The Relic (1997)

One of those films I tend to revisit every ten years or so, mainly because my memory of it is slightly better than the reality, The Relic is a creature feature that is as enjoyable as it is silly. It’s a mess, both visually and in terms of the stupid plotting, but it’s an enjoyable mess.

Set in the Field Museum Of Natural History, in Chicago, this is your standard template. People start dying, police investigate the deaths, evidence eventually leads to some creature being to blame, the finale relies on a plucky cop and plucky scientist saving the day. Oh, but some VIPs need the museum to stay “safe” and usable for a bit charity gala do that is set to go ahead - giving the film an obvious “the beaches are open” riff - and there is a bit more work to be done before the scientist figures out EXACTLY what the creature is before it can be destroyed.

Based on a popular novel, co-written by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child (sadly, no, I haven’t read it), The Relic may suffer from a number of failings, but a dearth of writers isn’t one of them. Four other people worked to adapt the source material into a screenplay, which is pretty astonishing when you think of how laughable and formulaic it is in places. I don’t want to spoil the ending for anyone, but there are one or two “revelations” that prove to be completely unsurprising, and the ultimate solution to the big beastie problem is something that would have worked on almost every other creature on the planet.

Director Peter Hyams doesn’t distract from the simple pleasures of the main story structure, although the scene in which a SWAT team tries to enter the building remains a glorious highlight, but he is slightly hampered by the fact that he has to blend practical effects and  mid-‘90s CGI. Everything holds up a bit better than expected, but that’s down to the low lighting levels used in many scenes and plenty of canny editing keeping things only partially-seen until the outrageous third act.

Stuck in the midst of the madness are Penelope Ann Miller (plucky scientist) and Tom Sizemore (plucky cop), who both try their best with the cheesy dialogue. Sizemore fares a bit better, his natural air of pessimism and slight grumpiness offset by the determination and strength of his character (helped by a fun little conversational thread about him losing custody of his dog in divorce proceedings). Miller gets more exposition, and she is easy to root for when she is uncomfortably backed into a dangerous space as “the relic” looks set to defeat everyone around it. Linda Hunt and James Whitmore are enjoyable in supporting roles, as are one or two others, but things would have been helped enormously if we had been given a much larger ensemble cast of great character actors to watch being placed in peril.

If you remember enjoying The Relic many years ago then you will still enjoy The Relic now. Unlike the mutation at the heart of it, it is pleasingly constant and unevolved. Neither the best film of this kind, nor the worst, it’s still a great choice for whenever you are having a lazy evening in and after some undemanding entertainment. The 110-minute runtime goes by quickly enough, the setting is used well, the John Debney score is another plus point, and it’s just a shame that Hyams and co. didn’t decide to throw some more blood and guts around. 

6/10

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Noir-vember: Devil In A Blue Dress (1995)

Written and directed by Carl Franklin, adapting a novel by Walter Mosley, Devil In A Blue Dress is a confident and traditional neo-noir that gains extra cool points, and kudos, by providing a great lead role for Denzel Washington. 

Washington is "Easy" Rawlins, a man who has just lost his job and needs some money coming in so that he can keep up the mortgage payments on his home. He ends up taking on a job from Dewitt Albright (Tom Sizemore) which involves locating a young woman named Daphne Monet (Jennifer Beals). It's not long until people start dying, Rawlins finds himself as a prime suspect, and the people trying to locate Monet may not have been honest about their reason for wanting to do so.

Despite being a film from the mid-90s, Franklin isn't interested in delivering anything other than a bloody solid noir. The script, plotting, and pacing are all unfussy and unrushed, taking time to set up the pieces that will all be turned around slightly to fall into place in time for the finale. There’s nice attention to period detail throughout, crafting enough of the late ‘40s Los Angeles world to make it a very real environment in which the action unfolds, and Franklin keeps track of every plot strand and ties everything together nicely by the very end.

The biggest problem that the film has, and that will put some people off, is just how happily traditional it is. You get some flashes of violence, you get one or two sexy moments, and you get plot points that will give even the most casual noir viewer a sense of deja vu. Thankfully, the execution is strong enough to compensate for the lack of any new ground being broken. And any film working within the noir framework is rarely looking to break new ground.

Washington is a great choice to star here, bringing his not inconsiderate amount of charm and cool to the role. He’s so good that you end up immediately hoping there are other noirs that have made use of him (suggestions welcome, I have currently drawn a blank). Sizemore is excellent as the employer who may not be as nice as he initially seems. Beals isn’t the best choice for her role, considering how vital she is at the heart of the events, but she does okay. Mel Winkler does great work in a supporting role, and you have fun little roles for Don Cheadle (sorely underused), Maury Chaykin, and Terry Kinney. There’s rarely a mis-step in the whole cast, and it’s a shame that Franklin actually doesn’t indulge himself with some more scenes just showcasing some of the smaller roles.

It’s not going to change your world, and is unlikely to become an absolute favourite, but Devil In A Blue Dress is quality entertainment that benefits from all involved taking care with the material and delivering low-key excellence across the board.

7/10

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Strange Days (1995)

Although it may seem a bit dated now, with the action thriller cliches piled up and the focus on that Y2K sensation, Strange Days is yet another superior film from director Kathryn Bigelow. And it gets very dark indeed.

Ralph Fiennes plays Lenny Nero, an ex-cop who now makes a living selling experiences. Actual experiences. There's a gadget you can put on your head and Lenny will sell you recordings that will put you in the position of someone who has been through whatever you want to try out - sex with a gorgeous woman, breaking & entering, hardcore revelry, whatever you like. Unfortunately, someone recorded something very dangerous, which leads to people Lenny knows being killed. Lenny has to get to the bottom of things before it's decided that he'll also need taken out of the picture.

With a cast that includes Fiennes in the lead role, strong support from Angela Bassett, Tom Sizemore, Michael Wincott, and Juliette Lewis, and smaller roles for the likes of William Fichtner and Vincent D'Onofrio, Strange Days is a film not shy of talent in front of the camera. The first three mentioned there are the standouts, thanks to their positioning in the plot, but nobody lets the side down.

With Bigelow directing, and a script written by Jay Cocks and James Cameron, it's not shy of talent behind the camera either, and that translates into a slice of very slick entertainment.

The visual style of the film is remarkable, it's dark and gorgeous and cool throughout, and the pacing works well. The runtime is almost two and a half hours, but it doesn't feel as if it is ever outstaying its welcome. Graeme Revell creates an effective soundtrack to accompany the visuals, viewers are kept very much aware of the urgency of the situation, and twists and turns, although a tad easy to spot for afficianados of this kind of film, are interspersed nicely in between the set-pieces.

But what really sets this apart is the main idea being exploited. Some elements may have dated, including the tech on display, but this takes the concept of being able to experience the sensations that someone else is having and gives it an extra, VERY dark, twist. The fact that it manages to do so without making the whole thing seem too grimy and unpalatable is testament to the skills of everyone involved.

It's also worth bearing in mind, not unlike the various episodes of Black Mirror, that Strange Days shows us what can happen to technology when it can indulge the more warped whims of human nature. Something worth bearing in mind every time we try out VR, scour the internet, or just use one of the 160 apps on our smartphones. It doesn't take a huge leap in AI to turn machines against us. It just takes another human being.

8/10

UK people can get this lovely bluray here.
Americans have this DVD, for the moment.

Ticker (2001)

A Steven Seagal movie that ranks at the very bottom of the pile, if this isn’t his worst film then I despair at the depths he has reached.

Seagal plays a bomb disposal expert, Frank Glass, who teams up with a detective (Tom Sizemore) to try and save the city from the schemes of a mad bomber (Dennis Hopper). Jaime Pressly plays a young woman caught up in the midst of things while Peter Greene is the antagonistic detective who only serves to keep rubbing Sizemore up the wrong way.

Pretty appalling in almost every single way, Ticker is almost worth watching for the laughs it can provide but all involved should be embarrassed by the final product.

The script by Paul B. Margolis wouldn’t be out of place in any “McBain” segment of The Simpsons while director Albert Pyun fills out the movie with footage from other films, constantly makes careless mistakes and puts himself forward as an untalented hack for hire. It seems that his career best will remain the lesser Van Damme movie, Cyborg.

Seagal finally gets some action in the last 10 minutes or so but, overall, this is an unsatisfying watch for fans of his fight moves. Sizemore does okay but is hampered by ridiculously clichéd characterisation and motivation (including an enduring memory of lost loved ones that shows them turning and waving to him about half a dozen times, with love glistening in their eyes and radiating from every pore, before getting killed). And I could watch Jaime Pressly if she was showing me paint dry. Dennis Hopper, however, goes completely over the top and drags things down further with an accent that veers between American and Irish, depending on how he seems to feel at the time. The fact that the soundtrack is often full of lilting, Celtic music in the background whenever the bombers are onscreen is just another reason to dislike the movie – if I were easily offended then this movie would have hit the spot. Kevin Gage, Nas, Joe Spano, Romany Malco and many others step onscreen to take part in this debacle. There’s even a fleeting, and completely unnecessary, role for Ice-T.

Destined for a future that includes bargain bins, repeated showing on channels aimed squarely at undemanding males and inclusion in cheaply-priced “explosive” action boxsets, Ticker deserves to be seen by as few people as possible. 

2/10. 

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