Netflix And Chill: Christmas On Mistletoe Farm (2022)

The world may be in a fairly bad state right now, with the shadow of war looming over us all (and directly impacting those actually AT war right now), the gap between the very rich and the very poor ever-widening, and intelligence sometimes seeming like a rarer commodity than painite, but the main thing we all have to do right now is band together to ensure that writer-director Debbie Isitt stops making films. I'm not even sure that her amateurish work should even be referred to in cinematic terms nowadays, but she needs to stop torturing us all with it.

The story revolves around a widow/father (Scott Garnham) who ends up inheriting a small farm from his father. He decides to take his five kids along for a visit, also hoping to get some peace and quiet while he works on a crucial work assignment given to him by his formidable boss (Ashley Jensen), and soon finds himself stressed out by animals, friendly locals who keep interrupting his plans, and a farmhand/manchild named Beano (Scott Paige). There's also an attractive vet in the area (played by Kathryn Drysdale), and plenty of opportunities for the kids to look up with big eyes and remind everyone that they miss their dead mother.

I'm not going to name all of the child actors here. I don't want to be overly rude to them, they're children, but they were obviously picked for their age rather than any major acting talent. I do want to be rude to the adults though, but I believe they are all acting in the way that Isitt wanted them to act. So I will continue to be rude to Isitt, who should STOP MAKING MOVIES. The lack of any grace or decent shot composition, and the overwhelmingly cheap feeling permeating every scene, makes this less cinematic than even the most basic children's TV show. Despite the pain I endured while watching this, I do understand that it wasn't really aimed at me. It's aimed at younger viewers, and parents who may cosy up alongside those younger viewers while they are amused and entertained for the duration. Maybe. That still doesn't excuse the lack of any real effort though, and even younger viewers deserve to be shown movies that allow them to start appreciating the magic of cinema. There's no magic here, no matter what the awful script wants us to believe, and a number of plot points actually feel disappointingly mishandled in a way that undermines whatever morality lesson or cutesiness that Isitt is trying to deliver.

Garnham tries to do a decent job in the lead role, and I'd also begrudgingly say the same of Drysdale and Celia Imrie (who appears in a small role, portraying a local woman who has a passion for knitting, and it's a sad waste of her great talent). The biggest annoyance onscreen is Paige, who embodies the kind of character Isitt seems to think it essential in all of her movies, and I'm going to allow him to shoulder some of the blame for his performance because, well, he's not good with the physical comedy. 

As well as writing and directing this dross, Isitt also has the gall to ruin the soundtrack, alongside Nicky Ager. The manipulative score barges in at random intervals, like a sudden loud fart interrupting the easygoing chatter around a dinner table, and it's genuinely one of the most abrasive audio experiences I've had in some time. 

It got made. That's the only credit I will give it. The ONLY reason it isn't getting the lowest score possible is because, as loathe as I am to admit it, some of the cute animals made me smile. I'm serious. You should avoid this at all costs. And I would implore people . . . please don't inflict it upon your children. There are so many better options for them to spend time with.

2/10

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Nativity! (2009)

Martin Freeman is Scrooge. Okay, he's not Scrooge, but he plays someone who gets very grumpy around Christmas time. Which, in simple terms, equates to him being Scrooge. Or, at the very least, A Scrooge. He's also a teacher, ordered by the headmistress (Pam Ferris) to organise the upcoming nativity play. While being grumpy, putting up with a juvenile assistant (Marc Wootton), and generally wishing that he could be left in peace until the festive season was over, he also lies to someone about the fact that his nativity play is going to be viewed by some bigwigs from Hollywood, brought over especially by his ex-girlfriend (Ashley Jensen). This lie, of course, gets out and about, and it grows and grows until there looks to be no good way to resolve the situation.

Written and directed by Debbie Isitt (with plenty of room for improvisation), Nativity! is a film full of some easy laughs, but it is also too busy trying to make viewers feel moved with a lot of clumsy, emotional content shoehorned into almost every sequence. We can't just laugh at Freeman being grouchy to little kids, or Wootton being amusingly childish, oh noooo. We have to remember that Freeman is grouchy because of the emotional damage that he experienced some years ago, and we have to remember that Wootton does make the kids laugh, but people in charge of little ones should also remember their responsibilities.

And as for the troublesome kids? Let's not forget that they may already have their own issues, be it a need for some more attention, a blustery front to cover up insecurities, or a turbulent home life.

The cast is at least full of familiar faces, all doing decent enough work. Alongside Freeman, Ferris, Wootton and Jensen there is Jason Watkins, Alan Carr and even small roles for John Sessions and Ricky Tomlinson. And then there are those kids. While they may not be the best bunch of youngsters to have graced movie screens, they're a likable bunch of rogues and cutie-pies, often raising a smile just by looking cheekily at the camera.

While it may be a bit too sweet and cloying for many, myself included, there are still a few decent moments sprinkled throughout Nativity! And, anyway, Christmas is the time for the sweet and cloying, so you may find it worth a watch while the decorations are hanging up and you just want some undemanding entertainment.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nativity-Danger-The-Manger-DVD/dp/B00EE6C4IW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1386013600&sr=8-2&keywords=nativity+dvd

Arthur Christmas (2011)

Knock back your egg nog, put on your Santa hat and buckle up for a sleigh ride that will see the blog devoted entirely to Christmas movies for the month of December. They may be obvious choices, they may only have one or two scenes allowing them to qualify but every film reviewed this month will have a connection to this tinsel-strewn holiday season. And anyone wondering why I've missed out a number of obvious choices . . . . . I probably covered them previously over at Flickfeast or even reviewed them on IMDb. Happy holidays.

When I heard about Arthur Christmas I was pretty darn pleased, I'll tell you that. I love Christmas movies. I love Aardman Animation. I love British stalwarts of cinema Jim Broadbent and Bill Nighy. This movie combined all of those things, with an added sprinkling of James McAvoy, Hugh Laurie, Imelda Staunton and Ashley Jensen, all people that I like a lot.

Christmas just wouldn't be possible without the National Elf Service, of course.

James McAvoy provides the voice of the titular Arthur, a sweet young lad who is as enthusiastic and happy about Christmas Day as he is prone to accidents. His father, Santa (Jim Broadbent), spends a very busy time getting all of the gifts delivered with the help of his many elves and Arthur's big brother, Steve (Hugh Laurie). It's a busy time for all, of course, but Steve has put a number of procedures in place to make things easier and to ensure that all goes smoothly. That's why it's quite a surprise to find that one child has been missed out, one present still needs to be delivered. Steve sees it as a minor blip in an otherwise perfectly executed Christmas and convinces Santa that they can deliver it a little bit later and still be proud of their work. Arthur, on the other hand, doesn't think that any child should miss out and worries that the poor little lass will think that Santa doesn't like her enough to deliver her gift. He thinks that the delivery should be made and he's encouraged by his grandfather (and the previous holder of the good Santa name, played by Bill Nighy). They may not have the gadgetry and precision planning that Steve has but they have a sleigh, some reindeer and an eager elf (Ashley Jensen) along for the ride.

You may not recognise Bill Nighy in the middle but, trust me, that's him.

As you would expect from an Aardman Animation film, this is a movie chock full of lovely visuals, great gags (they even recycle one of my favourite gags from the Wallace & Gromit adventures involving a toy train and some track being laid) and cute characters. The CGI sheen means that it doesn't quite feel as cute and loveable as some of their earlier output but that's just a minor quibble when everything is still crafted with so much care and attention to detail.

Barry Cook and Sarah Smith are the co-directors and Sarah Smith also co-wrote the screenplay with Peter Baynham which means that she gets to have the bonus points for steering everything so smoothly. The story is a very slim one, VERY slim, but it's enriched by the different character motivations and the amusing sideroads that are taken (sometimes literally).

It's also enriched by that great cast I mentioned up there in the opening paragraph. McAvoy is cheery and endearing as Arthur, Broadbent and Nighy are both very good as Santas a generation apart and Hugh Laurie is also enjoyable as someone who may seem bad but may also just be a bit misguided. Imelda Staunton is a fine vocal fit for Mrs. Santa and Ashley Jensen suits being an elf. Speaking of elves, other names such as Marc Wootton, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Robbie Coltrane, Joan Cusack, Jane Horrocks and Andy Serkis also lend their voices to a number of Santa's little helpers while Laura Linney provides the voice of the main computers used in the North Pole and on the delivery vehicles and Eva Longoria plays a government official who mistakes a flying sleigh for a potential threat.

You could say that it's just far too lightweight and sweet for its own good and you'd be perfectly entitled to your opinion but I expect sweetness from my Christmas movies and enjoy anything that doesn't overdo it all to the point of putting me into a diabetic coma. As for it being lightweight, it is. Yet it also manages to take the ever-so-slim premise and turn it into a feature that you will watch and enjoy without feeling as if it ever outstays its welcome.

To sum up then - another winner from Aardman Animation and definitely one to consider buying now and then leaving under the Christmas tree for the kids to unwrap on December 25th.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Arthur-Christmas-Blu-ray-Copy-Region/dp/B005FLCD1I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353957042&sr=8-1