Prime Time: F Valentine's Day (2026)

AKA F**k Valentine's Day.

It may not be an entirely new phenomenon, but there seem to be more rom-coms nowadays that try to push themselves as something pretending to be anti-rom-coms. F Valentines Day is one of those movies, as if you couldn't guess from the title.

Virginia Gardner plays Gina, a young woman who hates Valentine's Day. It's her birthday, but the day is given over to love and hearts and a multitude of ways to force people to spend extra money and engage in extravagant displays of affection. She explains that to Johnny (Jake Cannavale) when he delivers her a pizza that happens to be shaped into a heart for the big day. As an apology for ranting at him, she then gives him a holiday gift voucher valued at $5,000 (although Gina thinks it is just a $50 voucher). Then Gina meets Andrew (Skylar Astin). They don't seem compatible, but maybe that's what they both need. Maybe that's why Andrew plans a holiday after they've been dating for about a year, and maybe that's why he's planning to propose. Gina does not want that proposal, certainly not on Valentine's Day, and it's quite lucky that she's at the same resort as Johnny and his twin sister (Mickey, played by Sabrina Bartlett).

F Valentine's Day has a few decent gags here and there, but nowhere near enough for the 95-minute runtime, and certainly not enough to offset the fact that the main character isn't particularly easy to like. Gina is defined by two main traits: her hatred of Valentine's Day and her ability to lie with ease. Andrew may be what she thinks she needs, but he's hard to like in a different way, mainly due to being too bland and willing to settle with someone so clearly not suitable for him. Writer Steve Bencich may have thought that the mismatch would be entertaining and amusing enough, and he may have thought that the third act here is subversive and satisfying enough to keep most viewers happy, but that isn't the case. This is a film that feels mildly enjoyable for a few moments (particularly any scenes that feature Natasha Leggero and Lil Rel Howery), but then moves between irritating and simply mean.

Director Mark Gantt has too much faith in the material, especially when he doesn't even try to distract viewers with a good enough cast. In fact, he doesn't try to distract viewers with anything else. There's a disappointing lack of big laughs, no light and smile-inducing montage moments, no upbeat soundtrack selections, and certainly nothing I would consider a worthwhile set-piece. Aside from the aforementioned Leggero and Howery, the best moments have Gina just receiving some decent advice from her caring mother (Marisa Tomei). Those scenes work because Gina can't keep up the facade that she tends to keep up with everyone else in her life.

Perhaps I'm affected by how much I disliked her character, but Gardner doesn't work here in the lead role. The film needed someone with much more charisma to make up for the inherent character flaws. The same goes for Astin, who never once gets to have even just a hint of edge to his personality, and neither Cannavale nor Bartlett can do enough to overcome the limitations that the screenplay puts on them. I'll mention Leggero and Howery a third time, they deserve it, and Tomei is someone I will never complain about seeing in any role (even if it's not one of her best movies, and this is far from one of her best movies).

Although I didn't really enjoy this, it's probably an easy choice for people to pick if they're browsing their streaming services and hoping to find something that offers a bit of romance without too much of the sugar and schmaltz. It doesn't avoid those things completely, but it's like a Valentine's Day chocolate dessert with a surprisingly sour centre. Some will really like that contrast. I'll always prefer a straightforward molten chocolate cake with some cool cream or ice cream on the side.

4/10

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Bonus Review: Let's Be Cops (2014)

It's not that hard to make a decent, mainstream comedy. I may not rave about them at every opportunity, but films like We're The Millers and The Incredible Burt Wonderstone are movies that do all that I require from them. They keep me happy, and often chuckling, for the duration. So why do so many movies get it wrong, either relying on the talent/charisma of some leading player who doesn't have the right stuff, or simply misfiring most of the gags? It's a mystery, especially when you get to enjoy a film like Let's Be Cops, a slice of fun that works so well mainly because of a fantastic premise, helped by the chemistry between the two leading men.

Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. star as, respectively, Ryan and Justin. The two men aren't where they want to be in their lives. A blunt, cruel person might even simply refer to them as losers. But things take a turn for the better when they decide to go to a party one evening dressed as cops. They soon realise that a lot of people are looking at them differently, looking at them as if they are real cops. Caught up in the good feeling, the two decide to take things farther than they should, eventually landing themselves in some major hot water when they take on a criminal (James D'Arcy) who isn't afraid to threaten even officers of the law.

I could say that Let's Be Cops is a bit of an easy ride for everyone involved. It just seems impossible to screw up, but that's only something I can think now because it wasn't screwed up. You just need to watch the similar(-ish) Ride Along to see the material being twisted into something inferior for the sake of making it into a star vehicle. This movie isn't a star vehicle, yet Wayans Jr. and Johnson come out of it shining brightly.

The direction from Luke Greenfield, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Nicholas Thomas, is solid. Everything moves from A to B quickly enough, and the only major complaint about the plotting is how predictable things become in the second half. But it's a predictability that, like everything else in the movie, simply enhances the fun. It's a comforting set of twists and turns showing that a plot HAS actually been wrapped around the comedic set-pieces without ever taking too much time away from the laughs.

As much as I'm tempted to, I won't go on and on about the two leading men any more. They're both brilliant, individually and when sharing their many scenes together. Nina Dobrev does as well as can be expected in the role of Josie AKA the love interest for Wayans Jr. It's a potentially thankless part to play, but Dobrev still manages to bring something more to the table than just her attractive looks. D'Arcy is a convincingly cold villain, and always feels like a viable threat, even before things really heat up for our two leads. Rob Riggle and Andy Garcia are both excellent as two very different law enforcement officers, with the former coming along at just the right time to save the movie from any potential lull in proceedings. And I can't forget to mention the scene-stealing turns from Natasha Leggero and Keegan-Michael Key. Leggero plays a woman turned on by the cops who need to use her home as a surveillance point, while Key is a helpful informant who just doesn't know when to keep inappropriate comments to himself.

It's not the most sophisticated comedy you'll ever see, and it's also far from the funniest, but Let's Be Cops proves to be surprisingly effective at mixing some big laughs with characters you end up actually caring about. Which makes it more deserving of your time than at least 80% of the mainstream comedies that have tried to take your money in the last few years.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Cops-Blu-ray-James-DArcy/dp/B00NQH5IBU/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1412116867&sr=1-2&keywords=let%27s+be+cops