Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker (1991)

It's crap.

There. End of the review. I'm done with this series, at last.

You want more? Some elaboration? Well, only if you promise not to burst out laughing while I describe the basic premise. Alright, you don't have to promise, but just try your best.

Young Derek (William Thorne) stops speaking right after he sees his mother's boyfriend killed by a Christmas toy that was delivered to their house. His mother (Jane Higginson) obviously wants her boy to get all better. Not realising that the death was caused by a toy, she takes him to the local toymaker (Joe Petto, played by Mickey Rooney . . . . . . . . . . Joe Petto . . . . . . . get it?) and tries to buy him a small piece of well-balanced mental health. That doesn't work as well as she'd hoped. Meanwhile, more people are killed by toys, but in such a way that the cause of death usually remains a mystery or is deemed an accident.

Using a movie clip from the previous movie to tenuously link it into the franchise (and there's also a fleeting appearance from Neith Hunter, playing Kim once again), this is a standalone Christmas horror movie that had the potential to be a lot of fun. Imagine the possibilities for nastiness in a story that involves someone deliberately creating killer toys? A yuletide Silver Shamrock. Unfortunately, the potential is never realised, thanks to a pervading sense of laziness, a lack of any decent gore (apart from one moment that features some eyeball trauma), and a move to focus, instead, on another main plot element that is so silly that it completely undoes the third act.

The acting is competent, I guess, from most people onscreen, although Rooney really goes over the top at every opportunity, and he's matched by the actor playing his son (Brian Bremer). Brian Yuzna and Martin Kitrosser wrote the script, with the latter also directing the silliness, and Screaming Mad George is on hand to provide some special effects, which is a great shame as his talents are just as wasted as the initial premise.

Like many other horror franchises, this is one that didn't have any reason to exist. It limped along after the first movie, and we can all just hope that this fifth movie remains the last of the sequels.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Deadly-Better-Initiation-Toymaker/dp/B002P8LKCM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1386860173&sr=8-2&keywords=silent+night+deadly+night

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

AKA Bugs.

Breaking away from the elements that were used ever so loosely to connect the first three movies in this franchise, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation takes place at Christmas, and that's all that is needed to install this as part of the franchise. Well, they do show a clip of the previous movie on a TV set at one point, but that's it.

A few people came together to create the bonkers story, but the script is credited to Woody Keith, so he's the man to ultimately blame for something so shambolic that also manages to remain so uninteresting.

Neith Hunter plays Kim, a woman who starts to investigate a mysterious death in her local area. It seems that some woman fell from a rooftop and spontaneously combusted. Clint Howard was in the vicinity, so horror fans will already know that this was, ummmmmm, no . . . . . . . ordinary . . . case of spontaneous combustion. Kim meets a friendly woman named Fima (Maud Adams) and soon ends up getting mixed up in something quite sinister. Fima and her friends want Kim, and their reasons for having her in their company aren't selfless ones.

Director Brian Yuzna, someone who creates schlock that I usually enjoy, hits a bit of a low point here. It's not the worst thing that I've seen him put his name to (the sequel, The Toymaker, is the worst), but it's close. There are some aspects to the movie that horror fans will enjoy, including one or two decent special effects from Screaming Mad George, and a cameo role for Reggie Bannister, but not enough to even class it as an average time-waster.

Hunter isn't terrible in the lead role, but she's far from the best, and she's not helped one bit by the lazy, messy script. Adams is a pleasure to watch, but she's just not used effectively for most of the film. And then there's Tommy Hinkley, playing a character named Hank who has a relationship with Kim, but spends most of his screentime simply doing whatever it takes to make the leading lady more resolved to investigate the mystery and take a number of risks. Howard does his oft-used crazy schtick, and does it well enough, I suppose, while Reggie Bannister is simply there, seemingly, to allow his name to appear in the credits as a bonus to horror fans.

You can, if you wish, watch all of the Silent Night, Deadly Night movies without feeling TOO much pain. But they're not really worth the effort. If determined to watch them all, however, then take solace in the fact that none of the other movies are as bad as that second film. This film may not be good, but it's still a step or two up from the nadir of the series.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Silent-Deadly-Better-Initiation-Toymaker/dp/B002P8LKCM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1386774075&sr=8-2&keywords=silent+night+deadly+night

Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

It's my own fault. Before this movie started I had my expectations dialled down to zero. Then I saw Anthony Hickox listed as an executive producer - the movie is directed by his brother, James D. R. Hickox - and special effects created by Screaming Mad George (the man responsible for the unforgettable gloopy brilliance of Society). Unfortunately, none of these people can do enough to make this any less laughable.

Eli (Daniel Cerny) and Joshua (Ron Melendez) are two young boys who move from Gatlin, Nebraska, to Chicago when they're adopted by an unprepared, but well-intentioned, couple (played by Jim Metzler and Nancy Lee Grahn). Joshua starts to enjoy his new high school and blend in with his urban surroundings, but Eli sees nothing but sinners everywhere he looks and he's determined to sort out the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.

What really sinks Children Of The Corn III: Urban Harvest is the performance given by Daniel Cerny. Whether he was given bad direction or whether he just decided to go with the wrong type of performance, I'll never know, but he makes the mistake of going through the entire movie with a demeanour and expressions that are akin to a giant, blinking, neon sign over his head saying: "Evil, evil."

Ron Melendez does better, Metzler and Grahn do okay and Michael Ensign is pretty good as Father Frank Nolan, a man who starts to realise just how evil young Eli is when everything starts slotting into place for the intermittently fun finale. Jon Clair and Mari Morrow also do decent enough work, playing Malcolm and Maria Elkman, the brother and sister who befriend Joshua. In fact, Maria may want to be more than friends. Let's hope that she doesn't upset He Who Walks Behind The Rows. Fans of Charlize Theron will also enjoy seeing her here in her first, uncredited, movie role. She may only be onscreen for less than a minute, but she's still easier to spot than Nicholas Brendon (who also makes his movie debut here, although he is at least credited, albeit as Basketball Player One).

Director Hickox shows that he doesn't have the knack for working with horror material that his brother has, but he does enough to stop the whole thing from becoming absolutely unwatchable. He's not helped by the script, by Dode B. Levenson (with some uncredited writing from Matt Greenberg, according to IMDb), but in the few scenes that allow the special effects by Screaming Mad George to take centre stage it's easy to keep your brain switched off and just enjoy the gore gags.

It's a slight step up from the awfulness of the second movie, but I have a feeling that I'm going to encounter worse as I explore the rest of the franchise.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Children-The-Corn-Boxset-3-DVD/dp/B0046YWTV4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378897658&sr=8-1&keywords=children+of+the+corn+box+set