All I Want For Christmas (1991)

While it's obviously intended to be a fun, diverting bit of family entertainment with a sprinkling of magic that helps everyone keep a smile on their face while the end credits roll, All I Want For Christmas instead ends up being one of the more annoying movies to hang such a slight premise on the sagging branches of a small, tired, skinny Christmas tree.

The plot concerns two annoying children (played by Ethan Randall, better known nowadays by the name Ethan Embry, and Thora Birch) who just want their parents to get back together. The girl played by Birch, the younger of the two children, decides to ask Santa (Leslie Nielsen), but her brother knows that it's up to them to make their Christmas wish come true. And so they set a plan in motion, a plan that they hope will reunite their parents and allow them all to live happily ever after. It involves rodents, deceit and ditching their mother's new boyfriend (played by Kevin Nealon).

This is a tough one to watch, mainly because Randall and Birch are two of the most horribly smug children to appear onscreen. Birch has the excuse of being young and precocious, when this was made, but Randall just seems to go out of his way to be irritating while not doing very much at all. The fact that the movie also features the most horrendous, and slightly disturbing, rendition of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is the icing on the cake.

Director Robert Lieberman makes no attempt to cover up the flaws in the script, by Robert Lieberman and Thom Eberhardt, and subsequently leaves everyone out to dry as the movie slogs towards a predictable, flat finale (that COULD have been enjoyable and/or moving if the leads had been slightly likable).

Leslie Nielsen has fun with his small amount of screentime, Nealon is amusingly easy to want out of the picture, and Harley Jane Kozak and Jamey Sheridan are okay as the separated parents that the kids want back together, but it's poor Lauren Bacall who suffers the greatest indignity, taking part in that aforementioned musical moment alongside Birch while being sorely underused throughout the rest of the movie. Andrea Martin doesn't do too badly, as a potential love interest named Olivia, but it's far too difficult to see why she would be attracted to Randall's smug demeanour.

Not one that I'd recommend, unless you enjoy being annoyed to the point of distraction by lead characters.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/All-Want-For-Christmas-DVD/dp/B0002W10RS/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386012124&sr=8-1&keywords=all+i+want+for+christmas

12 Dates Of Christmas (2011)

Christmas is the time of the TV movie, as many people will know (both from the schedules and also from the reviews that appear every December here on my blog). 12 Dates Of Christmas is yet another one of the many that seem to be churned out year after year, and it's yet another one that doesn't stand out from the crowd.

Amy Smart has the lead role, an actress that many people like well enough, but someone I have always really disliked since watching her almost bring down The Butterfly Effect with her poor performance in a role that many, more talented, actresses would have done much more with. But I digress. In this confection she plays a young woman named Kate Stanton. It's Christmas Eve and Kate really wants happiness in her life. And what does every young woman in a TV movie need when searching for happiness? Yes, of course, a man. Because we all know that single people can never be truly happy. Especially single women. In fact, there was a memo sent around a few years ago to remind everyone that the very thought of a happy single woman is enough to shake the very pillars of the ABC programming department and bring the whole world to a point of fiery implosion. But I digress again, sorry. Anyway, Kate is a bit controlling and aloof, so when she is set up on a blind date with the lovely Miles (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) she spoils it all by dwelling on her ex, Jack (Benjamin Ayres). And then at midnight, she is taken back to a moment on Christmas Eve and giving the chance to spoil it all again. Which she does. And again. And again. Until she starts to think on the error of her ways and maybe change things for the better.

Yes, it's Groundhog Day at Christmas. Kinda like Christmas Do-Over. But that's okay, because wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff has been an important aspect of Christmas fantasy tales since the classic A Christmas Carol, so it's not as if Groundhog Day was the one that came along first. Good Dickens, no.

Writers Janet Brownell and Aaron Mendelsohn (adapting the story by Mendelsohn and Blake J. Harris) take the premise and do what you'd expect them to do with it. Kate at first tries to correct things in the way that SHE thinks is best, then she has a bit of fun, and then she struggles to find a way to end the repeating cycle. Director James Hayman gets the camera pointing and shooting the right way, with a standard swirly move to show the trip back in time whenever it gets to midnight. There's nothing spectacular here, and none of it is remotely believable, but it's perfectly fine TV movie stuff.

Smart certainly grows as the movie progresses, but it's hard to like her during the first half of the movie (which, I guess, is kind of the point). Gosselaar is a nice enough guy, I suppose, but so is Ayres, because this is all about the change needed in Smart. Jayne Eastwood stands out among the supporting players, portraying an elderly neighbour with a good heart.

Put someone, anyone, in the lead role instead of Smart and this could have, just, been a good bit of entertainment. As it stands, it's distinctly below average.

4/10

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Saving Santa (2013)

Christmas movies are pretty easy to make, as are family movies. Well, that's what ABC and other channels, churning out numerous TV movies every year, would have you believe. And, in a way, they're right. Both require some kind of sweetness, a moral lesson to be learned (usually), and an environment for the main characters that is distinctly . . . . . . . . . . . movieland. The former also requires snow.

But making a GOOD Christmas and/or family movie, that's something different altogether.

Saving Santa is almost good, but it doesn't quite do enough to warrant any repeat viewings. It's the story of an elf named Bernard (voiced by Martin Freeman). Bernard likes to invent things, and always rushes to present his latest inventions to his peers, in the hopes of becoming more than just the elf responsible for clearing up the reindeer droppings. Unfortunately, there always seems to be some malfunction. This time around, the malfunction temporarily disables the cloaking of the North Pole base. It's not visible for long, but it's long enough for Neville Baddington (Tim Curry) to see it and make his move. He wants to get Santa and find out his secrets. He wants to know how he can make all of his deliveries in one night, so that he can use the same tactic to make his delivery company the fastest ever. The answer, as Santa shows Bernard during the calm before the storm, is time travel. Knowing the secret, Bernard decides to go back in time to stop everything going wrong. And that's when things start to get a bit complicated.

Although it's animated nicely enough, and the second half improves things greatly after a mediocre opening, there's just nothing here to make Saving Santa stand out. Freeman is fine in the lead vocal role, and Curry is great as the villain, but the support from Joan Collins, Ashley Tisdale and Tim Conway is as bland as the rest of the movie. Noel Clarke is fun, as the leader of a defence squad, but he's not in the movie for all that long, sadly.

The direction by Leon Joosen and Aaron Seelman is serviceable, I suppose, with the script by Ricky Roxburgh (based on a story by Tony Nottage) never rising too far above average. The time travel stuff starts to get more and more entertaining, and it's quite cleverly done, but the dialogue disappoints and none of the supporting characters, with the exception of reindeer Blitzen, make much of an impression.

And let's not mention the truly awful songs that punctuate proceedings every now and again. It's enough to make you want to stuff plum pudding in your ears. There are much worse movies to watch if you have undemanding children wanting to watch something new, but it's certainly worth trying to convince them that they should just rewatch the delightful Arthur Christmas instead.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Saving-Santa-Martin-Freeman/dp/B00GFUB21U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385982579&sr=8-1&keywords=saving+santa

Santa Who? (2000)

Leslie Nielsen stars as Santa Claus in this predictable, slightly below average, TV movie that at least makes for a time-filler if you're stuck indoors in December and have absolutely nothing else available to you. Written by Debra Frank and Steve L. Hayes, it does benefit from Nielsen's sweet central performance, but there's very little else to recommend it.

Steven Eckholdt plays Peter Albright, a TV news reporter who doesn't like the Christmas season. This is all due to the fact that when he was a young boy he once saw a woman take the letter that he'd written to Santa and throw it into a roaring fire. Peter has a relationship developing with Claire Dreyer (Robyn Lively) but he can't seem to get along with her young son, Zack (Max Morrow). When Santa (Nielsen) falls off his sleigh and lands right beside Peter's car, Peter senses a news story. Of course, he doesn't think that the man is Santa. He just thinks that he's an old man in a Santa suit who has lost his memory. Which is also what Santa himself thinks. If Santa doesn't remember that he is Santa by the time Christmas Eve comes around there may be a lot of people disappointed when they wake up on Christmas morning.

Directed by William Dear, this ticks all of the boxes that you'd expect it to. The main character is, of course, a non-believer who viewers will expect to be converted by the time the end credits roll, there is mild amusement to be had from people thinking that the amnesiac Santa is great at being Santa and there are some elves on a rescue mission. Unfortunately, the biggest mistake that the film makes is having a central character who is so easy to dislike. Albright is childish, selfish and generally an unfriendly sort. You may want Santa to figure out his own identity, but I doubt anyone will want to see Albright find happiness.

Eckholdt doesn't do anything to help, his performance in the main role is colder than it needs to be, and that is really what drags this movie below average. Because it's a relatively harmless film, but the character of Albright makes it an unenjoyable one, at times. That's almost offset by the performances of Nielsen and Lively, but not quite.

If you discover this one while channel hopping one day, I recommend that you keep channel hopping to see what else is on. There are many better Christmas movies available.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Santa-Who-DVD-Leslie-Nielsen/dp/B005GQ7KTC/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1383511425&sr=1-2&keywords=santa+who%3F

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

"My guess might be excellent or it might be crummy, but Mrs. Spade didn't raise any children dippy enough to make guesses in front of a district attorney, and an assistant district attorney and a stenographer."

That is just one of the many gems that will tickle your ears as you watch The Maltese Falcon, another of those classic movies that you watch and quickly realise just how deserving of its status it is.

Humphrey Bogart stars as detective Sam Spade, a man dragged into quite a sticky situation by the titular item of great value. Well, he is first dragged into the situation by a young, nervous woman (Mary Astor). After the death of his partner and another man, Spade is made to feel some pressure from local police. Then it's the turn of a man named Joe Cairo (Peter Lorre). And last, but not least, Kasper Gutman (Sydney Greenstreet) and his right hand man (Wilmer, played by Elisha Cook Jr.) show just how much they want their hands on the artefact.

Directed by John Huston, who also wrote the screenplay (based on the novel by Dashiell Hammett), this is one of the best directorial debuts I can think of. Of course, Huston had been writing films for over a decade, so he certainly gave himself the best start possible by creating such a great script, but there's something else that makes this so completely and utterly brilliant. The cast are all great, and the camerawork is great, but the different aspects of the film come together to be more than just the sum of their parts. It's pure movie magic.

Bogart is, in case you didn't already know, brilliant in the lead role, and he's surrounded by such a wonderful variety of people doing some of their best work. Astor is very good, but her character impacts the events more offscreen than on. Peter Lorre is someone I will forever be a fan of, and this is yet another great turn from him, while Greenstreet and Cook Jr. both do great in two very different roles, with the former being polite and eloquent while the latter would rather use his gun, if given the chance. And then there's Lee Patrick, adding to the many pleasures that this movie has to offer as Effie, Sam Spade's secretary and, potentially, the most reliable person in the entire movie.

If you haven't seen The Maltese Falcon by now then do so immediately. With that script, that cast, the most famous MacGuffin since "Rosebud" and everything else coming together so perfectly, this is essential viewing for cineastes.

10/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Maltese-Falcon-Disc-Special-Edition/dp/B000IOMZTM/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1385562226&sr=8-5&keywords=the+maltese+falcon

Blood Simple (1984)

Blood Simple is the fantastic neo-noir that announced the arrival of the Coen brothers as a fantastic talent to keep an eye on. Joel and Ethan shared writing and directorial duties (although Ethan is uncredited in the latter department), and their working M.O. hasn't really changed in the near-thirty years since. Which, when the results are so often this good, we can all be thankful for.

Dan Hedaya is the wronged husband who hires a sleazy detective (M. Emmet Walsh) to deal with his wife (Frances McDormand) and her lover (John Getz). What unfolds is a tale of treachery, confusion and mistaken identity, all shown in scenes that deliberately take time to dwell on the nastier moments. This isn't a gratuitous movie, but it's also not a movie wanting to gloss over any pain or death that could otherwise just be used as a stepping stone from one cool moment to the next.

The script is pretty lean, but has a few great lines of dialogue in there (especially from Walsh), and the direction is impressive in the way it chooses to show the events in a manner that's almost cold and clinical at times. This is noir with a roughness, slick in the way it is all played out, but also slick with blood.

John Getz is a little bit bland in his role, but he's just a man caught up in the midst of a very bad situation. Nobody here garners a great deal of sympathy, especially not Hedaya or Walsh, so Getz is someone to root for by default, not by his character or moral compass. McDormand is aloof at times, with the Coens enjoying playing with viewers who will wonder whether she's a classic femme fatale, or also just a victim of circumstance.

It's also worth noting that one Mr. Barry Sonnenfeld worked on Blood Simple as the DP (a role he would fill again for the Coens with work on both Raising Arizona and, arguably his best, Miller's Crossing).

The film looks fantastic, especially for a debut feature, contains some great performances and some of that pitch black humour that the Coens have since become famous for. If you like their work then you'll certainly enjoy this. Simple.

8/10

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Detour (1945)

Hitch-hikers haven't always had the best luck in film noirs. They are either, for the most part, dangerous individuals or end up stuck beside dangerous individuals. The character trying to hitch a lift from A to B in Detour ends up in the latter camp, but only after enduring some terrible luck.

Tom Neal is Al Roberts, a man determined to uproot and head across country to join the woman he loves (Claudia Drake). All seems to be looking up for him when he gets a lift from Charles Haskell Jr. (Edmund MacDonald) but that doesn't last long. One horrible piece of bad luck later and Al finds himself at the mercy of a woman named Vera (Ann Savage), a woman who sees Al as key to her latest money-making scheme.

Directed by Edward G. Ulmer, and written by Martin Goldsmith, this is a bit of a twist on the standard hitch-hiker scenarios that still hits a number of familiar beats. It's not up there with the very best I've seen, the script isn't that sharp, and it suffers in the last couple of minutes from a predictability to do with the time and moral code of when it was made, but it's very enjoyable nonetheless.

Neal is likable in the lead role, shown first as someone in a very bad mood before the main story is told in flashback, explaining his ill temper. MacDonald is okay, although he's not onscreen for long, but it's Savage who dominates the movie as soon as she first appears. It doesn't take her long at all to show her true colours, and it's then just one bit of bad news after another for the main character, at the mercy of a woman who will happily use him as long as she can. All of the main performances are good enough, but it's Neal and Savage working together that makes this better than average.

With its slim runtime, about 70 minutes, and lack of any BIG moments, this could be viewed as something far too slight to be enjoyed, or even to compete with other great films from the decade, but it does enough with each scene to make it worth your while.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Detour-DVD-Tom-Neal/dp/B000BPA72U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385561704&sr=8-1&keywords=detour

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

While it may not seem quite the stunning feat it was back in the late '80s, Who Framed Roger Rabbit remains a unique, and astonishingly good, piece of work. It's a bit of noir mixed in with fun for all the family that benefits immensely from the improved technology allowing actors to more realistically act alongside cartoons.

Bob Hoskins is the private detective, named Eddie Valiant, who ends up trying to find an answer to the title of the movie. Roger Rabbit (voiced by Charles Fleischer) seems to have been driven into a rage by revelations of his beautiful wife, Jessica (voiced by an uncredited Kathleen Turner), playing pat-a-cake with Marvin Acme (Stubby Kaye). Roger insists that he's innocent, of course, and there's the very suspicious Judge Doom (Christopher Lloyd) making it easier for Valiant to believe that something stinks, but will it all be enough to get him to take the case seriously and do all he can. After all, Valiant hates toons, and has never been back to Toontown ever since his brother was killed there.

The big factor that made Who Framed Roger Rabbit such a big deal when it was released, and still a fairly big deal to this day, isn't actually the blending of live action work and animation, which is impressive, but the sheer variety and number of cartoon characters mingling onscreen. As well as Roger and Jessica (with the latter being one of the sexiest cartoons to be allowed in a family movie - look, all of us young boys thought it at the time, and we've all kept thinking it ever since so don't judge me), there are appearances from *deep breath* Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Dumbo, Betty Boop, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, cast members from Fantasia, Sylvester & Tweety Pie, Porky Pig, Goofy, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn Leghorn, Michigan J. Frog and many others. It's a veritable who's who of animated stars, unlikely to ever happen again.

Thankfully, the few human stars also do good work, with Bob Hoskins in top form as Valiant, a private eye who has let himself go over the years and is now more comfortable cracking open a bottle of bourbon than cracking a case. Lloyd is enjoyably creepy as Judge Doom, and Joanna Cassidy is adorable as the tough woman who puts up with Valiant in the hope that he will find himself again.

Director Robert Zemeckis handles everything with ease, which is as viewers would expect from this man who does so love to play with any toys he can get his hands on, and the script, by Peter S. Seaman and Jeffrey Price (based on the book, "Who Censored Roger Rabbit" by Gary K. Wolf), is packed full of great lines, references and gags to both the world of noir and also, more obviously, the cartoons of the past and the present.

A real triumph for everyone involved, including composer Alan Silvestri, cinematographer Dean Cundey, and, last but by no means least, everyone in the art and special effects departments, this holds up as one of those rare joys - a movie full of special effects that actually uses the technology to complement the story, as opposed to using distracting graphics and gimmickry to fill in a lot of empty space.

8/10

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The Hitch-Hiker (1953)

Directed by Ida Lupino, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Collier Young, The Hitch-Hiker is a thriller, based on a true story, that will please fans of noir, and also fans of The Hitcher, of course.

William Talman is the dangerous man who gets himself into the cars of unsuspecting folks before eventually killing them. When he gets into the car of two men (played by Edmond O'Brien and Frank Lovejoy) he thinks he has caught a lucky break. The men have told their wives that they are off hunting in some isolated region, when they were actually headed down Mexico way for a little bit of drinking and dancing. The hitch-hiker figures that they have a lot of time until the men are thought to be missing, time that should keep them alive.

Sleek, taut and always entertaining, The Hitch-Hiker fairly rattles along for its 70-minute runtime. Widely considered to be the first American mainstream film noir to be directed by a woman, this probably shook up audiences a fair bit in the early '50s, especially anyone familiar with the true story (of a man named Billy Cook) that it was based on. Daniel Mainwaring wrote the story that turned into the script, but received no credit.

The three main actors all do a fine job, convincingly on edge and covered in a sheen of perspiration for most of the movie, with Talman especially good as the villain of the piece. There are other people appearing onscreen, but this is a three-hander, for the most part, and nothing ever takes viewers away from that tense situation for too long.

Lupino directs well, with her best work probably being the pace of the movie. Too long just in the company of the three men and it would be quite draining, too many interruptions from other scenes and the tension would evaporate. This gets things just right.

If you've seen any other "dangerous hitch-hiker" scenario onscreen then you owe it to yourself to see this one.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hitch-Hiker-DVD/dp/B0009I8OK6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385462697&sr=8-1&keywords=THE+HITCH-HIKER

Mulholland Falls (1995)

A decent thriller written by Peter Dexter and directed by Lee Tamahori, Mulholland Falls is one of the best films I've seen recently without having heard any praise for it beforehand. It has some nice period detail, decent plotting and one or two good set-pieces, but the whole thing is made well above average by the superb ensemble cast.

Nick Nolte is the main character, a man investigating the death of a beautiful young woman (Jennifer Connelly). Unfortunately, that young woman was caught on film having sexual relations with one or two men, one of them being a very important General (John Malkovich). And the other being Nolte, which puts him in a bit of a compromised position, especially as he tries to keep his infidelity hidden from his wife (Melanie Griffith). As the investigation continues, moments of violence punctuate the proceedings while Nolte heads on a path that may not end well for him.

As I have done before, let me just sell this movie to people by reeling off the names from the cast list. Nolte, Connelly, Griffith, Malkovich, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn, Chazz Palminteri, Treat Williams, Bruce Dern, Daniel Baldwin, William Petersen, Rob Lowe, Louise Fletcher and Andrew McCarthy. A few of those people only appear for a moment or two, in an uncredited cameo role, but that's still a mighty fine selection of talent.

Everything is in place, with the look and feel of the movie perfectly capturing a bygone era, but it's also not spectacular in any way, with the exception of the cast. The script sadly leaves a couple of the main characters just lingering in the background of many scenes, while Tamahori deals with the material in a clean, unshowy manner, relying on the story and the characters to hold the interest of viewers. Well, although I know that many others will feel differently, that worked for me.

Not one to easily recommend to people, I will still take the plunge and . . . . . . . . . . recommend it to people. It oozes quality from start to finish, and I hope that more people like it as much as I do if/when they give it some time.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mulholland-Falls-DVD-Nick-Nolte/dp/B00004W4H6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385375171&sr=8-1&keywords=mulholland+falls

Where The Sidewalk Ends (1950)

Let's not dilly dally here, Where The Sidewalk Ends is quite simply a brilliant piece of work. It's a classic that feels as fresh today as it would have back in 1950, it's a gripping piece of entertainment and it's a film that seems to have influenced many that came along after it (anything with a flawed, quick-to-fight, cop at the centre of things, basically).

Dana Andrews stars as Mark Dixon, a detective known for his heavy-handed ways. Unfortunately, he goes a bit too far one night and accidentally kills a man. Desperate to cover up his crime, the detective creates a scenario that makes it look as if the suspect is still alive, and has fled from the long arm of the law. It's not long until he's tasked with investigating this disappearance, which allows him to meet the lovely Morgan Taylor (Gene Tierney), the wife of the dead man. When the body is found and a murderer is sought, Dixon tries to shift the blame on to a gangster named Tommy Scalise (Gary Merrill), but instead ends up getting Morgan's father (Tom Tully) in some hot water. As he tries to put things right, Dixon gets more and more tangled up in his own web.

Directed by Otto Preminger, this is unforgettable stuff. It's gritty, it's smart and it keeps everything, or at least the main character, tightly wound.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it much here, but I've certainly already told many people about my love for Gene Tierney and this film does nothing to change that. Andrews may be the main star, and absolutely brilliant he is too, but Tierney is easily believable as the kind of woman who would make a man try to change for the better. Merrill and Tully are both good, Bert Freed does well as a fellow lawman, and Karl Malden is the Lieutenant who wants the truth, as opposed to just a neat resolution.

Based on the novel by William L. Stuart, the script was worked on by a number of people as it made its way from page to screen, but the final result shows that the effort was worth it. This isn't necessarily a film that revolves around sizzling dialogue, but the script is a good one and the way that the story plays out is, well, it's nearly flawless, in my opinion.

What could so easily have been a movie that started to fall apart after one great idea, instead goes from strength to strength, thanks to the performances and the way that it manages to feel surprisingly plausible throughout. Essential viewing for film fans.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Where-The-Sidewalk-Ends-DVD/dp/B0001GNJFG/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1385249216&sr=8-3&keywords=where+the+sidewalk+ends

A Simple Plan (1998)

Directed by Sam Raimi, and adapted for the screen by Scott B. Smith (working from his own novel), A Simple Plan is a low-key film from a director better known for wild adventures and some frenetic camerawork. He may not have been the obvious choice to work with this material, but the end result speaks for itself.

Bill Paxton plays Hank, a young man working hard to maintain a decent life for himself and his pregnant partner, Sarah (Bridget Fonda). But everything looks as if it could change for the better when Hank, his brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton), and Jacob's drinking buddy, Lou (Brent Briscoe), discover a crashed plane in the woods that happens to have over $4M dollars on board. The men decide to keep the money, but to wait until they find out whether or not it is safe to spend. If any heat starts to come down on them, at all, then Hank will turn their find over to the police. It's not long until the money starts to cause problems, and paranoia begins to set in.

Set in a Minnesota covered in snow - I don't know if it's often so white there or just seasonally - this is a stark film. A film that juxtaposes death and blood right beside all of that pure, white snow. It also juxtaposes a situation getting out of control with performances that are brilliantly calm and natural. Paxton has rarely been better in an everyday Joe role, Thornton is as great as he so often can be, and it's only Briscoe who gets to act up a bit, although his character still feels very believable as he just happens to be that kind of drunken ass. Fonda's character is not onscreen all that often, but makes quite an impact on the proceedings with the ideas that she gives to Hank. And then there's Chelcie Ross and Gary Cole, both doing great work in small, but vital, roles.

One of a few Sam Raimi movies that doesn't feel obviously like a Sam Raimi movie, this shows that he can leave his reliable bag of tricks aside, when the material is strong enough, and focus on crafting a story full of memorable characters without any quirks, overdone horror or ridiculous diversions pandering to his own sense of humour. That's not to say that I don't love many of his other movies (I do, I REALLY do, especially the three films featuring a certain young man named Ash battling a load of demons in a cabin in the woods), but it's always good to see him stretching himself slightly instead of relying on the stuff that he knows will please his fans.

A film executed in a way that almost mirrors the plotting, this seems simple enough, but there's plenty going on to make it appear so enjoyable and effortless. It's well worth your time.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Simple-Plan-DVD-Bill-Paxton/dp/B007ECE378/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385152923&sr=8-1&keywords=a+simple+plan

Out Of The Past (1947)

Robert Mitchum stars in this classic film noir, directed by Jacques Tourneur and written by Daniel Mainwaring (using the name Geoffrey Homes to adapt his own novel, "Build My Gallows High).

When Mitchum first appears onscreen he is just Jeff Bailey, the owner of a gas station in a small town, causing small ripples with his blossoming romance with Ann Miller (Virginia Huston). It's not long until we find out about Mitchum's past, due to the appearance of a man named Joe (Paul Valentine). Joe wants Jeff to accompany him to meet up with a gangster named Whit (Kirk Douglas), which leads to Jeff having to tell Ann all about a tale from his past that he'd hoped to forget. A tale of love, crime and a woman named Kathie (Jane Greer).

A film that moves from relative light to darkness, Out Of The Past is noir in an almost literal sense, as a shadow falls over the life of the main character and starts to grow, consuming him and keeping him in its clutches. For fans of noir, and this film in particular, there's a much better review here by Christianne Benedict (damn her for being such a consistently better wordsmith and more knowledgeable cinephile than I am). But I will struggle on and try to write down my own thoughts on the film.

As you might expect from the talent, both onscreen and off, this is a class act, through and through. The script is very good, packed with information and small details that all feed into the plot, but the emphasis is on the visuals, as Mitchum is consumed by a past that he thought he'd escaped.

By the time the third act comes along, viewers may sense an air of fatalism. Many noirs have that aspect, but this one is more poignant than most. Mitchum is an anti-hero with a better heart, a character less deserving of any bad luck than most from these movies. Of course, he makes a few bad decisions, but he does so out of love, as opposed to greed (although it could be argued that such a strong love IS a form of greed).

The cast all do a great job. Mitchum may have been better, in my opinion, showing the cheeky charm that he showed in The Big Steal, and his best performance remains the peerless Night Of The Hunter, but he's very easy to like here, he's a flawed character that everyone will root for. Douglas is a great bad guy, all the more dangerous for being so charming and pleasant. Huston is sweet as Ann Miller, perfectly balancing out the cool, twisty turn by Greer as Kathie.

Rightly regarded by many as one of the classic film noirs, Out Of The Past manages to check all of the boxes, and deliver style and entertainment in spades, while still twisting things subtly to help it stand out from the pack. It also, unlike many other (still great) films in this style, manages to marry the cool, thriller aspects with some real heart.

9/10

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Kill Me Again (1989)

The directorial debut of John Dahl, Kill Me Again is an enjoyable neo-noir that suffers in comparison to the future films that Dahl would deliver (most notably, The Last Seduction, but also the great Red Rock West).

Things start off with Fay (Joanne Whalley, billed here when she was Joanne Whalley-Kilmer) and Vince (Michael Madsen) making away with a suitcase full of stolen money. It turns out to be a lot more than Vince thought it would be, leading him to start worrying and considering where they can go to lie low. Fay doesn't want to lie low, so she gets Vince out of the picture and heads off on her own. Well, on her own with the suitcase full of money. Knowing that Vince will be in hot pursuit, Fay contacts a private eye (Val Kilmer) and asks him to help fake her death. She doesn't tell him the truth, of course, but she tells him enough to get him interested, with the bit about paying him $10,000 - an amount that he owes to people who are happy to hurt his fingers - probably the most interesting part. Things go according to plan . . . . . . . up to a point. Then, almost inevitably, things start to go awry.

Both Kilmers do well in their roles, with Val Kilmer playing the standard detective part well and Joanne Whalley being suitably sexy and manipulative. Michael Madsen remains a credible threat throughout the film, and there's a small role for Jon Gries (an actor I always enjoy watching, especially in '80s fare). Unfortunately, nobody else really stands out, good or bad, and the main characters aren't developed well enough to make the whole movie great. It's quite good, with the main problems being the pacing and a loose feeling to the whole thing, but it's not great.

Dahl, who also co-wrote the screenplay with David W. Warfield, shows his potential here, but also can't hide the fact that this is his first directorial feature. He has a good sense of style, and the script has a decent "skeleton" to it, but there just isn't enough good stuff fleshing out the movie beyond the main plot points.

It's okay, worth giving some time to if there is nothing better available, but it should have been more exciting, a bit sexier and a bit less . . . . . . . slapdash.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kill-Again-DVD-Val-Kilmer/dp/B00005AY11/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384960161&sr=8-1&keywords=kill+me+again

This Gun For Hire (1942)

Alan Ladd stars as Philip Raven, the hired gun of the title. He gets in some hot water when his latest employer, via a cowardly middle man (Laird Cregar), pays him his fee in bills that have been reported as stolen. Out for revenge, Raven soon finds himself dragging the beautiful Ellen Graham (Veronica Lake) into his plan. Unfortunately, Graham has a boyfriend who is in the LAPD (Michael Crane, played by Robert Preston), and it's not long until the net starts to close in around them.

Based on a novel by Graham Greene, this is an enjoyable film noir, but it's the least of the Ladd-Lake pairings in this style. Lake, especially, isn't treated well in the first half of the movie, being given a couple of minor musical numbers that feel out of place.

The script by Albert Maltz and W. R. Burnett isn't too bad, those musical moments aside. It keeps the character of Raven interesting, even if he's not very likeable, and lines everything up in time for a satisfying finale that ensures viewers are rooting for the right character by that point.

Director Frank Tuttle does well enough, but I can't help thinking that he could have done better with the cast he has.

Ladd is as good as he usually is in this type of role, Lake is luminous once again, and Crane is solid, but it's the supporting cast members who raise this above average. Cregar is a fantastic, conniving, coward, a man easy to dislike while remembering that he would always have someone else giving him orders, and Pamela Blake makes a great impression, despite only having a couple of scenes. She plays a young woman who dislikes Raven, with good reason, and her performance is a spirited mix of anger and fear.

Having only recently discovered both Ladd and Lake on film, I must say that they have yet to disappoint me. While This Gun For Hire may be the weakest of their film noirs, it's still a good film, and I don't think fans will regret giving this, or any of their other collaborations, a watch.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Film-Noir-Collection-Kirk-Douglas/dp/B000UWXM1C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384884960&sr=8-1&keywords=film+noir+boxset

Bound (1996)

Written and directed by the hugely talented Wachowski siblings, Bound is a sleek and sexy neo-noir, perfectly cast and paced, and shot with the same eye for visuals that would develop further in their future hits.

Jennifer Tilly plays Violet, a frustrated and unhappy woman living with Caesar (Joe Pantoliano). Caesar is a small cog in the big machine that is the mob. He launders money, as well as doing some other odd jobs. It's enough to give them a decent life, but Violet wants out. She sees a chance to do that when she falls for Corky (Gina Gershon), an ex-con who has just moved into the apartment next door. As Violet and Corky spend some time developing a relationship, Violet discusses a plan that could leave them with everything they want. Caesar is holging just over $2M in the apartment in a suitcase. If that money was stolen, in a way that was made to look like it was done by Johnnie Marzzone (Christopher Meloni), then Caesar would just have to run. He hates Johnnie, but the man is the son of the big boss, Gino Marzzone (Richard C. Sarafian). But it's never quite that easy to get everything you want.

Although the script is decent enough, this is a movie that's all about the style and the characters onscreen. The plot isn't as twisty and turny as other neo-noirs, but there are enough moments of added tension to keep viewers interested until they get to the conclusion.

Tilly and Gershon are both excellent in their roles, very believable in their attraction to one another and both smart enough to deal with the many potential obstacles that may thwart their plan. Joe Pantoliano is his usual greatness, clearly enjoying how he gets to play Caesar, as a small fish pretending he's not in such a big pond. Meloni is an enjoyable asshole, and John P. Ryan easily commands respect as Micky Malnato, a fellow mobster who thinks highly of Violet.

The other big plus point for Bound is that it's damn sexy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of guy to think any time two women kiss is a big turn on, but this movie starts to turn up the heat from the very first scene and keeps things at boiling point until about the halfway mark, where it goes down to a steady simmer.

Definitely one to watch if you haven't already, Bound is a great blend of elements that shows the potential that the Wachowskis would achieve just a few years later.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bound-Business-Blu-Ray-Jennifer-Tilly/dp/B003VIH27C/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1384855089&sr=8-3&keywords=bound

The Blue Dahlia (1946)

While it's no classic, and certainly a rung or two below The Glass Key (a film sharing many of the cast members), there's some easy fun to be had with The Blue Dahlia, a film written by Raymond Chandler and directed by George Marshall.

Alan Ladd plays Johnny Morrison, a man who gets home from military service to find that his wife (Doris Dowling) hasn't exactly been sitting at the window with a lamp on, awaiting his return. She's been living it up, particularly enjoying the company of Eddie Harwood (Howard Da Silva). The husband and wife argue, the husband storms out, and later that night there's a murder. It looks like Johnny is the man the police desperately want to get a hold of, but his friends, played by William Bendix and Hugh Beaumont, don't want to see him imprisoned. Even if they suspect that he may have done it. Johnny also finds an ally in the shape of a woman (Veronica Lake) he doesn't realise is actually Mrs. Harwood.

The Blue Dahlia may not have the best script or the most thrills, but it's an enjoyable enough watch, thanks mainly to the characters populating the onscreen world. Ladd has always been more of a stoic than charismatic lead, but that suits just fine in a film such as this. Lake is always captivating, Da Silva is enjoyably slippery and nobody does the big lug quite like Bendix. Will Wright, Tom Powers and others all help to keep boredom at bay.

There aren't any surprises here, no twists and turns beyond those that fans of crime flicks will see coming a mile away, but everything moves along well enough. There's a final scene that ties up any loose ends, without spending more time than necessary on each detail, and every element onscreen is at least competent and satisfying, despite being unspectacular and a bit lacking in excitement. Still worth a watch though, especially for anyone who enjoys the movie stars of this era.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Film-Noir-Collection-Kirk-Douglas/dp/B000UWXM1C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384710199&sr=8-1&keywords=film+noir+collection

The Last Seduction (1994)

In the opening scenes of The Last Seduction we find out that the lead character, Bridget Gregory (Linda Fiorentino, in her best ever role), isn't very nice. She's smart, but not very nice. Just how smart she is, and how nasty, only becomes clear as the plot unfolds, and things move towards a fantastic, dark, entertaining climax (no pun intended, considering the libido and confidence of Bridget).

Directed by John Dahl, and written by Steve Barancik, The Last Seduction is one long con game being played out by Bridget, a woman who has left her husband (Bill Pullman) with a bag of money that he made from selling drugs. The husband owes money to people who tend to damage his thumbs whenever he can't pay so he's understandably angry. Bridget continues to plan her exit strategy, biding her time in a small town that has very little going on, but allows herself some fun with a local boy, Mike (Peter Berg). Poor Mike doesn't realise that he's about to be involved in some wild mind games as Bridget coldly lines up all of the pieces for her big play.

John Dahl is a fine director  (having also given audiences the superb Red Rock West and Joy Ride AKA Roadkill) and he does himself a few favours here by working with a superb script, by Steve Barancik, and assembling a cast all doing some of their best work. Fiorentino, especially, hasn't had any better role to sink her teeth into, but Berg is great as the small town boy who dreams of bigger things, Pullman is surprisingly good in an atypical role for him, J. T. Walsh does his usual stellar work in an all-too-brief role, and Bill Nunn does well as a detective hired to find Bridget/the money. Dean Norris also has a very small role, alongside Brien Varady, the two of them playing friends of Mike who don't waste their energy on big dreams and are just happy with small town life.

Everything comes together perfectly to make this a real treat for fans of neo-noirs. The script is chock full of great lines and exchanges, the characters are all memorable (even the more minor characters like the poor schmuck, played by Mik Scriba, who is tasked with tailing Bridget), and the lady at the centre of events is one of the best femme fatales ever. Very smart, very sexy, and as cold-hearted as they come. Which always makes things more fun in the world of noir.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Last-Seduction-Disc-Special-Edition/dp/B000F5S21E/ref=reg_hu-rd_add_1_dp

Murder, My Sweet (1944)

AKA Farewell My Lovely

Dick Powell stars as private eye Philip Marlowe in this adaptation of a Raymond Chandler novel that entertains while never really attaining greatness.

Marlowe's day starts when he's asked by a big moose of a man (Moose Malloy, played by  Mike Mazurki) to track down a woman he loves. Moose turns out to be a bit of a hard man to keep passive, but that's only the start of Marlowe's worries. He then agrees to accompany a man (Lindsay Marriott, played by Douglas Walton) as an exchange is made - cash for a stolen necklace. The exchange doesn't go according to plan, and Marlowe finds himself getting deeper and deeper in trouble, thanks, he suspects, in no small part to Mrs. Helen Grayle (Claire Trevor) and her step-daughter, Ann (Anne Shirley).

Adapted for the screen by John Paxton, and directed by Edward Dmytryk, Murder, My Sweet has some decent dialogue and an entertaining cast of characters (with Moose Malloy particularly reminsicent of some Dick Tracy hoodlum), but nothing feels quite as sharp as it could be.

Powell isn't terribly charismatic in the lead role, which ultimately drags the whole film down a notch, and the two main ladies also fail to really create any sparks, although both do slightly better than anyone else onscreen, with the exception of the enjoyable Mazurki. Donald Douglas is good as an exasperated Police Lieutenant, but Otto Kruger and Ralf Harolde are both instantly forgettable as soon as they move offscreen.

Fans of this type of movie WILL find enough to enjoy here. The plot twists together nicely, a few one-liners tickle the earlobes and the finale is enjoyable and satisfying. But there are many other movies more deserving of your time.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Film-Noir-Collection-Kirk-Douglas/dp/B000UWXM1C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384586041&sr=8-1&keywords=film+noir

Lord Of Illusions (1995)

Clive Barker hasn't always had the best of luck in adapting his works for the medium of film. Hellraiser and Candyman were great successes, but it's only now, many years later, that Nightbreed is being seen in a cut closer to his vision, and Lord Of Illusions is a film that perhaps should have been left a while, given time for Barker to develop a better budget and make use of some better CGI. It also may have worked better with a better cast.

Scott Bakula takes the lead role, playing detective Harry D'Amour, a man who is no stranger to the occult, as the newspapers keep reminding the public in any articles about him. His latest case brings him in contact with a renowned illusionist (Philip Swann, played by Kevin J. O'Connor), his lovely wife (Famke Janssen) and a number of members of a dangerous cult who are awaiting the return of their leader (Daniel von Bargen). He also meets a number of magicians and has to start differentiating between what is magic and what is illusion, and which, if any, can do him harm.

Written and directed by Barker, from his own work - "The Last Illusion" - there is a lot to like in Lord Of Illusions, but almost just as much to dislike. As previously mentioned, the CGI is a particular problem, at times. That's a great shame because some of the practical effects are great, and a film so concerned with magic should have kept things as practical as possible. The same mistake was made in the much more recent Now You See Me.

Bakula tries his best in the lead role, but he's just never been a leading man, in my opinion, outwith TV. This is a great role, an archetypal private eye who gets out of his depth, but he still struggles. Kevin J. O'Connor does a bit better as Philip Swann, but he's another actor who I've never been that impressed by. Thankfully, Janssen does her best with a pretty weak role, and Daniel von Bargen is as great as he usually is.

The movie does well when Barker fills the screen with small, disquieting details, as he does in the opening scenes (a prologue that shows the apparent end of von Bargen's cult), and it has one or two good ideas that deserved better treatment, but this ends up being quite a disappointment. The detective story strand isn't all that entertaining, the horror isn't scary and viewers are just left with a bunch of separate, flat moments sandwiched in between good 5-10 minute sequences at either end.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lord-Illusions-DVD-Scott-Bakula/dp/B00004U3XR/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384504989&sr=8-1&keywords=lord+of+illusions