The Fog (2005)

A remake that nobody really wanted turns out to be a film that few people will love. The Fog has one purpose in life, and that's to make horror fans, like myself, roll our eyes when we talk about the 1980 version of The Fog and have to add "the John Carpenter one". Of course, the same could be said about The Thing and Halloween, but it's this one that rankles the most, perhaps due to the way that an atmospheric, campfire tale of a movie is turned into a horrible, clumsy, teen horror.

Tom Welling stars as Nick Castle (that reference/in-joke is about as good as it gets, folks). Nick is making a living in the small community of Antonio Island. The community is about to unveil a statue honouring its founding fathers, but it seems that they may not have been too honourable in the dealings that led to a major boost in local fortunes. As people gather to celebrate, a fog starts to roll in, and that fog seems to contain some spirits who want revenge for wrongs exacted upon them.

Cooper Layne may not have written the best script here (adapting ideas from the original material by John Carpenter and Debra Hill), but director Rupert Wainwright certainly doesn't help with any of the choices that he makes. None of the horrible CGI or jump scares are a patch on anything from the original movie. It may be unfair to compare the two, but when so many similiar elements are onscreen, and the recent version is overshadowed by a film that was made twenty five years previously, I think there's good reason to comment.

Welling tries, but he's no leading man. Maggie Grace is just . . . . . there as Elizabeth, the sorta girlfriend of Welling's character, and it's only Selma Blair who really makes this worth a watch. Taking on a role so memorably played by the gorgeous Adrienne Barbeau is no mean feat, but Blair doesn't do too badly at all, despite the script leaving her hanging out to dry in the third act. DeRay Davis, Kenneth Welsh, Adrian Hough and some other folk all play second fiddle to the the not-so-special effects.

Taking a movie and remaking it badly isn't really a major sin, despite what we fans will sometimes say. Taking a film that really crafted a perfect campfire tale, however, and then pissing on that fire and trying to serve up the wet ashes to people? Well, that's not really a major sin either, but it should be. Oh yes, it should.

3/10

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Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005)

Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt return as Tom and Kate Baker, parents of twelve children (hence the title), in this sequel to the bland and harmless Cheaper By The Dozen. While the first movie was about the parents trying to fit in a career before realising that perhaps their children still needed them available at home for a few years yet, this sequel shows an attempt to keep the family together and enthusiastic for a holiday that might be their last one together. The older kids are about to set off further afield while the younger kids aren't going to want to join in with the family activites forever. However, when the Bakers get to their vacation spot, Tom finds that Jimmy Murtaugh (Eugene Levy) has bought most of the area and is living nearby. Jimmy is very competitive, and that brings out the worst in Tom.

Adam Shankman takes over from Shawn Levy for this lacklustre affair, reteaming with both Martin and Levy after having worked with them on Bringing Down The House (2003). If you have to choose between this movie and that movie, go with that movie. If you're forced to watch this movie then you won't suffer through anything truly terrible, but there are so many better ways to spend your time.

The script by Sam Harper is pretty horrible. There are one or two okay scenes, but I can't think of any individual lines of dialogue that made me so much as smirk. Think of the lessons that were learned in the first movie and the way in which the family was shown to be imperfect, but able to stick together when things got tough, and then rehash those ideas in an even less amusing way and you have Harper's script.

Martin and Hunt are both just fine as the parents, while Piper Perabo, Tom Welling and Hilary Duff are still bearable as the older members of the Baker brood. Jonathan Bennett is enjoyable enough as Perabo's partner, and Alyson Stoner gets the best moments as Sarah, the young mischief-maker who finally takes notice of a boy and starts to think about using makeup. As for the other main featured family, Eugene Levy is okay in his unsympathetic role, Carmen Electra is always a welcome addition to any movie I watch (hey, if I have to sit through films like this then allow me to enjoy any silver lining I can), Jaime King is  and a very young Taylor Lautner goes about being a very young Taylor Lautner.

If you enjoyed Cheaper By The Dozen then this is just about watchable. It's not good, but I've seen much worse. No, I don't know why they didn't call me for that poster quote either: "Not good, but I've seen much worse - Kevin Matthews"

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cheaper-By-The-Dozen-DVD/dp/B000E6UMEY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1379438832&sr=8-2&keywords=cheaper+by+the+dozen+2

Cheaper By The Dozen (2003)

Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt play Tom and Kate Baker, respectively. Tom and Kate are the parents of, in case you couldn't guess, twelve children. Hence the title. The movie shows the chaos of their daily lives and some particular highs and lows that the Baker family go through as they work together as a team to deal with whatever life throws at them.

Directed by Shawn Levy, this is Disney-lite fare. In other words, it's NOT a Disney film, but certainly tries to be one. The thing to remember, as hard as it can be at times, is that Disney can do this kind of thing brilliantly when it gets everything in place. It can take material like this and elevate it, turn it from something groansome into something really enjoyable. Levy doesn't manage that.

Based on a 1950 movie that was based on a biographical book by Frank B. Gilbreth Jr. and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey, this is an old-fashioned and a safe family comedy. It rarely feels as if much has been updated from when the original movie was made. That's not to say that kids won't enjoy seeing the kids all play around and cause some havoc, but it doesn't make it a completely satisfying experience for all the family.

Martin and Hunt are decent enough in their roles, given most of the screentime while also playing second fiddle to all of the kids. It's a shame, but inevitable, that they aren't given better treatment. The younger kids don't fare much better, with most of them struggling to stand out from the crowd (twins Brent and Shane Kinsman are the exceptions). The older Baker children benefit from the fact that they're played by well-known actors - Tom Welling, Hilary Duff and Piper Perabo - but the most fun comes from Ashton Kutcher, playing a vain actor/model boyfriend of Perabo. Kutcher stays well within his comfort zone, but provides some great laughs as he's pestered by the Baker children, who just don't like him. Alan Ruck and Richard Jenkins also appear, both are also underused but it's good to see them.

The script by Sam Harper, Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow is insubstantial, content to simply link from one set-piece to the next with neither enough good bits in between nor enough value in the main, big sequences.

It's passable enough, especially if you have kids to keep entertained on a rainy afternoon, but only just.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cheaper-By-The-Dozen-DVD/dp/B000E6UMEY/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1375526309&sr=8-2&keywords=cheaper+by+the+dozen