The world may be in a fairly bad state right now, with the shadow of war looming over us all (and directly impacting those actually AT war right now), the gap between the very rich and the very poor ever-widening, and intelligence sometimes seeming like a rarer commodity than painite, but the main thing we all have to do right now is band together to ensure that writer-director Debbie Isitt stops making films. I'm not even sure that her amateurish work should even be referred to in cinematic terms nowadays, but she needs to stop torturing us all with it.
The story revolves around a widow/father (Scott Garnham) who ends up inheriting a small farm from his father. He decides to take his five kids along for a visit, also hoping to get some peace and quiet while he works on a crucial work assignment given to him by his formidable boss (Ashley Jensen), and soon finds himself stressed out by animals, friendly locals who keep interrupting his plans, and a farmhand/manchild named Beano (Scott Paige). There's also an attractive vet in the area (played by Kathryn Drysdale), and plenty of opportunities for the kids to look up with big eyes and remind everyone that they miss their dead mother.
I'm not going to name all of the child actors here. I don't want to be overly rude to them, they're children, but they were obviously picked for their age rather than any major acting talent. I do want to be rude to the adults though, but I believe they are all acting in the way that Isitt wanted them to act. So I will continue to be rude to Isitt, who should STOP MAKING MOVIES. The lack of any grace or decent shot composition, and the overwhelmingly cheap feeling permeating every scene, makes this less cinematic than even the most basic children's TV show. Despite the pain I endured while watching this, I do understand that it wasn't really aimed at me. It's aimed at younger viewers, and parents who may cosy up alongside those younger viewers while they are amused and entertained for the duration. Maybe. That still doesn't excuse the lack of any real effort though, and even younger viewers deserve to be shown movies that allow them to start appreciating the magic of cinema. There's no magic here, no matter what the awful script wants us to believe, and a number of plot points actually feel disappointingly mishandled in a way that undermines whatever morality lesson or cutesiness that Isitt is trying to deliver.
Garnham tries to do a decent job in the lead role, and I'd also begrudgingly say the same of Drysdale and Celia Imrie (who appears in a small role, portraying a local woman who has a passion for knitting, and it's a sad waste of her great talent). The biggest annoyance onscreen is Paige, who embodies the kind of character Isitt seems to think it essential in all of her movies, and I'm going to allow him to shoulder some of the blame for his performance because, well, he's not good with the physical comedy.
As well as writing and directing this dross, Isitt also has the gall to ruin the soundtrack, alongside Nicky Ager. The manipulative score barges in at random intervals, like a sudden loud fart interrupting the easygoing chatter around a dinner table, and it's genuinely one of the most abrasive audio experiences I've had in some time.
It got made. That's the only credit I will give it. The ONLY reason it isn't getting the lowest score possible is because, as loathe as I am to admit it, some of the cute animals made me smile. I'm serious. You should avoid this at all costs. And I would implore people . . . please don't inflict it upon your children. There are so many better options for them to spend time with.
2/10
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