Meatcleaver Massacre (1976)

While I wasn't initially aware of Ed Wood being involved in this (he apparently took over the directing duties and is credited with an alias), the staggering ineptitude of Meatcleaver Massacre soon gave me a clue to his involvement. Not that I am a hater of Wood. Indeed, many of his clumsy failures have a charm lacking from a selection of more polished mainstream productions I could name, but it would be disingenuous to try and hail him as some kind of misunderstood great. An important part of cinema history, yes. A misunderstood genius, I think not.

Meatcleaver Massacre contains neither a meatcleaver nor a massacre, as far as I could tell anyway (it's not the sharpest picture quality I've ever seen). It instead contains a messy and tame horror film that in no way lives up to the promise of the title. There's also some footage of Christopher Lee bookending the film (and I encourage you all to investigate how that happened to end up there) with some dialogue that attempts to add some weight to the nonsense you're about to watch. The silly plot has Professor Cantrell (James Habif) left paraplegic and comatose after a group of abusive thugs break into his home and kill his family. That doesn't mean that Cantrell is powerless though. His years of studying the occult mean that he can still find a way to get revenge on the criminals.

Keith Burns and Ray Atherton are the two people credited with writing this, but it's not something that most people would put on their C.V. The dialogue is dire, there's no tension, and most of the characters blend into one another. There's the Professor, there's the detective investigating the situation (played by J. Arthur Craig), and there are the corpses-to-be.

If the writing and direction are poor, the acting generally matches them. There's nobody here (Lee aside) who you could imagine one day making their way through some big award campaign. I've seen a hell of a lot worse though, especially while sitting through many SOV and/or microbudget horror movies. Larry Justin plays the ringleader of the reprobates, and isn't actually terrible. He just cannot do anything with the material to make it better. 

There's not much else to say about this. It runs for 85 minutes, but viewers spend 8 of those minutes being spoken to by Christopher Lee, and there are no depths to explore and examine. The fact that it has been given a limited release on Blu-ray by a couple of different companies (Shout! Factory in the USA, 101 Films here in the UK), while I still eagerly await a collector's edition release of Screamtime, is just downright perverse.

2/10

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Shudder Saturday: Parasomnia (2025)

A few people may remember a film from almost 20 years ago called Parasomnia. That was written and directed by William Malone, it wasn't seen by many people, and I quite enjoyed it. As weak as it was in some ways, it had ideas and imagery that made it strong in others. When this film appeared on the Shudder streaming platform I just assumed that they had decided to platform the 2008 movie. Then I realised I was wrong. So I decided to give it a watch. Then I realised I was wrong again. This is a bad film that I would advise most people avoid.

Jasmine Mathews plays Riley, a young woman who sometimes gets night terrors, and those night terrors can allow an entity to cross through into our world and kill people. Riley believes that she now has things under control though. That's not quite right. It's not long until people around her are in danger, but it may not be Riley's fault. There may be people trying to force Riley to react in a certain way, hoping to make use of the power that flows from her condition.

Written and directed by James Ross II, Parasomnia is a small movie that needed a strong idea at the heart of it. Unfortunately, it doesn't have that. Arguably even more unfortunately, everyone involved with it seems to mistakenly believe that it does. The plot developments and minor twists and turns are delivered in a way that somehow feels very proud and self-assured when they should have been downplayed and obscured by a number of other simple pleasures (a bit more bloodshed, for example, and a much more playful tone for the majority of the runtime). Nothing here adheres to the general movie rule of "show, don't tell", and instead we get "tell, show, tell again" throughout many scenes.

Mathews isn't bad in her main role, but she's not given good material to work with. There are one or two moments in the third act that show how much better she could have been with a better screenplay, which is more than can be said for some of the people around her. Two of those people are RJ Brown and Sally Stewart (playing, respectively, Cam and Cam's mother). They're disappointingly weak, especially Stewart, who should have really been able to sink her teeth into things here, and that's harder to overlook when they're given so much screentime. Stephen Barrington does better with a much smaller role, Danny Brown is only around for a couple of minutes, and two other important characters are portrayed well enough by Simon Longnight and David Girard.

I can name you hundreds of movies that you should watch ahead of this one, and many of those movies will make use of very similar elements (whether you're after something with sleep demons in the mix, something twisting around and leading to what should be an impactful reveal in the third act, or something that has people being burned when they try to handle an evil energy that cannot be safely harnessed). One of those movies has the exact same title. You should avoid Parasomnia. But check out Parasomnia.

3/10

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Resident Evil (2026)

Yes, it's another movie set in the world of Resident Evil, which means another trip to Raccoon City, this time directed by Zach Cregger, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Shay Hatten. But, as you may have already heard, this isn't the most straightforward adaptation of the source material. Cregger isn't interested in faithfully recreating locations or characters from the videogame world. That doesn't mean that he isn't interested in giving people a fun and scary Resident Evil/videogame experience though.

Viewers spend the runtime following Bryan (Austin Abrams), a courier who is qualified to transport medical supplies/organs. He's just finished his last job, just in time to get home and have a very important conversation with his pregnant partner, but is then offered a tempting bonus for one last delivery that is outside the standard delivery range. Unfortunately for Bryan, it's to be delivered to Raccoon City General Hospital, and something has just gone very wrong in Raccoon City. 

There are zombies here, there's at least one vicious dog, and there are a number of impressively huge and angry mutations. If you don't think the character design here is in line with the Resident Evil games then I would argue that you haven't really played many of the games. There's a lot here that feels influenced from elsewhere too (The Thing casts a big shadow over this), but Resident Evil itself has never been the most original property. It's scientists running before they could walk, it's lots of monsters, and it's a great blend of fun and tension. That's what Cregger and Hatten keep running throughout their screenplay. They're also very much aware of the videogame structure, in terms of upgrading weaponry, having areas locked off until certain objectives have been met, and moving from one small location through a number of bigger locations en route to the expected setting for the grand finale.

The propulsive score by Hays Holladay and Ryan Holladay helps to maintain the sense of urgency, the cinematography by Dariusz Wolski is impressive, perfectly keeping things in shadows when needed, but never obscuring anything that's meant to be seen, and many of the shot choices will help to remind you of the dark nights spent nervously directing your videogame character through a doorway or around a corner that could contain some new and challenging horror.

Abrams is excellent in the main role, and he's helped by the fact that he's playing someone who seems genuinely considerate and good-hearted. He makes a big mistake at the start of the film, but this weighs on him for the rest of the runtime, even as the main event takes precedence and makes it increasingly unlikely that he will ever reunite with his partner. I found this hugely refreshing for a horror movie, considering how often we're shown people with flaws and/or secrets that can make things more acceptable when the grim reaper is slashing ever-closer to them with their big scythe. Constantly moving, and constantly muttering or swearing at the madness around him, Abrams is believable and easy to stay alongside. Aside from some characters who appear towards the very end of the movie (which allows for a brief appearance from Zach Cherry), there are very few other characters who stick around for long. Kali Reis and Paul Walter Hauser appear in time to deliver some exposition that sets up the third act, but the latter suffers from being asked to act comedically in a way that doesn't work at all with the rest of the film.

I'm still not sure if I love or hate the ending, but it's one of a number of bold choices that Cregger makes, and comes along after a scene set in a maternity ward that is impressively wild. It also feels in line with the way things always pan out in the videogames. While the whole thing may not be a perfect film, it's almost a perfect horror movie to enjoy at the cinema, with Cregger really knowing how to move between the tension and the brief moments of light relief that allow you to laugh at your own nervousness. Gatekeepers may want to try telling others what does and doesn't count as a Resident Evil movie, but everyone else should just be happy that we have such a wide variety under the one big Umbrella.

9/10

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Colony (2026)

When I heard that director Yeon Sang-ho was giving us another spin on the zombie movie, after impressing so many horror fans with the brilliant Train To Busan, I knew I would make it a priority. When I saw the trailer, highlighting a premise that had zombies working together with a collective intelligence, I knew I had to make it a top priority. So here we are.

In a standard zombie movie premise, a group of people end up trapped in a building when a major outbreak of zombie-ism occurs. That's just about the only thing this has in common with many other zombie movies though. Everything feels different from the very first moment, a scene in which a scientist (played by Koo Kyo-hwan) injects himself with a vaccine and calls the police to warn of a bio-terrorist attack that he's about to launch, and most viewers should be kept very happy by the way that this provides some expected zombie movie moments couched in something very atypical for the sub-genre.

Co-written by Sang-ho and Choi Gyu-seok, Colony is about as intelligent and enjoyably tense as you would want any horror movie to be. It's also full of some startlingly unusual imagery, especially when showing the zombie horde working together and making use of information that may have been processed without a full understanding of it. There's a good selection of main characters to root for, some being much more capable than others, and Kyo-hwan is excellent as the amoral "patient zero".

Jun Ji-hyun is very good as someone who quickly turns into the lead character. Although I wasn't familiar with her before seeing this, she does well enough to make me want to check out more of her filmography. Ji Chang-wook and Kim Shin-rok work very well as a brother and sister team, the latter being further disadvantaged by mobility issues that make things even trickier when speed and stealth become essential. Others also do good work, whether they look likely to live or die, but the other main character worth mentioning here is played by Shin Hyun-been, acting as a biotechnologist looking on, and trying to advise, from the relative safety of her position outwith the zone of infection.

Every time we think that there's no way to reinvigorate the zombie movie sub-genre someone manages to come along and do just that. Yeon Sang-ho has managed it at least twice now, maybe more than that if you've been won over by the other instalments in what we'll call "the Busan trilogy". I hope he does it again. Failing that, I'd absolutely love to see another film set within this world, and perhaps further developing some of the rules put in place here.

9/10

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Prime Time: Bone Keeper (2026)

Writer-director Howard J. Ford has given horror fans one or two gems throughout his career, but he doesn't seem to have ever returned to the level of potential he showed back in 2010 (when The Dead was released). I'm happy to keep checking out whatever he does, although I have quite a few of his features to catch up on, but Bone Keeper is not one of his better efforts. It's another British horror movie that feels as if it's trying to emulate the greatness that we got with The Descent. Unfortunately, all it does is remind you of how great The Descent is.

A group of young adults are exploring a cave system, trying to find out what happened to one or two people who went missing in the area. It soon becomes very obvious what happened. There's a big beastie in the cave system. Although he can't provide them with any immediate assistance, Professor Harrison (John Ryhs-Davies) takes part in a number of phone calls where he can provide exposition and over-emphasise the danger that should already be obvious to everyone.

It's hard to think of what to put here that could be positive. The weak script is delivered without any real energy by the cast, although Sarah Alexandra Marks isn't too bad as a nominal lead. There isn't any tension, nor are there any good jump scares for those after such simple pleasures. The creature design might seem initially appealing, considering how it changes and pulsates throughout, but there's a strangeness and clumsiness to it that may have viewers wondering until it's confirmed that, yes, this has been realised via the medium of AI. Urgh.

Derivative, cheap, and lazy, Ford just doesn't do enough to distract from the weaker elements. Even the way he uses Davies feels slightly disdainful, considering there aren't enough changes to the wardrobe and set to even pretend that it wasn't the most time-sensitive part of the shooting schedule. If anyone can watched this without thinking "I'd much rather just rewatch The Descent" then I'd love to hear from them. I'm sure at one point I even thought "I'd much rather rewatch The Cave."

As for others involved, I'll reel off the main cast members - Louis James, Tiffany Hannam-Daniels, Sophia Eleni, Danny Rahim, Tyler Winchcombe, and Sarah T. Cohen. There are others who show up in smaller roles, but I genuinely wouldn't remember those I just named if not checking back over the credits. I started this review thinking I might try to find some more positives, but I've grown more displeased with the film as I have spent more time thinking about what it served up. Not recommended, but I'll give it a bonus point or two for the decent lighting and production design.

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: The Irrefutable Truth About Demons (2000)

The best thing going for The Irrefutable Truth About Demons is that it has, to use an accurate description, a good dose of Clive Barker mixed through it. The worst thing working against the film is that it has, well, a good dose of Clive Barker mixed through it. I rarely say this, but this is a film that might have worked better if reworked to be a part of the sprawling and uneven Hellraiser franchise. There's definitely something worthwhile here, but it's hampered by the fact that it cannot show some truly horrific visions of a dark underworld running parallel to our own everyday lives.

Karl Urban stars as an anthropology professor, Harry Ballard, who becomes the focus of attention of a satanic cult. Harry has spent a long time denying the existence of powers and demons that the cult believes in, which may explain why they have some very specific plans for him now. The cult leader (Le Valliant, played by Jonathon Hendry) is a powerful foe, but Harry receives some unexpected assistance from a troubled young woman named Benny (Katie Wolfe).

The first full feature from writer-director Glenn Standring, who followed this up with the mediocre Perfect Creature, this is an admirable attempt to present some old-fashioned and traditional horror movie tropes with fresh coat of paint on them. Let's face it, the core of the plot is very much in line with the likes of The Devil Rides Out and Night Of The Demon, as well as something like Lord Of Illusions (funnily enough), but it doesn't quite manage to be as good as any of the tales influencing it.

Urban is a big plus in the lead role. It may be a few years before he would become a fully-fledged movie star, but the talent and charisma is all there. He's a good lead, and he tries his best to sell even the silliest moments. Wolfe doesn't do too bad alongside him, although she's asked to be consistently twitchy and quirky while viewers quickly get to figure out just why she's such a bag of nerves. It's a shame that Hendry isn't as good as the main villain, and he's not helped by the fact that a number of his minions are ripped from the pages of "spiky loonies dressed by Hot Topic in the year 2000".

I kept wanting this to impress me, but it sadly failed to manage that. Instead of building up to anything spectacular and impressive, it stumbled from one weak sequence to the next after an opening that had me hoping for something smarter and wittier. The character played by Urban showed a lot of promise, especially if given the kind of intelligence and attitude that exemplified other sceptical heroes of horror/sci-fi (I'm thinking of people like Quatermass and Kolchak here), but that's all undone by Standring making the mistake of removing ambiguity far too early in the runtime.  

The Irrefutable Truth About Demons ends up being distinctly average, but who has time to watch a horror movie from the year 2000 that doesn't manage to be more than distinctly average? Okay, there's me, but most people are much more discerning than I am. 

5/10

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Prime Time: Scared Shitless (2024)

The story of a plumber (Don, played by Steven Ogg) and his germophobic son, Sonny (Daniel Doheny), Scared Shitless is the kind of horror comedy you can easily imagine being pretty good when you think about the main elements. It has decent lead cast members (including Chelsea Clark and Marcia Bennett in main roles), it largely keeps all of the action in one location, and there are some decent practical effects bringing the central creature to life. 

Everything starts when Don and Sonny head along to an apartment building for a standard job. Don is trying to get Sonny to conquer his germophobia, and he thinks having him as his apprentice might just help. It turns out that their job isn't actually your usual plumbing job though, not when a creature seems to be moving around some of the pipes. Patricia (Clark) works in the building and wants discretion, but she may end up helping Don and Sonny when they all realise just how big a problem they might have on their hands.

Written by Brandon Cohen, expanding his short from a few years ago, Scared Shitless isn't helped by the fact that it's just a bit too under-written. Cohen has a fun idea at the heart of things, and benefits from the casting, but there's nothing here that's as funny or gruesome as it could be. Director Vivieno Caldinelli does well enough with the material, but what was needed was a much bigger selection of disposable characters and some more moments of bloody mayhem. Or maybe even some excessive amounts of fecal waste.

Ogg is a lot of fun in his role, being amusingly dry and dour for most of the runtime. Doheny plays his part well, being squeamish and jittery without spending every other minute fainting at the sight of anything that could contaminate his safe personal bubble. Clark is very easy to warm to, Bennett is a sweet and lovely resident who you don't want to see come to any harm, and the few other main characters are played by Lorna Wilson, Marty Adams, Donald Tripe, Mark McKinney, and Brynn Godenir. You may think that presents a decent selection of victims, but the film needed more bodies to be put in serious danger.

Undemanding horror comedy fans will find enough to enjoy here, especially when it comes to the presentation of the creature effects, but those who have seen a lot of films in this vein (and I count myself in that demographic) will be disappointed by the lack of creativity and style on display. Everything is okay, but nothing ever becomes more than okay. You can pick something better for your first choice when lining up an evening of viewings. If you're in a good mood then you could pick this as a secondary option. It might turn out to be a decent number two. 

5/10

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Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma (2026)

I have to start my review of Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma by reminding people that I didn't love Censor as much as most people. Why bother saying that? Well, the two films have a hell of a lot in common, although they're also easily set apart by the differences. Both features have a very firm foundation built upon the wild years of the '80s VHS horror boom, making use of a nostalgia that I said years ago was already wearing thin, both have numerous moments that play around with reality, and both do a very good job of recreating some fun period details.

The big difference, however, is that Prano Bailey-Bond, the co-writer and director of Censor, for me, felt detached from, and somehow looking down upon, the horror genre works that she was referencing. Writer-director Jane Schoenbrun, threading a needle here that mixes meta fun with complex identity and sexual journeys, feels like someone who is happy to be immersed in this world, and spends almost every minute of the runtime referencing horror tropes and observations in a way that feels equal parts authentic and slightly bonkers, in the best way.

The main plot here concerns a hotshot young director, Kris (Hannah Einbinder), who has been tasked with resurrecting and rejuvenating a tired slasher movie series. To really get things right, Kris decides that she should seek the blessing of the reclusive actress, Billy (Gillian Anderson), who played the final girl in the original movie. Billy now lives at the camp that provided the setting for that film, ensuring that Kris soon starts to become fascinated by just how thin the fabric can be between movie moments and reality. And that fabric certainly won't protect anyone if the movie killer, Little Death (Jack Haven), manages to slash their way through to our world.

I really don't have all the words available to me when it comes to the many ways I want to praise Teenage Sex And Death At Camp Miasma. While Schoenbrun has made personal statements with her previous two films, and certainly inserts enough details and moments here that feel autobiographical at times, this feels like a huge step up, in terms of the scope and the conversation it has with viewers. Because, as with all Schoenbrun films, this is a film that relies on viewers actively responding to how things play out. 

Einbinder is fantastic in her role here, even if it feels like she's only a step removed from her character in Hacks at times, but it's Anderson who has the most fun, helped by an over the top Southern drawl and a selection of enigmatic speeches. She's not only the most important character in relation to Einbinder's entry point to her potential upcoming movie, she's someone who can help to explain what power and positivity can remain in many horror movies that are often reframed and re-contextualised by modern viewers. This feels like the thread that Schoenbrun is most interested in pulling at, especially when it comes to how representation and acceptance of sexuality on a spectrum have changed so much in the past few decades, but there's also something worthwhile in the way that horror movies would still, for better or worse, give prominent roles to characters you wouldn't often see in other genres.

There's a lot more to enjoy here, whether it's the obvious brilliance of the potted history we're shown that presents the Camp Miasma series as an obvious Friday The 13th proxy or the supporting performances from the likes of Kevin McDonald, Patrick Fischler, Zach Cherry, and Amanda Fix (playing the younger version of Anderson's character), but it's the layered and rewatchable nature of it that will ensure satisfaction for so many viewers, whether they're moved by the journey of the main characters or amused and entertained by the slasher movie moments, or both. Although she has her very own style, her very own perspective, and her own relationship with the movies referenced here, Schoenbrun uses her platform to give others a safe space to explore their own emotions and histories. Problematic creatives and problematic content can still become part of the fabric of who you are, part of everything that you grow to love and vouch for, without those problems necessarily having to be erased or excused by those with different views. And, if we're being as honest with ourselves as the film wants us to be, sometimes those problematic elements can be part of the appeal. It doesn't make fans bad for wanting to spend some time immersed in a fantasy.

Others may think I have completely misread this film, and they could be correct, but I'm happy to have had my own personal reaction to everything it served up. And I'll be happy to read the different interpretations of it from other people. That's the beauty of it, and it aligns perfectly with the multi-faceted nature of horror fandom, and indeed the multi-faceted nature of us humans and our messy sexual explorations.

10/10

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Prime Time: Slotherhouse (2023)

It's quite ironic that I was very slow to get around to this horror comedy, but I'm happy to say that I finally made time to enjoy the sheer silliness of this. While written and directed by a bunch of people I am not familiar with, Slotherhouse shows how much fun can be had when people commit to some entertaining stupidity, especially when the technical side of things is done well enough to keep it looking professional and made with at least some small amount of care.

Lisa Ambalavanar plays Emily, a young woman who wants to become the president of her sorority. She has a major fight on her hands to usurp Brianna (Sydney Craven), but soon discovers that a cute pet can help to win over many fans. Which starts to happen after she takes ownership of a sloth. The sloth isn't always as slow and cute as it appears though, and it's not long until the killings begin.

Writers Bradley Fowler and Cady Lanigan do everything they can to encourage viewers to lean into the ridiculousness of this. They start off with little moments of sloth-induced murder and mayhem, provide a montage at about the halfway point, and then deliver a third act that is all the more entertaining for being completely implausible (by the time the sloth is posting to Instagram with niche hashtags and another victim then you're either laughing or ready to turn the thing off).

Director Matthew Goodhue keeps everything looking and feeling as it should. Shot choices and framing allow for a lot of enjoyable practical effects and puppeteering, overlaid imagery use social media snapshots to deliver main character traits and developing tensions, and there are a number of fun homages throughout (some much more obvious than others, but Gremlins feels like the biggest influence at times). 

While the cast is made up of lesser-known actors, I think they deserve some praise for being so game about the whole thing. They play everything pretty straight, with the humour coming more from their Mean Girls antics than the murderous sloth, and do well at either portraying a character going through a journey (Ambalavanar) or fully embracing their stereotype (Craven). Bianca Beckles-Rose is a lot of fun as the hyper Zenny, Olivia Rouyre is good as the young woman who warns our lead against the path she seems intent on walking, and Tiff Stevenson provides some extra laughs as Ms. Mayflower, the "house mother" who secretly wants another chance to have a better position in the sorority hierarchy.

If you've been as slow as me to get around to this one then make time for it now. I'm not going to say it's an overlooked modern classic, nor am I guaranteeing that you will chuckle as often as I did, but it's a lot of fun, and I would definitely watch Slotherhouse 2: Locked In The Zoo.

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: What Happened To Dorothy Bell? (2024)

While not strictly adhering to the form throughout, as far as I could tell, What Happened To Dorothy Bell? is essentially another in a long line of found footage horrors. It's a surprisingly good one though, helped by the technical side of things being as good as you could hope for, especially when it comes to the quiet soundscape and low lighting throughout most of the runtime.

Ozzie Gray (Asya Meadows) decides to embark on a project to find out what happened to their grandmother, Dorothy Bell (Arlene Arnone Bibbs). There are a number of fond childhood memories, but there's also a very dark and dangerous episode that seemed to mark the beginning of the end for Dorothy. Ozzie doesn't find many people willing to help them, but they also try to spend some time discussing their feelings on the subject in online appointments with Dr. Robin Connelly (Lisa Wilcox).

The second full feature from writer-director Danny Villanueva Jr., this contains enough solid scares and impressive atmosphere to make him well worth keeping an eye on. It's so good that I am keen to look back at his past works (an anthology titled I Dream Of A Psychopomp and a number of shorts), and I definitely want to see what he does with access to a bigger budget and better resources. There's nothing here that feels cheap though, but it's obvious that Villanueva Jr. is working within certain limitations.

Meadows is a decent lead, and delivers a very convincing performance even as things start to get weirder and spookier. Bibbs is haunting, and does so well that her presence looms large throughout every scene, as it should be. Villanueva Jr. may have done well with his writing and shot choices to keep viewers on their toes, but Bibbs is an important part of why we can believe that Ozzie wants to keep hoping for the best even as things don't look destined to have a happy ending. Wilcox is a very welcome addition, and she must be pleased to have been involved in the most memorably scary sequence in the whole film.

Ultimately a good choice for anyone after some thrills and chills, the only real downside is the way that Villanueva Jr. seems to have one or two extra ideas that he can't satisfyingly wrangle into the plot. I think, though others may disagree, that keeping this one more focused on scares and atmosphere, instead of developing a background lore that ultimately falters, could have left this a much better film. But it may have been even shorter than the 80-minute runtime, which may have been a factor in Villanueva Jr. trying to add in something wholly unnecessary.

This is one of those occasions, however, when the mistakes just add to a sense of positivity. If he learns some valuable lessons from this then Villanueva Jr. could easily deliver something even more impressive and scary with his next outing. I wouldn't even mind if he reassembled the same cast and decided to rework some of the better moments from this.

7/10

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Prime Time: Return To Silent Hill (2026)

A friend of mine recently watched Return To Silent Hill and commented that it was somewhat akin to a number of the cut scenes from Silent Hill 2 being stitched together without any real care or consideration for other standard movie elements. I'm paraphrasing slightly, but that seems to have summed up her opinion. I can't really disagree, but I somehow enjoyed this much more than I expected to.

Jeremy Irvine plays James Sunderland, a man who enters the town of Silent Hill as he spends time looking for his lost love, Mary (Hannah Emily Anderson). Once there, he starts to see some very strange and disturbing sights, and also meets a few other lost souls, one of them looking VERY similar to Mary.

A return to the movie series for director Christophe Gans, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Sandra Vo-Anh and William Josef Schneider, this is a ambient mood piece that probably works best as background noise for fans of Silent Hill 2. I've just started exploring that videogame world, although I have some recollection of my time playing the very first game back on the PSOne, and even I felt a comforting familiarity as soon as the early scenes of the movie made it clear that the plot here was sticking very close to the popular game.

The environment is well-rendered and feels very much how it should be. It's mist-filled, many buildings look spoiled in some way, and the more creepy creations move and threaten as they should. It's just a real shame that I cared less about the main character here than I did when he was under my control on my videogame console.

Irvine has his work cut out from him, with most of his performance relying on him to look either bewildered or sad, but he doesn't help himself. Maybe it's the direction, but Irvine feels even more lifeless and noncorporeal than anything else onscreen. Okay, that feeds into some of the main themes of the story, but it doesn't make for an engaging and watchable main character. Anderson does much better, perfectly embodying a welcome bit of light in the encroaching darkness of the town. As for the other cast members who appear, the best ones are the physical performers who end up credited with descriptions like "armless", "spider lady", "nurse", and, of course, "Pyramid Head".

It's a shame that this does nothing interesting with the property, and I can understand people being annoyed by how relatively hollow and dull it is, but I must say that it worked for me. Maybe that's because it just felt like playing through the game without the risk of frustration or unexpected death, two things which happen to me often when I am attempting to overcome my serious videogaming limitations. I can still see that it doesn't work well as a movie, but it works well enough as a collage of Silent Hill 2 highlights.

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Hellcat (2025)

I can see why writer-director Brock Bodell thought Hellcat would work well for his first feature. It's a twist on a familiar scenario, it mainly features two characters together in one location, and the focus stays on dialogue ahead of any gore or set-pieces. Unfortunately, it's not very good.

Dakota Gorman plays Lena, the young woman who wakes up in the back of a spacious vehicle being driven by Clive (Todd Terry). Lena is understandably upset and afraid, but Clive keeps trying to reassure her that he's only trying to help her. She's been bitten by something, and Clive aims to get her to a medical professional. There's no reason to trust Clive, but his actions generally seem to back up his claim of not wanting to hurt Lena. 

There are a number of ways to take Hellcat, considering the material. On one level, it's a straightforward thriller with a dangerous man having kidnapped someone who has to fear for their life. On another level, it's exploring some well-known horror lore, and seeks to play around with a couple of tropes on the way to a risibly awful ending. And in some ways, it's another one of those recent movies that shows a figure being proven right in some belief he has that would be derided by the vast majority of the population. Maybe I'm giving it too much credit with that interpretation, but I can certainly say that no one version of this tale is presented in a satisfying way.

Gorman and Terry both do well enough in the lead roles, but they're at the mercy of a screenplay that forces them to go round and round in circles for the majority of the runtime, only verbalising a number of truths when it's time for the plot to creep forward as slowly as if it's being pushed through thick molasses. Jordan Mullins plays a cop who seems immediately untrustworthy, and Liz Atwater is Clive's daughter, Ollie. Both are fine, but neither get to do enough to make their inclusion truly worthwhile. It's almost as if Bodell came up with a lean, and fairly simple, premise and then didn't have faith in his ability to hold the attention of viewers with just two main cast members and his one main idea at the heart of the story.

I had my concerns about this as soon as I started it, but I was still hoping for the best. Sadly, this isn't one to recommend to most people. It's just not strong enough, nor is it helmed by someone capable of making up for the weaker elements. And I cannot stress just how bad the final scenes are. It's enough to undo any good feeling created by the rest of the film, and I'm surprised at just how much Bodell seems to pile one bad creative decision onto another, like some unstable Jenga tower of incompetence.

I hope he does better with whatever he may have lined up next. He can't do much worse, but if enough lessons were learned then I'll still make time for any upcoming features. 

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: Queens Of The Dead (2025)

If you're going to wade into the overcrowded territory of zombie movies and think you can make your mark on the sub-genre then I guess it could be a huge help, or a huge hindrance, to be the child of George A. Romero AKA "the father of the zombie film". It also helps to put a different spin on things, even if that's just setting most of the movie in a club largely populated by drag queens, for instance.

Queens Of The Dead is just that, a club-set zombie movie directed and co-written by Tina Romero. There's supposed to be a big night happening, which would help club owner Dre (Katy O'Brian), but the plans are interrupted by an unexpected influx of hungry creatures. They're not the only ones who can seem fierce and fearless though. 

A debut feature for both Romero and Erin Judge (the other writer), Queens Of The Dead feels very much like a debut feature, yet it could have easily avoided the usual pitfalls. There are enough good performers, and enough familiar faces, to help it stand out from the crowd. There's a fun idea at the heart of it. And there's also a soundtrack with a few hit songs features (which, admittedly, may have taken up too much of the budget). 

O'Brian has been doing very well over the past few years, and she makes a great central character here. She's not the only one given a full journey to go on, but she has the ability to stand out from the others and feel like the actual lead. Jaquel Spivey, playing Sam, is the other person allowed to show growth and development during the escalating crisis, and does a very good job. There are smaller roles for both Margaret Cho and Riki Lindhome, two comics you may well recognise, and other core group members are played by Quincy Dunn-Baker, Tomás Matos, Nina West, Jack Haven, and Dominique Jackson. Most of them do well, but there's a very wide range of acting skill levels on display. And let's not forget a Tom Savini cameo that is neither clever nor amusing, but I guess it ticks a box when it comes to trying to appeal to fans of Romero's legacy.

It's a great shame that the screenplay isn't better, especially with the excellent potential of the premise. Some amusing insults are peppered throughout, but there's a disappointingly small amount of full-blooded snark and cutting comments. The character played by Dunn-Baker is shown to be a typical guy struggling to use the right terminology, but even he isn't used as well as he could be. And the fact that he's on his own ensures that tensions remain pretty low. Yes, that's the other big problem. There's no tension. The characters onscreen rarely accept the full seriousness of the situation, which makes it impossible for viewers to be truly concerned about the fate of anyone.

Tina Romero does just enough to keep this above the very worst of the worst zombie movies, thanks to the characters assembled and the spirit of "existence is resistance" that bonds so many of them during this horribly tough time in the real world around us, but she needs to spend more time on the writing and ways to cover up the low budget when she gets around to making whatever her next feature may be. I hope she moves away from zombies, or figures out how to mix in more horror and threat with the comedy.

5/10

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Shudder Saturday: I Heart Willie (2025)

Sometimes I watch a film and I know that I won't feel the need to be nice and polite about it. It doesn't happen often, and I have mentioned recently that I try not to be too personal or too rude, but there are certain films that feel so cynical and lazy that they deserve as little of my time and energy as possible, making me far less inclined to be pleasant to those involved in it.

I Heart Willie is one of those films. It's another in the current crop of films made by people who thought they were clever when the copyright on certain specific properties expired. I've heard from people I trust that some of the others aren’t actually that bad, but the few I have been brave enough to endure so far have all been pretty dire, and this is the worst of them . . . so far.

Written by David Vaughn, who also plays the main monstrous character, all you get here is a group of weak and unsympathetic characters ending up trapped by a skin-carving killer. Each main death is underlit, grossly mishandled, and so dull that it feels like a determined artistic statement on the monotony of the life of a compulsive serial killer.

Director Alejandro G. Alegre doesn’t show any desire to do anything interesting, but equally shows no desire to provide simple thrills and entertainment. There’s a tiresome moment of gratuitous nudity from the one actress I presume was persuaded to take her top off, some very poor special effects, and a killer backstory that is much more laughable than it had to be.

I won’t even mention the cast. Nobody is good here, aside from maybe one person who is involved in one scene near the start that has him pushed out of the proceedings far too early. Everyone else is either so weak or outright awful that the kindest thing I can do here is not name them.

The only thing stopping this from being among the very worst things I have ever seen is the sheer quantity and variable quality of my viewing choices. Most people will struggle to name a worse modern slasher. I was more thrilled and entertained years ago when I used to play Castle Of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse on my SEGA system.

2/10

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Shudder Saturday: Saccharine (2026)

Although I had forgotten her name, it turns out that writer-director Natalie Erika James is someone I have been following throughout her full feature career. Her first film (Relic) worked well with an interesting premise that she handled quite well. Her second film (Apartment 7A) couldn't move beyond the restrictions of it being a prequel to a very well-known horror classic. And now we have Saccharine, which is her best yet. I think I need to go back now and check out the short films that she made between 2011 and 2018, if they're available. The completist in me would be very pleased.

Midori Francis stars here as Hana, a medical student who has her life changed one day when she is offered a new "miracle" diet pill. Examining it to find out the ingredients, Hana soon discovers that it contains human ashes. It seems to work though, which leads Hana to attempt to make her own. She soon finds out that using part of a human body to make a diet supplement can affect more than just your appetite.

Taking things to a horror movie extreme, Saccharine is an obvious warning against putting things into your body in the search for a "quick fix". It's also an exploration of the various daily interactions, and personal baggage, that can contribute to insecurity and confusion, which can then lead to a chain reaction of bad decisions. It's a funny coincidence that I watched this while I am currently reading a book titled Butter (by Asako Yuzuki), which I recommend to those interested in the themes being explored here.

Both Danielle Macdonald and Madeleine Madden do very well in their supporting roles here, and there are others involved in one or two key scenes, but this feels very much like a film resting on the shoulders of Francis, and she acquits herself superbly. Even as her behaviour becomes more erratic and dangerous, Hana remains someone you can root for and like. That's as much to do with the performance from Francis as it is to do with the writing that allows her to become an unwitting victim of whatever is now controlling her appetite.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and viewpoint when it comes to movies, of course, but I would say that the many comments I have seen referring to this as a body horror didn't feel right. There is an element of that, I guess, considering how the main character views herself, and the journey that she goes on, but this is more of a straightforward bit of spookiness, and all the better for it. There are a number of scenes that will feel very familiar to those who appreciate their J-horrors, and everything leads slowly but surely to a brilliantly dark and extreme finale.

Benjamin Morgan and Charlie Sarroff are credited with the cinematography, both doing work that deserves to be praised here, and Hannah Peel also needs singled out for her interesting and breathy soundscape. In fact, it's hard for me to think of any one element here that doesn't work well. Saccharine is easily one of my favourite horrors of the year, and it's already been such a good year for the genre.

9/10

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Prime Time: Whistle (2025)

There are many fine examples of whistling throughout the horror genre. Okay, there's one, but it's one that casts a mighty shadow. That one is the great M. R. James tale, adapted a number of times (most notably with Michael Hordern in the lead role). And now we have Whistle, a film based around an Aztec death whistle. It causes very bad things to happen to anyone who hears it being blown. You would think that the easiest thing to do would be to just not blow it, but then we'd have no movie.

Written by Owen Egerton and directed by Corin Hardy, two people who should already be known to horror fans, this is a teen horror movie interested in doing nothing more than being a teen horror movie. It's not very good, but it at least clears the low bar that it sets for itself.

A group of students end up in possession with a skull-shaped whistle. They soon find out that anyone who hears it ends up dying, but not in a normal way. They are actually visited by an apparition of their future selves, and die in the way they were due to die in the future. And so begins a race against time, the teens eventually realising what is happening and then trying to figure out if there's a way to stop it.

The screenplay is the problem here. Egerton has a fun idea, but doesn't do enough to make the most of it. This should have been full of impressive set-pieces, blood and gore thrown around in lieu of any proper scares, but it's a disappointingly bloodless affair, for the most part. The one major highlight just serves to remind viewers of how weak the rest of the film is. It doesn't help that none of the characters are very interesting, not even the leads (played by Dafne Keen and Sophie Nélisse), and also doesn't help that the cast give such flat performances.

Neither Keen nor Nélisse manage to feel like the best casting choices here, but the same can be said of almost everyone in the cast, from Sky Yang and Jhaleil Swaby to Ali Skovbye and Percy Hynes White. Even the "star cameo" from Nick Frost feels like a role that could have had someone better there (perhaps someone with more of a presence in the horror genre).

I am happy to enjoy some dumb fun, not every film needs to be layered and deep. I expected to be an easy mark for Whistle. It's a shame that it couldn't do better when it comes to the simple pleasures I was hoping for. Considering how forgiving I often am, or am often accused of being, the fact that I can't even bring myself to rate this as anything more than average should serve as a warning to those who are a bit more discerning with their viewing choices. It should still just about work for those wanting a slick and mindless distraction for 100 minutes though. 

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: Speak No Evil (2024)

There are times when everyone else seems to make time for a film that I know I won't get around to for quite a while, for all kinds of different reasons. Speak No Evil was one of those films. I just couldn't bring myself to be enthusiastic about it, despite the amount of people I know who said it was a surprisingly good remake of the original film. 

While those people were quite correct in their general assumption, I think they should have also admitted that, despite the content throughout most of the runtime, there are a number of mis-steps in the third act that make this absolutely on par with so many other remakes that exist simply due to people not wanting to read subtitles. Speak No Evil is dark and mean-spirited, for the most part, but it's defanged and neutered just in time for the end credits to roll, leaving anyone who was impressed by the original sorely dissatisfied and disappointed.

Scoot McNairy and Mackenzie Davis are Ben and Louise Dalton, a married couple with one daughter, Agnes (Alix West Lefler), and a lot of obvious tension in their relationship. While on holiday in Italy they meet Paddy (James McAvoy), Ciara (Aisling Franciosi), and their son, Ant (Dan Hough). Ant is unable to speak, but his parents are very friendly and chatty. And they invite Ben, Louise, and Agnes to visit them when they're all back in the UK some time. But things quickly become a bit strange and uncomfortable when the sheen of that "new holiday friendship" has gone and Paddy continues to tease and antagonise his guests.

Based on the original screenplay, this has been written and directed by James Watkins, possibly still a bit infamous for the darkness and horror of his debut feature, Eden Lake (one of the few films I rate very highly and never want to rewatch). Watkins is a great choice to helm this, and he's helped by the casting, which makes it even more of a shame to see how things ultimately play out. It's good that he didn't feel the need to change too much for the set-up though, which basically creates a twisted comedy of manners around the nightmarish notion that people who made casual mention of some future time socialising together actually meant what they said.

McAvoy is the overwhelming dark star of the film, dancing his way from mirth to menace repeatedly in a performance that taps into the impressive depths of scariness he's displayed in a number of other features. As the one who finds herself most often the target of his questions and barbs, Davis is also very good. Both she and McNairy play their characters with a slight snobbery and fragility that allows viewers to consider their downfall with some glee until the scales start to tip in their favour as they strive to remain calm and polite in the face of ever-increasing unpleasantness. Franciosi is on a par with everyone else, and both of the younger cast members are enjoyably natural and believable, whether they're just playing around or becoming afraid of the situation developing among the adults.

This is a good one to try and endure. And it's slightly easier to endure than the original movie. That's what makes it more entertaining and enjoyable. But it's also what leads to the biggest weakness. So, weighing up the good and the bad, I would have to rate this on a par with the original. It's a very solid thriller, and impressively dark. Until what feels like an obvious number of concessions in the third act.

7/10

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Evil Dead Burn (2026)

It has been fascinating to see the Evil Dead franchise expand and evolve throughout the decades. When you think about it, the original film was just a gnarly little horror movie that was considered something like a rite of passage for years. Then the sequel reworked things to amplify and underline the comedy. The third film continued that journey. There have been comics featuring new adventures and crossover tales, there was a pretty good remake/reimagining, a wonderful TV show that we could never have imagined getting at the turn of the century, and then Evil Dead Rise managed to take things in another direction while still feeling true to the essence of the franchise. And now along comes Evil Dead Burn, bringing everything crashing down to a new low point.

I like seeing my deadites in a simplistic horror premise. I also liked seeing them used in ways that allow the movies to work as metaphors for addiction or the trials of motherhood. Evil Dead Burn is about family, what it takes to be together with loved ones, and what harm can come from refusing to acknowledge problems and serious character failings that can affect others in the wider world (EDIT: I have tried to be a bit vague and coy here, but it's worth noting, since I have seen others triggered by it, that almost the entirety of Evil Dead Burn is inextricably intertwined with the pain and claustrophobia of domestic abuse). It's not a terrible film, and there are some fun bits of gore, but almost every main element suffers in comparison to anything we've seen previously in this series.

A family is mourning. Will (George Pullar) has died in a horrific car accident. The funeral is a tense affair, attended by his mother (Tandi Wright), father (Erroll Shand), grandmother (Maude Davey), brother (Joseph, played by Hunter Doohan), Joseph's girlfriend (Thya, played by Luciane Buchanan), and Will's wife (Alice, played by Souheila Yacoub). Once back at the family home after the funeral, tensions rise further, and there are some evil entities who want to gatecrash the occasion, on a mission to gain possession of a dagger in the house that has the power to destroy them. 

It's easy to see why director Sébastien Vanicek was considered a good fit for this franchise. His previous film was a decent bit of horror with some stylish camerawork and some good moments of claustrophobia. Once again sharing the writing duties with Florent Bernard, Vanicek knows how to build up a decent selection of horror movies. He doesn't seem to know how to marry his mentality to the tone of the Evil Dead series though. For as traumatic and gory as they have been, the best moments have always had some humour. People thought that was lacking in Evil Dead Rise, but I thought it was often still there. This one is a depressingly downbeat affair though. There's no sense of mischief or malicious glee, although one character comes close in the high point of the film (which was, sadly, already shown in the trailers), and that makes most of the runtime a bit of a tiresome wait to see how one main character will make it to the end credits, or indeed IF they will make it. Too many of the supporting characters are maimed or possessed too early to allow for anything playful and tense, and I would make a strong case stating that this franchise is no place for any director to show off their ability to create an extended single take sequence punctuated by violence and pain moving just in and out the edges of the frame. I also don't need strained connections to previous instalments, thanks but no thanks.

It doesn't help that the cast generally lack a sense of watchability. Shand and Buchanan are the notable exceptions, but the former is overused in a way that continually undermines the impact he could have made. Buchanan excels though, and steals the movie for a few minutes at the halfway point. Yacoub suffers from material that doesn't let her do anything other than react to the unfolding evil and craziness around her, Doohan suffers from the fact that he looks a bit too similar to Anton Yelchin in this, which just made me sad as I remembered how we lost Yelchin so young, and both Wright and Davey are used in disappointingly predictable ways. As for Pullar, his screentime is obviously limited, but he's also often surrounded by CGI of varying quality. There's also a dog here, and dog lovers may want to approach this with a fair amount of caution.

The score is decent, although it retains a level of constant noisy dread in line with the structuring of the film, and there are some of the enjoyably bloody and gloopy effects that fans would expect, but there's not enough here to make it feel as if it's worthy of using the Evil Dead name. Vanicek seems so pre-occupied with working in the fire and heat motifs that he forgets to deliver some actual fun alongside the mutilations and deaths. The previous film showed that the series didn't have to stay shackled to the mighty personality of Bruce Campbell's Ash. This film shows that there are so many other ingredients that should be retained by anyone wanting to rework a recipe from the classic selections available in the Necronimicon Cookbook. 

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: Cuckoo (2024)

Having heard some good word about Cuckoo back when it was first released, I'm not sure why I kept delaying a viewing of it until now. Although, now finally having seen it, maybe that was some part of my brain already aware of the fact that it might not work for me. Because I didn't like this, and I am quite bewildered by some of the praise it received.

Hunter Schafer plays Gretchen, a teen who is forced to move with her father and his new wife, as well as her mute half-sister (Alma, played by Mila Lieu) to a fairly isolated hotel project in Bavaria. Gretchen is offered support and a warm welcome from Herr König (Dan Stevens), the man employing the services of her father, but she senses that something is quite wrong. Maybe it's to do with the hooded woman (Kalin Morrow) who starts to follow her around. 

There's an interesting idea at the heart of Cuckoo, and it's clear that the core premise and the title were always clear in the mind of writer-director Tilman Singer, but it feels like a film made by someone so happy with the concept that they forgot to fully consider just how it would reverberate through a screenplay that needed something more. Every bit of tension and confusion has been presented much better in so many other "stranger in a strange town" tales, and the third act is disappointingly underwhelming when things are clarified that feel as if they were already quite obvious.

Schafer is good in the lead role. She's a captivating presence, and able to handle the escalating silliness with a straightforward approach that helps to keep everything grounded. Stevens is at the other end of the spectrum, having a lot of fun with his German phrases and accent, making himself so super-friendly that it's clear he has some involvement in whatever is going on. Lieu is often sidelined, but does a great job when involved in the finale, Morrow cuts an interesting figure, and there's room for Jan Bluthardt, Martin Csokas, Jessica Henwick, Greta Fernández, and others to have some screentime. 

While there's an enjoyable oddness to this, I can't help thinking that Singer couldn't quite nail down the tone. The horror isn't as effective as it should be, and the second half should be much more disturbing and unsettling, considering what is being revealed. It all ends up just being one odd thing after another though, which makes it feel more like a parade than an intriguingly-developed narrative. Some of the visuals work well, but a few important touches (especially the main effect felt by those who are momentarily unsettled by something close enough to disorientate them) fall completely flat. 

Add a point if you ever wished to hear Dan Stevens delivering dialogue in a well-executed German accent. But I would direct you towards better movies in which he has had fun playing non-English speakers. 

4/10

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Shudder Saturday: Touch Me (2025)

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that you know isn't necessarily great, but they help you to forget the rest of the world for a while? They feel like they're healing you from past traumas, they know just what to say and do, most of the time, and you can at least lose yourself in some throes of ecstasy during the good sex.

That's what Touch Me is all about. It's a psychodrama that also has some moments of horror and plenty of dark comedy running through it. The second film from writer-director Addison Heimann, after the interesting misfire of Hypochondria, this is a huge step up for him, and signifies the strong possibility of a bright future ahead.

Olivia Taylor Dudley is Joey, a lost young woman who finds herself drawn back to her ex, Brian (Lou Taylor Pucci). Joey's bestie, Craig (Jordan Gavaris), accompanies her, but he ends up also attracted to Brian. Brian is hard to resist, despite the fact that he's actually a multi-tentacled alien with some plan that is supposedly meant to save his home planet. Everyone knows this, including a line-in helper (Laura, played by Marlene Forte), but what are a few tentacles and dubious plans when you can feel so good for a short while every day?

Moving smoothly between light and dark, Touch Me works as an obvious analogy for more standard relationships without feeling too clumsy and obvious. It's helped by the alien tentacle content, which does a good job of distracting viewers while the central messaging remains clear and concise throughout. It's also helped by a great score, from Jimmy LaValle (who has worked numerous times with the brilliant Aaron Moorhead and Justin Benson, two of the producers here), and a fantastic core cast.

Dudley is excellent in the lead, one of those people who can be good enough to keep you on their side, despite the selfishness and difficult behaviour. Gavaris also does well, playing his part as equal parts supportive friend and jealous competitor as Brian takes, and maintains, a mesmerising hold over our two main humans. Pucci is given the toughest role, having to be charming, confident, persuasive, and sexually-alluring throughout. The fact that he somehow manages to be all of those things, despite the outfits that he's made to wear, is testament to his hard work. It's also great to watch him be so calm throughout most of the runtime, making the moments that have him worked up all the more effective, and I found myself believing that people could easily fall under his spell. Forte has the least of the four main roles, but she does very well with what she's given, and Ashley Lauren Nedd is a lot of fun in the couple of scenes that have her portraying Dr. Kelly, a psychiatrist certainly not about to take the tales of a wild past told to her by Dudley's character at face value.

Heimann has already received a lot of praise from those who saw this at a number of festivals, but that praise shouldn't stop now that it's more widely available. Those who know the themes being explored, and have an idea of how some familiar elements are being used to make everything feel a bit stranger and . . . out there than it otherwise would be, should be satisfied. Maybe not as satisfied as some of the main characters feel, but the satisfaction of the viewing experience comes with a lot less tentacles, trauma, or problematic untruths to be overlooked. 

8/10

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