Shudder Saturday: Darklands (1996)

It's pure coincidence that I have watched two films by director Julian Richards this week, but I can tell you with great confidence that neither of them are his best. Maybe one day I will revisit The Last Horror Movie and give him some positive words here, but I'm not going to bump it up the long list of viewing choices after suffering through this.

Darklands is bad. It's very bad. It's the sort of film that is so bad that you wonder who they convinced to offer up some flattering quotes for the marketing materials. I am going to assume that the person who said this was "Rosemary's Baby meets The Wicker Man" had their words taken out of context, because this comes nowhere near to the chills and greatness of those two genre behemoths.

Craig Fairbrass plays a newspaper reporter named Frazer Truick, the kind of guy who won't let a story go once he has the smallest bit of it between his teeth, even if the end result could land him in hot water. He ends up meeting Rachel Morris (Rowena King), a young woman who gets to spend some time with him while he's working on his latest story. The pair soon get a bit closer, but Truick then starts to realise that the story he's working on is one part of a much bigger picture. And he might be right in the middle of it.

Co-written by Richards and David Mitchell, I will try to be kind and say that Darklands has one or two moments in which it feels like it is trying to break out of the confines of low-budget British horror. It never stops feeling like exactly what it is though, a debut film lucky enough to land a decent star name it doesn't know how to use, and I will offer a small cash reward to anyone who can manage to watch this and keep caring about the plot for more than half the runtime.* There aren't any decent set-pieces, sadly, and that leaves you watching a film that feels made up of the lesser, non-scary, storylines from a story written by someone like James Herbert or Shaun Hutson. The fact that I enjoy both of those authors means that I didn't ever completely hate this, but it came very close at times.

There are a few other key players in the cast, mainly Jon Finch trying to use his limited screentime to overcome the poor script he has to work with, but it's only Fairbrass and King who feel like they're close to being characters worth spending time with. They're not well-developed, both being a walking mess of tropes and cliches, but they gamely power through the film, and it's always good to see Fairbrass try to do something that doesn't have him pigeonholed as someone ready to carry a film like Rise Of The Footsoldier 16: Ahm The Fackin' Drug Daddy Nah (I've tried to write that phonetically to make my point). Fairbrass feels like a good fit for the role, deserving of some better writing, while King feels far too good for her part, especially by the time annoying twists and turns start to come along in the second half.

This isn't one to waste your time with, especially when every aspect of it can be found in much better movies. Just ask me when you're in the mood for certain elements, be it some folk horror, a crime investigation tale, or some dangerous cult plans, and I'll point you towards one or two choices that you will enjoy more.

*I won't, but you will have earned my bemused and begrudged admiration.

3/10

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The Matrix Resurrections (2021)

Remember when you couldn't be told what The Matrix was? You just had to see for yourself? It was a game-changer, as they say, even if it wasn't actually all that original. The Wachowskis took some great ideas, some manga-inspired portrayals of action, bullet-time, and a great cast, and made a sci-fi action classic of the 20th century. That kind of thing can't really be repeated, as shown by the sequels. Maybe to try and recapture any of that cinematic magic is a fool's errand. If that is the case, director Lana Wachowski may well be the smartest fool around.

The Matrix Resurrections takes place after all of the events that we saw play out years before. Thomas "Neo" Anderson (Keanu Reeves) has been reincorporated into the matrix, allowed to incorporate elements of his past adventures into a massively popular videogame trilogy. Identities have changed in this universe, but the parts are essentially the same. Neo is Neo, he just isn't aware of it. Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) is Trinity, but she's been restrained in the role of a housewife/mother named Tiffany. There's a Morpheus (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), there's an Agent Smith (Jonathan Groff), and there's a plucky resistance fighter (Bug, played by Jessica Henwick) looking to set things in motion to bring down the whole facade.

I loved this film. Absolutely loved it. And I can see why so many people hated it. Very few people enjoyed the previous sequels as much as I did, and this is very much a logical development from those. It takes the next step in the evolution of the matrix, as a concept, reframes the narrative in a way that is an obvious and brilliant direction for Lana Wachowski to choose, and delivers comments on the current state of society with all the subtlety of a slap in the face with a wet kipper. There are statements about people believing in emotions over facts, statements about the comfort of nostalgia, and a few lines dotted throughout that lovingly deride the optimism we loved in the original movies. Choice is an illusion, those we think have the power might just be in need of saving, and even that awe-inspiring bullet-time is derided for being oh so yesterday.

There's an argument to be made for this being just as impressive and vital as the first film, but I doubt I am the person to make that case. I'll just say that it comes damn close, with no small thanks to the constant feeling of someone biting the hand that is feeding them. Wachowski, who also co-wrote the movie with David Mitchell and Aleksandar Hemon (both having previously worked together on the series finale of Sense8), knows how redundant it could be to just rehash everything we've seen before in these movies. She also knows that it's a property that will be bled dry by those in control anyway, and that means Warner Bros. in this case (there's a very pointed line in here about that). Knowing those two things, Wachowski decides to smash up the toyroom, disassembling everything and reassembling it to be the same, but crucially different.

Reeves and Moss are still as necessary here as any of the film-making technique on display. They are the yin and yang, two halves of a beating heart that keeps flummoxing computer programs. Both do great work here, looking very tired and yet still very capable of handling themselves. Henwick is a lively new presence, her character being the one to quickly explain some of the new rules to characters she wants to help break out of their somnambulism. Abdul-Mateen II cannot hope to make himself as immediately iconic as Fishburne was, but he is helped by the script, trying out lines of dialogue from the first movie for size and getting himself comfortable in his new body. Groff is decent, albeit no replacement for Hugo Weaving, and Neil Patrick Harris gets to portray the most interesting new addition to the cast of characters, The Analyst, someone who viewers will immediately surmise knows more than he is letting on. There are small roles for other newcomers, such as Priyanka Chopra Jonas and a wasted Christina Ricci (wasted in her brief cameo, not wasted on any mind-altering substances), and some more returning players get treated very differently by the material. Jada Pinkett Smith gets to play Niobe in a similar way to how she was played before, but Lambert Wilson's The Merovingian is basically just used to comment further on the decline of modern civilization and the non-stop corporate interference in our daily lives.

Unfortunately, and surprisingly, the one weakest part of the film is another reason why I can see why so many reacted so strongly against it. The action sequences aren't that good. That's okay if you're just a sci-fi action movie that people decide to take a roll of the dice on, but it's a whole different kettle of phishing emails if you're the next instalment in The Matrix series. Some moments work well enough, and there are a couple of chase sequences that feel like a fun mash-up of Inception and Monsters, Inc., but the big set-pieces are marred by some clumsy choreography and horrible editing. The subversion of the big moment that everyone is waiting for is clever and fun, but I can equally see why people might find it irritating, almost contemptuous of the audience.

You know what, maybe Lana Wachowski IS contemptuous of her audience. Being such a fickle bunch, maybe audiences earn an occasional bit of contempt. If this is the end result, I don't mind at all. That's the way the cyber-cookie crumbles.

The Matrix Resurrections is the wildest mainstream movie sequel since Gremlins 2: The New Batch. It's a big middle finger raised to the idea of unoriginal, self-devouring, franchise instalments churned out to appease the masses while the world goes to hell in an Amazon basket. And it does that while being dressed up as an unoriginal, self-devouring, franchise instalment.

9/10

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Greed (2019)

Another collaboration between writer-director Michael Winterbottom, also helped here by Sean Gray, and star Steve Coogan, Greed is a fictionalised look at the life of someone not a million miles away from high street business mogul Philip Green. While it is not up there with their best work (24 Hour Party People is a tough one to beat), Greed is a smart and funny way to deride the rules and tricks in place to allow capitalism to thrive, as well as a comment on the high cost of cheap “fast fashion”.

Coogan plays Sir Richard “Greedy” McCreadie, a businessman looking to have a memorable birthday party for his upcoming 60th. He wants famous guests in attendance, an extravagant Roman theme, and time with the slightly awkward journalist (played by David Mitchell) who has been hired to write his memoir. Unfortunately, the planned celebrations are soured by the fact that Sir Richard seems to be losing his popularity, due to being hauled in front of some politicians to answer questions about his business practices, and the Greek beach party setting being made into a temporary home by some Syrian refugees.

Showing key points in the life of someone who decided early on that money was the best idol to worship, Greed uses a non-linear structure to highlight the ways in which bad behaviour are rewarded by those who can strong-arm their way further and further up the business ladder. Negotiations shown here aren’t subtle and considerate of the various supplier issues, but rather the bullish haggling of someone who believes all that matters is getting stock for their shops at the lowest possible price.

Coogan delivers a great performance, defined by his tan and shiny teeth, and equally defined by his need to overcompensate after dragging himself to a position of great power and wealth. Shirley Henderson, not very far removed from Coogan in age, plays his mother, and does an excellent job of showing the attitude and strength that would be passed along to her son, just as some of those values are then passed along to the next generation (with Asa Butterfield getting the best moments in that regard). Mitchell is perfectly cast, Isla Fisher is a lot of fun as McCreadie’s ex-wife, who stays a good friend to him, and Dinita Gohil is the embodiment of someone with a life affected by the repercussions of the immorality of such rampant capitalism. 

The script is solid, although it definitely allows Coogan to stay within a comfort zone of playing someone full of arrogance (so I am not sure how much was on the page and how much, as usual, was brought to life by allowing Coogan to improvise), and Winterbottom does his best to fill every scene with little moments that show how ridiculous people are when they consistently need to show off wealth that they have spent their entire lives pursuing.

You may not enjoy the film at times, which just proves that you are not as slavishly worshiping at the altar of capitalism as the main character, but it is definitely worth your time, and some information provided at the very end of the film allows for viewers to ponder what they might do differently in an effort to try and make the world just a slightly better place for people who are trapped in poverty. No matter what the rich and powerful tell us, trickle down economics just keeps seeming to trickle up, and Greed illustrates that perfectly.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: Gun Shy (2017)

Antonio Banderas is a very good actor. He's arguably too good for the daft material he has to work with here but, nevertheless, he sinks his teeth into the role with great gusto. And he's one of the few big plus points about the film.

Here's the plot. Turk Henry (Banderas) is forced to go on holiday with his wife (Olga Kurylenko). She wants to explore the local area. He wants to laze around and drink beer. Unfortunately, his wife is kidnapped, but the ransom is only $1M, which isn't a lot to Henry. He wants to pay but the American agent (Mark Valley) working on his case doesn't want him to. Paying the ransom would be tantamount to funding terrorism in his eyes. So Henry goes to another guy, an independent who gets results (Martin Dingle Wall). Meanwhile, his wife is teaching her captor (Ben Cura) into being a better leader to his men.

Simon West doesn't know what to do with this material, and he's not helped at all by the script, written by Toby Davies and Mark Haskell Smith (the latter having written the source novel, "Salty", that the film is based on). There's not nearly enough action or thrills, which wouldn't be a big deal if any of the comedy was better. Despite the performance from Banderas, the laughs are thin on the ground. The funniest moments come from snippets of Metal Assassin, the band that Banderas was in, singing their greatest hit, "Teenage Ass Patrol". Given how much I enjoyed the stupidity of that song, and at least one other played over the end credits, I wish that someone had been brave enough to turn this into something closer to a rock musical. It had the potential to go all the way up to 11.

Aside from Banderas, the other great performance comes from Wall, all gleaming white teeth, casual misogyny, intelligence hidden behind his laid-back facade, and genuine fun every time he's onscreen. Aisling Loftus is also enjoyable, playing an assistant who travels over to help Banderas. Valley is obviously supposed to be a fun character, but the comedy feels too forced, Cura is fairly bland, and poor Kurylenko isn't given enough to do, apart from be the target that Banderas keeps in his sights as he staggers and bumbles through the whole situation. You also get a small role for David Mitchell, who is even more wasted. I like Mitchell. I think he can be very funny. He's not very good here.

It's probably most telling that the end credits have numerous extra scenes that feel incongruous compared to the mess that came beforehand. One character is even returned from death, only to be killed all over again (I'm assuming that was an alternative ending that the makers decided to stick in there for fun). It sums up the entire movie.

A few people may like Gun Shy more than I did, but I am willing to bet that it won't be many of you. As hard as he tries, Banderas cannot do enough to salvage it.

3/10

Gun Shy can be streamed here in the UK.
Americans can buy it here.

April Fools: Magicians (2007)

David Mitchell and Robert Webb try to make the transition from TV to film with this fairly amusing comedy vehicle. While it's not great, and certainly nowhere near their TV work, it's not that bad, and it's a hundred times better than many other British comedies that I could name.

Mitchell and Webb are, respectively, Harry Kane and Karl Allen, a pair of stage magicians. They're pretty damn good, and they've been working together for years. Unfortunately, Harry finds out that Karl has been sleeping with his wife just before they are due to go on stage and perform their grand finale, which involves Harry's wife being put in the guillotine (she's the assistant, you see). Even more unfortunately, the trick goes horribly wrong, leading to Harry becoming a widow and the magical pair going their separate ways. Years later, a competition tempts the two to reunite. That doesn't last long, thanks to the unresolved issues between them, and so the former partners end up competing against one another.

Written by Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain (who helped to thrash out the story details along with a number of other people), Magicians goes through everything that you might expect. The world of stage magic is one ripe with comic potential (just see The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, because more people should see that film anyway), which is why it's such a shame that Magicians just isn't as funny as it could be. But it's decent enough, and also surprisingly sweet in places.

Director Andrew O'Connor may not work any magic on the material (no pun intended), but he doesn't really do himself a disservice either, especially considering this is his directorial debut. His many producing credits, including Peep Show and a number of magic shows among many others, seem to have stood him in good stead for this step into movie-making.

Mitchell and Webb don't stretch themselves here. They are reprising personas that fans of their TV work will recognise, which is fine because fans of their TV work LIKE those personas. The two of them work well together, of course, and it's just a shame that the movie often keeps them apart. Thankfully, a spirited supporting turn from Jessica Stevenson, as a wannabe magician's assistant with more enthusiasm than skill, and some fun moments are had with the likes of Darren Boyd, Andrea Riseborough, Tim Plester and Peter Capaldi, among others.

It may not be the best way to spend 90 minutes, but it's not the worst. It's just a shame that Mitchell and Webb couldn't successfully transplant their particular style of awkward humour from TV to film.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Magicians-DVD-David-Mitchell/dp/B000R9TS3O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391351745&sr=8-1&keywords=magicians