Artemis Fowl (2020)

Of course I'd heard all of the bad reviews. Of course I was aware that not one person who watched Artemis Fowl ended up having a good thing to say about it. Of course I thought I might find at least some small bits to enjoy.

Of course I was wrong.

Artmeris Fowl has the might of Disney behind it, but it's hard to think of a more misjudged and messy piece of family entertainment. Nothing works as it should. Nothing.

Let's start with the plot. Ferdia Shaw is Artemis Fowl, a young boy who ends up alone, having to defend his home, when his father (Colin Farrell) is whisked away by some shady villain. Artemis finds out that there's a whole world around him that he doesn't know about, and there's an item, the Aculos, that many seem to want to get their hands on. This leads to Fowl Manor being besieged, where Artemis works to defend it with the magical Holly Short (Lara McDonnell) and Mulch Diggums (Josh Gad), "Dom" Butler (Nonso Anozie), and Dom's niece, Juliet Butler (Tamara Smart). You also get Judi Dench appearing as Commander Julius Root, determined to get in to Fowl Manor and retrieve the Aculos.

Based on the popular novel by Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl is written by Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl, which may be where the the problems begin. McColl has a background that would make him seem suited to this kind of material, perhaps, but McPherson doesn't, and the mix of the two leads to a film that feels inevitably ill-fitting, in terms of the various plot elements. Director Kenneth Branagh also doesn't really feel like the right person to be sitting in the big chair, but it would be unfair to rule him out immediately (considering some of his surprising successes). Sadly, it turns out that he ISN'T the right person to be sitting in the big chair. In fact, he doesn't seem to have spent much time in the chair at all. This feels like something not directed by anyone with any vision, or even a sense of effective film-making techniques.

Then we get to the cast. Shaw is horrible in the lead role. It's not really his fault. His character is annoying, almost from the very first frame, and he acts accordingly. Gad is pretty annoying, although he at least gets to show some of his personality, unlike the majority of the cast. McDonnell is the highlight, a plucky and tough fighter with good intentions, but Anozie is also very good as the talented protector/butler. Judie Dench looks suitably embarrassed every now and then, and Farrell has the good sense to take on a role with such little screentime that I'm sure he was handsomely rewarded for what amounted to a day of work, at most.

Artemis Fowl isn't as bad as you've heard. It's worse. Characters are generally awful and unappealing, the plot is slight and impossible to care about, and the action sequences wouldn't have impressed most viewers a decade ago. It's mind-boggling to think of how many decisions were made by people who all tried to go for the worst possible options. It's only the fact that it had enough money thrown at it that saves it from being among the very worst I have seen. It's definitely one of the very worst blockbusters of the 21st century though.

3/10

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Murder On The Orient Express (2017)

There's nothing inherently wrong with this all-star version of Murder On The Orient Express, the classic whodunnit from Agatha Christie that has an ending already known to most people even if they haven't read the book yet (a large group that includes myself). It's rather fun, polished, and certainly throws enough stars into the mix to help things along.

Kenneth Branagh directs, and he also lets himself take on the lead role of Poirot, the greatest detective in the world (who isn't named Sherlock Holmes, I guess). Poirot ends up on the titular train, there's a murder, and he tries to figure out who did it. Everyone has a motive, it seems, and Poirot wants to discover the culprit before the train moves on to the next station. Because the train has also been derailed by a small avalanche, ensuring that the characters are unable to flee while the detective gets his little grey cells working on the case.

Working from a script by Michael Green, Murder On The Orient Express is a film both helped and hampered by how familiar and comfortable it all feels. It's easy to enjoy but not so easy to get properly drawn into. The snowy setting, the familiar faces, the family-friendly nature of most of the main scenes, this is something that feels more like a lavish BBC production scheduled for the Christmas holidays than a cinematic experience.

My other main complaint about the film is how the resolution comes about. It all makes sense, from what I can tell, but it would have been better to see a few more links being placed in the chain by Poirot as he started to formulate his main theory. This may be a case of elements from the book that were harder to put on film, or it may be a case of Poirot simply being a character who holds all of his cards close to his chest until he is ready to set them down. My limited knowledge of the character is gathering dust in a small recess of my memory banks, sadly. Either way, and I know it would have been difficult to balance the reveals with the attempt to keep the mystery intact until the end, one or two more pieces of information would have been appreciated as viewers watched Poirot put everything together.

I'm not going to pick apart every performance by the cast. I'll just say that all of them have fun at various points. Johnny Depp, Daisy Ridley, Michelle Pfeiffer, Leslie Odom Jr, Judi Dench, Willem Dafoe, Josh Gad, Penelope Cruz, Olivia Colman, Derek Jacobi, and Tom Bateman are the main players, but they all have to work under the long shadow of Branagh, clearly having a ball as Poirot.

If you're unfamiliar with the resolution to the story then be sure to see this before you have it spoiled for you. Also give it a watch if you like most of the main players (and why wouldn't you?). But it's surprisingly disposable and forgettable, especially considering the talent involved. I'll still end up watching the next adventure, however, teased at the end, and I'd even be tempted to watch some less famous mysteries featuring Branagh's take on the main character.

6/10

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Sci-Fi September: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004)

After the small acorn that was Pitch Black, this sequel, in what would become the Riddick franchise, quickly lets viewers see that they're being given a mighty oak this time around. The first few scenes are grandiose, in terms of both visual style and the setting up of a premise that will allow people to learn more about the universe that vicious anti-hero Riddick (Vin Diesel) inhabits, and writer-director David Twohy clearly wants to go in a different direction from the enjoyably down 'n' dirty first film.

Starting off with narration that explains the Necromongers, a ruthless race who have been moving throughout the universe, killing or converting everyone on the planets that they conquer. We then move on to a man being chased by bounty hunters. That man is Riddick, and the bounty has been placed on his head to get him back to Helion Prime, the world next to be targeted by the Necromongers. It's not Riddick's fight, so he wants no part of the whole thing, but details eventually surface that make him reconsider. Details that also reveal more about his background and his feral nature.

With everything being so much bigger this time around, it was almost inevitable that The Chronicles Of Riddick would disappoint many people. It didn't set alight the box office, and it probably knocked a few people sideways who hoped for something more in line with the first film. Thankfully, people eventually warmed to the film, and the whole franchise idea, when they had the luxury of viewing the movie in their own home, and with a better idea of what they were getting into.

Diesel is, once again, the rock at the centre of the whole thing. He's effortlessly cool and intimidating as Riddick, embodying one of the great anti-heroes in modern cinema and loving every minute of it. Keith David reprises his role from Pitch Black, while Alexa Davalos takes over the role of another survivor from the first film, now going by the name Kyra. David is okay, mainly used for exposition and to set wheels in motion, but Davalos has the better role, and does well with it. Dame Judi Dench is an unexpected, though pleasing, addition to the cast, playing an ethereal character named Aereon, and the main villains are portrayed by Colm Feore, Karl Urban, Linus Roache and Thandie Newton. Urban and Roache both do good work, with the former being an actor who I've never seen give a bad performance, but Newton is sadly flat in a role that many actresses would have really had fun with. Feore, however, proves even more disappointing. He's the Lord Marshal, the big bad, and should be able to emanate power and menace whenever he's onscreen. He doesn't, which affects the film on a number of different occasions.

The script and direction from Twohy is solid, if sprinkled liberally with minor failings, such as the relatively weak villains. The special effects and visual design elements are impressive, despite a few key creations already showing their age compared to what can be done now, one decade on. The action set-pieces are sometimes fumbled, with some unfortunate over-editing making it hard to keep track of who is where onscreen, but the film continues to impress whenever the camera moves back, taking in grand landscapes, star systems, and giant spaceships. The fact that the focus remains on the expansive, as opposed to intimate, moments is what saves the film and makes it such an enjoyable sci-fi viewing.

The director and leading man may make mistakes on the way to getting their movie finished, but they always do right by Riddick and his universe. And that, for me, makes up for a hell of a lot.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Riddick-Complete-Collection-Blu-ray-UltraViolet/dp/B00GHP8T1Y/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1410092573&sr=1-1&keywords=riddick+box+set

J. Edgar (2011)

Written by Dustin Lance Black and directed by Clint Eastwood, J. Edgar is the biopic of J. Edgar Hoover and it's a pretty decent film. The sad thing is, however, that it could have been a great film. It seems that Eastwood is content with sitting on his laurels lately instead of delivering the quality of movies that he was giving to audiences not more than five years ago.

Leonardo DiCaprio plays the main character, starting the movie made up as an old man. It's an important time in his life, time to think back over everything that he's done and to get his memoirs written and as he tells his story to a young man typing everything out the audience gets to see many episodes from his life. They may not all be true interpretations of events, sometimes J. Edgar Hoover would say whatever would place him in the best light, but they all add up to paint a picture of the man who started off with great ideas and ended up with great, many would say too much, power. As Mulder might put it he "put the eye in FBI."

Considering the subject matter, this is a surprisingly dull movie at times. Various episodes do, of course, provide some excitement, but when it comes to the central character it does seem as if the script, and in turn Eastwood, is content to just barely scratch the surface. Perhaps he didn't want to upset those who are now working in the house that Hoover built.

It's a shame that the script and direction are so unimaginative and unexciting because the cast all do well and have the potential to do better. DiCaprio, in particular, is excellent in the main role. His performance isn't unlike the performance he gave in The Aviator, especially as Hoover becomes more and more driven and paranoid. Naomi Watts is fine as Helen Gandy, the woman he takes on as his secretary and also the one person he seems to trust completely. Armie Hammer is superb as Clyde Tolson, the man who may or may not have been Hoover's lover, but was certainly a close, dear friend and colleague. Then we have Judi Dench, who may not be in the movie for all that long, but does her usual great work as the mother who casts a long shadow over Hoover's life. Small, but enjoyable, turns from Josh Lucas, Dermot Mulroney, Stephen Root and Denis O'Hare help keep boredom at bay, but only just.

J. Edgar is certainly not a bad movie, in my opinion, but it feels like a wasted opportunity for almost all of its two-hour plus run-time even though it has enough interesting elements throughout to make it worth at least a one-time watch - the look at Hoover's self-aggrandising version of events, the rumours about his sexuality, the film even takes one moment to hint at the alleged cross dressing. I don't think many people will love it, but some people may like it a bit more than I did.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/J-Edgar-Triple-Blu-ray-Region/dp/B005RYA5XQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1361915312&sr=8-1