The Pool (2001)

Having heard about, but not seen, The Pool for years, I was expecting something awful. Something so bad that it would easily become a movie by which I could judge all others (e.g. "well, it's bad, but it's no The Pool"). So when it turned out to be a decidedly average slasher with one or two half-decent moments I was pretty disappointed. I had to throw away the list of derogatory words I had noted down for the review and start with a completely blank page/screen.

A bunch of bright young things decide to celebrate their freedom from a prestigious European school by partying in a swish swimming pool. The big problem is that they're not alone in the building. There's also a masked killer eager to hack and slash through them before the night is over.

Directed by Boris von Sychowski, The Pool is absolutely generic stuff. If one or two more death scenes had shown some wit and imagination or if some more style was layered over everything then that wouldn't have been so bad. However, style is in short supply and there's really only one death scene that shows both wit and imagination.

The most fun to be had comes from spotting familiar faces among the cast. Isla Fisher and James McAvoy are the most recognisable of the bunch, but UK viewers might also know Cordelia Bugeja and/or John Hopkins while German viewers may have already seen Paul Grasshoff and Elena Uhlig in other projects. Jonah Lotan has done his fair share of TV work, as has Linda Rybova. While many of the faces may be familiar to viewers in different parts of the world, it's a shame that almost everyone is pretty bad. Perhaps it's because they have been thrown into such a strange mix or perhaps they just ARE that bad, it's hard to tell. At least Fisher isn't in it for that long and McAvoy is always dependable (though even he struggles).

The script, by von Sychowski and Lorenz Stassen (with some help from Ryan Carrassi in adapting the dialogue), doesn't help anybody. Exchanges between characters are dull and there are no memorable one-liners that you'll find yourself quoting once the end credits have rolled. In fact, there is nothing here that you will remember, or even want to remember, once the end credits have rolled. It's not eye-searingly awful to endure, but it's just not worth bothering with. Mercifully, it's beginning to fade from my memory already.

4/10

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Single White Female 2: The Psycho (2005)

If you can't tell whether or not this belated sequel to Single White Female is going to be any good then I suggest that you head off quickly and get your bullshit detector working. The fact that it is subtitled "The Psycho" is the big clue. That's like providing viewing audiences with a movie titled "Jaws 2: The Shark". Lazy, dumb and simply signposting that everyone is in for a lesser rehash of the first movie. So nobody should be surprised to find that this sequel is just a lesser rehash of the first movie.

Everything is pretty much the same, but not as good. A woman gets upset after finding that her fella has cheated on her. She moves into a new apartment with a flatmate. The flatmate starts to grow closer and closer to the woman, even going so far as to emulate her physical appearance. Things turn deadly. There's even a scene in which the lead actress follows the psycho flatmate to a sex club and sees something she shouldn't. You may remember that scene, even that was in the original movie.

Of course, there are minor differences here and there but this film, for the most part, ticks all the boxes in the "how to make a sloppy, lazy and cynical cash-in of a sequel" checklist.

The script, written by Glenn Hobart, Andy Hurst and Ross Helford, is pretty lame. Gone is the subtlety and decent characterisation of the first film. Instead, we get everything spoonfed to us and a lead character we're supposed to care for because, well, she's the lead character. Never mind the fact that she's also quite dumb, weak and irritating.

The flat direction by Keith Samples seems unsurprising when you consider his wealth of TV work. It's just a shame that he couldn't try a bit harder to spin the weak material here into something a bit more entertaining. He decides to keep things relatively sanitised and sexless when the trashy premise cries out for some suitably trashy treatment to at least make it entertaining for . . . . . . . . . . . . fans of trash.

The cast? Brooke Burns is good to watch onscreen but I'd have to say that Kristen Miller didn't impress me at all. Neither did Allison Lange or Todd Babcock or anyone else in the movie, for that matter.

Simply put, no aspect of this movie, from the camerawork to the cast to the script to the soundtrack, made any good impression on me. Apart from Brooke Burns. Oh, and a final 10 minutes that had me laughing out loud when I assume that I was supposed to be tense. Avoid it.

3/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Single-White-Female-2-DVD/dp/B003JSRT0O