Rise Of The Zombies (2012)

Another zombie movie from The Asylum, and another one directed by Nick Lyons (who also gave viewers the poor, but slightly better than this, Zombie Apocalypse), Rise Of The Zombies features the usual selection of jobbing actors trying to invest their paper-thin characters with something, anything, to make the movie more watchable as it repeats the same cycle for 90 minutes until a weak, weak ending.

Things start off promising. Survivors of the zombie outbreak are holed up in Alcatraz. There's potential here, but it's soon squandered. Zombies still get in and the main characters all make stupid decision after stupid decision, culminating in the moment when they set off from the island in search of safety elsewhere. Because that's a better decision than killing the zombies that managed to get in and reinforcing the huge stronghold that is Alcatraz. Zombies munch on folks, people bicker, zombies munch on folks, people bicker, repeat ad nauseum. Oh, there's also LeVar Burton, stuck with having to play possibly the stupidest doctor that I've ever seen in any zombie movie. Ever. He is determined to find a cure that will save the one he loves.

There are one or two decent moments here, with one scene showing how easy it is for zombies to climb up the Golden Gate bridge being as enjoyable as it is ridiculously stupid, but there's no reason to ever seek this film out beyond stumbling across it accidentally on the TV schedules. Lyons isn't the worst director, but writers Keith Allan and Delondra Williams didn't make his job any easier by churning out such a laughable and lame script.

The cast includes Mariel Hemingway, Danny Trejo (currently tied with Ving Rhames in the "pay me and I'll turn up for anything" category), Ethan Suplee, the aforementioned Burton, French Stewart, and Chad Lindberg. The rest of the cast is made up of the usual supporting players for The Asylum AKA people who can rack up a long list of credits on IMDb thanks to their portrayal of "screaming zombie victim #8". Hey, nothing against that, a job is a job, but all I'm emphasising is that the rest of the cast features nobody truly memorable. There are one or two other main characters, but the cast can't do enough to overcome the weak script. Without having any recognition factor they just blur together into one featureless crowd.

Rise Of The Zombies isn't good, in case you didn't gather that already. Some of the effects are okay, but a lot of the film just feels rushed and/or lazy. Critics of The Asylum may rush to tell me that ALL of their films feel that way, but I'd disagree. Sometimes they do appear to be trying. Just not on this occasion.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rise-Zombies-DVD-Danny-Trejo/dp/B00BFCJLT8/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1395320665&sr=1-1&keywords=rise+of+the+zombies

I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

Another remake of an infamous horror title, for some reason this movie has a few supporters and people who reluctantly accept that it's a lot better than they thought it was going to be. Well, it's a decent revenge movie with some moments of real nastiness but it's still nowhere near as brutal as the original film and it also misses the entire point of that classic film (yes, I do think it's a classic even if it's not one for the whole family to sit down and enjoy). You see, THAT film had a woman being terrorised and brutalised and horrifically violated because of her sexuality before using that same sexuality to exact her revenge. This film has a young woman being terrorised and brutalised and horribly violated because of her sexuality becoming an efficient and skilled hunter/trapper/killer and even budding Jigsaw protege.

The basic story remains the same as it was the first time around. Young Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler) heads off to an isolated cabin to get some writing done but finds herself fearing for her life when some of the local boys come around to have their fun - their idea of fun being far, far removed from any normal idea of fun. It all starts, in a way, from some joking around about getting the handicapped Matthew (Chad Lindberg) a chance to be with a woman but it soon gets even worse for young Jennifer as all of the boys decide to take their turn with her and "teach her a lesson". And the local law enforcement is worse than useless. It's up to Jennifer to keep her spirit intact and find a way to fight back.

On a technical level, everything here is just right. Steven R. Monroe does just fine in the role of director while Stuart Morse has adapted the original movie into an acceptable screenplay. There are some nice moments of tension in between that hard-hitting first half and that vigilante-centric second half but there are also one or two sassy one-liners that remind you of how removed the movie is from the essence of the original.

The acting is all pretty decent. Butler is, admittedly, pretty brave to even go near such a controversial role, while Jeff Branson, Andrew Howard, Daniel Franzese, Rodney Eastman and Chad Lindberg all do a good job of playing characters of varying degrees of unpleasantness. And Tracey Walter is enjoyable as old Earl.

There are a few moments that will certainly impress those who want something a bit stronger in their horror movies but for me, personally, the whole thing still feels sanitised and far less interesting than the original film because of that refusal to explore the real power of the sexuality at the core of the movie. Basically, it's a decent film that misses the mark by a long way.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Spit-On-Your-Grave-Blu-ray/dp/B004AER3KC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1344848238&sr=8-2