Expend4bles (2023)

If there was ever a prime modern movie example of nominative determinism then I suggest you can find it here, where a fourth Expendables movie has been co-written by someone named Tad Daggerhart. He sounds like he should BE one of The Expendables, never mind writing their adventures. And, judging by this mess, maybe he could have improved things.

This is another film in which Sylvester Stallone leads a team of tough guys on a dangerous mission. Except he sort of doesn’t. So it is a film in which Jason Statham is put front and centre as the new leader. Except he sort of isn’t. So it’s up to Megan Fox to be sexy and badass, which she sort of . . . you get the picture. Nothing here works, nothing, and any further attempt to summarize the plot would simply give you false hope. Let’s just all be clear that this is a film that starts with Stallone getting his tough mate to confront and beat up a bar full of guys because he lost his ring in a gambling session. It wasn’t stolen. He wasn’t duped. He got drunk and sloppy, lost his precious ring, and now storms back in like some kid who has made up a story about another kid he wants to see cry when his dad gives him a telling off.

As well as Daggerhart, this mess was co-written by Kurt Wimmer (who at least did much better with Statham on his most recent film, The Beekeeper) and Max Adams. I am not sure if they had much freedom with the writing, a lot of these movies seem to be plotted around the stars and their screen presence, but they have to now shoulder the blame nonetheless.

The direction from Scott Waugh doesn’t help. Waugh has a few films under his belt now, none of them are particularly great, but few are as bad as this, and he seems unable to do the best with any material he is given. His best asset here is the cast, because he also has Tony Jaa and Iko Uwais at his disposal, but they are almost uniformly wasted.

Sly does what Sly always does, even if he steps back this time around to let others take more of the strain and the bruises, and Statham is as dependable as ever when he is given a decent amount of screentime. That is the big problem though. A whole host of people are here, with none of them getting to do anything truly worthwhile. Jaa is wasted, Uwais is wasted, Fox is wasted. Dolph Lundgren? Levy Tran? Andy Garcia? All wasted. But at least there’s time for Randy Coutoure and Jacob Scipio to have some unfunny and unwanted banter together, and 50 Cent gets to be part of the team long enough to be involved in a scene that creates a diversion using . . . a 50 Cent song.

I have enjoyed all of these movies, to some degree, and I am quite easily pleased. Not to offend a large group of people, but I think the majority of those who lapped up the blend of nostalgia and action presented in this concept are generally as easy to please as myself. This doesn’t please anyone though. It seems to forget the main reason why anyone would want to see an Expendables movie, which is a real shame. Easily the worst of the lot, and I hope they stop now before figuring out some way to hit a new low.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Hidden Strike (2023)

What a combination we have here. The director of Need For Speed and the writer of Grace Of Monaco, working together to deliver an action comedy that pairs Jackie Chan with John Cena. What could possibly go wrong?

If you're assuming that my opening paragraph is dripping with sarcasm then you'd be right. Not that I want you to think that Hidden Strike is a complete waste of time. It's just that, knowing the people behind the camera, I can see why it feels like such an odd feature.

If I summarised the plot of Hidden Strike then I suspect it would make the whole thing sound either too complicated or too dull. Basically, John Cena plays someone who ends up working alongside Jackie Chan to take on an oil-thieving villain (Pilou Asbæk) in the desert environments of Iraq. Obvioiusly, Cena and Chan don't immediately trust one another, but their friendship grows as they work together against increasingly growing odds of mission success.

The second half of Hidden Strike is quite good. There are some enjoyable fights, although nothing comes close to the prime Jackie Chan work of yesteryear, and occasional moments in which the leads work well together. You have to get through the first half though, and that's a bit of a slog. There's a big action set-piece that takes place in an artificially-created sandstorm that isn't as thrilling or impressive as it should be, and the script isn't witty enough to help viewers warm naturally to Cena's character from the beginning. The lack of wit, or lack of great wit, remains a problem throughout the whole film, but it's easier to overlook when Cena and Chan are complementing one another in the busier fight sequences of the second half.

Aside from our leads, Asbæk is good value as the baddie. That's a relief, especially with nobody else making much of an impression. Chunrui Ma and Wenli Jiang are the two main females, both there to serve a script that wastes their presence, and everyone else is onscreen to be a generic fighter or placed in jeopardy. Okay, you get one other "boss level" opponent, but that is it.

Arash Amel's script seems to think that viewers will want time spent alongside Cena trying to be funny (emphasis on the word "trying" there). This isn't the right approach, but nobody figured out how to improve the material. Scott Waugh's direction is competent enough, even when making use of some wildly varying CGI, but nobody here is at their best.

Fans of Jackie Chan will already have a dozen films they know they can rewatch ahead of this, but it's worth noting that this IS a film boosted by his presence. He may not get to deliver the kind of hijinks he used to, due to a flat script, as well as his advanced age (the man is one year away from turning 70), but he is still an undeniable star when given even the briefest opportunity to shine. It's because of Chan that I didn't hate this, but almost everything else here ensured that I didn't love it either.

5/10

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