Clown In A Cornfield (2025)

When it comes to movie titles, Clown In A Cornfield is probably up there with Snakes On A Plane when it comes to something that succinctly explains the film, yet also sounds a bit ridiculous. That's pretty much where the similarity ends. Despite how you might feel about the title, Clown In A Cornfield is a surprisingly straightforward slasher movie that makes use of well-known genre trappings and, of course, the pervasiveness of coulrophobia that has only been exacerbated by horror icons such as Pennywise, the Killer Klowns (from outer space), and Art.

Quinn Maybrook (Katie Douglas) is the new girl in town, having been forcibly relocated with her father, Dr. Glenn Maybrook (Aaron Abrams), after the death of her mother. It isn't long until Quinn makes some friends, but they may not be the best people to hang around with. They seem okay to Quinn though, and are able to give her the background on the town, and the background on a mascot named Frendo the Clown, before everything starts getting quite bloody.  

Based upon the novel by Adam Cesare (and there are also a few sequels that may end up being adapted after this delivered a decent return on such a relatively small budget), this was written by Carter Blanchard and director Eli Craig, who both do well enough to make the most of the imagery conjured up by the title, as well as the expected slasher movie deaths. There's a sense of fun throughout most of the film, although the ending eventually grinds to a halt for viewers to sit through the big reveal that gives us a sadly grounded explanation for all of the mayhem. 

Douglas is a decent lead, but the rest of the younger cast members alongside her - Carson MacCormac, Vincent Muller, Cassandra Potenza, Verity Marks, Ayo Solanke, etc - don't make much of an impression. In fact, I wish we'd had more screentime for the grown-ups, including Abrams, Kevin Durand, and Will Sasso. That divide between the old and the young is where the best stuff lies, in between the set-pieces that have clowns murdering their victims anyway.

It's all good fun without ever being great, but I could easily rewatch this and not be too bored. I'd also check out any sequels we may get. It's just a shame that Craig didn't decide to lean even further into the horror. This keeps things light and fun, which makes sense considering Craig's filmography, but also holds back on the gags. That ultimately gives viewers something too tame to be a great slasher and too restrained to be a great comedic horror. 

I AM tempted to read the book series now though, and I'm sure that's a good result for Cesare. 

6/10

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The Naked Gun (2025)

I've seen a lot of love for The Naked Gun. I've seen people mention how they were pleasantly surprised by it. Some have laughed harder than they've laughed in years. Some say it's a perfect blend of homage and something a bit new. 

I didn't love it, although I will say that a few moments surprised a big laugh out of me. It was certainly a bit better than I expected, considering my apprehension at the poor trailers.

Liam Neeson is Frank Drebin Jr. He ends up investigating some crimes that seem to incriminate the rich and powerful Richard Cane (Danny Huston). He also ends up connecting with Beth Davenport (Pamela Anderson), the sister of someone who recently died in mysterious circumstances. 

Directed by Akiva Schaffer, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Dan Gregor and Doug Mand, it soon becomes clear that this is something made with the right intentions. While a couple of moments play with the action comedy style I was worried it would focus on, the rest of the film has the expected barrage of visual gags and wordplay, and there's an attempt to maintain an impressive gag rate for every part of the 85-minute runtime.

Highlights include a wild montage sequence showing a whirlwind romance and a snowman being built, a gunfight with Drebin Jr. trying to keep things non-fatal, a running gag about coffee being supplied to our leads, and a genuinely fantastic twist on the standard "pretty boy in prison" speech. But you also get gags that inevitably repeat things that were better the first time around, a really weak sequence showing body-cam footage of Drebin Jr. searching for a toilet after poor diet choices, and a thermal imaging set-piece that reminded me of sillier, and more fun, shadowplay gags in Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. It's also really disappointing to see them not do more with a character named as Not Nordberg Jr., when more laughs could have been mined from him denying his parentage (but maybe that's just me, and I don't blame the film-makers for staying away from what would have been a potential minefield).

Neeson and co. all do a good job, generally playing it straight, which was always the secret to making these films even funnier. It's just a shame that they make Drebin Jr. capable enough to fend off some villains on purpose, considering how often the original character would stumble his way into his main victories, but the combination of ineptitude and capability works for Neeson. Anderson is also a lot of fun, particularly when performing some jazz. Huston is amusingly suave and cocky, and there are strong supporting turns from Paul Walter Hauser (Ed Hocken Jr.), Kevin Durand (a henchman named Sig Gustafson), and CCH Pounder as the angry and exasperated Chief Davis. 

It all could have been much worse, but I'm not sure if I enjoyed this more because of my apprehension and low expectations or if I am just one of the few not drinking the kool-aid. While I didn't hate it, I laughed much more at a few other comedies released in the past few years. In fact, I laughed more at every episode of Angie Tribeca when that used to be on TV. 

5/10

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Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes (2024)

Let's start this review with a reminder that no film is strictly necessary. When people say that a film is completely unnecessary then they are usually referring to some remake or sequel, but films are made by a bunch of people who just want to make films. And often those behind the scenes who just want to make money. Now that we've established that premise, Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes certainly feels less necessary than almost any other film I can think of in recent years. We've had the original movie series, we've had animated and live-action TV shows, we've had a Tim Burton interpretation, and we've had the hugely successful blockbuster trilogy that started with Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes and ended back in 2017 with War For The Planet Of The Apes.

This film takes place a few generations after the last time we joined the apes. Caesar is long gone, but his legacy lives on, although different apes have very different ideas about the way forward. Noa (Owen Teague) is part of a peaceful group, but his whole life is upended when he is targeted by an ape, Proximus Caesar (Kevin Durand), aiming to be a new ruler over all. Noa is smart, Proximus Caesar is strong, and a young girl named Nova (Freya Allan) ends up trying to survive in between their negotiations.

Writer Josh Friedman has a very mixed filmography, but I'm not sure that he can be fully blamed for the screenplay here. It feels as if he was restricted within certain parameters, and one or two scenes are there just to showcase the apparent realism of the computer-generated apes. Still, having agreed to take on the job, he could at least have tried to give us a more interesting lead and some supporting characters who make a strong impression. William H. Macy aside, who is here in human form, this has neither.

Director Wes Ball is best known for his work helming the enjoyable The Maze Runner trilogy (note to self - I STILL need to watch the third one), but his apparent step up the Hollywood ladder here looks to have turned him into someone far too cautious to deliver anything other than bland medicority with occasionally pretty visuals. As with Friedman, he's arguably hampered by what needs to be done to launch a whole new chapter in this modern incarnation of Apes movies, but there's no excuse for it all feeling so lifeless and limp. There's no real tension here, partly because it all feels so familiar and partly because there aren't any characters you really care about, and the most fun to be had comes from enjoying moments that harken back to some of the lesser-appreciated instalments of the original movie series . . . and then belatedly admiring that film even more for taking the kind of risks that this film so adamantly avoids.

Durand is an excellent presence, and the star ape here, but Teague sadly isn't. Peter Macon, Lydia Peckham, and Travis Jeffery are perfectly fine, but it's really only Macon, playing a wise orangutan, who gets to deliver a performance that comes close to being memorable. Sadly, the only other performances worth mentioning are those from Allan and Macy, the former playing the typical spirited human who wants to upset the status quo, the latter stealing a number of scenes as an educated man aiming for self-preservation ahead of anything else. It's a real shame that the two main humans visible onscreen are the ones you may remember most when the end credits roll. Previous entries in this franchise, whether good or bad, at least left you wirh a strong impression of the simian characters, first and foremost.

I'll rewatch this one day, and maybe I'll be kinder to it then, but I'm not in any rush. Nothing stands out, and the 145-minute runtime is a hell of an investment for something that offers so little reward. I would put it at, or very close to, the very bottom of any ranked list of the Apes movies, but the apparent box office success of it seems to put me firmly in the minority. I'll be very interested to see what happens with any plans for future instalments though, because I suspect people will have at least cottoned on to the idea that each prospective new feature could offer sadly diminishing returns.

5/10

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Abigail (2024)

I am going to have to make a decision here, whether to include some spoilers in this review or not. Although I would normally work hard to avoid spoilers, Abigail has arguably already been spoiled for you if you have seen the trailer or some of the alternate poster designs. I understand why. It makes more sense to draw in the horror crowd it is aimed at, which wouldn’t necessarily happen if it was sold to look like a straightforward crime thriller. So . . . I am going to discuss it as if it is a pretty straightforward crime thriller, but I am assuming that you will all be aware of the fact that it is more than that.

Things start with a kidnapping. Six people work together to snatch a little girl (Abigail, played by Alisha Weir) before driving to an isolated country home where they have to stay holed up for 24 hours. If all goes well then the payday is $50M. All isn’t about to go well though. It turns out that not only is Abigail’s father very rich, but he is also very powerful and dangerous. And Abigail may share a few of his traits. 

Written by Stephen Shields and Guy Busick, this is a very smart and funny horror comedy that makes a lot of things very obvious from the opening titles (for those familiar with the music cue). The twists and turns aren’t presented as major rug-pulls, nothing here will surprise fans of the tropes being played with, but they keep being thrown into the plot with a sense of glee, curveball after curveball for our main characters to deal with. With directors Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett at the helm (directors of the last two Scream movies, as well as the very enjoyable Ready Or Not), everyone going into this should have an idea of what they are getting into. It’s playful, it’s bloody, and it’s a fresh take on some very familiar material.

The cast are all on the same page, happy to fit into their archetypes and just allow themselves to be part of a group that descends into chaos as everything around them starts going wrong. Melissa Barrera is much better here than she was in the Scream movies, making for a great central character to root for, and Dan Stevens is having a whale of a time as the cold-blooded leader of the group. Kevin Durand and Kathryn Newton are much simpler, more sweet-hearted characters (relatively speaking), and both Angus Cloud and William Catlett do well in their respective roles, even if they seem less important to the group than some of the others. Everyone is a bag of clichés, but it doesn’t matter when they are being used in such a fun way. Weir is the star though, and proves more than capable at conveying the many different moods her character goes through during the unraveling of the kidnapping scheme. It is also worth mentioning a couple of excellent cameo turns from Giancarlo Esposito and Matthew Goode.

Unabashedly profane and bloody throughout, Abigail is the most fun I have had with a mainstream American horror movie in a hell of a long time. It’s well-paced, it looks gorgeous throughout (even as the sets become drenched in blood), it’s inventive, and there are numerous easter eggs dotted throughout that can be enjoyed or ignored without changing how you feel about the rest of the film. All in all, it’s a bloody good time for fans of those involved.

8/10

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Prime Time: Walking Tall (2004)

Based on a film that was based on a strange and enjoyable true story, Walking Tall is a good star vehicle for Dwayne Johnson (still billed here as “The Rock” while he grew into his movie stardom), even if it’s far from a perfect movie.

Johnson is Chris Vaughn, a man who returns home after years spent in the military. The mill has closed, his old friend (Neal McDonough) has bought up lots of businesses, and something stinks. Problems become obvious when Chris and his friends have a night out at the local casino, where he spies a game being rigged and drugs being sold. The cops aren’t interested, which leads Chris to nominate himself for the position of Sheriff.

Directed by Kevin Bray, the biggest surprise about this movie is that it took about three people to write the simple script. I guess the challenge was fitting the material around Johnson and his co-stars, because the template of the original tale doesn’t seem like it would need a lot of work. There are also very few scenes here that are on the level of dumb fun you would expect from this kind of thing.

Johnson does his thing though, and that makes up for a lot. He is a solid choice for the role, and easily convinces in any of the more physical sequences. McDonough is also very good as the slimy, polished, friend who has turned into quite the powerful businessman. Johnny Knoxville does his amusing sidekick thing, and is just fine, while Kevin Durand is the main henchman squaring off against Johnson during the first half of the movie. Ashley Scott is the required love interest, and cannot do anything to improve her thankless role, but John Beasley and Michael Bowen are enjoyable as, respectively, the father of our leading man and an ineffective cop. Other people flesh out the cast, and Khleo Thomas stands out as the young nephew, Pete, but the film focuses on Johnson and Knoxville doing what they can to battle the baddies.

Certainly not the worst film that Johnson has done, nor is it close to his best, Walking Tall will satisfy people after an easy ninety minutes of action (even if the editing is a bit messy) and general camaraderie between the main characters. 

6/10

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Primal (2019)

I don't know what others were expecting from Primal, one of the many recent Nicolas Cage movies to appear on streaming platforms, seemingly weeks after we heard about it being made, but I was surprised when I heard the plot summary and then heard people reacting negatively to it. I do understand people disliking the film, don't get me wrong, but I don't understand people loathing it if they have any rough idea of what they're letting themselves in for.

Cage plays Frank, a hunter of wildlife who is heading home with his latest shipment of captured animals, including a large white jaguar. The ship he is travelling on is also carrying a prisoner, Richard Loffler (Kevin Durand). Ain't it just a wild bit of misfortune that Loffler escapes? He also starts freeing some of the animals, leading to the ship having a bit of a dangerous Jumanji vibe about it (especially when people have to deal with dangerous monkeys). Frank wants to keep his collection of animals safe, and ends up being the best chance to recapture Loffler.

Okay, just to be clear here, Primal isn't really a film to class as good. The script, by Richard Leder, is far too full of groan-inducing dialogue and contrivances, there's a sad lack of any tension or thrills, and it lacks decent action beats. The fact that director Nicholas Powell has a background in the world of stunts makes the last omission all the more disappointing, considering the potential for some wild and crazy set-pieces. It's clear that someone had a fun idea that was then turned into a film without a big enough budget to realise even half of the potential.

Thankfully, if you're a fan anyway, you get Cage chewing the scenery. He's a blast in the main role, the kind of anti-hero who doesn't care about the people in charge, and just ends up spurred into action because he realises nobody else is as capable as he is. Durand is a decent villain, he can turn on the right mix of charm and menace, while both Famke Janssen and Michael Imperioli help to round out the main cast, as well as LaMonica Garrett.

You know what is coming along in the third act, you know that by the end of the first act, and there are some decent moments along the way. Monkeys, a snake, big cats, they all add to the fun, but none of them are used enough. There's also a lack of any good twists and turns, although things are hinted at here and there that the script never really turns into anything major. 

Let's be very clear. This is a film that has Cage as a hunter, on a ship with a dangerous criminal, and a bunch of wild animals that are set free as events unfold. If you like Cage as an onscreen presence then how can you fail to at least enjoy this? If you dislike Cage then I don't know what to tell you, other than . . . you're missing out.

6/10

Cosmopolis (2012)

Robert Pattinson plays Eric Packer, a man who wants to get a haircut. He's an extremely rich man (a multi-billionaire, in fact) and could just get someone to visit him at his office, but instead he insists on being driven around town in his stretch limo amidst the chaos that is a Presidential visit, an ongoing protest against capitalism and serious threats on his life. During his trip, he tries to convince his new wife (Sarah Gadon) that they should have some sex, he speaks to various members of his staff, engages in some energetic infidelity and views the turbulent events unfolding around him with a mixture of morbid fascination and cool disinterest.

Written and directed by David Cronenberg, based on the novel by Don DeLillo, this is a movie perhaps best described as Videodrome meets Wall Street with a white version of Driving Miss Daisy. Yes, I know that mixture sounds quite ridiculous, but it's appropriate. It's certainly not a film to watch if you need some great set-pieces and a bit of energy in each scene. This is almost completely cerebral, for better or worse, and demands patience from viewers. Patience that isn't really rewarded in the obvious fashion.

Pattinson is pretty good in the main role, there's a hint of Patrick Bateman about his character but also quite a Charles Foster Kane vibe. Details about how he amassed his personal wealth are teased out during conversations, but not enough to put together a complete picture. He seems like a potential philanthropist one minute and a complete sociopath the next, and Pattinson conveys every facet of his personality while also keeping hold of himself in a very stiff and controlled manner, most of the time. The other people that move in and out of the movie are strangely disconnected in a variety of ways, whether it's through their fleeting appearance and disappearance or the actual nature of the character (Gadon seems to move through the film without letting any of the world around her get within touching distance). Jay Baruchel, Juliette Binoche, Kevin Durand, Samantha Morton, Mathieu Amalric and Patricia McKenzie, plus quite a few others, all do well with their roles, even if they do often feel like characters taken directly from the Packer's overactive subconscious. Paul Giamatti gets to play someone more connected to the actual reality of everyday life than any of the other characters, and he puts in another fantastic performance.

Cronenberg seems to do what he can in this film to push people away. He certainly doesn't make it an easy film to enjoy, but it IS enjoyable. It's a lesser Cronenberg film, that's for sure, but it's still worth a watch if you're a fan of his work. The best, and most unexpected, thing about the film is the humour throughout, often subtle and sly but sometimes completely over the top and surreal. That humour hardwired to the intelligence running through the script allows Cosmopolis to become a bit of a paradox - a film that is hard enough to get through once but may well leave observant viewers wanting to rewatch it.

Equal parts amusing and irritating, this may be a film that you end up absolutely hating. It could also be one that you end up enjoying much more than I did.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cosmopolis-Blu-ray-Robert-Pattinson/dp/B008HDQPTC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1365598758&sr=8-2&keywords=cosmopolis