Saturday, 20 April 2013

The Virginity Hit (2010)

Found footage movies have already outstayed their welcome in the eyes of many and this irredeemable pile of crap will do nothing to convert those who have been turned off by the format. It's a proper pile of excreted waste, seriously, and I have no idea what Huck Botko and Andrew Gurland were thinking when they shared the writing and directing duties on it.

This is taken from the IMDb trivia page for the movie - Most of the cast recorded footage shown on-screen and ad-libbed their lines. That explains why there's not one funny line or moment in this alleged comedy. None of the young cast members have the personality or skill to make magic from their ad-lib opportunities and so the film simply meanders from one moment of mean-spirited unpleasantness to the next.

I don't mind mean-spirited unpleasantness. I just don't expect it to be the overriding aspect of any teen comedy that I choose to watch. I just couldn't tell what Botko and Gurland were aiming for. Was it a comedy that they'd forgotten to add any laughs to? A warning to all teenagers about the consequences of any risible behaviour in the time of the globe-spanning, reputation-harming, YouTube? A look at the dangers of peer pressure? Whatever they tried to do, they failed.

Matt (played by Matt Bennett) is the one lad, the last one of four friends, trying to lose his virginity and he wants it to be a special time with his girlfriend, Nicole (Nicole Weaver). Whenever a cherry is popped, if you'll pardon the expression, the friends all bring out a very special bong and take a hit from it, hence the title. But a startling revelation changes the plan and sets Matt on a determined quest to just lose the virginity that he now feels is clinging to him like a wet shirt.

The main friend trying to "help" Matt in his quest is Zack (played by Zack Pearlman - spotting the pattern with the names yet?). Zack is supposed to be a friend but all he seems to do is heap humiliation upon Matt at every opportunity, often thanks to his knack for recording every embarrassment as it happens. However, it would appear that Zack is the lesser of two evils when details of Matt's past are revealed as the movie progresses and it's in these moments that the movie takes another major mis-step. There's, once again, no comedy to be mined from the situations that unfold but there's also no goodwill or jubilance in the rare moments when Matt's friends actually help him because they're still all just a bunch of assholes.

There's no good way to look at this. Either the teens are being show as typical teens in an unusual situation, in which case this is an insult to the majority of all teenagers, or the company that the viewer is stuck with for the duration of the movie is made up of . . . . . . . well . . . . . . . assholes.

Fans of Sunny Leone, who is a star of numerous adult movies, will be pleased to see her appear onscreen for a short while, but she's one of the few highlights and, let's be completely honest here, if you're a fan of her work then you've already seen her in movies that showcase her talents far better than this one does. Which means that my low rating here is still somewhat generous, in my opinion.


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