Single White Female 2: The Psycho (2005)

If you can't tell whether or not this belated sequel to Single White Female is going to be any good then I suggest that you head off quickly and get your bullshit detector working. The fact that it is subtitled "The Psycho" is the big clue. That's like providing viewing audiences with a movie titled "Jaws 2: The Shark". Lazy, dumb and simply signposting that everyone is in for a lesser rehash of the first movie. So nobody should be surprised to find that this sequel is just a lesser rehash of the first movie.

Everything is pretty much the same, but not as good. A woman gets upset after finding that her fella has cheated on her. She moves into a new apartment with a flatmate. The flatmate starts to grow closer and closer to the woman, even going so far as to emulate her physical appearance. Things turn deadly. There's even a scene in which the lead actress follows the psycho flatmate to a sex club and sees something she shouldn't. You may remember that scene, even that was in the original movie.

Of course, there are minor differences here and there but this film, for the most part, ticks all the boxes in the "how to make a sloppy, lazy and cynical cash-in of a sequel" checklist.

The script, written by Glenn Hobart, Andy Hurst and Ross Helford, is pretty lame. Gone is the subtlety and decent characterisation of the first film. Instead, we get everything spoonfed to us and a lead character we're supposed to care for because, well, she's the lead character. Never mind the fact that she's also quite dumb, weak and irritating.

The flat direction by Keith Samples seems unsurprising when you consider his wealth of TV work. It's just a shame that he couldn't try a bit harder to spin the weak material here into something a bit more entertaining. He decides to keep things relatively sanitised and sexless when the trashy premise cries out for some suitably trashy treatment to at least make it entertaining for . . . . . . . . . . . . fans of trash.

The cast? Brooke Burns is good to watch onscreen but I'd have to say that Kristen Miller didn't impress me at all. Neither did Allison Lange or Todd Babcock or anyone else in the movie, for that matter.

Simply put, no aspect of this movie, from the camerawork to the cast to the script to the soundtrack, made any good impression on me. Apart from Brooke Burns. Oh, and a final 10 minutes that had me laughing out loud when I assume that I was supposed to be tense. Avoid it.

3/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Single-White-Female-2-DVD/dp/B003JSRT0O

Titanic II (2010)

It's another cannily-titled cash-in from our friends at The Asylum and if you can't guess the movie they're hoping to emulate then perhaps you deserve to be forced into watching the thing. But, before I get carried away with easy mockery and insults, I must just say that this is far from the worst of the movies to come from The Asylum. In fact, it's actually almost good though these films always lose a few points for the cynical way that sees them being created in the first place.

The Titanic II is a ship (hence the title, this is NOT a sequel to James Cameron's Titanic) that is due to travel on the same journey as the original Titanic did exactly one hundred years previously. If you're superstitious then you may not want to get on the ship but plenty of people (desperate actors, desperate wannabe models and out-of-work service staff, by the looks of things) throw caution to the wind and grab themselves a ticket. Well, of all the unlikely and unfortunate events to occur, a huge ice shelf breaks off many miles away and sends a tsunami wave towards the ship. There are also big blocks of ice that may cause quite a bit of damage. Oh, and another wave is due to head their way that's even bigger.

Directed and written by Shane Van Dyke (son of Barry Van Dyke and grandson of Dick Van Dyke), Titanic II actually does what it sets out to do fairly well. It sets up the main characters, sketches out the leanest of backstories, throws onscreen a load of disposable victims and gets the threat developed as quickly as possible. The FX work is disappointing but also an improvement on past works from the studio.

Shane Van Dyke also takes one of the main roles and he's not too bad. Okay, nobody is too great either but I'd have to concede that the acting here is also an improvement over past efforts from The Asylum. Marie Westbrook and Michelle Glavan aren't the best actresses but are likeable enough as the destruction threatens them at every turn. Brooke Burns is also okay and Bruce Davison deserves better at this stage in his career but works well with what he's given. Everyone else overacts appropriately and gets to throw themselves around as the camera tilts and judders to simulate the effects of a ship being battered in the middle of the ocean.

If you're after something that's of proper movie quality and measured by the standards of fare that can get into the local multiplex then look elsewhere. But if you're after something that's enjoyable enough while it passes the time, laughable in places, cheap and cheerful throughout and amusingly ridiculous then you could do a lot worse than watching this film.

4/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Titanic-DVD-Shayne-Van-Dyke/dp/B004CFH9EO