Thursday, 12 December 2024

Krampus: The Devil Returns (2016)

A sequel to Krampus: The Christmas Devil, this is also notable for being a complete waste of time. Yeah, that's all I want to say about it, but I'll have to spend some more time and energy coming up with a little bit more. If you don't want to waste your time, however, then just take away that first sentence.

There are a few films that just completely defeat me, and this is one of them. It's not nice to be so disparaging of someone's work, especially when you have to keep considering the many people it takes to get any film made, but a few lazy and cynical efforts deserve nothing more than scorn. If a film treats viewers with contempt then the feeling is allowed to be mutual.

The plot, slight and muddled as it is, concerns the ongoing troubles of an ex-cop named Jeremy Duffin (played by co-writer A. J. Leslie) and his hunt for a child-killing monster. That's all you need to know, and the film puts nothing else of interest in it, making the relatively short runtime feel as if it's stretching out into something epic and epically torturous.

With Jason Hull back for both directing and writing duties (assisted by Leslie in the latter department this time around) you would think that there may be some sign of growth from the first movie. There is not. This is a massive step down, in every way. The cast don't do good work, the writing is awful, and an attempt to make everything worthwhile with a third act twist just compounds the misery.

Aside from Leslie, acting-wise, you get Melantha Blackthorne, Tiffani Fest, Robbie Barnes, Paul Ferm, Ben Berlin, and a cameo from Shawn C. Phillips. None of them make a strong impression, certainly not a positive one anyway, and only Ferm and Berlin stand out thanks to bagging the roles of Santa and Krampus, respectively.

Despite my anger at this, and I AM angry at having wasted my time on this (something I don't feel too often, despite the wide range of movies I watch), I have tried not to resort to personal insults. I must say how happy I am that this currently remains the last feature directed by Hull, as well as the last, and only, feature that gives Leslie any writing credit. The two have worked together to deliver something truly dire, and it's hard to believe that they couldn't think of any ways to improve things even slightly.

Any film is a collaboration, and it's also the sum of a multitude of decisions. The fact that not one decision here feels like the right one is a damning condemnation of the attitudes and skillsets of those in charge. People who know me already should know that I try to see some good in everything. There are just over two dozen films that I have ever given the lowest possible rating to (from a rated selection of well over ten thousand). This joins that elite selection, and I hope others heed this review as a serious warning. Avoid at all costs.

1/10

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