Sunday, 13 October 2013

Children Of The Corn: Revelation (2001)

Continuing the trend of the Children Of The Corn franchise to sap every ounce of fun out of the premise and make each instalment in the series a chore to sit through, Children Of The Corn: Revelation quickly announces that it's in line with the standards of the preceding movies by being pretty awful from the very first scene and not improving for the next 80-90 minutes.

Claudette Mink stars as Jamie, a young woman who travels to a small town in search of her grandmother. Gramma has disappeared, you see, and Jamie is worried. It's not long until she's starting to see some strange sights and finding out that not all children are nice and innocent. She does have a local law enforcer (Kyle Cassie) trying to help her, but horror fans will know that things are probably going to get worse before they get any better. Especially with Michael Ironside wandering around as a rambling priest.

I know that this is saying something, but the script by S. J. Smith may be the worst yet in this series (and, god help me, I STILL have a couple of movies to go). It's appalling in almost every aspect. Characters are introduced without care, and sometimes removed from the film in the same way, while the central plot is so piss poor that it's actually insulting. Yes, even after the awfulness of the other Corny movies . . . . . . . THIS is the worst, and most insulting, of them all.

The direction by Guy Magar feels suspiciously like direction from someone who signed on, realised what a piece of shit they were stuck with and just tried their best to get it over with as quickly and painlessly as possible. If only viewers could take the same approach.

Claudette Mink, Kyle Cassie, Mighty Michael Ironside, Troy Yorke, Crystal Lowe and Michael Rogers can't do anything to help polish this turd. The stench is so strong that it sticks to them, making it difficult to tell who actually stinks and who is being made extra stinky by the surrounding movie.

Anyone else who gets to this point in the franchise will, I'm sure, start to wish that the first movie had never been made. Or that the short story had never been written. Or that the planet didn't have corn.


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