I know what you'll be thinking when you scroll down to read my rating. 8/10? EIGHT out of TEN???? Of course, when compared to the likes of something like Citizen Kane or The Shawshank Redemption or even The Dark Knight this score seems ridiculous. But take this movie on it's own, dubious, merits and rate it according to what it sets out to do and how it does it and 8/10 seems fair to me. In the realm of low-budget craziness it's a jewel in Troma's crown.
The story (stop laughing now, wipe your eyes and read on) is all about a school that's placed a little bit too close to a nuclear power plant, resulting in some awful, unfortunate pupil deaths and also the growth of some super-strong drugs that provide very bad side effects. A young couple (Warren and Chrissy) try to develop their burgeoning relationship while things around them descend into anarchy, insanity and even death.
This movie is not about great acting. It's not about a great script. It's not even about a remotely believable premise. Not at all. This movie is about people melting, bikers acting hard, nightmares about the consequences of sexual encounters, a massive monster that can punch all the way through someone's head and the most hilarious double-take in movie history (when Warren's mates see him making out with Chrissy, it has to be seen to be disbelieved). It also helps that Janelle Brady, playing Chrissy, is very attractive.
So there you have most of the plus points covered. See it if you think you may glean some enjoyment from it but if you have any doubt at all . . . . . then you're probably best just to leave it for the mad fans like myself.
A bunch of hip, young folk are going to a Coldplay concert (okay, maybe they're not quite as hip as they'd like to think) and are doing so by flying their in a small plane because, y'know, one of them has been taking lots of flight lessons. Things start getting a bit hairy when some malfunction leads to the plane rising higher and higher with there seeming to be no solution for the terrified passengers. And there seems to be more in the skies around them than just obscuring clouds.
Written by Paul A. Birkett, Altitude feels very much like some half-hour Twilight Zone episode stretched into a flimsy 90 minute movie. The direction by Kaare Andrews doesn't really help either, although he doesn't do anything majorly wrong he doesn't do anything fantastic either and the whole thing has a very pedestrian feel to it.
The cast? Oh dear. Jessica Lowndes in the lead role obviously read the script and was so happy to be able to pretend that she actually knew how to handle a plane that she forgot she would have to act at any other time. To say that she's on autopilot is kind of insulting to autopilots, they at least do what's expected of them. Landon Liboiron plays the quiet, twitchy lad who has somehow been able to go out with Miss Lowndes for a while and there's no way you can believe this. Their characters seem incompatible and have no chemistry whatsoever. The other main actors (Julianna Guill, Ryan Donowho and Jake Weary) fare slightly better but can never rise above the mediocre level of the material they have to work with.
Altitude has one or two ideas in there that are almost good, almost enjoyable. If it was taken apart and completely reworked, with the focus on one or two impressive aspects and an overhaul of the ridiculous ending that I pretty much saw coming from the off (despite how outlandish it seems), then it could be something decent.
But it hasn't been taken apart and reworked. And we're stuck with that terrible ending. It's lucky to get a distinctly average score, more for a couple of the ideas and potential than the end result.
An excuse to share some of my favourite moments in horror? A way to avoid writing up another review while I play EIFF 2012 catch up? A blatant attempt to create a series of links to Amazon products that may tempt you into buying stuff? This blog post is all of this and more and I hope that you enjoy this selection of 20 horror highlights as much as I do.
20) "Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make." - a classic moment from a true horror icon, in every way.
19) "Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright." - another Universal classic.
18) "Oh, in the name of God! Now I know what it feels like to be God!" - correct me if I'm mistaken but I believe this was one of the lines of dialogue that caused quite a stir when this 1931 classic was released.
17) "I kick ass for the Lord!" - Peter Jackson hasn't made a bad movie but this one may still be his best, despite very strong competition.
16) "The box. You opened it. We came." Though this film has two other gems in the form of: "No tears, please. It's a waste of good suffering" and "Jesus wept."
15) "One, two, Freddy's coming for you. / Three, four, better lock your door.
/ Five, six, grab your crucifix. / Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. /
Nine, ten, never sleep again." - the rhyme to keep you safe from Freddy. I was lucky enough to receive this Bluray set from my lovely wife at Christmas and I highly recommend it.
14) "Hi, I'm Chucky, and I'm your friend till the end. Hidey-ho!" - okay, it may not be the best line ever but this is yet another piece of material elevated by the delivery. And the menace that develops throughout the movie.
13) "Oh, what is all this? I mean, you've got fake biology, fake religion... Sir, have these children never heard of Jesus? "
"Himself the son of a virgin, impregnated, I believe, by a ghost..."
You know that it's time for your appointment with . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . this solid gold classic.
12) "They're going to make you one of them, my peacock!" - yes indeed. 80 years later has done little to dull the shock and power of Tod Browning's classic.
11) "All right. We're gonna
do this the scanner way. I'm gonna suck your brain dry! Everything you
are is gonna become me. You're gonna be with me Cameron, no matter what.
After all, brothers should be close, don't you think?" - so many great Cronenberg movies to choose from but this one always stuck in my mind, ironically.
10) "We're just one big happy family... except for a little incest and psychosis." If you haven't seen the gloopy FX work of Screamin' Mad George in this movie then rectify that ASAP.
8) "Some kind of instinct. Memory of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives." The consumer mentality that remains after death is explained in this Romero classic.
7) "I met him, fifteen
years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience,
no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life
or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child,
with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the
*devil's* eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then
another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was
living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil."
Yes, I have always admitted that I'm a Carpenter fanboy and this movie is why.
6) This* -
The Bluray will be released later this year and, having seen the film again on the big screen, I urge fans to put it at the top of their shopping list.
5) "Watch your tongue, boy, if you like this job!"
"Like this job?"
Yet another laugh out loud line from a quality zombie comedy. This Bluray is, IMO, essential.
4) "
I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?" - never mind that second Godfather movie, THIS is the sequel that many horror fans pick as their favourite.
3) "Who's going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a sideshow." The words are great but the delivery raises this to absolute classic status, which is the big plus of the whole movie.
2) A tie between "a naked American man stole my balloons" and "I didn't mean to call you a meat loaf, Jack" - both from my favourite werewolf movie of all time.
1) "I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the
time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING
COUCH!" - my favourite ever line from one of my favourite ever horror movies.
I am always vocal about such lists, you can never please everyone all of the time, but I'm also able to stand up and give it a go when the urge takes me so please let me know your own favourites, any major omissions and anything included here that makes you want to tear your hair out/unfriend me/throw eggs at my house/etc, etc.
*I know what some people may think, and I agree. That moment from Jaws is up there with the greatest movie moments of all time. If this was a general Top 20 then it would probably have the number one spot. But it isn't. This is my horror list and, as such, I placed it at number 6 but gave it the respect of sharing it in all of its glory.
The Revenant is one of the many movies that I've had on my shelf for some time and just not taken the time to watch before now. Once I buy films any sense of urgency disappears. I own it, I can watch it whenever I like. Which, unfortunately, often leaves me with a hell of a big backlog of stuff that I really should watch. Thankfully, friends (both online and offline) tend to prod at me until I watch titles that they highly recommend and this was the case with The Revenant. Not for the first time, and surely not for the last, I am glad that I took the advice of others and finally got around to watching this one.
Bart (David Anders) is on active duty in the military when he's unfortunately killed by death-dealing enemy bullets of death. His funeral takes place and then his loved ones, including his best friend Joey (played by Chris Wylde), try to deal with the loss in their own particular ways. The grief process can take a long time and take many strange turns but Joey finds things extra complicated when Bart turns up on his doorstep, apparently having left his grave and somehow come back to life. It's all very confusing, and quite disturbing, but doesn't take long for Joey to go with the flow and try to convince Bart of the best ways to use "the dark gift".
Written and directed by Kerry Prior, this is a whole lot of fun that mixes in some decent blood and gore with a bit of pondering on the very essence of good and evil. A cross between a vampire, zombie and vigilante movie, there are also numerous nods to beloved classics and at least one scene featuring a decapitated head that was the best decapitated head scene I can recall having seen since Re-Animator.
The acting from the two leads is fine, not the best I've seen in the genre but far, far better than a thousand other low-budget films you could pick up from your nearest movie store. David Anders is likeable, despite the potential danger that his character brings with him, while Chris Wylde is entertaining enough before his personality take a bit of a downward, darker turn in the last half hour or so. Louise Griffiths is quite lovely and Jacy King plays a character who could have been potentially annoying but ends up simply trying to convince others to use common sense.
It's perfectly paced, running at about 110 minutes but with plenty packed in there, and full of energy and I can't imagine any horror fan taking a major dislike to this one. Just damn good fun.
So, once again, I come to the end of my time at the EIFF for another year. Some time in the videotheque and a screening of Brave tomorrow and I'm all done. Work, and a semblance of normality, calls.
But it doesn't end there.
As of this moment, I still have about a dozen reviews to write up and get on Flickfeast and there are already ten or so due to appear. After that happens I get to do a bit of pimping and hope that those responsible for my favourite movies maybe notice my little bit of praise and help me in my pimpage.
And those favourites are:
Tabu - just sheer quality from beginning to end.
Unconditional - you won't ever be able to predict where this movie is going. It's very dark in places and very, very good.
Dragon - Donnie Yen does it again, legend that he is.
Berberian Sound Studio - a bit of a headfuck, but in a good way. I loved it.
V/H/S - inconsistent but nearly brilliant.
Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal - it may have an amusing title but it's also damn good.
NFA - strong stuff and well worth seeing.
The Imposter - fact is stranger than fiction once again.
Grabbers - aliens kept at bay by a high blood alcohol level? Brilliant.
Once I am done with all of these I can then settle back into my standard routine of movies, movies and movies and the EIFF always reminds me of just how much I love so many different types of movies so even as things settle back to my version of normality I know that the rest of the year will be full of films - good, bad and ugly - that I will enjoy writing about, even if I won't enjoy every viewing.
I like Blockbuster, I do. I know that liking them is irrational and that
they do quite a lot to make themselves unpopular but a) I used to work
for them and enjoy my free rentals each week and b) I know that a lot of
the staff working for the company started, as I did, with a naive idea
that if they loved movies then they would enjoy working for the company
and could spread their love of movies to others. Some staff still try
and you can tell, as you can with any business, which employees
genuinely know and/or care about their product.
It's
strange to see how many big businesses seem to lose their focus as they
grow and grow, even while the situation almost demands that they remove
blinkers and get with the program. I'm only using Blockbuster as an
example here, from what little I know and to illustrate my point with a
recent personal experience.
Here's what little I know (or think I know) about the company at
the moment. It's in major financial trouble, I believe, and this has led
to some major restructuring and the closure of many stores. I'm not
sure if they ever did enter Chapter 11 bankruptcy or not but they are
certainly like so many other businesses around nowadays in the way that
they need to make every £1 of profit count.
Here's how not to help yourself make money.
I walked into my local Blockbuster the other week and asked the following: "Oh, did you guys get any retail copies of The Muppets on Bluray?"
The guy working in store that day was someone I'd spoken to
before and he's a decent lad but he doesn't have the passion and banter
that his colleague has. Sorry to say it, he's a less effective salesman
in his role because he always seems to be wanting to be elsewhere.
Anyway, on this particular occasion he turned to me and said "Oh mate,
with releases like that nowadays, unless they're the BIG titles, you
have to put a deposit down to make sure they get ordered in or it's just
not going to happen". This was said with a wry grin and a whole "we're
men of the world" air of complicity that kinda hid the meaning of his
words until I left the store.
"Ah," said I, "so I doubt you'll be getting Carnage in either."
"No," said the sales assistant, "that one we could maybe special
order in for you but we're only getting a few rental copies of it in and
no retail due."
"Okay then, cheers."
And I left. Or, to be more exact, I left and immediately texted
my wife that it would be much appreciated if she could pick up a copy of
The Muppets on Bluray while she also bought a bit of shopping at the big Sainsbury's along the road from us.
THEN, feeling a bit guilty for so quickly and easily turning
"traitor" I started to realise what I'd just been told. The lad working
for a company in financial trouble had told me that I was wrong, as a
consumer, to expect them to have in stock a title that I thought would
sell pretty well. That was the way of their world and a £2 deposit would
be required for whenever I thought ahead next time.
Hmmmmm. Actually, as brattish and spoilt as it may make me sound,
we live in a consumer-powered society and if I want something at the
best price I will tend to shop online. If I want something as a little
treat for myself I will tend to stick it in the shopping trolley while I
buy groceries. And if I want to help my local Blockbuster and buy a new
movie there then I will go in and see if it's in stock. If it's not in
stock then it's their loss and I will go to buy it elsewhere. That's
entirely my choice. Of course, Blockbuster (and, indeed, any store
selling goods) can't possibly have everything in stock that people may
or may not want to buy. But when they don't have something in that I
wanted to buy then that's not my fault, at all. Nope. The onus is with
them to have goods to sell me.
This is not, despite how it may seem, a moan about Blockbuster. I
still like them and have fond memories of working for the company and
recommending movies to people who took a genuine interest in finding
some gems. This is just my own little rambling about how I was genuinely
astonished to find such complacency nowadays in an environment which
really does put all of the power into the hands of the consumer. If
you're never complacent with people then you should always do well, in
my opinion. Life doesn't always work out that way but it should and I
hope that, for anyone out there giving 100% in whatever the role is, it
does.
The first feature (just) from Edgar Wright sees the man perhaps biting
off a little bit more than he can chew in this Western spoof filmed in
and around his hometown.
The story? "No-name" (Graham Low) travels in search of The Squint (Oli
van der Vijver) for reasons that we don't know but that we hope will
become clear by the end of the movie. That's it. Along the way,
"No-name" meets up with Running Sore (Martin Curtis) but any actual
development of the plot only serves the set-up and delivery of more
gags.
Okay, so it may not be up there with many of the later outings from
Wright in his professional career but his first big-screen outing as
writer and director remains a surprisingly enjoyable experience that
shows a lot of love and care far outweighing the meagre budget and
resources.
The actors, and accents, are pretty bad but they all go along with the
nonsense and deserve points for simply doing their bit to help the
movie get made. Jeremy Beadle and Nicola Stapleton are the only two
faces I recognised from elsewhere, with the former popping up to
provide a great gag if you remember Beadle's About. Oh, and Mr. Wright
himself appears on screen briefly but I'm sure he doesn't put this
appearance at the top of his C.V.
The self-deprecating director often points out the many flaws in this
film and uses it to cite examples of what not to do with your
low-budget first feature but I'd say that he's being a bit too hard on
himself. This stands up as a daft little film that remains a bit of fun
for those who get to see it.
6/10
It's a very, very tricky movie to track down but here's an optimistic link anyway
Far from the definitive overview that the praise claims on the DVD cover, this documentary is still a pretty entertaining primer for a subgenre often frowned upon by movie lovers. If horror is a genre barely tolerated by some who seek to dismiss it whenever possible then the slasher film is the subgenre often most easily held up as an example of all that is wrong with "those types of movies". Of course, the movies that fall under this classification are as varied in quality as movies from any other subgenre and this documentary at least shows off the variety available to audiences.
Based on the book of the same name (which I've heard great things about but, sadly, never read), this is one of many documentary features that seems to be very much "damned if they do, damned if they don't". The subgenres and the springboards for discussion are just too deep and full of potential to be quickly skimmed over. Of course, the usual suspects are here (the tentpole movies from John Carpenter, Wes Craven and Sean S. Cunningham) but there are also a few notable titles missing. Black Christmas was probably the main one that I found conspicuous in its absence. I think that it did appear briefly onscreen but I don't recall too much discussion about it and I felt a bit cheated to be hearing so much about Halloween without the Bob Clark movie being given due respect. Strangely enough, I've never been the biggest fan of Black Christmas while Halloween has long been one of my favourite horror movies of all time so I can only imagine how disappointed real fans of the film will be.
Then we have the fact that everything discussed is discussed in so much detail (in terms of plot points and twists) that you can't help wondering just who would get the most from it. Beginners will have far too many movies ruined for them while fans who have already seen a large portion of the movies mentioned will feel that not enough films are given due attention. Translation = "damned if they do, damned if they don't".
It's a nice collection of clips and reminiscences about the slasher movie subgenre but nothing essential for those who already know their Crystal Lakes from their Elm Streets.
Well, it's a few days into the full flow of the festival and I am already remembering how tiring it is to see everything I want to see, write up full reviews, tweet away and add FB updates (as well as a blog post or five).
In true EIFF fashion, I have already been reminded of a few things that I seem to forget each year.
1) The quieter the movie, the louder my stomach. Just ask the poor guy sitting beside me while we all watched Fred.
2) Cinema staff may be there to facilitate the needs of those attending screenings but that doesn't mean that manners have to be left outside the cinema.
3) There AREN'T enough hours in the day.
4) The best French cinema nowadays remains a great experience but the lesser outings feel like parodies of the movies that were first shown late at night on Channel 4 two or three decades ago.
5) Many critics seem to feel that if something is made to be enjoyed by a lot of people, or is lightweight fun, then it's not really worth their time but might make for an acceptable filler in between a schedule full of "worthier" movies.
6) There ISN'T enough coffee in the day.
7) I love being kept so busy and being allowed to view so many different films for free. Absolutely LOVE it. Yes, there are bad movies as well as good ones but that's the chance you take when you schedule two weeks worth of eclectic viewings.
8) People who are late into screenings or who leave early always make me more mistrustful of the festival coverage - do these people still write reviews or are they just there for their personal enjoyment and well within their rights to see as much or as little as they want to?
9) Nobody will ever believe you when you tell them what a great time you're having BUT that it is also hard work. Nobody, with the possible exception of other reviewers.
10) I'm quite a fast typist nowadays but could always do with trying to be even faster.
The other evening I turned to my wife and I said the following, bizarre, sentence. "No, I'm not going to bother with A Wet Dream On Elm Street or The Human Sexipede as they are just full-on hardcore porn with nothing worth actually reviewing in them".
My wife laughed and said that I just gave her another reminder of why she loved me. I was the type of guy who DIDN'T watch porn, even when given the choice.
That's not strictly true and I wanted to take a moment to address the issue here. This blog, and most of my reviews at Flickfeast and on IMDb, covers almost every form of movie. You may dislike some of those films but I won't shy away from the likes of A Serbian Film or Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, to name just two of the more extreme examples. I think movies can entertain, can make us happy, can make us think, can scare us, can arouse us, can make us cry and can do many, many things. They can also push at the boundaries, sometimes being rejected by people and sometimes rearranging those boundaries thanks to some skill and good timing. A lot of those boundaries, nowadays and in the past, seem to want to keep us all away from sex. Why? It's NOT unhealthy to enjoy sex and an open attitude to sex. Indeed, my own interpretation of A Serbian Film was to view it as a warning that complete repression is just as bad as complete freedom. I have viewed, and occasionally still view, pornography. Of course, if asked while out and about in polite society most of us deny such things but we know it goes on. Behind closed doors. In privacy. Sometimes with a selection of moist towelettes. Or not. That last part was a joke. Honest, mum.
Yet the world of the adult movie, in the context of both the"skin flick" and the horror movie, has often helped to keep money coming in when other types of entertainment have failed. Which is why I will often make space and time here for something either as culturally impactful as Deep Throat or as cheap and cheerful as Cleavagefield. I really didn't enjoy sitting through An Erotic Werewolf In London (yeah, yeah, I know that you're rolling your eyes in disbelief now) but I wanted to see just how much parody would make up the final product - pretty much none, as it turned out - and also think that the filmography of Erin Brown AKA Misty Mundae is now of some significance to fans who have seen her move into the horror genre.
If I thought I could bring anything extra to the table, or if I had any specialist knowledge of the subject, then I would include the movies that I dismissed the other day. But I don't. So this post is just to reassure everyone that while I use my movie viewing and reviewing habit as an excuse to watch I just don't have the time or energy to watch pornography. Hopefully, you will still find the odd title reviewed here that many offend you (including the sensual but sick Singapore Sling - highly recommended) but I won't ever just talk about something that has sex and nothing more to it.*
Stay sexy, people.
*Fans of pornography will argue that some of it can be crafted with skill and artistry, I am speaking in a very general manner.
Oh, you might want to avoid this blog whenever I finally start to make my way through my Russ Meyer boxset though.
Back in the late '80s and early '90s, Jean-Claude Van Damme was one of the top action movie stars. He'd done his time (there was the early role in a porn movie and then the film in which most of us saw him as the villain - No Retreat, No Surrender) and then low budget action flicks like Kickboxer and, a movie that remains one of his very best, Bloodsport set him on a fast track to superstardom that may not have remained at full strength but has certainly kept him in a career of high kicks and any excuse to do the splits. Watched nowadays, the better movies featuring JCVD in a leading role remain slick and enjoyable slices of entertainment. With plenty of high kicks and excuses for him to do the splits. But it's his adventures mixing sci-fi in with the action that seem to have stood the test of time the best. Universal Soldier is absolutely superb (thanks, in no small part, to an absolutely brilliant performance from Dolph Lundgren) but Timecop remains a very fun watch, despite its many flaws.
The story is based on the Dark Horse comic series and Van Damme plays Walker, a man who we see at the start of the movie having his life pretty much torn apart. We then skip forward a number of years to see that Walker is, funnily enough, a "timecop". Time travel has been invented but it needs to be closely monitored at all times and nothing should be done to change the past. Those who engage in such deeds (making themselves rich or trying to kill figures from the past, etc) are tracked down and severely punished. Bruce McGill plays the abrupt captain of the division who is also a friend to Walker, Gloria Reubens plays an agent ordered to tag along with our hero after his partner gets a bit too greedy and Ron Silver gives another entertaining performance as McComb, a Senator who has the Presidency in his sights and might just break the laws to get it. There's also Mia Sara looking a bit doe-eyed and being an extra motivational factor for our hero. And did I mention that Van Damme does some high kicks and even the splits?
Peter Hyams directs things with his usual skill. He's no major artist, in my opinion, but I've always found him to be a very dependable craftsman who often makes solid entertainment. The performances are better than average for a JCVD movie, with special mentions going to the great McGill and the fun Silver, but it's the script that really helps this one stay surprisingly sharp and fresh. Information is interspersed throughout the action in a way that never feels too forced or obtrusive, the premise may be full of paradox potential but also does a great job of blending in the smart stuff without making anything too difficult to follow.
The action scenes are well done and will please action fans while the sci-fi stuff is handled competently enough to please those after a bit of time travel fun. There's no doubt that it will have the more eagle-eyed viewers tutting in disapproval as the end credits roll and the plot holes stand out but the film never claims to be a serious look at the nature of time travel. It's an action-packed sci-fi thriller in which JCVD does some high kicks and has a few excuses to do the splits. Though I might have mentioned that already.
I am trying to be prepared this year, trying to not let this blog get covered and dust and a thin sheen of neglect while I busy myself with the big event in my movie calendar, the Edinburgh International Film Festival.
As this post is being written ahead of time I have no idea just how EIFF 2012 will pan out for me this year but I know that, as I have done for the past two years, I will do my best to see as many movies as possible and to get the reviews up on Flickfeast ASAP. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. I get to see LOTS of movies for free, the website gets some extra traffic (hopefully) and those involved with the festival get added exposure from us. Hey, we may be a small fish in a big pond but we keep swimming.
It's all too easy to fall in love with a movie or two and to be swept along with the celebrities and the premieres but the main thing to remember is also the main thing that's easiest to forget - the festival works because of so many people making a concerted effort at every level. Those making the films, those selecting the films, those showing the films, those spreading the word on the films, etc, etc. Every year I remember to thank the wonderful staff at The Filmhouse and Cameo cinema who put up with the crowds and the unsociable hours every festival and this year will be no different.
Everyone who knows me knows that when I go to the cinema I like to get "a bit of bang for my buck", as I often put it, but I also do my damnedest to remind people that the smaller cinemas are often the places to go to see something that you just won't get at your local multiplex. The fact that they're often staffed by people with a genuine love of cinema is a huge bonus. Supporting your local cinema really does show them that they're doing the right thing and that not everyone and their uncle wants to rush along to see Harry Potter And The Twilight Of The Transformers (in RealD 3D with smell-o-vision).
Do I go along to these smaller cinemas as often as I should? No, no I don't. But when I do go along I never resent handing my money over (especially at my annual horror overdose that goes by the name of Dead By Dawn) and I always speak highly of these Edinburgh institutions when anyone asks me about them. I hope you have somewhere similiar in your local area. And I really hope that you, even just occasionally, pop along and spend some of your hard earned cash there.
It's here.
It's begun.
YES! I have managed to get along to see Jaws on the big screen (mega mega happy dance) but of equal importance is the fact that I have just picked up my goodie bag and press pass for EIFF 2012.
For anyone interested I will provide the following two links. EIFF 2010
and EIFF 2011.
If you liked ANY of those ramblings then I assure you that there are some goodies coming up on Flickfeast over the next couple of weeks, including Killer Joe, a film about a psychic octopus, V/H/S (which I will be doing my damnedest to see), Grabbers and much, much more.
I hope that anyone who has stumbled onto my bloggy nonsense will look forward to the coverage and I aim, as ever, to just see as much (in terms of both quantity AND variety) as possible.
Now, I think it's time to swagger around town like a complete twat with my branded bag of freebies. Ahhhh, such a hard life.
Obviously not a film for everyone, I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle is for
those who wanted to see the cast of UK TV show "Boon" in a bad horror
movie or who wanted to see a movie about a possessed motorbike or who
wanted to see . . . . . . Neil Morrissey attacked by a lively turd in a
random nightmare sequence. It has all of these things and more. None of
them make for a great viewing experience.
The story is nothing to dwell on, what with it being fully described in
the title of the movie, so let's move quickly past that.
The acting is okay if you enjoy acting performances that look as if
they belong in some 80s British comedy drama series full of more bad
puns and lame moments than anything else. Neil Morrissey is the leading
man and he's so-so, if nothing special. He's certainly better than
anyone else on screen, with the possible exception of Anthony Daniels
in a rare non-C3PO role. Supposed to be a lovable loser trying to find
out exactly what's wrong with his new purchase, Morrissey is believably
dim but not really as endearing as his "cheeky chappie" could be.
The effects are about as varied as you can get with some of the stuff
here being quite enjoyably gory but other stuff looking as if someone
knocked it up in their workshed with a load of red paint and sticky
back plastic (which, in all likelihood, is probably what happened). The
bike itself is a nice looking machine and gains some nice design
"upgrades" as the movie progresses. Director Dirk Campbell also does a
good job of blocking scenes tightly enough to show the bike moving,
apparently, without anyone on board.
The biggest problem with the film, although there are many minor
failings to choose from, is that it's simply too preposterous to enjoy
fully. The central premise is not just stupid but also stupidly
executed. It's as if we're expected to buy into the fact that this bike
can get everywhere and sneak up on people every night when the bike is
there, reminding you that . . . . . . . . IT'S A BIKE! I must also make
a special point of mentioning the Hell's Angels here that are about as
scary as the Hell's Grannies depicted by Monty Python. Fans of the
great, quaint UK horror Psychomania will enjoy seeing this bunch of
tame "tough bikers". And, considering the film was released in 1990,
it's strange to think that it may have seemed dated as soon as it came
out. Perhaps people can argue that it's done that way deliberately, a
homage to the decidedly British horrors of yesteryear. I'm not buying
that one.
With Michael Elphick also hamming things up and a bunch of people who
were never really (or should never have been) bound for anything more
than TV work, the movie just about works it's way to an average rating
with it's exuberance and sense of self-belief (not to mention the
surprisingly enjoyable, generic soundtrack) but it just has far too
much to work against with the onslaught of poor, groansome gags, the
silliness of the whole scenario and the complete lack of tension
throughout. UK horror has seen much worse entries in the genre but it's
also seen MUCH better.
Jaws is returning to cinema screens for a limited run this year and I implore you to do what you can to see it on the big screen. It is, and always will be, the best blockbuster ever made and a masterpiece in modern cinema. Says me, anyway. When the spruced up Bluray is released later in the year I will buy it ASAP and enjoy rewatching it all over again (apparently the upgrade is absolutely superb).
But once again I come to hit a brick wall, how to review my all-time
favourite movies while not covering all the old
ground that has already been covered so many times. Released in the year that I was born, I feel like Jaws has always been a part of my life. I remember how I laughed when I saw it shown on TV after a weather report from Michael Fish (Fish and then shark, hahaha, see?) and then how shaken up I was two hours later. It terrified me and I loved the thrill of the experience.
People have already praised the performances (Roy Scheider, Richard
Dreyfuss and the mighty Robert Shaw - that U.S.S. Indianapolis speech
is, for me, up there with the Top 10 cinematic monologues of all time).
People have also already praised the direction, obviously, what with it
being the movie that sent Spielberg's career stratospheric after he cut
his teeth on some fine earlier outings, including the magnificent Duel.
Is there anything that people haven't praised here? The brilliant John
Williams score, the technical failings and problems that led to
decisions being made that would inevitably improve the film, THAT
opening sequence, the fact that it's one of the few films to actually
improve upon the book it was based on.
Nope, I have nothing new to add. Oh, for anyone just coming out of a
200-year coma, the film is about a great white shark terrorising the
island of Amity and doing it inconveniently close to a holiday weekend
when beach-combing visitors usually bring the cash that the small
community needs to survive and thrive. Did I say great white shark? I
meant GREAT BIG great white shark. The local chief of police, a marine
biologist and a local fisherman band together to try and catch the
beast before more people die.
After first seeing Jaws I did not even want to dip a toe in the waters
of Portobello and anyone who knows that area near Edinburgh will know
that I was more likely to be terrorised by a dirty needle or a used
prophylactic than a great white shark but that's how much the movie
impacted on my psyche and, indeed, on the entire psyche of popular
culture since it's release. To this day, you cannot hear that
minimalistic cello piece without thinking that a fin will soon be
chasing after you. And, rambling as I have, I think that last paragraph
contains all the personal and wider view of the movie that I feel
should always be taken into consideration by those who try to wave it
aside as an unspectacular, shallow thrill-ride.
A Disney swashbuckler with little swash or buckle, The Sword And The Rose somehow remains a good adventure yarn that takes a number of liberties with some historical figures.
It is the reign of Henry VIII (James Robertson Justice) and he is determined to send his sister, Princess Mary Tudor (Glynis Johns), to wed Louis XII (Jean Mercure). But Princess Mary Tudor has other plans, she is headstrong anyway and this is made worse when she falls for Charles Brandon (Richard Todd). Of course, any plans that the good lady has to be with Charles, a common man, places them both in severe jeopardy and the situation is worsened by the scheming of the smitten Duke Of Buckingham (Michael Gough).
Directed by Ken Annakin, with a screenplay by Lawrence Edward Watkin based on the novel "When Knighthood Was In Flower" by Charles Major, there's a lot here to enjoy even if nothing stands out as truly great.
The biggest bonus for the film comes from the performances. Todd is a fine hero and Johns is both beautiful and sassy. James Robertson Justice is highly entertaining as Henry VIII and Michael Gough makes a great, scheming villain.
It also runs for a brisk 92 minutes and so never outstays its welcome. As an outright adventure it may not have quite enough energy or derring-do but as an entertaining tale that mixes romance, comedy, treachery and some grand feats I'd have to say that this edges ahead of the similiar treatment that director and writer gave to the Robin Hood story. It's a mix of tunics, tights, technicolor and even one or two amusingly risque (for the time) moments that will keep you entertained for the duration.
Oh, one last thing, the scene in which Glynis Johns tries to pass herself off as a boy in order to stay close to Richard Todd is, surely, one of the most unconvincing attempts by a woman to appear as a man and also an inspiration for the great use of the character "Bob" in a number of Blackadder episodes. Watch the movie and tell me I'm wrong.
Directed by Spike Lee, and written by David Benioff (developing the screenplay from his own novel), 25th Hour is a superb piece of work that gives some great material to some great actors and then sits back to let everyone enjoy the results.
The story revolves around Monty (Ed Norton), a drug dealer who has been busted and is enjoying his last night with friends before heading to prison to do his time. He tries to relax in the company of his girlfriend Naturelle (Rosario Dawson) and then goes out for a meal with his father (Brian Cox) before meeting up with Jacob (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Frank (Barry Pepper), his two best friends. The whole evening is tainted, however, by an element of mistrust and a desire to find out just who ratted on Monty.
This is, quite simply, a quality movie that you should sit back and let wash over you. Great acting, a great script (there are two standout moments that are so brilliant you may well want to rewatch them as soon as they're finished), plenty of food for thought that is never forcefed to the audience and some nice visual flourishes here and there all add up to something almost perfect. In fact, the only thing really holding it back from being a perfect movie is the fact that a number of scenes really feel a bit pointless (including the two that I think are the best in the movie). They're NOT pointless, and I think that everything in this movie comes together to make a whole experience much more than the sum of its parts, but it's easy to view them that way.
Norton is great in the lead role, believably smart and cool, but the supporting cast sees a number of people knocking it out of the park. Philip Seymour Hoffman gives the effortlessly great performance that he's given in almost every movie that he's been a part of, as does Brian Cox, while Barry Pepper is so good that I can't help but wonder, every time I see him doing such great work, why he hasn't had bigger roles in the past decade or so. Rosario Dawson is as lovely as ever and Anna Paquin (playing a free-spirited student that Jacob fancies, while he knows that he shouldn't) is a fizzing bundle of youthful energy and passion.
I've not seen enough Spike Lee movies, sadly, to judge this film in comparison to his highly-regarded earlier works (yes, yes, I will aim to rectify that situation ASAP), but 25th Hour is almost as good as Inside Man and shows a director who has matured over the years while never losing that interest in questioning the status quo and provoking a reaction.
Dean Jones stars once again in a light and amusing live action Disney movie, this time playing advertising executive Fred Bolton. Fred has two big problems in his life. His boss (Fred Clark) gives him just 24 hours to come up with a great new advertising campaign for Aspercel and his daughter (Ellen Janov) desperately wants a horse. Amazingly, Fred thinks that he can solve both problems at once by buying a horse for his daughter, naming it "Aspercel" and seeing that name spread far and wide as the horse wins tournament after tournament. No pressure then. Hopefully, trainer Suzie Clemens (Diane Baker) can help because Fred really wants to do well and keep his job. Mind you, he also wants his daughter to be happy above all else and when he's told of just how the pressure is affecting her by her young would-be suitor (Kurt Russell) he has to reconsider his entire plan.
Directed by Norman Tokar and written by Louis Pelletier (based on the book by Eric Hatch), The Horse In The Gray Flannel Suit may be a little too bland and twee for modern audiences but it still has enough going for it to make it worth a watch. The performances are all decent and the big finale makes you genuinely tense along with the characters who are waiting to see what their fate will be.
Dean Jones has always struck me as James Stewart with less watchability but he carved himself quite a comfortable little niche as Disney's leading reckless adult for a while, his performance here is just as good as any other that he gave. Diane Baker is very good as the horse trainer who grows closer and closer to the family, Ellen Janov is likeable enough as the daughter who suddenly finds her dream coming true, with a catch, and Kurt Russell doesn't have a whole lot of screentime but does well in his supporting role. Fred Clark is also very good as the demanding boss while Lurene Tuttle tags along as Aunt Martha and Lloyd Bochner comes along to cause some tension as Archer Madison, another horse trainer and a former boyfriend of Miss Clemens.
The whole thing is silly but no less enjoyable for it. Many of the scenes featuring lead characters on horseback make use of unconvincing stunt doubles but that just, somehow, adds to the charm. The movie isn't a Disney Classic (no matter what they put all over the DVD cover) but it remains a pleasant enough time-waster that you might still find capable of amusing the kids for a couple of hours.
Bookended by some scenes that show Abbott & Costello getting themselves a babysitting job, this colourful movie puts our comedy duo into the old fairytale. The basic story is the same, though there's the added presence of a captured princess (Shaye Cogan) and prince (James Alexander). The giant (Buddy Baer) is still a fearsome presence, all fee-fi-fo-fum and willing to eat small people he has to hand, but there's also a rather tall woman (Dorothy Ford) willing to help Bud and Lou escape his clutches.
If you seek out this movie because you're a big fan of A & C then you're likely to be disappointed but if you fancy seeing a version of Jack & The Beanstalk that happens to feature A & C then you may enjoy yourself. It sounds obvious but it's important to emphasise the point - this is the fairytale with our leads shoehorned in as opposed to a vehicle for our leads with the fairytale storyline added as an afterthought.
There are less laughs than usual, a few bland songs and a sad lack of any magic in the material, written by Nathaniel Curtis and directed by Jean Yarbrough. The supporting cast don't add any sparkle either, although Shaye Cogan is a pleasant onscreen presence and Dorothy Ford does well with what she's given.
More of a curio than anything else, I can't really think of anyone I'd particularly recommend this film to. There are better versions of the fairytale out there (okay, maybe the best one that springs to my mind has Mickey Mouse and company in it but it's still fine entertainment) and almost every other Abbott & Costello movie has better comedy material for the boys to work with.
One of their weakest outings, this just goes to show how good A & C were onscreen when allowed to play versions of themselves (or, rather, the entertainment personas that they'd perfected over the years) and how quickly the charm disappeared when they were slotted into material that just didn't fit right around them. The film still has enough to make it a pleasant time-waster but it's not something that you would go out of your way to watch or rewatch.
AKA an excuse to post lots of pictures of Amber Heard. I strive to provide good reviews and interesting writing here on my blog but I'm as weak as most men when it comes to the lovely Miss Heard.
Of course, The Ward isn't just about Amber Heard, although she takes the lead role and is the focus of almost every scene. More importantly for horror fans, this film was a return to movieland from director John Carpenter. A return to directing features after quite a long hiatus and, to some, a return to form. Personally, I'm one of those who suspect that the positive reception given to the movie by the fans is based more upon a sense of relief that the thing wasn't awful as opposed to the movie being all that great. Because it's not.
Don't get me wrong, the movie is enjoyable enough from start to finish. It's got some great atmosphere, decent performances and most of the scares are well executed but the whole thing is actually quite a fumbled piece of sleight of hand. Watch it once and you'll enjoy it as a bit of fun but repeat viewings show up a number of glaring flaws and massive plot holes. That doesn't stop the movie from being a decent horror (if we horror fans were to pick apart every flaw and plot hole then we'd be left with only one or two movies to watch, surely) but it does stop it from being up there with the past glories that Carpenter has given audiences.
The story is all about Kristen (Amber Heard), a young woman who is found by the police as she watches a house burning down. To be more precise, she watches the house burn down that she set fire to. Why? Who is this young woman and what has she been through? Hopefully, she will find answers while under the care of Dr. Stringer (Jared Harris). That's if she can keep her temper under control and play nice with the other inhabitants of the ward. Oh, avoiding the dangerous spirit trying to kill people would also be a good thing.
There are good performances from all involved here (Amber Heard is particularly good but Jared Harris is also excellent). The main girls in the ward are played by Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh and Lyndsy Fonseca and they all do fine, even if I can't bring myself to actually enjoy any performance from Panabaker - who, to my mind, seems to be one of those starlets thrust upon us just because someone has deemed it her time to be classed as a "star", god forbid that people reach such a position by having actual talent and personality.
The script is okay when it comes to individual snippets of dialogue but the plotting and overall construction of the movie are where the big flaws appear. Thankfully, it does enough to keep viewers interested and involved throughout and it's just a shame that everything couldn't have been tightened up slightly.
A haunting score accompanies the visuals and the direction from Carpenter is promising, we can only hope that he comes back soon with material worthy of his talent. The scares, whether they are simple jump scares or moments that build up a feeling of dread, are expertly crafted and these reassuring moments elevate the movie to just above average.
If you were waiting for something like a return to form from John Carpenter after his past few movies (the poorly received Vampires and Ghosts Of Mars, in particular) then this may well be something that you like more than I did. It's certainly better than those other movies in terms of acting quality and the translation of the material but it just doesn't do enough to make up for the fact that the plot elements are tired and have been used in a number of superior films.
