Monday, 24 October 2011

Siren (2010)

No, just no. Updating old myths is all well and good but it has to be done with a modicum of style and skill. Perhaps even wit. Intelligence would be nice. None of those things are present in Siren, a British horror movie that commits the cardinal sin of being completely boring for most of its runtime.

Eoin Macken and Anna Skellern are, respectively, Ken and Rachel, a couple who head out to meet Rachel's old friend, Marco (Anthony Jabre). They then jump on to the lovely boat they've been allowed the use of and enjoy some sea and sunshine. At one point, Ken and Rachel head below deck for some jolly rogering and poor old Marco finds himself taking the boat into shallow waters as he sees someone in trouble. Things start to go from bad to worse soon enough and the discovery of a female named Silka (Tereza Srbova) on the nearby island leads to some very strange events. Silka sometimes sings too. You think that Ken, Rachel and Marco would be slightly wary as they were told about the legends of the sirens by a colourful local moments before heading out to sea. But no. That bit of information just seems to have been inserted to hammer home the central idea for viewers.

The late Andrew Hull directs (and he also co-wrote the thing with Geoffrey Gunn) and as the movie has a dedication to him at the start of the end credits I don't want to really rip the movie apart and seem like a disrespectful asshole.

But it's a bad movie. Plain and simple. The acting is okay-ish (well maybe not really but it's passable) from most people involved, with the exception of Tereza Srbova who is pretty terrible (and makes everyone seem better by comparison), but the movie really doesn't do anything notable with it's main idea. Mixing in dream sequences at random certainly doesn't help, there's no tension generated because we don't really care about the characters and nothing onscreen to appease horror fans - no actual scares, no decent blood and gore (which horror fans don't always look out for but can appreciate if there's nothing else being offered), a teasing hint of eroticism that quickly fizzles out.

Anna Skellern is pleasant to look at, that's really all I can pick as a high point of a dull movie that squanders a potentially interesting premise and proves ultimately disappointing for everyone invloved (cast, crew and viewers).


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