Ghosted (2023)

A mix of action and rom-com starring Chris Evans and Ana de Armas in the lead roles, Ghosted should have been an easy success. The familiar faces, the familiar plotting, and a succession of cameos make it an obvious choice for some straightforward entertainment. There's a reason that it's pretty much been forgotten already though. It's not good. It's hard to describe as truly awful, although I am sure some will, but it's certainly as bland as some vegetable that has had all of the flavour boiled out of it.

Evans plays Cole Turner, a young man who falls hard for Sadie Rhodes (De Armas). He thinks that it might be a good idea, after spending one day with her, to pay her a surprise visit in London. Things don't go according to plan though, with Cole soon abducted by people who believe him to be an infamous CIA agent known as "The Taxman". Can you guess who is actually that agent? Bickering, gunfights, and various hijinks soon ensue.

Written by the not-insubstantial-quartet of Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Chris McKenna, and Erik Sommers, Ghosted is what happens when you believe that your film has enough star power to ignore things like proper wit, pacing, and characters with some depth. There is nothing to this when you remove the stars. Nothing.

Director Dexter Fletcher is often a capable talent, but he is clearly hamstrung here by the demands of delivering such studio fluff. The action doesn’t have any weight or impact, there’s a surprising, and debilitating, lack of chemistry between the two leads, and nothing is done to make things more interesting around the superficial glossy smoothness of everything.

Evans and De Armas have rarely been worse. They can be charismatic, they can be convincing with action beats and physical work, and they can be fun, but you wouldn’t know that from watching this. Adrien Brody is a main villain, but feels like the wrong choice in every scene focusing on him. It’s either him just cashing a big cheque or not able to find his way into a performance that should just be a bit ridiculous and entertaining. Nobody else makes much of an impression, and the many cameos that crop up feel like a desperate and lazy attempt to please Marvel fans. They are smug and unfunny, like so many other parts of the movie.

I still won’t describe this as truly awful, there were one or two moments I enjoyed before completely losing any optimism about it improving, but it is bad. Very bad. It deserves to be as forgotten as it already is, and I am sure the main cast members are happy to see it fade from memory so quickly.

3/10

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Deadpool & Wolverine (2024)

You've got to hand it to Ryan Reynolds. He always knew he could portray the definitive movie version of Deadpool, and he managed to make it happen after some major setbacks (not least of which was his portrayal of a very mishandled Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine). And now we all get to enjoy the benefits of that long and bumpy journey, finally seeing a feature film that allows Deadpool and Wolverine to appear alongside one another.

Deadpool has been struggling. He has, in fact, hung up the suit, unable to find a way to actually matter. There is a way though. He is called to the Time Variance Authority, aka the TVA, by Mr. Paradox (Matthew Macfayden). Deadpool can be part of something bigger, he can matter, or he can stay alongside the people he cares about until his universe is soon destroyed, a necessary measure due to it beginning to die after the loss of Wolverine. Deadpool thinks that jumping into various timelines to find any other Wolverine to bring back into his world may stop the pending destruction of his own universe, but things become even more complicated when our (anti-)heroes end up in The Void, a place full of discarded personalities, basically ruled over by the powerful Cassandra Nova (Emma Corrin).

While writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick return to work on the screenplay with Reynolds, they are also joined this time around by Zeb Wells and director Shawn Levy. Levy has worked with Reynolds on a few different projects I have thoroughly enjoyed (although I know that some others have not enjoyed any non-Deadpool content from Reynolds in years), but his relatively tame and safe style makes him an unusual choice for this. It ultimately doesn't matter much though, because it's still Reynolds seemingly driving this iconoclast-mobile right through the middle of Marvel Main Street. A better director might have improved this, which would have helped, but the many jokes and cameos, the many Deadpool one-liners, and the simple joy of seeing our merc with the mouth finally sharing the screen with Hugh Jackman's Wolverine will keep most comic-book fans very happy. It's still difficult to argue against the Deadpool movies being a series of diminishing returns though. I loved the first, really enjoyed the second, and enjoyed this extra-silly final adventure (well, I assume this is a final adventure . . . because I struggle to think of how you do a better send-off for the character).

That is how this film works best, a send-off to some beloved characters. Aside from our titular leads, there are many others who get some time in the limelight (some arguably more deserved than others). Both Reynolds and Jackman remain perfect in their main roles, particularly when doing what they do best, but it's only the latter who can really work with the fleeting moments of real pathos. Not that Reynolds is incapable, but he's hampered by the nature of the character as showcased in the previous two movies built to fit him. Corrin does well with what they're given, and holds their own in one or two great moments with Jackman, but the film only needs them as a supporting villain in between scenes that point the finger at selfish and inconsiderate suits, headed up by Macfadyen, who bugger things up by meddling with timelines and discarding elements no longer deemed profitable. As for everyone else, Rob Delaney is as enjoyable as he has been in almost everything he's done, but I won't mention anyone else in case that ruins the fun and surprises for other viewers. Rest assured, however, there are some fantastic little turns from some very familiar faces, and a scene-stealing dog.

Deadpool & Wolverine will be a smash hit (it already is, judging from the figures for the opening weekend), and I will certainly revisit it as much as I revisit the other films in the series, or maybe I'll just revisit favourite sequences, but it's an adorable mess. The opening sequence is fantastic, there's a great fight in the middle, and a fairly satisfying . . . climax (*insert wink at reader here*). I'm just not sure how much fun the cameos will be once you know who is due to appear though, and some of the gags start to feel a bit tiresome after they have been repeated so often.

Does this clean things up for Marvel, or does it ultimately make things even messier? Does it really matter at all? I don't think so, and that has always been part of the appeal of the Deadpool movies. It's about enjoying the company of people who relish playing in the particular sandbox that they've been allocated. And, whatever you think of the end result, Reynolds has always put in maximum effort.

6/10

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Netflix And Chill: Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

While most sequels aren't always met with great expectations, especially when a decade has passed between the release of the original and the release of the next instalment, Zombieland: Double Tap was one that I was looking forward to watching. Not looking forward to enough to prioritise it too highly, mind you (which is why this review is appearing about four years after it was released), but I was heartened by the fact that everyone both in front and behind the camera was coming back for some more comedic zombie slaying.

We reunite with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Wichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) at a time when they seem quite happy with their lot in life. They take over a big house, they get to spend their days avoiding mayhem, most of their time is now available for them to just play around and have fun, and it's almost what you could describe as blissful. Then Wichita and Little Rock leave. Tallahassee and Columbus pick up a new companion (Madison, played by Zoey Deutch), but it's not long until Wichita returns to ask the guys for help. Little Rock is in danger, something much worse than the zombie carnage. She's gone off . . . with a musician.

Writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick are joined this time around by Dave Callaham, and it's clear that none of the three had a strong enough idea to make this whole adventure necessary. It's also clear, however, that working to a similar enough template to the first film isn't a terrible idea, considering that it allows us to spend more time in the company of characters who made such a strong impression the first time around. Director Ruben Fleischer is also happy to retain the same style and energy that added to the fun of Zombieland. Some may be quick to point out that you may as well just watch the first film again, and they wouldn't be too wrong, but there's still plenty here to enjoy, including a very fun performance from Deutch as the new, super-perky but not-too-bright, potential member of the group.

Harrelson and Eisenberg still work very well together, the juxtaposition of laid-back cool and constant anxiety keeping things amusing in between the more obvious gags. Stone adds more cool, and is as good as ever, while Breslin is enjoyable enough in her limited amount of screentime. Deutch aside, as she's already been mentioned, other newcomers to the series include Avan Jogia (the dreaded musician), Rosario Dawson (a character named Nevada who catches the eye of Tallahassee), and Luke Wilson and Thomas Middleditch (both fun, but playing two characters providing a comedic set-up that feels very close to a gag that was presented much better in Shaun Of The Dead).

If you had some kind of Zombieland bingo card then it wouldn't be long until you were shouting out "house". Metallica over the opening credits again, more rules to help you survive the zombie apocalypse, a journey to a final setting that may prove to be a deathtrap if a large enough zombie horde swarms in, and at least one fun celebrity cameo proving to be a highlight. The familiarity doesn't do enough to detract from the fun though. And, from the opening logo sequence to the end credits, this IS fun.

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: Spiderhead (2022)

Based on a short story by George Saunders, Spiderhead is an interesting little sci-fi flick that reunites director Joseph Kosinski with star Miles Teller (the pair having just previously worked together on the much more successful Top Gun: Maverick). I was looking forward to this, mainly because I have enjoyed the first two features from Kosinski, two visually impressive sci-fi movies (TRON: Legacy and Oblivion). It's a shame then that writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick seemed intent at every turn to fight against the darkness of the material.

Teller plays Jeff, a young man who is incarcerated in a fairly pleasant prison setting. It's an easier life than some prisons, mainly because he has agreed to be a test subject for a variety of drugs, all administered from vials placed in a pack that is attached to his back. The person running the many tests on these drugs, and acting like a friendly warden, is Abnesti (Chris Hemsworth). One drug can make you very happy, one drug can make you sexually attracted to someone else in a way that means you have to act on your urges there and then, and one drug plunges you into a sudden and deep depression. There are also some other drugs being tested, and there's a chance that the test subjects, who always have to approve each testing session by saying "acknowledge", don't realise what is really going on. 

The first half of Spiderhead is quite good. You get a fun selection of scenes that set up the scenario, the main characters, and the potential for things to quickly get darker than expected. Then things get darker, which is where it starts to come unstuck. Nothing here gets as dark as it should, and the action is still punctuated by strange attempts at humour and needle drop song moments (which were appreciated in the first third, less so in the finale). I didn't dislike it, thanks mainly to the lead performances, but I never loved it, and it came perilously close to squandering all of my goodwill as the last third played out.

Hemsworth is arguably the best thing here, playing his character with a wonderful blend of charm, forced attempts to be more of a friend than an authority figure, and sinister manipulation. Using Hemsworth's innate charm and charisma helps a lot, although this is maybe part of the reason why the finale doesn't work as well as it should. Teller is a solid "everyman" figure, and I'm happy to see him continue to appear onscreens this year. There's something about him that I like, although he looked at one point as if he'd missed his moment in the spotlight after the phenomenal Whiplash. Mark Paguio is also very good, playing the assistant to Hemsworth's character, showing someone becoming more and more perturbed by how the tests are being conducted, and Jurnee Smollett does well as one of the other test subjects/prisoners, someone who feels that she has committed an unforgivable sin. 

Although the lightness of tone is the biggest problem that the film has, it's also disappointingly uninventive and bland when it comes to the visuals. Say what you like about Kosinski, his films have usually been feasts for the eyes. This isn't, a problem that obviously stems from the heart of the material, but I can't help thinking that things could have been adapted to bring some more style and cool to the whole thing, especially if they weren't aiming for gritty realism.

Enjoy the leads, enjoy the songs dropped into the soundtrack, and enjoy some of the ideas at the heart of this. But you may struggle to enjoy the whole movie. As kind and forgiving as I am, even I ended up rating it as something JUST above average.

6/10

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Deadpool 2 (2018)

It's a running joke with people who know enough of my general movie opinions that I tend to be Mr 7/10. I can't really deny this, and yet I don't see anything too wrong with it either. Because, despite trying to see every movie that I can fit into my busy schedule, I will always tend to a) prioritise movies I think I am going to enjoy, and b) look for the good in any film I am watching. What the hell does this have to do with Deadpool 2, you may be wondering, apart from the obvious foreshadowing of exactly what my rating might be. Well, I rated the first Deadpool movie a 7/10 and felt the need to mention it here. It is, in a number of ways, a better film than this sequel, but it also had enough drawbacks to knock it down a few points. Not least among them was the fact that I'd seen the best sequence of the film in a rough version that was used to get the project support and traction, which it very much did.

Basically, you will know a lot of people who rate Deadpool higher than I did, but don't think that I disliked it. I laughed quite a lot. And I laughed quite a lot while watching Deadpool 2 (the biggest laughs involving some brilliant cameos and a mid-credit sequence that may well be the best superhero sting yet). It's a very good sequel . . . but it also has enough drawbacks to knock it down a few points.

Assuming you know the merc with the mouth, what's the story this time around? Well, DP (Ryan Reynolds again, of course) ends up trying to protect a young lad named Russell (Julian Dennison) from a time-travelling badass named Cable (Josh Brolin). There are still only a few X-Men allowed to join our (anti-)hero, budget allowing, but it's obvious that the success of the first film has made it possible to have even more fun this time around.

A lot of the main names return, with the notable exception of director Tim Miller, and that shows in the final product. This is a film that tells an interestingly different story from the first movie while maintaining a consistent tone and style, a "same but different" approach that is exemplified by the hilarious opening credit sequence. David Leitch is no stranger to the character, having directed the wonderful short film "No Good Deed" that showed Deadpool taking far too long to change costume while his help was needed, and he seems comfortable directing what we all know is essentially the chance for Ryan Reynolds to act like a kid in a candy store. If the kid was foul-mouthed and fast-talking and the candy store was full of dismembered limbs, drugs, and objects that could be used as improvised sex toys.

It goes without saying that Reynolds is superb again in the lead role, bagging all the best lines from the script (which he had a hand in, alongside Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick). Dennison gives another fantastic performance that has a number of nods to his previous star turn (in Hunt For The Wilderpeople) and Josh Brolin gives a "supervillain" performance that only comes second to the other main antagonist that he has portrayed recently. Karan Soni returns as taxi-driving Dopinder, Morena Baccarin is the love of Deadpool's life, Brianna Hildebrand still isn't allowed to smile much as Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and T. J. Miller manages to bag some of the better lines not being kept for Reynolds. Zazie Beetz is very enjoyable as a newcomer, Domino, with luck as her superpower, Eddie Marsan is enjoyably horrid, and there are some other people I won't mention because spoiler-free is the way to be.

You get the witty dialogue, another lively soundtrack, and some excellent action set-pieces, but it's interesting that Deadpool 2 falters when it slows things right down and attempts to show some proper emotional depth. It's interesting because it doesn't need to do that. There are some moments that work, judged perfectly between the comedic and the dark and the potentially cheesy, and some that really don't (the finale features a couple of them), but the fact is that the movie was doing a bloody good job before it started to show just how hard it was trying. Throughout most of the runtime, Deadpool 2 is an interesting look at personal responsibility and consequences, whether the actions are good or bad. It looks at cycles of violence and how the abused may damage themselves as they set out to damage their abusers, and there are times when it effortlessly does this better than any of the other superhero movies we have had over the past couple of decades (with the exception of Logan perhaps, ironically enough). But it doesn't do it in a way that interferes with the action or comedy . . . unlike some of the other emotional beats that are crammed in there.

Deadpool 2 - go along for the laughs, stay for the sheer entertainment, and leave while thinking about what they managed to slide inside you while you weren't even noticing (oo-er). Things may not feel as fresh this time around, inevitably, and there's a lack of REAL villainy, but I'm already looking forward to a third film. And everyone should try to see this one before some idiot blurts out some of the best gags.

Can you guess my rating?

7/10

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G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is the film that most people expected G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra to be. It's brainless, full of characters that it's hard to care about, and full of action sequences that are hard to watch due to the hectic over-editing. Of course, some people are already saying "but Kevin, that's exactly THE SAME as the first movie." Well, I disagree. I thought the first film was a blast. This, however, is a big disappointment.

Channing Tatum may pop up at the start of this movie, but it's not long before he's sidelined in favour of a new bunch of Joes, with the main one being Dwayne Johnson. There's been a mission to wipe out the unit, allowing the President Of The United States (Jonathan Pryce, playing a fake version of himself due to the events of the first movie) to move on with his dastardly plan, a plan that may leave a lot of countries seriously damaged by Project Zeus, which can cause all of the destruction of a nuclear blast without any of the fallout.

Leading man Johnson is accompanied on this adventure by Adrianne Palicki and D. J. Cotrona, two attractive people to appeal to any teenagers watching the movie. Unfortunately, neither of them have much screen presence. Thankfully, Lee Byung-hun returns in the role of Storm Shadow, Pryce is having a blast and Ray Stevenson gives a performance that, for all its faults, is at least fun and never dull. Walton Goggins is great in a small role, and RZA fans may enjoy his turn as Blind Master. The addition of Bruce Willis in a small role was, I guess, a big coup, but the character that he plays, and how he plays it, just ends up feeling smug, which is becoming a bigger and bigger problem with anything that Willis has been doing over the past few years.

The script by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick is disappointing, with the humour feeling a lot more forced this time around, the plot never having any real sense of urgency (the whole thing feels like viewers are killing time until the good guys blow up some more stuff and win), and everything just feeling distinctly . . . . blah.

Director Jon M. Chu does nothing to help the situation, of course. He still has some good material to work with, in the shape of main characters such as Storm Shadow, Snake Eyes, Roadblock and Firefly, but he very rarely uses them well. A fight sequence involving Snake Eyes (Ray Park in the suit once again, returning from the first movie) and Jinx (Elodie Yung) against a number of soldiers on the side of a mountain looks nice enough, but is completely undone by just how far-fetched it all is. Yes, this kind of stuff IS allowed to be far-fetched, but it's still grounded in a real version of our world, even if it's a heightened reality.

I'm sure there will be some people who will like this film as much as the first movie, or maybe even more so. My advice is to give it a wide berth. It has some good moments, but doesn't make for a satisfying experience, overall.

4/10

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