New Year's Evil (1980)

With the sort of premise that is both incredibly silly and absolutely brilliant, I was amazed that I hadn't yet made time to fit New Year's Evil into my viewing schedule. It must be down to this time of year, the time when I would want to watch it most, being chock full of both Christmas movies and all of the big titles I end up trying to cram before the calendar gets changed. Not this year though. Nope. This is the year that I finally left a New Year's Evil gap available, a gap that I filled by watching New Year's Evil. 

Roz Kelly is Diane Sullivan, a disc jockey hosting a grand New Year's Eve party live on TV. The music is loud, the partygoers all seem happy, and people get to call in to the show and speak to Diane. Unfortunately, someone wants to be a party pooper, and they call up to tell Diane that they are going to murder someone every time the clock strikes midnight in one of four US time zones. And Diane will be his final victim. In case anyone thinks this is some bad joke, the killer calls back after murdering his first victim, playing back the sounds of their death from a tape recorder.

The second feature film directed by Emmett Alston (and I would encourage everyone to check out the plot synopsis for his first movie - I'm not going to spoil the surprise here), this is as wonderfully odd as you'd expect it to be. It wants to be a standard slasher at times, but doesn't ever go far enough, in terms of tension and/or bloodshed, and when it becomes a more straightforward thriller in the third act, well, it's still weighed down by the baggage that has been added to it by writer Leonard Neubauer. Neubauer doesn't have the most extensive filmography, which perhaps explains why he's not necessarily trying to just copy the many other movies that were being released at this time, instead taking time to add some strange character details and interactions that wouldn't be given the same time and focus in other screenplays. Not that it leads to the film feeling padded out. In fact, the 85-minute runtime feels just right, especially when you also get one or two genuinely decent musical performances, courtesy of Rock Band Shadow, at the NYE party.

Kelly is fine in her role, but it's not exactly one that requires a star turn (although her fame from Happy Days may have lured in viewers during the film's initial release). Kip Niven and Grant Cramer get to have more fun, both being prominent men in Diane's life, and the latter, her son, is given some strange quirks, to put it one way, that you think may factor into the grand finale . . . until they don’t. Chris Wallace is the main cop on the case, Jed Miller is the usual businessman just thinking in dollars, and Louisa Moritz, Taaffe O’Connell, and Alicia Dhanifu are all involved in some of the more memorable moments.

You are unlikely to enjoy this as much as I did. You may even hate it. It’s a film that feels paradoxically as if it is well within the slasher movie mold and also far removed from it. However you feel about it, however, you’re unlikely to forget it. It dives into the premise with confidence, it plays around with expectations, and it delivers a surprisingly satisfying ending. You should resolve to see it.

7/10

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Remember The Night (1940)

I am sure that people who are already familiar with Remember The Night already notice when it starts to become a more popular viewing choice towards the end of the year (due to it being set during the Christmas holiday period). I wasn't familiar with the film before now, but I suddenly started noticing it everywhere. I can only imagine that it's a solid choice for some of the classic movie channels, and the recent (typically sublime) UK Blu-ray release from Indicator must have helped it become even more ubiquitous than usual this December.

Written by Preston Sturges and directed by Mitchell Leisen, all you should need to know to get you interested in Remember The Night is that it was the first movie to pair up Barbara Stanwyck and Fred MacMurray. It's not their best (because four years later they would work together in the classic Double Indemnity), but it's a very enjoyable use of their talents.

Stanwyck plays Lee Leander, a woman who has been arrested on a shoplifting charge. She did it, and she doesn't seem too remorseful about doing it, but MacMurray's prosecuting attorney, John Sargent, knows that a jury can be affected by seasonal goodwill just before Christmas, which is why he is happy to request a continuance of the trial until after the holidays. Unfortunately, with no family or funds available, this means that Miss Leander will spend the holiday season in jail. Sympathetic to her situation, especially as he caused it, Sargent manages to get her out on bail. Dropped off at his apartment, Miss Leander quickly ends up making Mr. Sargent regret his good deed. He is heading home for the holidays, and decides to take Miss Leander to her family, where she can enjoy some time before heading back for her assigned court date, and so begins a blossoming relationship that could cause hurt and happiness in equal measure.

The thing that works best about Remember The Night is that it's a message movie that delivers a message you might not actually expect. Yes, there are the usual enjoyable character interactions, and there's a fun set-piece or two (small in scale, but there throughout the runtime nonetheless), as well as the strengthening connection between the two leads, but this is a film that uses the goodwill of the season to reflect a light of joy/shame on the many supporting characters. Stanwyck's character is not pleading innocence throughout, nor does she ever really make any excuses for her own behaviour, but viewers, and those in the movie who get to know her without their view shaded by her arrest, can easily see that there is much more to define her than a penchant for thievery.

It helps, of course, that Stanwyck's character is played by Stanwyck, an actress who I've never known to disappoint (although I still have so many more of her movies to get around to). It also helps that MacMurray is putting in yet another of those winning turns that he delivered for a good few decades, making him easy to root for even when he might not have been consistently in the right. Beulah Bondi and Elizabeth Patterson are a delight as two members of Sargent's family (his mother and aunt, respectively), Georgia Caine plays a much-less-delightful mother to our female lead, and Willard Robertson, Sterling Holloway, and Charles Waldron all get at least one good moment. It's also worth mentioning the small role for Fred 'Snowflake' Toones, a character actor who may be involved a couple of scenes that disappointingly play to the prevailing attitude of the era, but who deserves to be namechecked nonetheless. (it's the writing/direction that disappoints there, not his performance)

It doesn't overdo the Christmas feeling, but you get it emanating from the screen at key points, making it easy to see why people may choose to keep this one in annual rotation. It delivers familiar good feeling with a satisfyingly unfamiliar sprinkling of realism . . . 1940s cinematic realism, which is still miles away from actual realism though. Determined not to let things turn into a fairytale, nor the characters to transform into a princess or prince, Remember The Night is a great example of how to give audiences what they want without letting them feel as if they have just been served a bland final product from the end of a standardised factory line. 

This may not have the constant snowfall and bell-ringing of other Christmas movie classics from this era, but that just gives you all the more reason to revisit it. I know that I'll be trying to make this a new December tradition in my house.

8/10

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'Twas The Night (2001)

If you want to watch one Christmassy Disney movie directed by 'The Shape" from Halloween then 'Twas The Night is the film for you. I'm not going to make a case for it being any kind of forgotten classic, but it will hit just the right nostalgia buttons for many, being tucked away alongside many other turn-of-the-century Disney TV movies on Disney+.

Written by Jim Lincoln, Dan Studney, and Jenny Tripp, a trio who spent a decade or so working on various Disney projects, this is supposed to be all about a young boy named Danny Wrigley (Josh Zuckerman), but viewers nowadays will have more fun watching his irresponsible uncle, Nick (played by Bryan Cranston). Idolised by his nephew, Nick is actually a small-time scammer who visits his family while he hides away from people who want to hurt him, wring money back out of him, or both. When they accidentally knock out Santa (Jefferson Mappin), Nick convinces Danny that they can use the special Santa gadgets to ensure everyone still gets their Christmas presents. It soon becomes clear, however, that Nick wants to rob a number of homes to give himself a bumper payday. But will Danny see the truth in time to stop Christmas from being ruined.

This is exactly what you think it is going to be, a fairly low-budget TV movie with a mix of amusing misbehaviour, some very mild peril, and occasional use of special effects to convey some magical "Santa powers". It's not one to seek out, nor is it overflowing with the Christmas atmosphere, but it's mildly entertaining stuff, and clocks in at a nice, short runtime of approximately 84 minutes. Zuckerman is the typical smartass-but-not-bad kid at the heart of it all, but most of the fun comes from watching Cranston's character trying to capitalise on an unbelievable stroke of good luck. Whether that is how the film was intended, or whether it just plays that way now with Cranston being such a familiar face, is beside the point. The fact is that Cranston helps to make this more fun than it otherwise might be.

Nobody else really stands out from the cast. Brenda Grate and Rhys Williams play Kaitlin and Peter, Nick's siblings, while Barclay Hope and Torri Higginson are the parents who have a couple of scenes trying to lay down some ground rules when Nick arrives, only to then disappear for the majority of the movie (because that is what the plot requires). Sandy Robson, and Jeff Geddis are the people looking to be reimbursed, and they have Jung-Yul Kim with them, acting as their "muscle". And let's not forget Mappin, in the role of Santa. In fact, let's actually just forget him, because he's quite forgettable in the role, and has to spend a lot of the movie powerless.

The direction is competent enough, the script is simple and fun, and this will please younger viewers who fall into the right age bracket for it. (I'm going to say between about 7-10, but please bear in mind that it's been a long time since I have curated any viewing choices for children . . . not  including my own inner child). Everyone else should find it decidedly average, but also pleasingly painless.

5/10

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Prime Time: Matchmaker Santa (2012)

Have you even had a proper festive season if you haven't watched a film starring Lacey Chabert? I would have to say no, which is why I made sure to watch Matchmaker Santa when I saw it in the overstuffed TV schedule.

Chabert plays Melanie, a young woman who is in a relationship with Justin (Thad Luckinbill). As busy as he is, Justin has planned a Christmas break for the two of them. Okay, there will also be a bit of a chance to schmooze at a party, but he aims to make up for the many times he has been too busy to enjoy quality time with Melanie. She'll even get to meet Justin's mother (Katherine, played by Mary-Margaret Humes). Plans are thrown into disarray, however, when Justin sends his friend, Dean (Adam Mayfield), to pick Melanie up from the airport. Dean and Melanie are used to this, but they're not used to being secretly manipulated by someone (Santa . . . I mean Chris, played by Donovan Scott) who ensures that their car breaks down in a small town, keeping Justin and Melanie separated during the holiday season. Melanie and Dean keep getting along like a house on fire, there are locals to impress with home-made cookies (it's lucky that Melanie is also a baker), and Justin ends up in the company of an ex-girlfriend (Blaire, played by Elizabeth Ann Bennett) who may still have strong feelings for him.

If you're watching a Christmas TV movie then this is what you expect. According to IMDb, there was some uncredited rewriting on the script, but the main names onscreen are writer Joany Kane and director David S. Cass, Sr. Both creators have a number of movies like this in their respective filmographies, and both throw around the expected beats and tropes with ease, undoubtedly helped by being able to hang everything on a typically likable lead performance from Chabert. Everyone in the featured small town LOVES Christmas, everyone loves to eat and drink seasonal treats without calorie concerns, and the Santa figure helping to change lives always does so with an obvious wink and twinkle in his eye.

Aside from Chabert, the rest of the cast does what is asked of them, with Mayfield being the safe and handsome man that the leading lady is destined to eventually view as her Prince Charming, and both Luckinbill and Bennett getting to play their parts without having to act like panto villains (there are often no outright baddies in the Christmas romance movies, just people who aren’t as compatible as they want to be). The real fun comes from the supporting cast, with appearances from John Ratzenberger, Lin Shaye, and Florence Henderson. Shaye is particularly enjoyable, prompting one or two genuine laughs with her wonderfully over the top performance. As for the magical matchmaker himself, Scott plays his Chris/Santa character with the absolute lack of subtlety viewers should expect in this kind of thing. You can view that as a good or bad thing, but it certainly didn’t spoil any of my enjoyment.

A good mix of magic, contrivances, and small-town charm, Matchmaker Santa is one of the better examples of this kind of thing. As long as you are in the mood for what it aims to provide, you should be perfectly satisfied by the time it all ends, although the end feels just a bit rushed and (even for a Christmas TV movie) a bit too convenient. I liked it anyway.

6/10

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The Preacher's Wife (1996)

Because I have been a fan of The Bishop's Wife for so many years, I was never in a rush to check out this mid-'90s remake. I knew I would get around to it one day, Whitney Houston and Denzel Washington in main roles would see to that, but I never made it a priority. Until now. I wish I could say that I enjoyed it, but it pales in comparison to the original film, as well as not really doing good enough in simpler, Christmas movie, terms.

Courtney B. Vance is Reverend Henry Biggs, a man who is struggling with his role. He seems to be stuck in a bit of a rut, unable to truly inspire members of his congregation, and unable to figure out the best way to effectively help the community. He's also not been present in his marriage to Julia (Houston), a young woman who tries to support her husband at all times, and who provides the best singing voice in the church choir. Thankfully, an angel (Dudley, played by Denzel Washington) is sent down to help. Nobody really believes that he is an angel though, and everyone should forget all about him once his work is done. 

Written by Nat Mauldin and Allan Scott, reworking the source material from the Robert Nathan novel and the 1947 movie, The Preacher's Wife should work much better than it does. There are great people in central roles, including Gregory Hines, Jenifer Lewis, and Loretta Devine, and Penny Marshall is the talented director helming the thing. It actually does well, raising a smile here and there, when focusing on the character of Dudley, largely thanks to an absolutely charming performance from Washington helping to keep any negative thoughts at bay. It's also altogether easier to enjoy whenever Houston is lighting up the screen with her presence. Sadly, and somewhat paradoxically, it is dragged down by moments that feel obviously inserted into the plot to give screentime to Houston's singing talent. She has a great voice, no doubt about it, but the whole film screeches to a halt for a few different songs that could easily have been excised in service of much better pacing.

As horrible as it might seem, I could also have done without the horrible performance from the main child star in the cast, Justin Pierre Edmund. Playing Jeremiah Biggs, the son of Henry and Julia, Edmund is just overdoing everything in a film that works best when the cast are allowed to be relatively quiet. He's not alone, this is a film that feels very much like the professional adults were happily giving a chance to amateur youngsters. 

I could heap praise on both Washington and Houston all day long, and I'd kill to just once look as sharply-dressed as the former, but Vance also does really good work, despite the fact that he has the toughest of the three lead roles, as the harried man trying to balance his faith and love with harsh realities. Lewis does well with her role (playing the concerned mother of Houston's character), Devine is left with little to do, but she's someone I tend to enjoy in any role, and Hines has to be the main villain, but suffers from a rushed third act that delivers the expected ending without any of it feeling truly earned. There are also roles for Paul Bates and Lionel Ritchie, the former playing a kind-hearted soul pining for Devine's character and the latter playing, well, Lionel Ritchie.

Some people will be able to enjoy this more than I did, especially those just wanting to hear Whitney Houston sing some songs that aren't in the usual rotation of her many hits, but it's hard to view it as anything other than a huge disappointment. It's also (pleasantly) surprising that nobody has tried to remake it again recently. I wouldn't even mind if they gave Washington another chance in the role of the helpful angel.

4/10

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Boxing Day (2021)

Although a seasonal rom-com with plenty of extra drama, Boxing Day, as the name suggests, is also a film about that time during the holidays when the focus isn't necessarily on the gifts and messages of love and peace. Boxing day is when people enjoy leftovers, and it's when the warm glow of Christmas Day starts to turn into a roaring fire, one that can either keep you energised and glowing or can have you raring to restart that long-running feud with your cousin that used to steal all of your best Matchbox cars and Action Man figures.

Aml Ameen is Melvin, a young British man who is about to reluctantly head home for the holidays to visit his family. He'll have to make an appearance, despite the fact that his main reason for heading back to the UK is to help promote his new book. Melvin's family will all be meeting his partner, Lisa (Aja Naomi King). More importantly, Lisa will be meeting them. There are the usual ups and downs you get with any family unit, but things are complicated when Lisa finds out that Melvin's sister, Aretha (Tamara Lawrance), is an assistant to a talented British singer, Georgia (Leigh-Anne Pinnock). Oh, and Georgia used to be in a serious relationship with Melvin. 

As well as starring in this, Aml Ameen both wrote (with Bruce Purnell) and directed the movie, basing a lot of the general atmosphere and the family interactions on his own experiences. I was initially worried, my default position when I realise that a star has given himself a role in something they have also written and directed, but there was no need. Ameen proves himself very much up to every task he assigns himself, and he steps back often enough to allow some light to shine on his very talented cast.

King is very easy to root for throughout, put in an awkward situation from very early on and coming out swinging to prove that she's no passing distraction, and Pinnock (making a smooth transition from singing with Little Mix to portraying a singer here) does well opposite her. The two women both have strong attachments to Ameen's character, but you can also easily believe that both may open their eyes to other possibilities at any point, leaving Melvin alone and full of regret. Lawrance is great fun, Sheyi Cole is hilarious as the love-struck Josh (pursuing a young woman who used to date his cousin, played by Samson Kayo, much to the cousin's displeasure), and there are lovely moments for Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Stephen Dillane, Robbie Gee, and everyone else involved in some of the scenes that depict the cosy chaos of a large family gathering.

As well as the mix of expected tropes and melodrama, Boxing Day has a wonderful soundtrack selection, one or two moments of sweetness that play out well, without somehow feeling too schmaltzy, and a great look at the holiday season through a different filter. Populated by a cast that is almost entirely black, this is a film depicting a specific experience within a Caribbean-British household, but it's in being so specific, and drawing on such personal memories, that Ameen manages to hit the bullseye for viewers who will soon see that, while exact customs and scenarios will differ, we're all in the same boat when it comes to balancing the love and support along with the emotional turbulence and insanity that is all part of being part of any family.

A bit cheesy, quite predictable, maybe slightly overlong, Boxing Day is nevertheless a great directorial debut from Ameen. Don't expect perfection and you should enjoy it as much as I did. Which is also a good motto for the entire holiday season.

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: Scrooge: A Christmas Carol (2022)

It can be hard to decide on your favourite ever movie adaptation of A Christmas Carol - there's the lure of Alastair Sim, the lure of Albert Finney in a musical, and the lure of muppets, of course - but it's quite easy to identify the less impressive examples. The ones that feel more like a serving of lumpy gravy than a mix of the gravy and the grave, if you will. Excluding the most low-budget and independent movies, my own personal least favourite is Christmas Carol: The Movie, with the 2009 Jim Carrey vehicle sitting not too far above it. And now they can be joined by Scrooge: A Christmas Carol, a film that commits the crime of feeling even more lifeless than the spirits that visit the central character, despite the fact that it is, apparently, an animated remake/reworking of the 1970 Albert Finney movie (although that maybe explains the main problem with it, I have never been the biggest fan of that film either).

Luke Evans voices Scrooge. The ghost of Christmas past is voiced by Olivia Colman, a highlight, while Trevor Dion Nicholas voices Christmas present (and the third spectre says all that needs to be said without speaking aloud). Jonathan Pryce is Jacob Marley, James Cosmo is Mr. Fezziwig, Jessie Buckley is Isabel Fezziwig, and Johnny Flynn is Bob Cratchit. 

I am not sure if I can do much more here, naming the main cast members seems to be the closest I can come to being nice about this film.

Directed by Stephen Donnelly, who also co-wrote the screenplay with Leslie Bricusse (who also provided the songs dotted throughout the narrative, or wrote them back when the 1970 movie was being crafted, and who sadly died just a couple of months before the film was released), this is a flat and dull retread of a story that viewers can watch in at least a dozen better movies. Easily. As much as I like many of the cast members, very few of them get to do anything that helps their performance stand out. The notable exception is Colman, who has a voice and manner that turns out to be a great match for her character.

The animation throughout is nice enough, it's clean and neat, but there's a lack of real artistry, and the same can be said of the songs, unfortunately. I dare anyone to get to the end of this and then relay one of the musical numbers back to me. Not exactly, just hum a rendition at me. I doubt anyone could manage it, even if you tried while the end credits were still rolling, because they are so unmemorable.

As disappointed as I was with the visuals and the songs, I was much more disappointed by the script. I can only assume that Donnelly wanted to present a film that felt like a mix of the fresh and the familiar, but he omits all the best phrases that fans of the story will be waiting for. Either use the animation to complement a beautifully traditional adaptation or use the bare bones of the tale to give viewers an enjoyably fresh new spin on it (love or hate Spirited, at least it tried the latter), but don't land smack bang in the middle. That just ends up pleasing nobody, although complete newcomers may find just enough here to enjoy. 

Maybe I'll revisit this one day, and I might view it a bit more favourably, especially if it just stays available to stream while I'm full of hot chocolate and mince pies, lazily browsing for something that won't require me to overthink anything. That's a big maybe though.

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: Scare Package II: Rad Chad's Revenge (2022)

The fact that I have a daily blog is only part of my reason for reviewing movies. The main reason is the fact that I watch so many movies, because I am both compelled to do so, and love doing so, and reviews can remind me of my thoughts on everything I watched. Which is why I try to review everything I watch, whether it is in-depth or in capsule form. So I dived into Scare Package II: Chad's Revenge after reading a review of Scare Package, and reminding myself that I enjoyed, but didn't exactly love, it. 

What we have here is another anthology of horror tales, all of them also overflowing with humour and meta commentary, couched this time in a Saw-like framing narrative, as the mourners attending the funeral of Chad end up forced to watch some short films in between engaging in some deadly games. As well as Chad, there are a couple of other characters returning from the first movie. But who will be left alive by the time the end credits roll? And why does Chad still command so much attention from others, despite the obvious obstacle of him being dead?

Although not everyone comes back to work behind the camera on this, both Aaron B. Koontz and Cameron Burns, the main creators of the concept, once again curate a fine selection of tales from a variety of talented people, including themselves (of course),  Alexandra Barreto, Anthony Cousins, Jed Shepherd, John Karsko, Ryan Schaddelee, Rachele Wiggins, and Jed Shepherd. In fact, and there's no need for me to beat about the bush here, everything here is better than what we were given in the first package. The main storyline feels less smug, the jokes and references all land better, and you get a general feeling of the central idea having been given a shot in the arm. It's so good that I'd happily now pick up both Scare Package movies in a nice double-bill set.

I won't go through every one of the segments individually, but highlights include a brilliant parody that blends Stand By Me with Re-Animator (as well as adding a touch of The Fly), the frankly near-flawless "Welcome To The '90s", which uses genre tropes to explore the changes to horror movie final girls over the years, and a reunion for most of the women who were last seen onscreen together in Host. And the main Hellraiser gag in the third act made me laugh harder than any other comedy horror moment I can think of from the past year or two, as ridiculous as it was.

The cast provides a good mix of the familiar, either due to their involvement in the first film (Jeremy King, Zoe Graham, Byron Brown, etc) or their standing in the horror genre (Kelli Maroney, Graham Skipper, Maria Olsen, and one or two others), and everyone feels very well-suited to their roles, whether they are playing a killer, an expert in horror lore, a potential survivor, or a frustrated participant in a deadly game.

I am still not sure if this just caught me in a much better mood than the first movie or whether it really was such a step up. Every gag (comedy and gore) feels like it lands, the energy of each sequence helps it to feel perfectly paced throughout, and I could have easily rewatched it as soon as my first viewing was over, knowing I missed some details and jokes that will reward repeat viewings. I hope this ends up released on some double-bill with the first movie, and I would now be eager to see if they could successfully pull off a third instalment.

8/10

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The Christmas Tapes (2022)

Co-written and co-directed by Robert Livings and Randy Nundlall Jr., The Christmas Tapes is a Christmassy horror anthology movie that starts off with a bold move . . . providing an important role for Greg Sestero. That might seem a bit harsh, as he's certainly not the worst part of that infamously awful film, The Room, he may always be closely associated with, but it's worth mentioning at the very start of this review. Because it a) shows the faith that the film-makers have in their material, and b) warns viewers that they will have another chance to figure out exactly how they feel about the acting abilities of Sestero.

Sestero plays a visitor who ends up at the house of a family about to celebrate Christmas Eve. Before anyone can say "there's no room at the inn", he has taken charge of the situation, has everyone cowering in terror, and takes time to present his captive audience with a number of amateur video recordings. The first concerns a couple who go camping in the wrong neck of the woods, the second shows a man about to be delivered as a Christmas gift to his kids, by a man dressed as Santa, and the final tape shows a couple struggling to figure out the best way to clear their home of what may be a dangerous spirit. There's one other little story shoehorned in there, but it's so weak that it's not worth spending much time on. Thankfully, it's mercifully brief, but that makes it all the more surprising that it was included.

While not exactly overflowing with familiar faces, this is a film with a cast that generally acquits themselves well to what is asked of them. Sestero, for better or worse, is a name, and he's one of three used throughout the film to give viewers someone to recognise. The biggest, certainly to genre fans, is Vernon Wells, who enjoys himself as the potential delivery man dressed up as Santa Claus. You also get Dave Sheridan, stealing a number of scenes, and almost the entire movie, in the role of Paranormal Perry, a character who plays an integral role in the final tale. I am not highlighting these actors to diminish the work done by others. It's just that Livings and Nundlall Jr. seem to have deliberately planned these "special appearances" to help the pacing of the film, as well as making good use of them in roles that allow them to have fun without straying too far from their comfort zones.

Although this is an anthology movie that doesn't have the risk of too many cooks spoiling the broth, it's interesting that every short tale feels unique. I wouldn't say there's anything here that stands out as being great, but nothing stands out as being awful either (some dodgy CGI and that super-short, almost plotless, story aside). This is a surprisingly solid piece of work. It's maybe not good enough to warrant repeat viewings, or even a glowing recommendation, but I enjoyed it while it was on, and I am inclined to check out anything else from Livings and Nundlall Jr.

Audio quality is inconsistent, but never terrible, and it's a shame that the format basically ensures that the visuals lack any great style or flourishes, but there’s enough fun and creativity here to make it worthwhile. I am not sure if anyone will remember it in a few years time, but it’s always good to have a new festive horror to mix in amongst the numerous established favourites.

6/10

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Violent Night (2022)

Take a good handful of Bad Santa, add some Home Alone, and then mix in an overflowing bowl full of Die Hard (as well as Die Hard 2: Die Harder) and you get Violent Night. If that sounds like a great time at the movies for you, and I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t, then you are bound to enjoy this. Maybe not from the first scenes though.

David Harbour plays Santa Claus. Not someone who thinks they are Santa Claus. Not a Santa Claus wannabe. He IS the man in the big red suit. He even has the reindeer, the magic to get up and down chimneys, a a sack that magically fills with gifts for children. And, of course, the infamous “naughty or nice” list. He’s grown jaded though, so many kids nowadays just seem to want videogames or cash for Christmas. Young Trudy (Leah Brady) is a rare exception. All she wants for Christmas is for her parents (Jason, played by Alex Hassell, and Linda, played by Alexis Louder) to repair their relationship. Jason is working on that, but it may involve finally standing up to his rich and powerful mother (Gertrude, played by Beverly D’Angelo). Gertrude is so rich and powerful that the planned family Christmas gathering is interrupted by a group of armed robbers (headed up by John Leguizamo’s “Scrooge”) who plan an efficient and ruthless redistribution of her millions. They didn’t account for one thing though. Santa Claus is in the house, and he’s about to go to town on all of them.

Director Tommy Wirkola has been delivering excellent movies now for some time, and many horror fans have been a fan of his work since the wonderfully bonkers Dead Snow movies, so it’s no surprise to find that this is funny and gory throughout. That is what Wirkola does so well. What is a bit of a surprise, although he has some experience in the genre, is just how good the action beats are. This is a film that stays perfectly balanced between the fantastical and bone-breaking reality. The cast all nail the tone of the whole thing, and they’re helped by a script that improves greatly once you realise that it’s not being coy about the central concept.

Writers Pat Casey and Josh Miller previously served up the Sonic movies (as well as sharpening their candy canes with 12 Deadly Days for TV), and they grow in confidence once they have set everyone and everything in place. The first scenes featuring Harbour felt a bit odd to me, as I wasn’t entirely sure how we were meant to view his interpretation of Santa, but things then move along nicely, with sharp dialogue and plot construction, to get us all where we want to be . . . watching a film that is pleasingly unabashed about it being a Santa-centric Die Hard. The references and gags come thick and fast, and the fights are well-staged and impressively creative, but nothing is done in a way that feels too smug or self-indulgent. 

Harbour is a surprisingly brilliant Santa, allowed to be sweet and loving one minute, capable of deadly violence the next. He doesn’t look ripped, but certainly looks capable of handling himself (especially when he has the right weapon to hand). Leguizamo is just as brilliant as the main villain, able to be the standard baddie that we need, but also able to deliver a standard Christmas movie tale of seasonal tragedy with a straight face that stops that moment being as ridiculous as it could be. Brady is a sweet youngster, and gets more involved in the action while the third act plays out, Hassell and Louder are decent, D’Angelo is a canny bit of casting, of course, and the other person I need to mention is Cam Gigandet, comfortably giving me the best Mark Wahlberg parody since Andy Samberg (no accent, but it’s obvious from his very first line that he’s definitely written as “a Mark Wahlberg” type). Edi Patterson is also fun, playing the scheming sister of Hassell’s character, and there is fun to be had with the variety of evil henchmen, including a sociopath played by Brendan Fletcher and the oblivous-of-the-pain-they-have-coming characters played by André Eriksen and Mitra Suri.

You also get a score and soundtrack that works perfectly alongside the blood-spattered snowy visuals, and some super-cheesy one-liners that work because, well, you just have to admire the commitment to the concept. I am not sure if people will view this as a new holiday classic, but I know some might. I will certainly be aiming to add it to the roster of other films I like to watch during this time of year.

8/10

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Prime Time: Call Me Claus (2001)

In an oft-used trope of the Christmas movie, Call Me Claus revolves around a central idea of someone hiring a Santa Claus “actor” who claims to be the real Santa Claus. There’s no ambiguity here. We know it is the real Santa Claus. We just need to see how long it takes to convince the central character, played here by Whoopi Goldberg.

Goldberg is Lucy Cullins, a powerful producer for a home shopping channel that is gearing up for that busy holiday shopping season. Desperate to find a Santa host, she ends up inadvertently hiring, yes, Santa (Nigel Hawthorne). This isn’t entirely coincidental. Santa is due to retire, and he knows that Lucy is due to inherit his role (he put his hat on her when she was a child visitor and he started to glow, which is THE SIGN). Lucy might not believe him though, her Christmas spirit seems to have been usurped by her hunger for continued career success. Oh well, it isn’t as if there are dire consequences expected if Santa doesn’t sort out his replacement in time. Oh wait . . . there are.

Director Peter Werner has an extensive selection of TV work throughout the past few decades, and his handling of this material shows what a steady and confident presence he is at the helm. This is what you expect it to be, a star vehicle that manages to play to a family audience, and everyone tries their best to make it something fun and light, while allowing Goldberg to feel like the right fit in the lead role.

She absolutely does. Yes, it’s fun to see her in movies where she can be more outrageous, whether that is in her physical performance or her choice of swear words, but this role allows her to play up the cynicism she does so well, as well as making good use of her in a Santa hat (because, quite frankly, seeing a black woman as a potential Santa still feels like a uniquely positive bit of seasonal representation over two decades after this was made). Hawthorne makes for a surprisingly good Santa, and I say surprisingly because of being familiar with his usual body type in his other roles. His manner is as kind and earnest as required, and he looks convincingly stressed and tired during the scenes that remind viewers of his urgent quest. Victor Garber, Alexandra Wentworth, and Brian Stokes Mitchell are all good fun, playing other people at the network in various positions of power, and Taylor Negron as an elf is an inspired bit of casting, because he seems both too tall and too grumpy for the role. You will also spot Frankie Faison, Bruce Vilanch, and Allyce Beasley in the cast. You may not recognise those names, but you will recognise the faces.

It may not be surprising that the writers involved with this don’t have the most extensive filmographies, and I say that in terms of the unique feeling of the film, not in terms of the quality. More interesting, however, is the fact that these people don’t have the “time served” in Christmas (TV) movies you usually see, although this is reflected in the way that the movie avoids slavishly copying every other seasonal TV movie. 

Although you may prefer many of her other movie roles, this film is a lovely mix of Whoopi Goldberg and festive trimmings. It has more proper laughs than you get in most films in this vein, but it also remembers to deliver the comforting glow and occasional “ho ho ho” that make it a sweet Christmas treat.

7/10

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Breathing Happy (2022)

A film about addiction, a film about loss and regret, a film about that first Christmas you may be nervously spending alone, Breathing Happy is a strange and surreal film that creeps up on you and lands an eye-watering gut-punch on viewers by the time the third act starts to fully unfold.

I have to admit that I was wary when I saw it was written and directed by the lead actor, Shane Brady. That doesn’t always go well. Thankfully, there was no need to worry.

Shane plays Dylan, a man who is spending Christmas Eve trying to stick to his guns and stay one year sober. It’s tough though. That pull of his addiction is given extra strength as he also feels himself being tied up in a burlap sack of grief and thrown into a dark pool of misery. His memories and feverish imagination create what could be viewed as, well, spirits of Christmas past, present, and future. Will Dylan make it to his big sober anniversary date, or will he succumb to temptation? Will viewers care?

The answer to that last question is a resounding yes. Brady has been careful to present a character who isn’t a bitterly unsympathetic, which is no small feat when portraying an addict. Addiction is selfish, it breaks the hearts of loved ones who want you to stick around and be present, and it’s frustrating and infuriating to want to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. It’s also a sickness, and showing Dylan attempting to hang on to his sobriety allows Brady to show his Herculean effort, as well as his growing realisation of the pain he has caused others, and the pain he has caused himself while missing out on so many lovely moments with his family.

Although he is front and centre for almost every scene, Brady also helps himself by filling out his cast with great talent. You get great voice work from Sarah Bolger, Justin Benson, and Aaron Moorhead (two of them voicing magic doors . . . yes, magic doors), and there are excellent performances from Katelyn Nacon, Brittney Escalante, Angie Duke, and June Carryl. Each woman has at least one standout moment, and each presents a slightly different level of patience and understanding, with all of their input working together to eventually present Dylan with the full realisation that might lead to him finding the strength to survive this pivotal Christmas Eve. Oh, and I apologise for almost forgetting to praise Brady some more, he’s easily up to the task of carrying the movie with his powerful lead turn.

There are some flaws here, but they’re quite minor. I would have appreciated a slightly better score, and some of the fragmented memories don’t resonate as much as they could. These are quibbles though, and easy to forget about as you start to feel a lump forming in your throat and some dust aggravating your eyes. Which you should do, because Brady is, both behind and in front of the camera, a master manipulator. In the best possible way.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Sexual Drive (2021)

Sex. Not only does it sell, but it can also be a fascinating doorway into the psyche of a person. Whether that covers experiences that we could all find familiar or whether it is a unique kink, sex can be handled in a way that opens up an entire conversation about the length and breadth of human nature.

Sexual Drive is an anthology movie that shows different people involved in different sexual episodes. It’s not graphic, there’s no nudity here, but the plot hinges on people revealing intimate details about their sexual preferences. The one common denominator throughout each tale is a man named Kurita (Tateto Serizawa), spending his time onscreen either manipulating others or seemingly putting himself forward as a submissive object for the woman he has kept in his thoughts since their schooldays.

Written and directed by Kôta Yoshida, who seems to have made a huge number of films exploring sex, with some love also in the mix, Sexual Drive is a film that I cannot say I enjoyed. My first feature from Yoshida, it doesn’t do anything to spur me on to check out any of his other movies.

While the performances here are generally very good, nobody is able to overcome the surprisingly weak script. Three different tales boil down to the same core idea, someone is placed in a hugely submissive role that seriously unbalances the mindset of someone else, and that lack of imagination exemplifies what is wholly wrong about the film. This is written and directed by someone who doesn’t seem to know even a fraction of the huge spectrum of sexual preferences and sexuality. It’s the kind of tale designed for people who want to pretend they can handle adult material, but without pesky problems like bad language or nudity.

Although I am not going to discuss and rate each one of the main performances, Serizawa deserves some extra praise for his turn, and I must also mention Honami Satô for her portrayal of an object of obsession, a trigger for a very specific sexual kink, in the second, and best, tale.

Mercifully short, it clocks in at about 70 minutes, but still managing to feel slightly overlong, this is another one of many films that takes adult material and fails to treat it the right way. It’s disappointingly juvenile, one or two moments aside, and wastes an opportunity to cinematically explore sex in a constructive and satisfying way. And the last thing most people want is unsatisfying, wasted, sex. It’s why I am always surprised whenever I have managed to convince someone to date me.

3/10

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Netflix And Chill: Last Holiday (2006)

The only reason that I hadn't watched Last Holiday (a remake of a 1950 film of the same name) before now is that, well, I just hadn't. But finding out that it was set during the Christmas season gave me the nudge I needed to finally get around to it. I like Queen Latifah as a screen presence, I knew that the plot would be predictable, and somewhat comforting, and I hoped for some gentle humour throughout. 

Latifa plays Georgia Byrd, a hard-working woman who has let life pass her by. She enjoys cooking, does well in a job role under a boss who has kept her underpaid and under-appreciated for far too long. After bumping her head at work, Georgia ends up with a medical diagnosis that spells doom and gloom. She doesn't have long to live. It's a matter of days. Armed with this information, Georgia decides to head off on a dream holiday, spending all of her savings on a gorgeous suite, eating the best food, and just having the best time possible. She doesn't care what anyone thinks, exuding a confidence and honesty that impresses the likes of Chef Didier (Gérard Depardieu) and a holidaying politician (Giancarlo Esposito) while very much NOT impressing Matthew Kragen (Timothy Hutton), a business owner oblivious to the fact that Georgia actually worked in one of his department stores. There's also room in the plot for Sean Williams (LL Cool J), a colleague/potential love interest, and Ms. Burns (Alicia Witt), the young woman "accompanying" Mr. Kragen on his business trip/holiday. I think you can all start planning out how this ends already.

Written by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman, and directed by Wayne Wang, this is about as formulaic as movies get. The blending of those writers with that director though, just check out the filmographies of them to see the wildly different movies they have separately been involved with, leads to something that is full of wonderful little moments on the way to an ending that has to tie everything up in a neat little bow. There's fun poked at the difference between those seeking to try great cooking and those ordering items from the menu with a multitude of personal requests that undermine the essence of every dish, there's a ridiculous, but amusing, bit of accidental extreme snowboarding, and, despite acting like a high-roller for the little time she has left, Georgia is quick to remind everyone around her to treat all workers with dignity and respect. It's all generally in line with plenty other rom-coms (and, as easy as it is to forget at times, there is a good dash of rom with the com), but it somehow feels a bit quirkier and more spirited than a lot of them.

Queen Latifah (real name Dana Elaine Owens, fact fans) is the main reason for that. As much as I have always enjoyed her acting, she helps herself when being cast in a role that allows her to shine as brightly as possible, and she absolutely shines in this role. Everyone in the supporting cast seems to respond well to her star power, doing some wonderful work in roles that could have easily just been viewed as a quick payday. Hutton is a fun potential villain, Witt gets an enjoyable journey alongside him, and Cool J is a very sweet man viewers will want to see make that proper connection with our lead. Both Depardieu and Esposito enjoy themselves in atypical roles, and there are fun moments for Susan Kellerman (a hotel employee named Gunther), Matt Ross (an awful store manager), and Ranjit Chowdhry (playing the doctor who has to deliver the dire diagnosis to Latifah’s character).

Despite the abundance of snow and cold temperatures, things could have been made a bit more Christmassy, but that’s my only main criticism. The soundtrack could have been a bit better, and the plotting just a bit tighter, but this is a way to spend just under two hours with someone who is absolutely delightful company. And that is enough.

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: Rabid (2019)

If you're going to remake/rework a David Cronenberg movie then there's no point in taking on any of his outright classics. Any remake CAN work, if done right, but why would you give yourself such a monumental task? Choosing one of his relatively lesser works though, that might lead to some good results. And that is what The Soska Sisters (Jen and Sylvia) have done here, in a way. They've also tried to do something else, but I'll get to that later.

Laura Vandervoort is Rose, a young woman who hopes to be a fashion designer one day. She lacks the confidence to make any impact though, seemingly destined to be a hard-working doormat for the more dominant personalities all around her. Unfortunately, Rose is soon involved in a major accident that leaves her with horrific facial damage. Fortunately, she can be made even better than before with some breakthrough medical treatment. That treatment comes at a hell of a cost though, and it will start a chain reaction that leads to violence and chaos throughout the city.

Rabid isn't a bad film. It's a solid little horror movie, perhaps suffering slightly from some scenes that are played in a very simplistic way, and I think the pacing could have been tightened up a bit. These, however, are criticisms that could also be levelled at the original film. There are some good practical gore effects here, and the implication of one sick woman kicking off what could become a major pandemic, and those scenes help to make this more enjoyable (punctuated by moments in which people lose their will and lunch into a “rabid” attack on someone else in front of them). 

Using the framework of the film to explore themes they have explored so well in previous films - the Soskas love showing women become empowered in a way that rightly unnerves men who used to dismiss/abuse them - and mixing in a number of references to other Cronenberg work, it is the attempt to mix in commentary that sadly holds this back a bit. Rose doesn’t feel like the right character to focus on, sadly, and her transformation would be better if she left behind the whole world of fashion, depicted here in a way that makes you question anyone involved in it. It's this approach to reframing the material that undermines it, creating an uncomfortable mix of visceral horror with misplaced reverence for the baggage brought along by the source material.

Alongside writer John Serge, the Soskas make the mistake of padding out what should remain a streamlined bit of nastiness. The character growth is hard to care about, because of the environment it is placed in, and the bigger picture is something we are only given a small look at, even if that is understandable when considering the budget and resources available to the makers of the film.

Vandervoort is a good lead, and she does well with everything asked of her, whether acting nervous and meek or turning into a hungry maneater. Other people who manage to stand out include Ted Atherton (named a bit too on the nose as Dr. William Burroughs), Mackenzie Gray (as Gunter, a top name in the fashion world that Rose is a part of), and Stephen McHattie (playing a doctor who has the bonus of being Stephen McHattie). Benjamin Hollingsworth, Hanneke Talbot, Stephen Huszer, and CM Punk are also involved, but I cannot say that any of them made any impression of me. In fact, I cared more about the nurse (played by Tristan Risk) who only appears in one main sequence than I cared about most of the main supporting characters.

Not half as bad as it could have been, Rabid is just slightly mishandled by people who try to expand an idea that arguably works best without any added complications. You can do this in a “down ‘n’ dirty” way, you can do it as a blood-soaked virus film on a grand scale. You just can’t succeed by trying to fit in the middle, and this tries to fit in the middle.

6/10

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It's A Wonderful Binge (2022)

I quite enjoyed The Binge. I didn’t love it, and it isn’t a film I rush to recommend to others, but it was an enjoyably amusing distraction while it was on. So hearing that there was now a Christmas-tinged sequel meant that I had another film to add to my ever-bulging bag of festive viewing options. I wasn’t expecting anything amazing. I just hoped it might be as enjoyable as the first film.

Thankfully, it was.

The premise is similar to the first film. All drink and drugs are illegal, with a notable exception for one night a year, known as The Binge. Deciding that people cannot face the stress, and the family time, sober, The Binge is moved to Christmas. Which makes sense. One of our leads, Hags (Dexter Darden), wants to stay sober anyway, aiming to propose to his girlfriend (Sarah, played by Zainne Saleh), but poor Andrew (Eduardo Franco) may want to get as wasted as possible, considering how miserable he feels after spending a small amount of time with his entire family. Elsewhere, a mayoral candidate (Kaitlin Olson) wants everyone to live better lives, meaning that she wants them to turn their backs on The Binge, while her daughter (Kimmi, played by Marta Piekarz) feels extra pressure to behave in a way that won’t enrage her uptight mother.

While not everyone returns from the first movie, there’s nothing here that feels like viewers are being delivered any lesser options. When your supporting cast features Danny Trejo, Tim Meadows, Nick Swarsdon, and the aforementioned Olson, as well as a number of others helping to add to the fun, it’s enough to at least guarantee you a good time.

Jordan VanDina returns to the writing duties, but also takes over as director this time around. They do a good job helming the film, using the Christmas season as an excuse to heap more pressure upon the characters while also riffing on It’s A Wonderful Life (that strand featuring Trejo as some kind of angel in what I would say are some of the best scenes in the movie).

Franco and Darden may not be the first choice for many lead movie roles, but both do a great job here. Franco has been building up a decent comedy filmography over the past few years, and Darden proves himself just as capable as his co-star, helped by the script giving him wonderfully ridiculous obstacles to overcome as he tries to arrange a well-timed marriage proposal. Olson has fun being stressed throughout, Meadows steals every scene that he is in, and Trejo feels very much like he just came on set and acted like Trejo for a day or two (not a criticism, it adds to the fun of that character). Saleh and Piekarz do well, even if they aren’t given many of the more effective comedy moments, and there  are some great moments featuring Tony Cavalero (returning from the first movie) and Patty Guggenheim.

I cannot see anyone disliking this if they enjoyed the first movie. It’s absolutely on a par with it. Maybe not as Christmassy as it could be, which is a shame, but viewers should find enough to enjoy throughout.

6/10

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The Leech (2022)

Christmas brings different worries for different kinds of  people. Some fret about having enough food and drink in stock to feed a hundred unexpected visitors. Some worry about having enough money to get a decent gift for their loved ones. Some feel the strain of pressure added to them by the fake/unrealistic displays posted all over social media. And some worry about the many guests they will have to tolerate for most of Christmas Day, whether it is a friend of a friend, a relative not seen at any other time of the year, or someone you just know is going to drink a bit too much and make things tense after dinner. The Leech makes use of this last worry to craft a darkly comedic horror movie, and the end result is, well, it sure is something.

Graham Skipper plays Father David, a priest who ends up offering his home as temporary shelter to Terry (Jeremy Gardner). Terry isn’t exactly the most respectful and appreciative houseguest, and things become more problematic when Father David also allows Terry’s down-on-her-luck partner, Lexi (Taylor Zaudtke), to use his home as her own. Boundaries are tested, and pushed way beyond breaking point, and Father David finds himself struggling to change the ways of his guests while they resist his moral lessons. In fact, the pair become more and more determined to erode away the goodwill of their host, almost as if they relish the mindgames and battle of wills  

The second feature film written and directed by Eric Pennycoff (who did great work on Sadistic Intentions, also working with Gardner and Zaudtke on that one), The Leech is almost as good as you might expect a horror comedy with this cast to be. Almost. 

There is nothing to complain about here when it comes to the cast. Skipper, Gardner, and Zaudtke have a lot of fun together, whether they are probing one another with subtle jabs or engaging in outright antagonism, and the fourth main performance, a small turn from Rigo Garay, is enjoyably low-key alongside the escalating insanity of the three leads.

The big problem comes from Pennycoff, who doesn’t seem to set his mind on exactly the right tone he wants. Despite some ridiculousness, and the great performances (Gardner sells every line so well), there isn’t quite enough solid laughs here. Nor are there quite enough moments of tension or horror. Pennycoff may be happy with the end result, and I have seen a lot of praise for this from other film fans, but I couldn’t help feeling as if it was a prowling tiger that you soon realise has had the claws and fangs removed.

Working best when playing out like some horrible nightmare you cannot wake up from, The Leech has great potential in its premise, and has the right onscreen talent, but ends up as a slight disappointment. It isn’t bad, and I always appreciate someone trying to do something a bit different. It’s just not great.

6/10

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Prime Time: Prancer (1989)

If you are going to make a movie about a reindeer that may belong to Santa then you may find yourself in a bit of a quandary. Everyone knows Rudolph, but the bright red nose would be a dead giveaway. The other reindeer all look like normal reindeer, as far as I am aware, but people may not remember the other names. Prancer is a decent choice, paired up with Dancer in the seasonal rhyme. For future reference, the nine reindeer that pull Santa’s sleigh are as follows: Rudolph, Prancer, Dancer, Cupid, Stupid, Donna, Blitzkreig Bop, Basher, and Smasher. Thank me later. No need to check those names. That list is absolutely guaranteed to be absolutely correct.

Anyway, this film is about Prancer. Maybe. It’s a reindeer that is wounded, and a young girl (Jessica, played by Rebecca Harrell Tickell) becomes convinced that he is Prancer. Her aim is to get him fit and ready to rejoin Santa by Christmas, which means housing and feeding the animal without her father (Sam Elliott) finding out. She will also be trying to hide her actions from her abrasive brother (John Duda), while enlisting the help of the local vet (Abe Vigoda) and approaching a seemingly grinch-like neighbour (Cloris Leachman) with an offer that will allow her to earn some money for a big bag of food.

Director John Hancock doesn’t have a very memorable filmography, and nor does writer Greg Taylor (although he did later work on the much-loved Jumanji), but I have to say that both men do some great work here. It’s not groundbreaking, and it is completely predictable, but this is a comforting watch, feeling very much like a seasonal special episode of something like The Waltons or Little House On The Prairie.

That’s not to say that all is sweetness and light throughout. Times are tough, very tough, and there’s extra tension, and extra risk for our young lead, when Jessica finds out that her father is planning to send her away to stay with an aunt (played by Rutanya Alda). Hiding a reindeer isn’t likely to get her in the good books, but Jessica considers it to be an invaluable service, not only helping a wounded animal, but also ensuring that Christmas goes ahead as planned.

The cast all do a very good job, and make the film much better than it otherwise would have been. Tickell is a well-rounded young girl, as swift to pout and sulk as she is to widen her eyes and plead for help. She’s very cute, but also has moments of entertaining cheek/meanness (a highlight being the scene in which she believes she has been betrayed by her friend, played by Ariana Richards). Elliott has a strong fanbase for good reason, and he’s very good as the strained father who doesn’t realise why his children cannot understand his pragmatic way of dealing with the harsh reality threatening their home and way of life. Duda is enjoyably irritating, from his snide insults to his ear jewelry, but he gets to improve a lot in time for the grand finale. Then you have the mighty Vigoda and Leachman, both giving wonderful little turns in their respective roles, and both allowed to show how our lead helps to soften their sharp edges and turn those frowns upside-down. Alda does well enough in her small role, and eagle-eyed viewers will spot a very brief turn from Johnny Galecki.

Technically, nothing really stands out. The score from Maurice Jarre is pleasant enough, although not that memorable, and there’s sparing use of special effects implying those little moments of Yuletide magic that are often accompanied by a twinkly sound effect. This is all about the gentle joy of a talented cast helping to deliver a tale that effectively mixes some good humour (special mention of the sequence that has Elliott constantly just missing the sight of the reindeer walking around his property) with a lot of heart.

I know that some will find this a bit dull, and maybe not festive enough, but I ended up liking it way more than I expected. I recommend it as a bit of a gem to people who have already worked through their usual selection of festive film fare.

7/10

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Last Train To Christmas (2021)

Written and directed by Julian Kemp, Last Train To Christmas is an enjoyable way to update A Christmas Carol. It mixes things up slightly by setting the tale on a train. And there’s the additional peril of the butterfly effect, as our lead character figures out that moving to the forward carriages takes him into his future while moving back takes him into his past.

Michael Sheen stars as Tony Towers, a character best described as a cross between Peter Stringfellow and Pete Waterman. About to open a number of extra new clubs, and about to celebrate his engagement to Sue (Nathalie Emmanuel). He has a strained relation with his brother, Roger (Cary Elwes), but is about to realise that it might make sense to listen to his words of caution, especially when he moves into his future and realises that his club empire is doomed to fail after he overspends and tries to expand too quickly. Attempting to fix things in the present, Tony soon figures out that he might do better to improve things by changing past decisions. And things start to go a bit wrong.

Although almost entirely set on a train, and with a fairly small central cast, Last Train To Christmas doesn’t feel small in scale, or inhibited in any way. It helps that the main characters are shown in so many different iterations (played well by a variety of actors, but Sheen and Elwes are the undeniable stars of the show) and the whole thing has a building momentum that energises the material. And, yes, keeping some money from the budget to spend on some popular, proper, Christmas hit songs also helps.

Kemp has come up with a wonderful way to mix the familiar with something a bit fresh, unafraid to take things to a very dark place (in line with the classic tale influencing it), but managing to keep viewers seeing the chance for even the smallest ray of hope. A light at the end of the train tunnel, as it were.

Sheen has a blast in his role, sporting a variety of looks that see him going from glitz to pure business, from prime ‘80s TV presenter to someone who has decided to age with the help of cosmetic surgery. Every actor portraying his character does a good job, but Sheen is the heart of the film. Elwes is equally good though, and almost unrecognizable for most of the runtime. Emmanuel is sadly underused, but as welcome as ever, and there are small roles for Katherine Kelly, Phyllis Logan, Danny Ashok, and John Thomson, as well as cameo appearances from Robin Askwith and Hayley Mills.

While the performances make the most of the material, the script deserves more praise than most Christmas movie scripts. First of all, it’s interesting to have a central character who isn’t necessarily an oblivious villain at the start. Tony Towers is egotistical and a bit selfish, but he’s no monster. Secondly, there are a number of little details that are nicely worked throughout the script to build the bigger picture, yet viewers are also asked to extrapolate whatever chain of events has changed the ripples of time as Tony moves from carriage to carriage. It’s very clever stuff.

This is a really enjoyable film to watch in the run up to Christmas. Maybe not as funny as some might expect, but it blends everything together really well. And you certainly get plenty of Michael Sheen for your money.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: Decision To Leave (2022)

To lose someone you love is careless. To lose two starts to become a major problem. This movie, another from master director Park Chan-wook (and, yes, I believe we can easily refer to him as a master director by now), is a film soaked in suspicion. But that is only one part of it. It is also a dark romance, and a study of loneliness, determination, and how love takes many forms.

Park Hae-il plays a married detective who ends up drawn into the investigation of a death that could either be a murder or a suicide. Things get more complicated when he meets the man’s widow (played by Tang Wei), a young Chinese migrant who was clearly mistreated throughout her marriage. The two grow close, helped along by the fact that our lead only sees his wife (Lee Jung-hyung) once a week. But this potential love affair seems doomed from the start, not least because any relationship between a detective and the prime suspect in a murder investigation would lead to a serious conflict of interest. Time passes, viewers see this central relationship go through a number of big ups and downs, and there’s eventually another crime that seriously tests the faith that both leads may have in one another.

Co-written by Chan-wook and Jeong Seo-kyeong, Decision To Leave is a frankly superb study of people transforming themselves in a variety of ways, whether that is helped by someone else or whether it is a transformation created by sheer self-will and the ability to do whatever is required to completely change your circumstances. The title refers to any number of moments within the film, and it is the motivation behind the decisions being made that keeps you on your toes as the plot twists and turns from one version of the truth to the next.

As director, Chan-wook also ensures that he uses a number of effective tricks to liven up what could have otherwise been fairly straightforward, and maybe even dull, sequences. The best example of this is when one character is observing another, being seated in a car and peering through some binoculars, but depicted onscreen as being directly beside their oblivious “target” while they narrate the mundanity of their standard schedule. There’s also an impressive refusal to paint any one character as simplistically good or bad, even a more dangerous criminal being pursued for his part in a violent crime of passion, and the end of the film will leave many conflicted, but in a good way. There is much to mull over here, and Decision To Leave celebrates what it shows as a real, loving, connection between people, despite sketching out a background of pain and problems.

Hae-il and Wei are both excellent in their main roles. The former convincingly portrays someone who seems to find a strange peace and comfort after years spent dealing with insomnia and obsession, while the latter is someone that it is easy to root for, despite not always being depicted in the best light (to put it mildly). Jyung-hung also does good work, as do a number of other supporting cast members, but our two leads spend many scenes focusing on one another, often zoning out other people, which helps us to feel as if they are the only two people who matter in the world being presented onscreen.

I don’t think this is perfect, but I could well change my mind on that after a repeat viewing. It’s damn close though. The performances, the clean and lush visual style (a rooftop confrontation stands out as especially impressive, as well as en extended “reveal” at about the mid-point), the accompanying score by Jo Yeong-wook, there’s nothing I would think to change here. Everyone should make a decision to see this. ASAP.

9/10

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Netflix And Chill: Christmas On Mistletoe Farm (2022)

The world may be in a fairly bad state right now, with the shadow of war looming over us all (and directly impacting those actually AT war right now), the gap between the very rich and the very poor ever-widening, and intelligence sometimes seeming like a rarer commodity than painite, but the main thing we all have to do right now is band together to ensure that writer-director Debbie Isitt stops making films. I'm not even sure that her amateurish work should even be referred to in cinematic terms nowadays, but she needs to stop torturing us all with it.

The story revolves around a widow/father (Scott Garnham) who ends up inheriting a small farm from his father. He decides to take his five kids along for a visit, also hoping to get some peace and quiet while he works on a crucial work assignment given to him by his formidable boss (Ashley Jensen), and soon finds himself stressed out by animals, friendly locals who keep interrupting his plans, and a farmhand/manchild named Beano (Scott Paige). There's also an attractive vet in the area (played by Kathryn Drysdale), and plenty of opportunities for the kids to look up with big eyes and remind everyone that they miss their dead mother.

I'm not going to name all of the child actors here. I don't want to be overly rude to them, they're children, but they were obviously picked for their age rather than any major acting talent. I do want to be rude to the adults though, but I believe they are all acting in the way that Isitt wanted them to act. So I will continue to be rude to Isitt, who should STOP MAKING MOVIES. The lack of any grace or decent shot composition, and the overwhelmingly cheap feeling permeating every scene, makes this less cinematic than even the most basic children's TV show. Despite the pain I endured while watching this, I do understand that it wasn't really aimed at me. It's aimed at younger viewers, and parents who may cosy up alongside those younger viewers while they are amused and entertained for the duration. Maybe. That still doesn't excuse the lack of any real effort though, and even younger viewers deserve to be shown movies that allow them to start appreciating the magic of cinema. There's no magic here, no matter what the awful script wants us to believe, and a number of plot points actually feel disappointingly mishandled in a way that undermines whatever morality lesson or cutesiness that Isitt is trying to deliver.

Garnham tries to do a decent job in the lead role, and I'd also begrudgingly say the same of Drysdale and Celia Imrie (who appears in a small role, portraying a local woman who has a passion for knitting, and it's a sad waste of her great talent). The biggest annoyance onscreen is Paige, who embodies the kind of character Isitt seems to think it essential in all of her movies, and I'm going to allow him to shoulder some of the blame for his performance because, well, he's not good with the physical comedy. 

As well as writing and directing this dross, Isitt also has the gall to ruin the soundtrack, alongside Nicky Ager. The manipulative score barges in at random intervals, like a sudden loud fart interrupting the easygoing chatter around a dinner table, and it's genuinely one of the most abrasive audio experiences I've had in some time. 

It got made. That's the only credit I will give it. The ONLY reason it isn't getting the lowest score possible is because, as loathe as I am to admit it, some of the cute animals made me smile. I'm serious. You should avoid this at all costs. And I would implore people . . . please don't inflict it upon your children. There are so many better options for them to spend time with.

2/10

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