Deathcember (2020)

Horror anthology films are often an easy viewing experience, and I have mentioned this before. If you dislike one tale then another will be along soon enough to hopefully turn things around. This could have been even more likely with Deathcember, a Christmas-themed horror anthology that takes you through numerous doors (in an advent calendar style-ee) to present twisted tales for your delectation. 

There are two major flaws with Deathcember though. First of all, the runtime is just under two and a half hours. Just under two and a half hours? For a horror anthology? That's completely unnecessary. Even The Theatre Bizarre managed to be shorter than that. Both of The ABCs Of Death movies clocked in at round the two hour mark.

Second, and more importantly, very few of the stories are enjoyable. Indeed, only a few of them really feel like they need the Christmas theme to factor into the plot. I am not going to go out of my way here to pick on the segments I liked the least, mainly because there are so many people I usually like who were involved with this, but I can tell you that my highlights only amount to about 10% of the runtime. One of those, "Cracker", is a bizarre sci-fi horror tale that feels very much like an excellent episode of The Twilight Zone. The other, "They Used To Laugh And Call Him Names" is an amusingly gross blend of two seasonal favourites. That tale is the very last of 26, and one of 2 inserted amidst the end credits.

Don't get me wrong. The other tales aren't without merit. Some feel as if they haven't been fully-formed, even for a short, while some others have good ideas that aren't executed as well as they could be. And then you have "Crappy Christmas: Operation Christmas Child", which I found to be sick and absurdly amusing, but feel the need to warn others about. It's stop-motion animation, yet still manages to be disturbing at times, especially for those who may feel very uncomfortable about it being played for laughs. "The Hunchback Of Burg Hayn" is a gorgeous emulation of silent cinema, "Family Matters" is bizarre in just the right way, and "All Sales Fatal" has Tiffany Shepis as the kind of customer that you don't want to encounter as a shop worker in the Christmas shopping season. All of these shorts are good, in different ways, but not necessarily . . . enjoyable.

I am sure that there are many viewers who will enjoy this more than I did, and I at least appreciate the fact that this was created specifically to deliver this selection of bloody baubles (as far as I can tell), but it felt like a real slog to get through. I was looking forward to a feast of tasty meats, roasted veggies, plenty of sweeties, and mulled wine. I ended up with stodgy leftover turkey sandwiches, cold potatoes, the coffee creams, and some flat cola. 

4/10

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