Infinity Pool (2023)

The third feature film from writer-director Brandon Cronenberg, Infinity Pool shows that he can keep finding different ways to explore what seems to be his favourite topic - immortality. There's more to this, and it's different enough from both of his previous films, but it's interesting to see that the pros and cons of potential eternal life seems to be his obsession (perhaps stemming from his personal experience of forging a career with the weighty Cronenberg name attached to him).

Alexander Skarsgård plays James, an unsuccessful author (he wrote one book, some years ago, and hasn't written anything since) on holiday with his rich partner, Em (Cleopatra Coleman). They are staying in an exclusive beach resort, advised not to stray outwith the boundaries of that area, and having a very nice time of it. Things all change when they meet Gabi (Mia Goth) and Alban (Jalil Lespert), a couple who encourage them to be a bit more daring and join them for a day out. A day beyond the resort walls. Heading home, an accident leads to someone dying, which could land them all in very hot water. That's when the central idea of Infinity Pool kicks in. This island has a deal for tourists who can afford it. If you have the money, you can pay for a clone to be executed in your place . . . while you watch. This bizarre experience changes something in James, and he realises that he can live his life without fear of consequences. For a while.

As you may have already noticed, Infinity Pool is a movie that actually sits nicely alongside a few other recent releases that have something to say about the selfishness and entitlement of people who can afford anything they like. It might make for a bizarre triple-bill, but you could easily schedule this alongside both The Menu and Triangle Of Sadness and have a strong thematic strand running through your evening's entertainment. This may be a horror film, and one interspersed with hallucinatory and kaleidoscopic imagery at times, but the biggest horror of it all is watching people devolve so quickly when they realise that they can be as hedonistic and boorish as they like, pitying those around them who haven't tasted the same level of "freedom" from the chains of morality.

Skarsgård is excellent in his role, moving convincingly from a state of calm and passivity to a wrecked mass of raw nerves as things develop (imagine him as a healthy tooth that is then worn down and broken within a short space of time), and it's not saying anything new now to heap a whole lot of praise upon Goth, who plays her part here with sheer glee. Even when raging with anger, Goth's character is confident that she will get whatever she wants by the time everything is sorted out. Coleman has less to do, but it's good that her character remains calm and clear-headed at a time when everyone else is looking to dive into the deep waters of insanity, and Lespert is suave and charming throughout, the slick devil alongside Goth's imp/demon.

While it is all put together well enough, with every aspect, from the score to the practical FX work, supporting the ideas being explored throughout, Infinity Pool, due to the nature of that central conceit, cannot avoid feeling a bit inconsequential. Maybe that is deliberate, maybe it isn’t, but it certainly lacks the impact of Possessor (which remains Brandon Cronenberg’s finest work, to date). There's a strong point being made during the final scene, but any statement is undermined by what ISN'T said/shown. I just wish, ironically, that more people had suffered some real consequences. That isn’t to say it is a bad film though. It’s a good one. In fact, it's a very good film indeed.

8/10

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Dario Argento's Dracula AKA Dracula 3D (2012)

It's almost becoming too easy nowadays to criticise the recent movies directed by Dario Argento, but when the man who was such a master of his craft starts to churn out rubbish as bad as this . . . . . . . . well, I think all of that criticism is well and truly justified.

Because, make no mistake about it, Dario Argento's Dracula (AKA Dracula 3D) is a terrible movie in almost every department. It's so inept at times that you start to wonder whether or not Mr. Argento is having a laugh at our expense.

Everyone knows the story by now, and if you don't then it's up to you to quickly get up to speed, so I won't include too many details here. There are differences, such as the film taking place almost exclusively in Transylvania, but the main characters remain the same. Thomas Kretschmann plays the big man, Rutger Hauer comes along as Van Helsing just in time for the finale, Marta Gastini is a pleasant enough Mina Harker, Asia Argento is Lucy, and Maria Cristina Heller is a sexy vamp for most of the runtime. Let's not mention Unax Ugalde as Jonathan Harker because, well, it's just too painful for me to remember his performance.

The script, written by four people including Argento himself, is a muddled mess, with the recognisable central story strand, and one or two famous moments, surrounded by scenes that range from the ridiculous to the gratuitous, with the latter at least providing SOME entertainment value.

The direction makes it seem as if Argento considered not having his name in the credits at one point. There are a few nice flourishes here and there, admittedly, but from the opening sequence - in which the camera flies through a poorly rendered CGI village - to the anticlimactic finale, this is clumsy stuff, not helped in the slightest by some of the shoddiest editing I've seen in a long, long time.

I've already mentioned some of the performances, but let me just say that Hauer is great and Kretschmann looks like he could have done better with the role if it had been better written and placed in a competent movie. Asia Argento is, as usual, godawful, Gastini is okay, and Heller shows that she's very proud of her breasts. And good for her. And did I mention that I don't want to mention Unax Ugalde as Jonathan Harker?

If you want to be cruel to yourself then watch this immediately. The special effects alone will have you reaching for the nearest spoon with which to scoop out your eyeballs. A few moments featuring different insects made me think, once more, that this whole thing might just be Argento playing a joke on us. Viewed in the right frame of mind, some people may find this funnier than Dracula: Dead And Loving It.

It's not as if the source material doesn't provide some great stuff to develop, for goodness sake. In fact, the strength of that source material is the reason that the film isn't quite a COMPLETE disaster. One or two moments still manage to remain effective, despite the best efforts of Argento and co. to totally screw up everything.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Argentos-Dracula-Blu-ray-Hutger-Hauer/dp/B00FUABHVQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391035115&sr=8-1&keywords=dario+argento%27s+dracula

See what I endure? Which is why I also pimp out my book, because every copy of my book sold gets a few pounds in my pocket, and gets you a good read (if I say so myself).

The UK version can be bought here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395945647&sr=1-3&keywords=movie+guide

And American folks can buy it here - http://www.amazon.com/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395945752&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=TJs+ramshackle+mov

As much as I love the rest of the world, I can't keep up with all of the different links in different territories, but trust me when I say that it should be there on your local Amazon.