Maximum Conviction (2012)

When Maximum Conviction arrived through my letterbox my heart sank a little bit. People may remember that I endured almost every Steven Seagal movie ever made over the course of many months (if you need verification then just type his name into the search box on the right and have a browse). It almost broke me. Thankfully, I had no more to endure for a while. All of his releases over the past couple of years seemed to be episodes of his show, True Justice, spliced together and sold to undemanding fans. But I knew the day would come when I would have to watch this man in action again. Maximum Conviction was the film that dragged me back into Seagal's world.

As stupid as it was, I still held on to a shred of hope. After all, Steve Austin was also in the movie, and I like Steve Austin. It only took a few minutes to grind that hope into dust. Seagal and Austin play two former black ops kinda guys (does Seagal ever play any other kind of character? No, no he doesn't) who are helping to decommission a prison that now holds two extra "guests" in the shape of Samantha and Charlotte. Unfortunately, some very powerful people want one of these women for some information that they possess so it's not long until the prison is breached and lots of armed men are causing trouble while being repelled by Seagal and company.

Directed by Keoni Waxman (who also directed The Keeper, which was Seagal's last half-decent action film), and written by Paul Beattie, Maximum Conviction has potential that is wasted thanks, once again, to a lazy turn from an out of shape leading man. Seagal just doesn't cut it any more as an action star. In fact, he hasn't been cutting it for the last decade or so, and that makes it increasingly difficult for his movies to continue appealing to ACTION fans. This movie is improved by the presence and physical work of Steve Austin, but there's only so much that can be done when Seagal insists on having the lead role even as he continues to pass most of his scenes over to his stunt double. Elsewhere, Michael Pare turns in another bad guy performance, Ian Robison is a spineless warden and Aliyah O'Brien and Steph Song are the women who could be in big trouble, playing Charlotte and Samantha, respectively. If you're expecting any great acting then you clearly haven't seen any other Steven Seagal movie.

The most frustrating thing about watching Maximum Conviction is how close it comes to being a good film. The premise isn't that bad, the pacing is fine and some of the action set-pieces have the right level of energy and damage to be good entertainment. Unfortunately, the combination of low-budget (the movie certainly LOOKS cheap), laziness and over-editing just ends up making the movie a bit of a chore.

I would say, hesitantly, that some hardcore Seagal fans may well see this as a bit of a return to form. Everyone else will probably see it as yet another one to avoid.

4/10

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Vanilla Sky (2001)

A remake of a Spanish film that I have still, sadly, not yet seen (Abre Los Ojos by Alejandro Amenabar), Vanilla Sky couldn't really be any further removed from the last movie that paired director Cameron Crowe up with star Tom Cruise - Jerry Maguire. Then again, there are more similarities between the two when looked at in a bit more detail. For now, to keep things simple, I'll be keeping everything quite shallow. That's my level, and I'm comfortable there.

Tom Cruise plays David Aames, a very rich and successful young man who gets himself in a fair bit of trouble when he fools around with the gorgeous and successful Julie Gianni (Cameron Diaz) before falling instantly and absolutely in love with the spirited Sophia (Penelope Cruz, reprising her role from original version). David goes from a dizzying high to an unbelievable low as his face is disfigured and his spirit crushed. He starts to push people away with his behaviour, including his best friend, Brian Shelby (Jason Lee), and ends up forced to speak to a psychiatrist (Kurt Russell) in an attempt to make sense of events that he doesn't understand. Reality and fiction intertwine, making David fear for his sanity.

Crowe is credited with writing the screenplay as well as directing this movie. As already mentioned, I've not seen the original, but I'd imagine that his screenplay work is more in line with an adaptation than any wholly original work. Regardless, he does a good job. As well as the dialogue, there are so many fantastic little touches in every scene, both front and centre and just noticeable in the background. The detritus of these characters' lives is something that rewards repeat viewings, and the film may veer too unevenly between the highs and lows - especially after such a good opening 20 minutes - but it ultimately makes it all worthwhile for the audience by the time the credits roll.

The cast are a bit of a mixed bag. Cruise does okay in his role, and perhaps enjoyed performing half the movie with his face either covered up or disfigured, while Jason Lee and Penelope Cruz are both very good at portraying . . . . . . . very good people. Cameron Diaz doesn't do quite so well, but then she never really does (bless her). Kurt Russell is enjoyable in his role, and other roles are filled by people such as Timothy Spall, Tilda Swinton, Noah Taylor, Michael Shannon and Johnny Galecki.

It may be a bit self-indulgent in places (the excess of pop culture references, the Spielberg blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo, the sense of smugness during the final third), but it also has so many great moments and dark, albeit glossed over, ideas in the mix that I still like it a lot. And, typically from Cameron Crowe, there's a cracking soundtrack accompanying the visuals.

7/10

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Red Scorpion (1988)

It's funny how people can go for many years without seeing classic movies. There are so many to get through, and so little time. It's also funny how many movies can be considered classics in different genres. I had never seen Red Scorpion up until today. I soon realised that I had missed out on one of the classics. It's a testosterone- soaked action movie that puts many others to shame, features a great central performance by Dolph Lundgren and looks as if the budget was made up of 50% money and 50% blood, sweat and tears.

The plot sees mighty Dolph playing a mighty Russian KGB agent who is tasked with killing a revolutionary leader. He has no problems following orders until he starts to look closer at the situation and find certain elements that don't seem to add up. Eventually, he ends up being left hung out to dry by his country and decides that he will turn things around and fight back. After all, he is spetsnaz (translation = Russian special forces agent).

The screenplay by Arne Olsen is competent enough, and the direction by Joseph Zito is pretty good, but there are two things that make Red Scorpion such a treat for action movie fans. The first thing is the action sequences. It seems like a no-brainer for an action movie to have good action sequences, but anyone who has seen as many Steven Seagal movies as I have can tell you that far too many action movies just don't deliver the genre goods. Red Scorpion, on the other hand, delivers far beyond expectations. The movie is bookended by two absolutely storming set-pieces, stuff that really gets the blood pumping and raises a smile, but it also has a number of smaller, equally enjoyable, fights and outbursts of violence throughout, keeping it perfectly paced and never dull. Let me put it this way, if you look at my rating for the movie and think it might be a bit high then bear in mind that I almost went even higher. In my opinion, the film is THAT good in the action department.

The second thing that makes this film such a treat is the cast. Lundgren has always been a great action star, it's just a shame that he never got the A-list career to show for it (if you don't enjoy his movies then get back to me after watching Dark Angel AKA I Come In Peace - if you're still not convinced then I will play THIS clip until you cave in and accept Dolph as the best actor to ever perform an Elvis song at an award show EVER!). As well as Dolph, you get the presence of the great M. Emmet Walsh. Yes, M. Emmet Walsh stars alongside Dolph Lundgren, even sharing some screentime during the fantastic action sequences. If that's not enough for you then how about the addition of the great Brion James? Oh yes, he gets a few good moments in this one. T. P. McKenna plays a general, Al White and Ruben Nthodi are among the revolutionaries and the prolific Carmen Argenziano gets to have some fun treating Mr. Lundgren quite badly.

Just writing this review has made me want to put the movie on again, it's THAT much fun. If you've somehow managed to avoid the movie until now, as I had, then correct that mistake as soon as possible. You won't regret it, even during the strange and wonderful scenes that make the title so appropriate.

На здоровье, which I THINK should say na zdorovie.

8/10

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The Curse Of The Werewolf (1961)

The Curse Of The Werewolf is, surprisingly, the only werewolf movie that Hammer ever made. You might be about to argue with me on that point, but I assure you it is so. The Beast Must Die was an Amicus release and Legend Of The Werewolf was from Tyburn Film Productions Limited. Nope, I can't remember hearing of them either, but they existed long enough to release a few movies in the 1970s (and some TV stuff in the 1980s). Now that I have digressed, let's get back to discussing the only werewolf movie that Hammer ever made.

Directed by Terence Fisher, and written by Anthony Hinds (based on a novel by Guy Endor), this is a tale that begins with the mistreatment of a beggar (Richard Wordsworth). The mistreatment of the beggar leads to the mistreatment of a young woman (Yvonne Romain) and the mistreatment of the young woman leads to the birth of a child, Leon (played by Justin Walters). Leon is looked after by kindly guardians (Clifford Evans and Hira Talfrey), even when it becomes apparent that he has some dangerous nocturnal habits.
Fast forward a decade or so and Leon (now played by Oliver Reed) is setting out to make his way in the world. His inner beast seems to be soothed and all is well. Sadly, it may not be a permanent respite for the young man, especially with new experiences to try that will appeal to his baser urges.

Set in some Hammer universe idea of Spain, this isn't up there with the best examples of cinematic lycanthropy, but it's a decent, handsomely assembled piece of work. The opening section is a lot of fun in the typical Hammer mold - the inn full of unhappy locals, the nasty marques (Anthony Dawson), the lust and bloodshed - but then the movie dips slightly while showing moments in the life of young Leon. Thankfully, the appearance of Oliver Reed signals a return to better form as his charm and brooding good looks are put to great use. Reed is joined onscreen by a cast that includes Warren Mitchell as a watchman who once, unwittingly, shot Leon, Michael Ripper as a drunkard, Ewen Solon as Leon's employer, Martin Matthews as a buddy and Catherine Feller as a woman that Leon falls for. Mitchell and Ripper are both great, the rest do what's asked of them, but not much more.

The script by Hinds is a bit flat, as is the direction from Fisher, but all is saved by the wonderful third act, featuring a number of scenes allowing Reed to really gain sympathy even after viewers have seen the hairy incarnation of him covered in make up based on the classic look created for The Wolf Man by Jack P. Pierce.

It's certainly worth seeing if you're a fan of werewolf movies and, of course, if you're a fan of Hammer horrors, but it's more interesting than actually impressive. I have a soft spot for it (I saw it on TV when I was very young thanks to a babysitter who let me stay up late), and I'm sure that many others feel the same way, but I don't know how anyone would react if coming to view it for the first time in adulthood. Give it a watch sometime and find out. Then you can let me know.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Curse-Werewolf---DVD--Exclusive-Limited-Steelbook/dp/B0067LXQA2/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1365138134&sr=1-2&keywords=the+curse+of+the+werewolf

Hold Your Breath (2012)

Over in America, this horror movie was touted as the first theatrical release from The Asylum. Most people who know me, and my dubious taste, will know that I have quite a love-hate relationship with The Asylum. They made Transmorphers, the first movie I ever gave a lowly 1/10 rating, but they also gave me dumb fun such as Mega Piranha and the infamous Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus. I keep defending them, despite their business model built around "mockbusters" and SyFy Channel movies, and people keep telling me off for it. Well, it's not going to change, especially now that they're starting to take some more risks and put out some more original product (which, contrary to popular belief, they have been doing for some time - it's just that the mockbusters get the press, so to speak).

Hold Your Breath isn't really that good, but it has one or two decent death scenes and might be okay for a rental if you have enough beers beside you. Part of me knows that this film just isn't good enough while another part of me wants it to do okay, just well enough to encourage the company to keep trying. Perhaps if they keep trying, they'll make something good enough to surprise us all.

The plot is standard horror 101. A prologue shows viewers a nasty murderer being put to death and then things move forward to a bunch of pretty young things all heading away for a weekend trip. Apparently, there's an urban myth that while passing a cemetery you have to hold your breath. If you don't do it then any evil, restless spirit can enter you and make you do bad things. Can you guess what happens as the group drives past a cemetery?

Directed by Jared Cohn, and written by Geoff Meed (who himself directed the absolutely awful The Amityville Haunting), this starts off badly, picks up slightly after the main titles and then proceeds to slide, slowly and surely, back down to the bottom of the pile. The concept of the evil spirit taking people over and turning them into evil killers isn't that bad, it was done well in the likes of Shocker and Fallen, but in between numerous average scenes The Asylum end up shoehorning in a lot of poor, and unnecessary, CGI.

The cast is a real mixed bag and I'm not going to pretend that I cared enough about everyone onscreen to stop them from blurring into one big potential murder victim. Katrina Bowden is the best thing onscreen by a country mile, though Steve Hanks also does well with his role. As for the others, Seth Cassell may stand out slightly from the others, but Lisa Younger, Jordan Pratt-Thatcher, Brad Slaughter and Randy Wayne could all get together and rob me at gunpoint and I wouldn't be able to remember a thing about them. It's not that they are terrible or completely nondescript, it's just that they're not given any material to help differentiate themselves from one another. ANY of the men and women onscreen, for the most part, could play any of the other men or women.

I'm not bothered by the fact that the film doesn't supply the horror genre with a memorable new villain, I don't care that the script is pretty clunky and preposterous and I don't even mind that the characters aren't all that likable. What stops me from rating this film as even an average horror are the many moments that just feel lazy and careless. It's not THAT hard to make a generic, uninventive horror movie. To make one that doesn't even stand up well alongside OTHER generic and uninventive horror movies is never good. And that bothers me.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Breath-Blu-ray-Katrina-Bowden/dp/B009T43QC2/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1365214997&sr=8-2&keywords=hold+your+breath

Risky Business (1983)

Risky Business is a teen sex comedy with a difference. The difference is that it's one of the smartest and funniest of the sub-genre, with the only one coming closest to it being the 2004 film, The Girl Next Door (which is, to all intents and purposes, a loose remake of this film). Don't misunderstand me, I love Heathers, Mean Girls and Clueless, but they're not teen sex comedies. Porky's is certainly a memorable teen sex comedy, and American Pie is great, but they're not as funny and smart as this one. Writer-director Paul Brickman made something special with this movie. Something that tapped into every male teenage fantasy and also every dream scenario for capitalists thriving in the early 1980s. He also made Phil Collins cool and sexy, which may well be his greatest feat.

Tom Cruise (post-uneven teeth, but pre-BIG time) stars as Joel Goodsen, a decent young man who is at a very important point in his life. He's trying to keep doing well at school, he's starting to think about university education and he spends a lot of time with his friends as they all pretend to be grown-ups, wise in the ways of the world. When his parents head off for a while, Joel is entrusted to look after the home and be a responsible young man. His good friend, Miles (Curtis Armstrong), thinks that Joel should have a little fun, and perhaps get himself laid. That is why he calls a hooker. This sets off a chain of events that will lead to Joel meeting the beautiful Lana (Rebecca De Mornay), the dangerous Guido (Joe Pantoliano) and even a more confident and entrepreneurial side of himself. To clarify, Lana is a prostitute, Guido is a pimp and Joel finds himself between the two. That's not a good place to be, but it could turn out to be surprisingly profitable.

Great characters, a great cast that also features small roles for Bronson Pinchot and Richard Masur, a fantastic soundtrack, some enjoyably sexy moments and a lot of fun make Risky Business absolutely unforgettable. Well, Rebecca De Mornay helps a lot (was she ever lovelier? I doubt it).

And this magic moment . . .

Yeah, that just happened. Good on Tom Cruise for watching that moment many years later, while recording the commentary track for the movie, and having no shame whatsoever. In fact, he even admits that he danced to that very song at home before making this movie. That's why the movie is so damn good, because it IS very real and honest, even as things get a bit more comedic and ridiculous. Every male reading this review today has done something that this movie will remind you of - whether it's the miming and dancing to classic rock, the first civilised meal for one when left home alone or the time spent as a teenager discussing sex, planning for sex and pretending to know all about sex - and it's great to look back and laugh at those moments. Joel may have a lot to learn, but he DOES learn as the movie unfolds, making it easier to laugh along with every moment while still rooting for him.

Perfectly paced and utilising a script that provides one or two memorable quotes in every scene, Risky Business is a near-perfect classic to me. It's astonishing that this was a feature debut from Brickman and it's saddening to see that he's only directed one other movie since this one. Thank goodness he got this made. I just hope that one or two others enjoy it as much as I do. If you haven't seen it yet, take a risk.

9/10

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The Dark Hours (2005)

Director Paul Fox and writer Wil Zmak have done a fair bit of work for television. I'm sure that's good for them, television stopped being the "poor cousin of cinema" a long time ago and can provide a steady income and constant work schedule for those in showbusiness, but it's a shame for audiences because they've been deprived of more movies like The Dark Hours. It's not a film that redefines the horror genre, by any means, but it's a fairly smart and interesting twist on the home invasion film.

Kate Greenhouse plays Dr. Samantha Goodman, a woman who we first see being quite antagonistic to a violent offender being given an evaluation. She realises that it's time for her to take a break, especially as the tumour in her head is now large enough that time has become a precious commodity, and so heads off to the winter cottage to meet up with her husband, David (Gordon Currie). David has gone away for some quiet writing time, only taking Samantha's sister, Melody (Iris Graham), with him. Both David and Melody are surprised when Samantha joins them, but there's an even bigger surprise in store when two other people come to the cottage. Adrian (Dov Tiefenbach) and Harlan (Aidan Devine), one of Samantha's ex-patients, want to play some mind games.

It may follow a well-trodden path, but The Dark Hours keeps things interesting and slightly fresh throughout thanks to a consistent grey area in the realm of morality for all involved. When viewers first see Samantha she's not being a very nice person, even if she's not being nice to someone who isn't all that nice themselves. David doesn't seem like a very understanding, supportive husband, and his time due to be spent with Melody seems more than a little suspicious. Adrian and Harlan are, of course, obvious villains, but they have their own code of conduct that shows them to perhaps have good intentions, despite their bad methods of getting results.

Decent acting from Greenhouse, Currie, Graham, Tiefenbach and Devine (there are some others onscreen, but it's down to these five characters, for the most part) is supported by the unfussy direction from Fox, and the smart script by Zmak. Things may build up to a finale that proves to be far too predictable, but that doesn't detract from the many little pleasures along the way.

This is not a film that wants to shock people, it's not a film that wants to push the boundaries of the genre and it's not a film that feels the need to throw around bucketloads of blood and gore. It is, instead, a quietly effective work that proves to be quite thought-provoking and certainly deserves to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience.

The Dark Hours is showing at The Filmhouse today as part of the run up to the 20th Dead By Dawn so get your tickets here - http://www.filmhousecinema.com/showing/the-dark-hours/ - and enjoy it on the big screen.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Dark-Hours-DVD/dp/B000FFL1P8/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1359152789&sr=1-1

Soldier (1998)

A sci-fi action  movie directed by Paul W. S. Anderson may be enough to make most sane cinema fans reach for the "Off" button, but this is one of his better films, improved no end by a superb central performance from Kurt Russell. I'll be honest, I tend to enjoy Anderson's movies. Okay, the second Resident Evil movie was really painful, but the rest of the franchise has provided me with a lot of mindless fun (in fact, here is my overview of the franchise with more recent releases available in the Flickfeast sidebar). However, those movies don't matter. Anderson used to make better films. I also enjoyed Mortal Kombat, sue me. Event Horizon remains his best film, but Soldier comes close.

It's a shame that this movie was released so unceremoniously here in the UK, being judged a bit of a flop. It was, at the time, the most expensive movie to be released direct to DVD over here, with some people criticising the fact that such a large chunk of the $75M budget had gone to Russell, given a big paycheck for a role that saw him uttering barely over 100 words. It's easy to put on rose-tinted glasses nowadays and bemoan the fact that audiences neglected to help out a great film, but that would be lying. Soldier is good, almost very good, and it deserved better than the treatment it received, but it's not great.

So, what's the actual plot? Well, Kurt Russell plays Todd 3465, a super-soldier. He's one of a group of tough, obedient, young men selected and birth and brought up to know nothing but the military life. He's so tough that he accepts orders from Gary Busey without batting an eyelid. Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, that regimented life is disrupted when Jason Isaacs comes along with new and improved super-soldiers. He asks to pit one of his men against a number of Busey's men and so Jason Scott Lee fights a group of people, including Todd. The older models put up a valiant attempt, but it's no good. New blood is taking over. The soldiers are no longer needed, which leads to Todd being dumped on a planet like an old washing machine that's broken down beyond repair. Thankfully, the planet isn't as uninhabited as everyone else thinks it is, and Todd soon meets a bunch of people (including Sean Pertwee and Connie Nielsen) who try to befriend him and allow him to become part of their community. It just remains to be seen whether or not he can stop being a trained killer, but maybe that's just what the people need in case anyone else ends up on the planet.

This kind of thing has been done many times before, the old guard facing off against the new, and it's a solid premise brought to life by a solid cast. Anderson does okay in the director's seat, thankfully resisting the temptation to chop the thing up into an unwatchable mess, and he's given a decent, though sparse, script by David Webb Peoples to work from. Peoples claims that the movie is a side-quel to Blade Runner, which he also wrote, and there is fun to be had in spotting the little nods and references to many other films (though you may need to keep pausing the film to find them all).

Russell is excellent as Todd, a man almost made into a machine, but all too vulnerable. He's able to gain sympathy, despite not really being a warm and winning personality because it's completely outwith his control. He is what he is, others did it to him, and perhaps others can restore his humanity. Sean Pertwee and Connie Nielsen are fine as a pair of decent folk who try to remain optimistic, even as Todd puts other people on edge. Gary Busey is, surprisingly, one of the good guys, in a way, but Jason Isaacs really goes to town with his role, and Jason Scott Lee is certainly intimidating enough as Todd's main foe (not actually a villain, really, Isaacs remains the villain). Mark Bringelson is also good fun as someone aligning himself with either Busey or Isaacs, depending on how he sees things developing.

While it may be a bit slow for some people, especially in the middle section, this is a very enjoyable sci-fi action flick that benefits from some decent design work and action sequences that really do pack a punch. Russell and Lee really convince on the physical front, easily selling themselves as the super-soldiers that the movie needs. If you swore a long time ago that you would never watch a Paul W. S. Anderson movie, maybe just give this one a chance and see what you think. When all is said and done, you can still avoid the Resident Evil movies for the rest of your life if you want to.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Soldier-DVD-Kurt-Russell/dp/B00004CYXW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365032563&sr=8-1

Check this screencap carefully to spot a few of the many little references in the film.

The Quatermass Xperiment (1955)

AKA The Creeping Unknown.

I first encountered the character of Professor Quatermass many years ago, when I first saw the superb Quatermass And The Pit. He was played in that movie by Andrew Keir and back when I was a young boy I didn't even realise the history of the character. I didn't know that he'd been introduced to people in radio dramas and then television and I wasn't even aware of this film, the first to feature the character on the big screen.

Anyway, this film sees Quatermass (played by Brian Donlevy) called into action when a rocket (launched by a team led by the Professor) crash lands in the English countryside and only has one survivor (Victor Carroon, played by Richard Wordsworth) inside. Three went up, only one came back. Quatermass wants to figure out what went wrong, and what has turned the lone survivor into a mute shell of his former self, while Inspector Lomax (Jack Warner) is also wanting answers. Quatermass calls it a scientific matter requiring a scientific approach while Lomax argues that he needs to do his job, regardless of the unusual setting and situation. The two men find themselves working together as Victor Carroon escapes from those watching him, becoming more and more dangerous with each hour he's on the loose.

Directed by Val Guest, who helped shape the screenplay with Richard H, Landau as they adapted the television play by Nigel Kneale, this is a very low-key affair that plays out, for the most part, exactly as you'd expect an adapted piece of television to play out. There are some nice exterior shots, but most of the action takes place in offices and medical facilities (and also, most memorably, Westminster Abbey). The film starts with a tone of mystery before revealing plenty in the second half, leading viewers by degrees from the sci-fi core through to the real horror of the premise.

Donlevy is far from the best actor to have been given the role of Quatermass. I have to agree with Nigel Kneale, who wanted UK actors anyway, and found Donlevy to be far too unsympathetic and implausible in the role. He's not terrible in the role. However, he's just not on a par with the likes of Andrew Keir or Andre Morell. Jack Warner is decent as Lomax, David King-Wood is fine as a puzzled doctor and Margia Dean does well as the distraught wife of the suffering Victor Carroon. Wordsworth may have his performance overshadowed by some special effects here and there, but he's also pretty good (especially in the scene with him meeting a young Jane Asher in a moment reminiscent of Frankenstein). Great support comes from the likes of Lionel Jeffries, Thora Hird and Gordon Jackson, although the latter actor is hardly in the film for more than a minute.

All of the Quatermass tales are enjoyable adventures, mixing some impressively tense moments with intelligence and a very British approach to potential impending doom. This is certainly worth your time, even if it's not the best one (that would be the mighty Quatermass And The Pit, in my opinion).

7/10

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Zodiac (2007)

David Fincher hasn't made a bad movie, I'll say that right now so that people know how biased I am when it comes to his work. I'd even go so far as to say that he's made at least three modern masterpieces. One of those modern masterpieces is Seven, a movie which really reinvigorated the thriller genre after too many years of safe, but enjoyable, movies that all had a movie sheen to them. Zodiac certainly isn't Seven, but it's most definitely made by the same man who shows such attention to detail and seems to always find some new way to treat material from any genre.

Zodiac is about the Zodiac killer, and the lives that he changed. The strange thing, and the thing that many people will know before the movie begins, is that the Zodiac killer was never caught. A Jack The Ripper for the modern age, he committed his crimes, taunted the police and deliberately kept changing his M. O. to stay one step ahead of those trying to catch him. The fact that he was never caught explains why Zodiac is half a film about a serial killer and his crime spree and half a film about the obsession that he sparks in those who become involved in the investigation. The murders start to consume Inspector David Toschi (Mark Ruffalo), reporter Paul Avery (Robert Downey Jr.) and even a cartoonist who starts to weigh up the evidence and begin his own amateur investigation (Robert Graysmith, who wrote the book that the screenplay was based on, played by Jake Gyllenhaal).

Closer in feel to All The President's Men than Seven, and all the better for it, this is a tour de force mix of great acting, superb attention to detail and sheer bravura (as Fincher paces the film perfectly while also jumping through the years to various pivotal points in the investigation and the life of Graysmith).

The actors already mentioned give performances that show just why they're often heaped with praise, but the supporting cast features other people effortlessly doing what they do best. People like Elias Koteas, Anthony Edwards (so good here that it makes me wish he had more good roles through the years), Brian Cox, Chloe Sevigny, Donal Logue, Philip Baker Hall, John Carroll Lynch, Candy Clark, Dermot Mulroney, Zach Grenier, Charles Fleischer, Clea Duvall and Jimmi Simpson. You may not know recognise all of the names, but you will know most of their faces.

The script by James Vanderbilt may be hampered by having to stick to Graysmith's interpretation of events, but it's pretty flawless in all other respects. Dialogue informs the viewer about both procedural events and each character is nicely rounded out, both in the usual way and also in the way that the ongoing murders begin to affect them.

Everyone deserves praise for working together and achieving such a great end result - director of photography Harris Savides, David Shire who created the score, the hundreds of people that it took to get the look and feel of everything just dead on - but it's all overseen by David Fincher, who shows, once again, just why he's a director I always support. I know that there are people who will pick at least one of his movies to highlight as a bit of a mis-step, to say the least, but I really don't feel that. He's a master of the medium, able to elevate even average material into something well worth seeing. With the story that he's handed here, it's almost another masterpiece. Almost.

To hear my gushing praise, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I view this as a perfect film, but there are a couple of minor flaws that see it falling short of perfection. First, the fantastic script also has a few too many lines that make for great soundbites as opposed to real exchanges/replies. That worked better in The Social Network, but seems a bit incongruous at times here. Second, the first half is understandably a bit rougher than the second half, with so many characters needing introduced and the whole situation being set up. The second half becomes rather more streamlined as people fall out of the big picture, leaving only those most caught up in the events to see it all through to the very end, whatever that end may be.

Despite those small flaws, I was still tempted to rate this film as perfect, but I ended up going with near-perfect instead. See the film for yourself and find out whether or not you agree with me.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Zodiac-Directors-Blu-ray-Region-Free/dp/B0013BCWEW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1364751546&sr=8-2

30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2013)

You may remember Craig Moss as the man who gave audiences The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall And Felt Superbad About It and Breaking Wind. I actually thought the former movie was okay, but the latter film was so bad that it may have inadvertently led to the break-up of Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Oh, okay, maybe it couldn't have done THAT much damage, but it certainly felt that way while watching it.

And now we have his latest mishmash, another arduously long title that makes no sense whatsoever and simply allows Moss to name-check most of the movies that he pillages from: 30 Nights Of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which I shall be referring to for the remainder of this review as 30-something.

Most people know my tolerance for bad movies. I'll admit that on many occasions I will enjoy what other people despise, one man's trash is another man's treasure, and I have even been known to face a prospective movie viewing as more of an endurance test than an actual way of enjoyably passing the time. That may have to end soon or, at the very least, I need to become smarter with my scheduling. In the past week I have suffered through Movie 43, Top Cat and this. It's hard to single out the one that broke me down, that's like trying to find out which of the many bacon sandwiches I have eaten in my life contributed most to my middle-age spread, but I was defeated. At least temporarily.

30-something is a film so bad that it makes you wonder what could have been created if Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer had been involved and that's the kind of thought process that nobody should have to go through.

I actually feel sorry for the cast (well, all of them except French Stewart, who I can never forgive for his part in Home Alone 4 . . . . .  a movie even worse than this one). Kathryn Fiore, Flip Schultz, Olivia Alexander and Arturo Del Puerto don't really do a good job, but it's hard to judge people in this. Think of trying to evaluate someone's aftershave after they've been doused in excrement and you'll be in line with my way of thinking.

The blame can be laid squarely on the shoulders of writer-director Craig Moss and he needs to be stopped. Don't see this movie and don't allow anyone you know to see it. You'll be doing them a big favour. Anyone who rents or buys the thing will almost certainly regret it. If I can save some people from the pain that I went through then this review might have been worthwhile.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Nights-Paranormal-Activity-Inside-Dragon/dp/B00AAG0AOU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362373523&sr=8-1

Bones Brigade: An Autobiography (2012)

I have never been a majorly sporty guy. Never. I could sometimes kick a ball, but it wasn't passed to me too often. As I was growing up I preferred solo pursuits, probably because I was an only child, and instead of being interested in football or rugby when it was shown on the TV I would look forward to staying up late and watching snooker or darts. Not really the most energetic activities. I didn't have sporting heroes that I idolised, I didn't see the point in worshiping someone who played for any team that would pay them the most money and I certainly didn't have anyone that I wanted to emulate. My heroes were great actors and great writers with not a sportsman/woman in sight. Well . . . . . . . . . . . except for the skateboarders. I had a skateboard and I loved it. Pretty much everyone picked up a skateboard again after Back To The Future was released. Unfortunately, I was rubbish. That didn't stop me watching the folk who could use theirs to amaze crowds. The skateboarders who could defy gravity and, it seemed, many other laws of physics. I wanted so badly to be able to do what they did and, best of all, they really seemed to love doing it. Skateboarding wasn't just a sport or an activity, it seemed to me to be a lifestyle choice. I wanted it so bad that I could taste it. This documentary, from Stacy Peralta (who also gave audiences the superb Dogtown And Z-Boys), looks at the men who were brought together and pretty much created modern skateboarding as we know it today. It looks at some of my heroes.

Peralta himself is the main figurehead of this story, but he's the man who made it all happen while standing behind his team as opposed to someone front and centre for the duration of the tale. And what a tale it is. In the 1980s, Peralta gathered together a group of young men and made them into a skateboarding team. They were collectively known as the Bones Brigade, but individually they were named Lance Mountain, Steve Caballero, Mike McGill, Tommy Guerrero, Rodney Mullen and Tony Hawk. They all brought something different to the team (Lance Mountain, for example, seems to remain unsure of just what he brought in terms of skill, but certainly helped with his personality and humour while Rodney Mullen has to be seen freestyling to be believed) and they would dominate, and also reinvigorate, the sport for over a decade.

I'm not going to say that this documentary is so good that even those who have no interest whatsoever in skateboarding will enjoy it, but I am going to say that even those who have no interest whatsoever in skateboarding should at least give it a watch and see what they think of it. I knew (or, rather, hoped) that I would enjoy this, but I wasn't prepared for just how it affected me.

Peralta has a wealth of archive footage at his disposal and uses appropriate soundtrack cues for each main sequence. It's pulse-quickening stuff, witnessing history as it happened and seeing this amazing story unfold. I could feel the hairs rising on the back of my arms, and I'm not the most hirsute man that you could ever meet. But it's in the quieter, talking head moments that the power of the tale being told by those who lived through it really builds up into quite a potent elixir. Everyone has their piece of the picture to contribute, but the most amazing moments come from Tony Hawk, Lance Mountain and Rodney Mullen.

Hawk is now, I think it's safe to say, the most famous skateboarder ever, but that came at a heavy price. He was despised by many in the community for years. He was viewed as nothing more than a circus performer, he was a technical whizz with no style and he was also the son of two people who worked for skateboarding competitions in an official capacity. The fact that he started to win everything, and then just kept on winning, didn't help either. The pressure he put on himself was hard to keep up and, inevitably, there was a breaking point, which is covered here.

Lance Mountain, on the other hand, was never a technical whizz and didn't even know why he was on the team. Thankfully, he stayed on the team and when videos started to be made Lance would agree to all of the antics and became the default star of the show. He made the sport fun and accessible, but the documentary probes his darker side and how he developed from group goofball to integral team member.

Last, but by no means least, is Rodney Mullen. His story may be one of the most amazing and heart-achingly painful that I've ever heard. I have no doubt in my mind that Mullen is some kind of genius, but he's tortured with it. Awkward, quietly spoken, seemingly still pained by many memories, Mullen comes out with some of the documentary's most profound moments without seeming pretentious or self-absorbed. He's a fascinating character and an amazing skateboarder and almost every time the film returned to focus on him I was genuinely, deeply, moved.

I've probably gone on a little bit more than I usually do here, but the film deserves it. I hope that others see it and love it as much as I do. It may even be slightly better than the fantastic Dogtown And Z-Boys, but I'm going to take the easy option just now and say that it's too close to call. Regardless, it comes highly recommended.

9/10

http://www.amazon.com/Bones-Brigade-An-Autobiography/dp/B009DA745M/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1364178903&sr=8-2&keywords=bones+brigade+an+autobiography

The Brothers Bloom (2008)

The more I see and hear of Rian Johnson, the more impressed I get. I saw Brick a few years ago and didn't know what to make of it before it just kept growing and growing on me. I enjoyed Looper even while discussing the many flaws that became obvious as the end credits began to roll (flaws that didn't stop me from buying the movie as soon as it was released on Bluray). And now I have been utterly won over by The Brothers Bloom, a charming con movie with a great cast and a taste for the theatrical.

Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody play the brothers, two characters who discover the art of a good con at a very early age. Ruffalo is the elder of the two, Stephen, and he loves to plan things so well that when they happen it's all real. His perfect con would be one that really unfurls itself in a completely natural way and one where everyone involved gets what they want. His brother Bloom, on the other hand, wants to put his conning days behind him. He's confused and unhappy, despite the exciting life he leads with Stephen and their near-mute accomplice, Bang Bang (Rinko Kikuchi). Stephen doesn't want to lose the company of his brother and so he comes up with that movie standard, one last big job. The mark this time around is Penelope (Rachel Weisz), a rich young woman with far too much time on her hands and not enough to hold her interest. Bloom, despite himself, warms to the idea and it's not long before he's in character once more and helping a beautiful woman to get some excitement in her life while losing some of her money. Because everyone should get what they want.

Over the years, a great con movie has ultimately become as hard to pull off as any actual con scheme. I suppose it can easily be argued that the con movie is always a con anyway, attempting to wrong-foot the viewer whenever possible, but still leaving them entertained and feeling good about having one pulled over on them (everyone gets what they want). The grandfather of the con movie is, of course, The Sting, but there are many other greats to check out, with personal favourites of mine being The Grifters (if you haven't seen it already then do so ASAP), Matchstick Men and House Of Games (the directorial debut of the great David Mamet). These movies all do a fantastic job, but they also add to the pile of references that movie viewers have to choose from, making each subsequent con movie that little bit harder to get right. People know what to look out for, they know to stay mistrustful of everything and they know how things have panned out in the past.

This is why writer-director Johnson excels with his own contribution to the subgenre. The Brothers Bloom seems to acknowledge right from the very beginning that the well-known history and film presence of cons can make it hard to come up with anything completely fresh, but then it ploughs ahead anyway and wins you over thanks to the performances, the style of the film and a real sense for the theatrical. Mark Ruffalo may play a character who wants to tell a great story, and wants that story to unfold as if it's a natural thing instead of a story being told, but he feels very much like an outlet for the director to voice his hopes and dreams. He's a storyteller in search of the perfect story, which is surely what every writer-director seeks throughout their career.

Mixing comedy and some drama with some wonderful characters and great set-pieces, The Brothers Bloom won't be for everyone, of course, but it's a beautiful, intelligent and cine-literate piece of work that I'm surprised isn't given more praise.

Brody and Ruffalo work very well together and are very believable as brothers, Rinko Kikuchi gets to play one of the coolest characters I can think of in the past decade and Rachel Weisz has one of the best roles of her career. Her character starts off as someone who may just be annoyingly quirky, but soon becomes someone with an infectious joy that viewers won't want to see come to any harm, physically or emotionally. There are fantastic little supporting turns from the likes of Robbie Coltrane, Maximilian Schell, Andy Nyman, Nora Zehetner (onscreen for one brief scene only) and Ricky Jay (narrating). And eagle-eyed fans of Joseph Gordon-Levitt can spot him in the background of a party scene during the first 10-15 minutes. He has no actual dialogue or role, he's just there, hanging out and being cool.

People judging a con movie by how effectively they were conned may rate this one lower than I did because, ultimately, it's not that surprising for most of its runtime. Clues are littered throughout the script and design of each scene. However, they may be missing one important factor. The con works. Viewers will find themselves, as I did, watching for the twists and turns and enjoying each revelation and when the end credits roll they'll realise that, actually, they just enjoyed a great story. Which is what Johnson intended and what left me with such a warm glow inside and an urge to buy the film as soon as possible. Everyone gets what they want.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Brothers-Bloom-Blu-ray-Adrien-Brody/dp/B003YUBZ66/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1364353176&sr=8-2

Breakdown (1997)

A quick note for those thinking that some Kurt Russell movies may have been missed on this journey through the filmography of the great man - don't forget that some of the movies have already been reviewed on IMDb and there are also one or two that have been reviewed here in the past (such as Executive Decision, which was reviewed as part of my Seagalathon). And now back to our normal broadcast day.

The long, quiet roads stretching through America have often been used to decent effect in thrillers (most notably, for me anyway, in the sublimely brilliant The Hitcher) and they are once again the setting for tension and unease in this enjoyable movie directed by Jonathan Mostow, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Sam Montgomery.

Kurt Russell plays an everyday Joe, named Jeff (sorry for the confusion there, I should really rewrite that bit, but we all know that I'm not going to now), who is driving on a long and tiresome journey with his wife, Amy played by Kathleen Quinlan. When the car suffers the breakdown of the title, Jeff and Amy are seemingly fortunate enough to be approached by a trucker named 'Red' (the great J. T. Walsh). 'Red' offers them a lift after he's unable to help them get the car started and, after an initial polite refusal, the couple decide that Amy should accept the lift while Jeff waits with the car. Some time later, with no help in sight, Jeff finds the fault with the car, fixes it and gets on his way. He makes straight for the predetermined meeting point, expecting his wife to be there, but finds that nobody has seen her. Jeff tries to consider the possibility that there has been some confusion between him and his wife, but things take a turn for the strange and disconcerting when he sees 'Red' driving along in his truck, gets him to pull over and then hears the man tell him that he's never met him before in his life and has no idea where his wife is. Maybe the car trouble wasn't the worst thing that could happen out on the desolate highways.

Covering a lot of familiar ground, Breakdown may cause a lot of viewers to dismiss it as tired thriller fare that's too derivative and not exciting enough to ever become a top priority in the viewing pile. I have to admit that it doesn't do quite enough to ever become a top priority, but it has a bit more to it to save it from complete dismissal.

First of all, there's the cast. Russell is always great in an Average Joe role and he's exceptionally good here, always believable even as the whole situation gets more and more perplexing. J. T. Walsh never put in a bad turn in his life, at least not that I'm aware of, and gives another fantastic performance here. Quinlan may, understandably, not get as much to do, but she's perfectly fine and the relationship between her and Russell is well sketched out and nicely done. M. C. Gainey, Jack Noseworthy and Rex Linn provide some good support and even every minor character gets enough to do to make themselves somewhat memorable.

Second, we have the direction and story from Mostow. While he's never been a director sitting atop any favourites list, Mostow is a solid talent who can do very good things with the right material. Thankfully, in the shape of the script by himself and Montgomery, this is the right material. He starts everything off in an easily recognisable reality before pushing everything gently, but firmly, into cinematic thriller territory and he has the good sense not to try to turn the everyman hero into Rambo.

Third, we have the actual setting of the film. Those miles and miles of open road. A fine environment when travelling from A to B, but a harsh and scary environment when something goes wrong.

Despite a final reel that goes for a standard "Hollywood" finale, Breakdown does enough to warrant a viewing and may even become one that people find themselves revisiting now and again, when they're in the mood for a thriller that hits all of the right notes while also feeling a bit different from the norm. Fans of Russell and Walsh will most certainly want to give it a try and fans of fun thrillers should do likewise.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Breakdown-DVD-Kurt-Russell/dp/B00007LZ6F/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364191037&sr=8-1

The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires (1974)

With Christopher Lee hanging up his cape, it was up to Hammer to come up with a Dracula movie featuring the character without leaving someone floundering in Lee's enormous shadow. To be fair to them, they came up with a great way to let everyone involved off the hook, although it would have been nice to see how Mr. Lee would have fared in this curious adventure.

So Dracula (John Forbes-Robertson) takes over the body of a Chinese man (Shen Chan) and heads off to a Chinese village that is home to other vampires who prey on the locals. Fortunately for the villagers, the famous Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) is lecturing in the country and persuaded by a young student (David Chiang) to visit the village and help try to destroy the evil.

One of those bizarre hybrid movies that should perhaps never have come about, The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires (to use the UK title) squeezes some Hammer horror moments in between some Shaw Brothers fight sequences and ultimately fails to wholly satisfy fans of either company.

That's not to say that there aren't a number of enjoyable aspects. There are actually some nice, eerie moments here and there and the fight scenes are energetic and athletic enough, but there's nothing making you care for anything in between. The actors are all generally pretty poor. Cushing is as great as ever, Chiang does well enough, but the likes of Robin Stewart, Julie Ege, Robert Hanna and Shen Chan fail to make much of an impression. Of course, when the action sequences start it's easy enough to forget about the failings and just enjoy the unique spectacle.

Direction from Roy Ward Baker (with some uncredited work by Cheh Chang) is pretty uninspired and the script by Don Houghton seems to line up one groan-inducing moment of dialogue after another. If there had been more action or more horror then this could have been a much better movie. As it is, it stands as a lightweight Hammer movie and a fun experiment that didn't really pay off. Although it's still better than the two movies that preceded it.

6/10

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Naked Ambition: An R Rated Look At An X Rated Industry (2009)

Naked Ambition: An R Rated Look At An X Rated Industry is a slightly deceiving title for this documentary. It's correct, in some ways, but the focus isn't so much on the industry itself as it is on Michael Grecco's attempt to make a glossy, coffee table book of photography that shows many elements of that industry in a different light.

Grecco also directed this piece and the whole thing feels very much like an art installation on film. Which is, essentially, what it is. Yet in casting his eye over everything and showing it through his camera lens he removes something from it. Everything is put under intense bright lights, posed to show things off from the best possible angles and even sometimes made to look completely different from how it normally looks. Which is all well and good when it comes to what Grecco is setting out to do. He achieves his aims and well done to him for that, but he ends up showing viewers a lot of stuff that doesn't feel as if it even belongs in the world of porn.

Set during the AVN Awards and Convention (which is like the Oscars for the adult entertainment industry), Grecco focuses on a couple of stars - namely, Joanna Angel and Sunny Lane - who have happily decided to give him a fair bit of their time. He tries to follow their story as they discuss how they got started in the business and what they hope to get from it. Those moments are fine, they may not be the most revelatory discussions, but they serve as a reminder of how the people engaged in various sex acts for entertainment are very real and have very real ambitions. It's when Grecco looks elsewhere, when he tries to cover the broad and interesting spectrum of fans and stars at the AVN, that things start to become less interesting.

If you learn one thing coming away from this documentary, which IS diverting and enjoyable enough here and there, it's not anything about the world of porn. Nope. This documentary will remind you of how important context is because that's what is missing. Women who act in porn being shown photographed while posing in a sexy manner are just attractive women being photographed while posing in a sexy manner. Sex toys set on blank white backgrounds to look like strange pieces of sculpture are just strange pieces of sculpture. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture.

There ARE a number of scenes with Grecco finding out, and allowing the viewer to find out, a little bit about the unique subject he has decided to photograph. Sadly, there aren't enough of them. The documentary becomes more watchable whenever Sunny Lane or Joanna Angel appears (no, not for the obvious reasons so stop that childish sniggering now), but they're not onscreen enough to make the whole experience feel like more than a flick through an art book that only has one or two pages to make you stop and really take it in. That's all it is. Which, ironically, is probably an end result that Grecco is very pleased with.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Naked-Ambition-Rated-Look-Industry/dp/B0037EDIF0/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1363038219&sr=8-9&keywords=naked+ambition

Cold Prey (2006)

It shouldn't be so difficult to make a good slasher movie. Fans of the sub-genre will know that all you need is a bit of style, some inventiveness and a good killer. And if you can throw some gratuitous nudity into the mix, then all the better. Yet the seemingly neverending stream of bad slasher movies may make people think that something REALLY special is needed in this day and age to sate fans of the sub-genre. Thankfully, movies like Cold Prey come along to remind everyone how simple things can be. I'm not saying that Cold Prey didn't take some considerable talent to make or that it was a walk in the park for those involved, but I am saying that it provides solid entertainment and some decent set-pieces without rewriting the rulebook for the slasher movie.

Cold Prey is all about a bunch of people who go on a snowboarding vacation. They get up a mountain and start having fun only for one of them (Morten, played by Rolf Kristian Larsen) to spoil it all by falling badly and breaking his leg. A fall leading to a broken leg is bad at the worst of times, but in an isolated environment with such low temperatures it could spell disaster. Luckily, there's a hotel nearby so they head to it and get inside. You might be able to guess where things are heading now. Yes, the hotel is unoccupied, or so they think.

Directed by Roar Uthaug, who also wrote the thing with Thomas Moldestad and Martin Sundland (from an idea by Jan Eirik Langoen and Magne Lyngner), Cold Prey exceeds expectations thanks to the mix of likable characters, tense moments and, despite the horror genre requirements, a certain amount of plausibility.

The acting from all involved - the main five players being Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Rolf Krisitan Larsen, Tomas Alf Larsen, Endre Martin Midtstigen and Viktoria Winge - is pretty good, the script isn't that bad either and everything just feels as if it was put together with a bit of care and intelligence. The environment helps a lot. The isolation factor, so crucial to many horrors of this kind, never feels too contrived and the fact that the external temperature is so cold also keeps the characters in the area they end up so desperately wanting to leave.

So while it may not be the most original horror movie that you will see, this remains an entertaining watch that still manages to feel surprisingly fresh. And now I also have to check out the sequels.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cold-Prey-DVD/dp/B001U74D1O/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1362458635&sr=1-2

Demon Wind (1990)

No, this is not a film about flatulent phantoms. Amazingly enough, this is a bit stinkier. Demon Wind is a rip-off of The Evil Dead movies via Night Of The Demons. Without the talent or enjoyment factor of either.

After a suitably demonic opening scene, the movie starts the main section in the here and now by introducing viewers to Cory (Eric Larson) and his girlfriend Elaine (Francine Lapensee) as they head towards the farm once owned by his grandparents. The farm and grandparents featured in that demonic opening scene, of course. Cory and Elaine are joined by a number of friends, all of whom are pretty bloody irritating, and then proceed to the farm and almost immediately start experiencing some . . . . . . oddness. They try to leave, but some pesky mist blows all around them until they end up back where they started. Surprisingly unflappable in the face of ongoing weirdness, the vapid young things hole up in the farm and start to try to figure out just how they can best get rid of the evil forces that seem to be out to get them.

Written and directed by Charles Philip Moore, Demon Wind isn't even entertaining in a "so bad it's good" way. It has the potential, but the properly bad stuff just keeps piling up and piling up until the accidentally amusing moments aren't enough to lift the spirits of anyone watching the thing. There's a final act, in particular, that may cause a minor giggle, but then plays out for a further five or ten minutes while viewers sit in dumbstruck disbelief.

The cast are all terrible, with Bobby Johnson being the worst of the lot. It's not all his fault as he's asked to portray the asshole of the group, but he is so annoying that you will start to wish him gone mere seconds after he appears in the film. Stephen Quadros and Jack Vogel are almost as bad, the former being an ass-kicking magician type while the latter is his hetero life partner (or something). Poor Sherry Leigh and Lynn Clark don't fare quite as badly, but don't do much of note either.

The practical effects aren't bad in places and there are some nice touches here and there, if I'm being very generous, but there really isn't enough here to appeal to anyone but the most masochistic of bad movie fans or people who just don't have access to enough scenes featuring a chauvinistic pig referring to his girlfriend every so often by saying "that's why I keep her around." Everyone else should avoid it like any of those flatulent phantoms that I mentioned in the opening line of this review.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Demon-Wind-DVD-Eric-Larson/dp/B00009RS0K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364162105&sr=8-1

Samurai Cop (1989)

Let's not waste any time here getting to the point. Samurai Cop is inept nonsense that looks as if it was edited and put together by a team of blind chimpanzees. The acting from everyone onscreen is horrible, not helped at all by horrible ADR, and the main man both looks and acts like some dark-haired Johnny Bravo let loose in an adult world. Written and directed by Amir Shervan, it's hard to tell whether or not it was ever supposed to be played out as a serious action thriller. Sexism, sadism, casual racism, it's all here. The whole thing is awful which means that it's also pretty hilarious, if you view it in the right frame of mind.

The story, as slim as it is, concerns a big Japanese gang that is taking over the city (thanks, in no small part, to a main henchman played by the mighty Robert Z'Dar). To stop the gang, the local cops bring in Joe "Samurai Cop" Marshall (Matt Hannon), a man who spends his time either fighting people, trying to chat up women or . . . . . . . sleeping with women (including an officer named Peggy, played by Melissa Moore - billed as Melisa Moore - who is portrayed as a bit of a nymphomaniac for no reason whatsoever). His partner is Frank Washington (Mark Frazer), a black cop happily playing second fiddle to Joe while also . . . . . . . . . . ummmmm . . . . . no, actually that's it. He shoots a few people, sure, but he looks up to Joe at every opportunity like a child seeking approval from an inattentive father. The bodycount starts to rise, the Police Captain (Dale Cummings) starts to complain about a foot going up his ass leading to a foot going up there ass and people all having sore asses. Or something. I'd lost half of my braincells at that point. Weak action sequences are intersperses with moments of gratuitous nudity for just over ninety minutes and then the end credits roll, featuring a cast list of names such as Miceal Jackson, Gabriel and Holland as some kind of one last finger up to the viewer for enduring such nonsense.

In terms of traditional filmmaking this is a 1/10 movie, but in terms of sheer entertainment, thanks to the comedy (unintentional or not), it's pretty much a 10/10, hence my rating that puts it slap bang in the middle. Matt Hannon and Mark Frazer make one of the least convincing cop duos that I've ever seen while Robert Z'Dar is amusingly over the top for his every moment onscreen. Krista Lane plays a flame-haired female member of the gang, who doesn't do all that much apart from look pretty, and I'm happy to admit that I was shallow enough to enjoy her presence as she sometime hung around and looked pretty. Jannis Farley also seems to have been hired for her ability to look pretty and I also enjoyed her scenes. As already mentioned, Melissa Moore is saddled with a completely bizarre bit of characterisation and Dale Cummings goes through every page of "How To Be An Angry Police Captain For Dummies."

Writer-director Shervan certainly never lets things get dull, which is another saving grace for the movie. There are chases, fights and/or deaths every other scene. None of it makes a lick of sense, there are more than a few moments that may be viewed as outright offensive to some and none of the characters are at all likable, but it's entertaining for all the wrong reasons. If you're not won over by the time our hero is brought down to Earth with a bump and dismissed by a sexy nurse then you may as well switch off the movie because that one moment exemplifies how this atrocious piece of work can gleam like gold. Fool's gold, but gold nonetheless.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Samurai-Special-Edition-Robert-ZDar/dp/B00BFNJHCI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1364145319&sr=8-1&keywords=samurai+cop

Pumping Iron (1977)

It may not be entirely factual and it may not even be entirely "real", but Pumping Iron stands up today as one of the best documentaries you can treat yourself to. It's all about bodybuilders and looks at both amateurs and professionals as they train to take part in the Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia competitions in 1975. The focus of the whole thing is Arnold Schwarzenneger, not quite the star he would become, but already emanating charisma and a forceful presence as he sets out to defend his Mr. Olympia title and try to win it for the sixth time, fending off Serge Nubret, Franco Columbu and a young Lou Ferrigno.

Based on an idea by George Butler (who co-wrote the book "Pumping Iron" with Charles Gaines and then co-directed this with Robert Fiore), it's certainly a documentary with an interesting subject at its core anyway, but things are made doubly interesting by the presence of Arnie. The man is the physical embodiment of how to achieve success by putting your mind to it and shedding the blood, sweat and tears. Of course, the same can be said of all the competitors shown, but there's a reason that Arnie is the only one of them trying to win Mr. Olympia for the sixth time. He's charming for every moment that he's onscreen, even when he's deliberately attempting to psyche out a nervous Lou Ferrigno, but he's completely focused on absolutely everything he does, whether that's weightlifting or speaking to an interviewer or making "smalltalk" with the competition before going on stage.

If this was all just about Arnie, however, then it would soon get pretty tiring. Thankfully, the other tales being told are equally worthy of the time given over to them. Seeing Lou Ferrigno being trained and motivated by his father hammers home just how much effort is required in every department. Ferrigno has the size, but does he have the definition? Does he have the ability to pose fluidly and perfectly, showing off his muscles in the best way possible? Then we have the sportsmanship, or lack of it, shown by Ken Waller as he competes in an amateur competition against Mike Katz. The latter seems like a fairly sweet guy, which is a shame when he ends up alongside someone like Waller (who doesn't seem to have the skills/charm/intelligence of Schwarzenneger and so just resorts to pettiness to help him have the upper hand in the competition).

Great documentaries are the ones that just get the stars to align while the camera is rolling. They capture lightning in a bottle, as I've mentioned before, and they appeal to a broad audience, no matter how niche the subject matter seems to be. I can see Pumping Iron putting off plenty of people - there were moments in the first 5-10 minutes in which I wasn't sure if I could keep watching those bulging muscles and veins (it's pretty gross to a weedling like me) - but how can you really not want to watch anything that starts off with Schwarzenegger learning some ballet moves to improve his posing technique?

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pumping-Iron-Special-Edition-DVD/dp/B001TJKVX2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1363892956&sr=8-1