Holmes & Watson (2018)

How bad is Holmes & Watson? Considering how much is was roundly battered by critics, and anyone brave enough to go and see it at the cinema, could it really be THAT bad? Yes, yes it could. And I can say this with a degree of confidence, having been one of the few people to have now seen it twice.

The first time doesn't really count though. When I first watched this movie I was laughing aloud at a number of moments. I'd also taken an excessive amount of valium before a short flight (I'm just a nervous flyer, and it turns out I wasn't listening to my wife when she reminded me of the recommended dosage of something I wasn't used to). But you can certainly take that as a different view of the film. It will make you laugh if your brain has been suitably altered by some substance that keeps you in a very good mood, be that alcohol, medication, or your favourite Doritos.

So, for the purpose of this review, I am going to focus on my second, most recent, viewing. My brain was not altered in any way (beyond the usual warping), although I definitely wish it had been.

Will Ferrell plays Sherlock Holmes, John C. Reilly is Doctor John Watson, his constant sidekick, and their latest adventure involves the dastardly Moriarty (Ralph Fiennes) and a plot to kill the Queen of England (Pam Ferris). That's about all you need to know, other than the fact that Kelly Macdonald is Mrs. Hudson, and Rebecca Hall and Lauren Lapkus play two women who turn the heads of our detecting duo.

It has been a decade since Guy Ritchie entertained audiences with a Sherlock Holmes that mixed the traditional elements with some fun cinematic updates (the "Holmes-vision"). We have had Sherlock since then, and also Elementary, both shows that have smartly updated the famous detective for modern viewers, while retaining a lot of the little details that make Sherlock so quintessentially Sherlock. So Holmes & Watson feels like too little too late as soon as it begins. That would be fine though, as long as writer-director Etan Cohen had some good enough gags to make it worthwhile. Sadly, that is not the case.

Cohen seems to rely on the chemistry between Ferrell and Reilly (used so effectively in their previous comedy work), but that's not enough on this occasion. Not when the script is full of unfunny jokes transposing modern habits (selfies, drunk text messages) into the period setting, numerous gross-out gags that fall flat, and sequences that make use of that aforementioned "Holmes-vision". The one time I smiled was due to a fun cameo towards the very end. Nothing else really works, one or two very minor chuckles aside.

Ferrell and Reilly are quite irritating in the lead roles, Macdonald is the highlight of the film, and Fiennes at least manages to get paid for a relatively short amount of screentime. Ferris is very game in her royal role, Hall almost comes out of the whole thing with her dignity intact, but Lapkus is undone by the fact that she has to match Ferrell at his juvenile antics. There are also small roles for Rob Brydon (who is actually a good fit for Inspector Lestrade), Steve Coogan, Hugh Laurie, and that great cameo star.

I am going to give this a fairly generous rating, considering how well it amused and distracted me while I was on valium and trying not to think about anything that could send me plunging to my death. But don't let that fool you into giving this a try. Even Sherlock Gnomes was better than this.

3/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy the movie here.

Nativity 2: Danger In The Manger! (2012)

I didn't really like Nativity! that much, so it really comes as no surprise that I am not a fan of Nativity 2: Danger In The Manger!

Debbie Isitt handles both the directing and writing duties, once again, and relies on some cute kids to carry the whole thing, once again. There were one or two moments that made me almost grin, I admit it, but most of this film was almost painful to endure.

Poor David Tennant plays two roles here. In one, the main one, he is the teacher - Mr. Peterson - taking over from Martin Freeman's character (Freeman at least had the sense not to return), while his other character is . . . . . . . his nasty twin brother. There's a national singing competition being held that Mr. Peterson ends up taking his new class along to, after the smallest amount of persuasion from the loony Mr. Poppy (Marc Wootton returning to his role).

With Jason Watkins and Pam Ferris also returning, as well as many of the kids from the first movie, this is a film that wants to take viewers on a gentle trip through some familiar territory. That can work, and is often the way of sequels, but when it's not done well it just ends up feeling horribly lazy. Considering the lack of laughs, and lack of care taken with the slipshod plotting and characterisations here, that feeling of laziness just grows with each moment.

Tennant is someone I like, and his presence here helps to make this bearable, but he can't do much to improve what he's given. Wootton enjoys himself again, and occasionally forces viewers to smile, but the only consistently good comedy comes from Jessica Hynes, playing the celebrity hostess of the competition as a cross between Charlotte Church and Katherine Jenkins.

Utilising the same mix of scripted moments and improvisation as the first movie, this poor effort MAY please those who enjoy David Tennant, Marc Wootton, and/or cute kids being cheeky. But that's not guaranteed. It's more likely that by the time the end credits roll you will curse yourself for having wasted your time on it.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nativity-Danger-The-Manger-DVD/dp/B00EE6C4IW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1387663567&sr=8-2&keywords=nativity+2

Nativity! (2009)

Martin Freeman is Scrooge. Okay, he's not Scrooge, but he plays someone who gets very grumpy around Christmas time. Which, in simple terms, equates to him being Scrooge. Or, at the very least, A Scrooge. He's also a teacher, ordered by the headmistress (Pam Ferris) to organise the upcoming nativity play. While being grumpy, putting up with a juvenile assistant (Marc Wootton), and generally wishing that he could be left in peace until the festive season was over, he also lies to someone about the fact that his nativity play is going to be viewed by some bigwigs from Hollywood, brought over especially by his ex-girlfriend (Ashley Jensen). This lie, of course, gets out and about, and it grows and grows until there looks to be no good way to resolve the situation.

Written and directed by Debbie Isitt (with plenty of room for improvisation), Nativity! is a film full of some easy laughs, but it is also too busy trying to make viewers feel moved with a lot of clumsy, emotional content shoehorned into almost every sequence. We can't just laugh at Freeman being grouchy to little kids, or Wootton being amusingly childish, oh noooo. We have to remember that Freeman is grouchy because of the emotional damage that he experienced some years ago, and we have to remember that Wootton does make the kids laugh, but people in charge of little ones should also remember their responsibilities.

And as for the troublesome kids? Let's not forget that they may already have their own issues, be it a need for some more attention, a blustery front to cover up insecurities, or a turbulent home life.

The cast is at least full of familiar faces, all doing decent enough work. Alongside Freeman, Ferris, Wootton and Jensen there is Jason Watkins, Alan Carr and even small roles for John Sessions and Ricky Tomlinson. And then there are those kids. While they may not be the best bunch of youngsters to have graced movie screens, they're a likable bunch of rogues and cutie-pies, often raising a smile just by looking cheekily at the camera.

While it may be a bit too sweet and cloying for many, myself included, there are still a few decent moments sprinkled throughout Nativity! And, anyway, Christmas is the time for the sweet and cloying, so you may find it worth a watch while the decorations are hanging up and you just want some undemanding entertainment.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nativity-Danger-The-Manger-DVD/dp/B00EE6C4IW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1386013600&sr=8-2&keywords=nativity+dvd