AKA F**k Valentine's Day.
It may not be an entirely new phenomenon, but there seem to be more rom-coms nowadays that try to push themselves as something pretending to be anti-rom-coms. F Valentines Day is one of those movies, as if you couldn't guess from the title.
Virginia Gardner plays Gina, a young woman who hates Valentine's Day. It's her birthday, but the day is given over to love and hearts and a multitude of ways to force people to spend extra money and engage in extravagant displays of affection. She explains that to Johnny (Jake Cannavale) when he delivers her a pizza that happens to be shaped into a heart for the big day. As an apology for ranting at him, she then gives him a holiday gift voucher valued at $5,000 (although Gina thinks it is just a $50 voucher). Then Gina meets Andrew (Skylar Astin). They don't seem compatible, but maybe that's what they both need. Maybe that's why Andrew plans a holiday after they've been dating for about a year, and maybe that's why he's planning to propose. Gina does not want that proposal, certainly not on Valentine's Day, and it's quite lucky that she's at the same resort as Johnny and his twin sister (Mickey, played by Sabrina Bartlett).
F Valentine's Day has a few decent gags here and there, but nowhere near enough for the 95-minute runtime, and certainly not enough to offset the fact that the main character isn't particularly easy to like. Gina is defined by two main traits: her hatred of Valentine's Day and her ability to lie with ease. Andrew may be what she thinks she needs, but he's hard to like in a different way, mainly due to being too bland and willing to settle with someone so clearly not suitable for him. Writer Steve Bencich may have thought that the mismatch would be entertaining and amusing enough, and he may have thought that the third act here is subversive and satisfying enough to keep most viewers happy, but that isn't the case. This is a film that feels mildly enjoyable for a few moments (particularly any scenes that feature Natasha Leggero and Lil Rel Howery), but then moves between irritating and simply mean.
Director Mark Gantt has too much faith in the material, especially when he doesn't even try to distract viewers with a good enough cast. In fact, he doesn't try to distract viewers with anything else. There's a disappointing lack of big laughs, no light and smile-inducing montage moments, no upbeat soundtrack selections, and certainly nothing I would consider a worthwhile set-piece. Aside from the aforementioned Leggero and Howery, the best moments have Gina just receiving some decent advice from her caring mother (Marisa Tomei). Those scenes work because Gina can't keep up the facade that she tends to keep up with everyone else in her life.
Perhaps I'm affected by how much I disliked her character, but Gardner doesn't work here in the lead role. The film needed someone with much more charisma to make up for the inherent character flaws. The same goes for Astin, who never once gets to have even just a hint of edge to his personality, and neither Cannavale nor Bartlett can do enough to overcome the limitations that the screenplay puts on them. I'll mention Leggero and Howery a third time, they deserve it, and Tomei is someone I will never complain about seeing in any role (even if it's not one of her best movies, and this is far from one of her best movies).
Although I didn't really enjoy this, it's probably an easy choice for people to pick if they're browsing their streaming services and hoping to find something that offers a bit of romance without too much of the sugar and schmaltz. It doesn't avoid those things completely, but it's like a Valentine's Day chocolate dessert with a surprisingly sour centre. Some will really like that contrast. I'll always prefer a straightforward molten chocolate cake with some cool cream or ice cream on the side.
4/10
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