Although it seemed to come and go with very little fanfare, I knew that I would be looking forward to Seize Them! from the first time I heard about it. Being a fan of the Horrible Histories style, I figured this would be something along similar lines. I wasn’t completely wrong, although it throws around some swearwords to remind you that it is intended for slightly older viewers. I’m not sure that was the best approach, but we will come back to that later.
Aimee Lou Wood is Queen Dagan, a cold and uncaring ruler, more due to ignorance than malice, who finds herself having to travel incognito when she escapes an attempt on her life by the revolutionary Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan). The Queen ends up being helped by Shulmay (Lolly Adefope) and a friendly shit-shoveler named Bobik (Nick Frost). She is determined to regain her throne, but there’s obviously more for her to find on this difficult and dangerous journey.
While it’s not usually good to compare something directly to something else, or to critique something more for what it isn’t than what it is, Seize Them! seems to invite such a comparison. And it comes up wanting. This should have been a family-friendly stomp through medieval times, stuffed full of gags and mud and a stench that would come off the screen in waves. Sadly, it’s just a moderately amusing adventure with some language that takes it up to a 15 certificate here in the UK. Younger viewers may miss out, and older viewers have many better options in front of them.
Director Curtis Vowell doesn’t have too many films under his belt, which may explain the lack of any proper guidance for the material here, but writer Andy Riley already has a few gems. It is a shame that this isn’t on par with his past features, especially when he would seem to be such a good fit for this kind of fun.
The cast do all they can to help, but they’re seriously hampered by the script. Frost probably fares the best, providing some laughs as his sweet simpleton character constantly makes mistakes that endanger the central group, but both Adefope and Wood are enjoyable onscreen performers. Coughlan has fun as a main “villain”, as does the wonderful Jessica Hynes, and there’s a very enjoyable cameo from James Acaster, in a role that allows him to be as Acaster as Acaster is wont to be.
I chuckled a few times while this was on, and I was happy enough to see where the different characters settled by the time their journeys had ended, but I was never overly impressed. They really should have decided to either embrace the silliness and fill every scene with gags and puns or embrace the certification and throw in some more gore and death alongside the smattering of naughty language. Instead, it falls between two stools. Which is a statement on the quality of the film and also an extra pooh gag that feels slightly better than what was served up by this script.
5/10
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