Evil Bong (2006)

If you are wondering just what you might get from a film called Evil Bong then you may have already spent too much time in the company of an evil bong. It's not a hard concept to figure out, not really, and the fact that it is directed by Charles Band means that you're unlikely to find a lot of hidden depth here. 

David Weidoff plays Alistair, a young (nerd) man who moves into shared accommodation with, as you may have guessed, a bunch of guys who like to get stoned. Alistair doesn’t personally indulge, which is why it takes much longer for him to be caught in the clutches of . . . the Evil Bong. In fact, Alistair only sets out to get stoned when he figures out what is happening to those around him, including Janet (Kristyn Green), a woman he has taken quite a shine to.

As silly and light as you should expect, Evil Bong isn’t actually as bad as it could be, thanks to the idea of people being transported to a “bong world” that is basically just a strip club where they are eventually killed, or have their souls temporarily held from their bodies. It is also a place where other characters from the Full Moon stable of movies can appear, for no other reason than allowing fans to recognise them and smile. Jack Deth, Gingerdead Man, Ooga Booga, and more appear onscreen for a few seconds. They add nothing to the plot of the film, but I cannot deny that it was fun to recognise them (and remember other Full Moon movies that I had already enjoyed or endured).

Band directs with his usual approach, take an idea that can be milked for years and throw everything together as cheaply as possible. He is helped by Domonic Muir’s script, which leans into the silliness of it all just enough to be slightly charming, as opposed to smug and offputting, and the “guest role” for Tommy Chong is an easy way to attract the right viewer demographic.

Weidoff isn’t the best actor around, but he is also far from the worst,  as are the other main stars.. Everyone knows what kind of movie they are in, and everyone does just fine by the material. I would say that this is actually one of the better casts I have seen Band put together, with Green a very likeable potential love interest, and Brian Lloyd, John Patrick Jordan, and Mitch Eakins, are amusing enough as the non-nerd flatmates ready to gently mock the new nerd in their midst. Robin Sydney also does fine, playing the girlfriend of Lloyd’s character, while the voice of Michelle Mais works well as for the Evil Bong aka EeBee. There’s also a small supporting role for Phil Fondacaro, someone who has appeared in many Full Moon movies, and who I always enjoy seeing.

This is silly, it is put together carelessly, and you may well start forgetting it even before the end credits have finished. But it’s also moderately amusing, at times, and keeps throwing enough elements around onscreen that some of them manage to stick.

4/10

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Critters (1986)

Although I have no idea how well Critters did at the box office when it was released, I suspect it was a film that truly found a fanbase in the home video market. I know that is where I found it. And so did many other kids I knew. 

It’s quite a simple story, really, but has plenty of unique little touches to fill the runtime to feature-length without ever seeming to sag. A few aliens, known as Krites (aka the critters), escape from a prison and steal a spaceship, eventually crashing down in a small town here on Earth. This causes a lot of trouble for the Brown family, and things get more chaotic when two shape-shifting bounty hunters arrive in pursuit of the hungry wee alien beasties. 

Dee Wallace is Helen Brown, Billy Green Bush is her husband, Jay, Nadine Van der Velde is older teen daughter, Nadine, and Scott Grimes is young Brad. They are the main cast members. Billy Zane is also here, playing Steve, the boyfriend of Nadine, and Don Opper is Charlie, a child-like adult who is friends with Brad. The other person of note is Terrence Mann, who plays one of the bounty hunters, having taken on the appearance of a rock star named Johnny Steele. 

Directed by first-timer Stephen Herek, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Domonic Muir, Critters is the kind of fun creature feature that serves as a great gateway film for younger viewers, and proves equally entertaining to those who know the tone it is aiming for (a tone it nails consistently throughout). The titular creatures, designed by the talented Chiodo brothers, are deadly, but also portrayed as often being mischievous and unfocused, crazy animals that turn dangerous when they are threatened by others.

The cast all do a good job of reacting quite realistically to the madness around them. Although Grimes is the plucky kid at the heart of the film, Wallace and Bush are a good pair of cinematic parents, and Mann has fun keeping his demeanour calm throughout. Opper is okay, and gets to play two versions of his character, but he also feels undeserving of the importance he ends up having. There are also small roles for the wonderful M. Emmet Walsh and Lin Shaye. 

One of the better little creature features that came along in the mid-1980s, Critters not only holds up well today, it is also the first of a quartet of movies (in the original series) without any massive downturn in quality. And I am already looking forward to revisiting them all. And reviewing them here.

8/10

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Puppet Master: Axis Of Evil (2010)

Here is, as expected, a film in the Puppet Master series that finally plays around with the chronology established in the earlier movies, in an attempt to shake things up a bit and move forward, yet also step backward slightly at the same time (I WILL explain in a moment).

On the plus side, this is not another crudely-assembled mix of footage from the other movies. To be fair, it would be hard to do that again, so soon after the eighth instalment in this series. You also get Nazis, and who doesn't enjoy seeing Nazis get their just desserts. On the downside, it's another film that decides the story is best set in the past, and also assumes that nobody will remember when Toulon was said to have killed himself, as shown at the very start of the first movie.

David DeCoteau is once again back in the director's chair, working this time from a script by Domonic Muir (credited as August White). The two work together to provide fans with occasional moments of fun mired in a plot that consistently tries to play certain elements out more seriously than it should.

Here's the quick summary. Levi Fiehler plays Danny Coogan, a young man unable to do his bit during the war, due to a leg injury. He's helping his uncle at the Bodega Bay Inn on the night that Toulon kills himself to finally stop being pursued by Nazis. Because he had spent some time with Toulon, Danny knows about the puppets. He whisks them away. This all leads to Danny realising that Nazis are in his home town, attempting to infiltrate a factory that his girlfriend (Beth, played by Jenna Gallagher) works in. The Nazis are working with a Japanese criminal (Ozu, played by Ada Chao) and Danny realises he can do his bit for the war effort by putting a stop to their plans, with the help of his puppet pals.

There are a couple of good puppet scenes here, including the creation of a new little guy (Ninja), and this is certainly a huge step up from the previous film. Having said that, Puppet Master: Legacy was such a low bar that almost anything would have been a huge step up. So it's a shame that those involved with this one thought that the best way to revive the series would be to create a tale of wartime intrigue and thrills, while forgetting to include enough of both.

The cast are okay. Fiehler is a bit of a uncharismatic lead, making it impossible to figure out how his character ended up with such an apparently lovely girlfriend. Gallagher does a bit better in her role, despite not being given enough screentime, and Chao does what is required of her as one of the main villains. Aaron Riber is fine as Klaus, the other main villain, most at ease when he gets to run through the expected broad "act like a Nazi" bag of tricks.

DeCoteau doesn't do a terrible job, and the general look of the movie makes it feel as if a bit more care has been taken with it than was taken with the past few films, but neither he nor Muir push the material in a direction that allows for fun to take precedence over the plotting, scheming, and attempted melodrama.

It's a step in the right direction, but it's not a return to form. And I'm not sure that will ever happen now, considering how far along the series has now gone.

4/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy a decent little set here.