Satanic Panic (2019)

Written by Grady Hendrix (arguably best known for his outstanding work on the wonderful Paperbacks From Hell book), Satanic Panic is the feature directorial debut from Chelsea Stardust, after a number of years directing shorts, as well as a number of various roles in the movie industry. All I can say is that I hope she is already developing her next feature, because this is an absolutely brilliant bit of entertainment, happy to take a diversion or two into some very wild territory indeed.

Hayley Griffith stars as Sam, a young woman at the start of her career as a pizza delivery driver. That start is not looking too promising. She doesn't get any tips, she ends up roped into helping customers with small tasks that shouldn't be any of her concern, and then, worst of all, she ends up the potential virgin sacrifice at the heart of a ritual being led by a ruthless and powerful coven leader (Danica Ross, played by Rebecca Romijn). Can she survive the night? And will anyone actually give her a decent tip?

With a script full of great lines of dialogue, in the form of both venomous one-line insults and amusing exchanges between characters, and a fantastic brisk pace from start to finish, Satanic Panic is a film full of easy pleasures, and a lot of laughs. Thankfully, and to the relief of many horror fans, it also delivers on the satanic part of the title. Although not ever really scary, it's nice to see something put together that feels as if equal care has been given to the moments of horror and gore in between the many chuckles. At least one set-piece has an impressive commitment to what is being shown that should make viewers squirm and wince, and the infrequent gore gags are expertly realised to show plenty of blood flowing without churning any stomachs.

It also helps that the casting here is practically perfect. Although Griffith is very likable in the lead role, and is given a great co-star to work with in the shape of Ruby Modine (who plays a young woman who was the original potential sacrifice), there is an impressively large shadow cast over the proceedings by Romijn, giving the best performance I have seen from her as a leader who has to balance the black arts with social standing, rivalries, and her own family. Arden Myrin is also a lot of fun, the number two who may hope to one day be number one, and there are great supporting turns from the likes of AJ Bowen, Jordan Ladd, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Jerry O'Connell, and others.

Although it can feel like 90% of horror film festival highlights are horror comedies (and I first heard about this after it was received very well at a number of festivals), Satanic Panic also deserves some extra brownie points for not being another of the seemingly unending comedic riffs on slasher or zombie movies. I also enjoy many of those, don't get me wrong, but it's always good to see something willing to take a path less traveled.

8/10

You can buy the movie here.

Daphne & Velma (2018)

It isn't every grown man who would think that a film about Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley, the female members of Mystery, Inc, could make for an easy bit of DVD entertainment. Well, I am not every grown man. Sometimes I am told that I am BARELY a grown man. Immature? Call me that again and I will blow a raspberry at you and stomp off to my room.

But enough about my maturity, or lack of it. What does this film actually do with the characters?

Well, after being friends online for such a long time online, Daphne (Sarah Jeffery) is finally going to meet Velma (Sarah Gilman) in real life. They will, in fact, be attending the same school. But something isn't right at the school. Students have been undergoing personality changes and, perhaps even stranger than that, Velma is a consistent F-grade student. Is there some scheme being masterminded by the man who helped turn the school into a tech-lovers paradise (Tobias Bloom, played by Brooks Forester)? Are aliens involved? Or is the real villain Two-Mop Maggie? (Mickie Pollock giving Scooby Doo fans an enjoyably archetypal "grouchy caretaker" persona)

Written by Kyle Mack and Caitlin Meares, Daphne & Velma may be a bit disappointing to people who want to catch lots of nods to Scooby-Doo adventures but, to be fair, it's not really being sold on that. It's exactly what it says it is. A Daphne and Velma movie. The characters may not be the same characters that you or I grew up with (assuming SOME of you reading this are the same age as me) but they're not changed beyond recognition, and the younger incarnations shown here should appeal more to the target demographic. In that regard, Mack and Meares do a good enough job. The film is a positive one, the simple comedy is amusing enough, and the mystery element is entertaining without anything that could overly worry younger viewers.

Director Suzi Yoonessi keeps everything moving along in the expected bright 'n' breezy manner, with the visual palette blending the cartoon origins of the characters with the hi-tech environment that they're exploring. It doesn't take Daphne and Velma long to find outfits that match the colours we're used to seeing them in (this isn't a long, tortuous, origin tale) and the fact that nobody here is trying to create some kind of extended "Scooby Universe" allows Yoonessi to focus on the real heart of the film, two girls who become firm friends and look out for one another as their investigative instincts take them through some dangerous territory.

Jeffery and Gilman are fine in the lead roles, Brian Stepanek is good fun as an overprotective father, Forester and Pollock do enough to remain suspicious in the third act, Vanessa Marano, Adam Faison, Evan Castelloe, and Courtney Dietz are fellow students, who may be in danger or may be causing danger for others, and Arden Myrin is a lot of fun as the head of the school.

I didn't enjoy Daphne & Velma as much as I hoped I would but that's because, as much as I'd like to fool myself into thinking otherwise, I'm a middle-aged man. This is a film created as a positive, fun, adventure for young girls. Viewed from that angle, it works. It's no classic, granted, but it works.

5/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.