ultimately lead to nothing really worth your time. But everyone else knew that for the past two decades.
4/10
If you have enjoyed this, or any other, review on the blog then do
consider the following ways to show your appreciation. A
subscription/follow costs nothing.
It also costs nothing to like/subscribe to the YouTube channel attached to the podcast I am part of - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCErkxBO0xds5qd_rhjFgDmA
Or you may have a couple of quid to throw at me, in Ko-fi form - https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews
Or Amazon is nice at this time of year - https://www.amazon.co.uk/hz/wishlist/ls/Y1ZUCB13HLJD?ref_=wl_share
No comments:
Post a Comment