Taron Egerton plays Etahn Kopek, a young TSA agent who ends up having a very difficult shift in a busy airport on Christmas Eve. It's all thanks to a mysterious stranger (Jason Bateman) who ends up threatening Kopek to let a piece of luggage through the security system that really shouldn't be anywhere near an airport. Kopek doesn't want to co-operate, of course, but there's also another villain (Theo Rossi) keeping an eye on his pregnant partner, Nora (Sofia Carson). Meanwhile, one detective (Elena Cole, played by Danielle Deadwyler) senses something unusual about the latest case she is working on, and her investigation may eventually lead her to the same airport where our hero is desperately trying to stall for time.
Sometimes I watch a film and have such a strong reaction to it (whether positive or negative) that looking around online to see myself being very much in the minority makes me wonder if I missed something major. Despite what many others may tell you, Carry-On is awful, and not often in a fun way. I've seen people praise it as a throwback to simple action thrillers of the '90s, but that is just being rude to the simple action thrillers of the '90s. I've also seen people go on about how it's just a bit of fun that allows viewers to switch their brain off and enjoy the ride. There's switching your brain off and then there's being placed into an induced-coma to stop you asking too many questions. This film would have to do the latter to be considered anything more than an insulting mess.
Let's start with that dire script, written by T. J. Fixman, who unsurprisingly has a history made up of various Ratchet & Clank projects, as well as one other videogame. I don't always mind films that set everything up in entirely obvious ways, offering a comforting familiarity with how predictable it all is, but there's no finesse here at all. Even worse, there's absolutely no attempt to make things feel plausible. The main plan is silly enough, once you think about it for more than a moment, but would be perfectly fine if the rest of the film didn't try to find a breaking point for anyone suspending their disbelief. Want to warn your loved one about a potential sniper threatening their life? Do it in front of the biggest set of windows possible, as opposed to a backroom that has already been described as a total blindspot earlier on in the film. We're told many times at the start of the movie how busy the airport will be on this particular day, which doesn't seem to matter when people are looking for other airport staff or members of the security team. And let's not even waste energy rolling eyes at how amazingly quiet the airport car park becomes when someone is being chased by a van, and then a gun-toting killer who vacates said van. Those are just the "highlights", but you get the idea. None of the dialogue feels natural and flowing, and everyone is hampered by the silliness of the central idea.
As for director Jaume Collet-Serra, he represses any of his style and skill to deliver something that simply sits alongside numerous other "identi-kit" features paid for by Netflix. Okay, he no longer always shows off the eye he had while making the likes of House Of Wax and Orphan, but I defy anyone to watch this without credits and then name him as the director.
I wish I could say that the cast at least work to improve the material, but they don't. Egerton is someone I normally enjoy watching onscreen, but he has to spend a lot of his screentime here responding to a voice speaking to him via an earpiece. How does he show his worry and stress? A twitchy left eye. It's distractingly overdone, and he isn't helped by the fact that his character has to wade further into the waters of implausibility than anyone else. Bateman is decent, but not entirely convincing as the manipulative criminal mastermind. Carson and Deadwyler are both slightly underused (although Deadwyler ends up involved in what is arguably the worst sequence in the film, an eye-wateringly bad stunt sequence involving cars soundtracked to "Last Christmas" on the radio), Rossi never feels as competent as he should, and everyone else, from Logan Marshall-Green and Dean Norris to Sinqua Walls and Curtiss Cook, is completely wasted.
I liked some of the very end scenes, but even that felt like some small consolation after expecting another twist that didn't happen. I wasn't just unhappy as the end credits rolled, I was bloody annoyed at once again being won over by a trailer for a film that turned out to be, while harmless and fairly inoffensive, another slick and empty waste of time (for both myself and those involved in making it).
4/10
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