Ani-MAY-tion: Planes (2013)

It isn’t always as straightforward as this, but the life of a cinephile is a life of finding films through various connections (directors, stars, writers, cinematographers, composers, themes, etc.). That is all part of the fun, and many connections lead you towards developing a taste for a full and varied smorgasbord of filmic delights. Which is why I ended up watching Planes, and will soon be watching the sequel next week. Planes is a spin-off from Cars, set in the same onscreen universe . . . but with the characters this time around all being, yes, planes.

Dane Cook plays a small cropdusting plane named Dusty Crophopper. He dreams of one day being a celebrated racing plane, but he may not have the ability to really compete with the champions. He also has a fear of heights, which is a bit of a problem for someone wanting to race through the skies. Finding someone willing to mentor him makes his dream edge closer to reality though, and it isn’t long until Dusty is causing quite the stir in the racing world. He’s still viewed as a novelty, but someone has to be last. And it’s the taking part that counts.

Writer Jeffrey M. Howard has a difficult job here. It’s an obvious template being used, and keeping things nice and simple can help keep younger viewers engaged, but it doesn’t ever feel as if it has been given enough care and polish. Things feel a bit rushed in the opening act, none of the characters feel developed enough, and there’s also the problem of Cook not really being a great fit for the lead role (although I have enjoyed him enough in live-action films over the years).

Director Klay Hall ensures that the basics are all delivered competently enough (there’s nothing to complain about when it comes to the visuals, but also nothing to really praise) and at least serves up something that aims to be just the right mix of fun and drama for the target demographic. A couple of the set-pieces work quite well, and older viewers will enjoy a couple of cameo voice roles for people who famously portrayed pilots of the kind of planes they portray here, but it generally lacks some extra ingredient to make it all feel worthwhile. Maybe that is down to the casting.

I have already criticized Cook, who doesn’t work in the lead role, and there aren’t too many cast members I want to rush to praise. Stacy Keach is pretty good as the gruff mentor, Brad Garrett is fun (although I thought he was Elliott Gould until I checked the credits), and Carlos Alazraqui provides a number of laughs. John Cleese works because he is recognizably John Cleese, but none of the female cast members get to make an impact, which is a real shame when you have Teri Hatcher, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Priyanka Chopra in your cast. As for Roger Craig Smith in the role of Ripslinger, the champ who you just know will play dirty to win, he’s sadly nondescript and non-menacing.

It looks fine and didn’t cause me to feel as if my time was wasted, but I won’t ever consider giving this a rewatch. And I am now more apprehensive about the sequel than I was last week.

5/10

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Witness Infection (2020)

A comedy horror movie that is neither funny enough nor scary enough, and doesn't even do a good enough job with some lashings of gore and carnage, Witness Infection is almost a textbook example of how NOT to deliver a zombie comedy. The fact that it is written by two of the stars should have set my Spidey-sense tingling.

Robert Belushi plays Carlo, a nice young man who happens to be the son of a mobster (played by Carlos Alazraqui). He has a brother (Dominic, played by Bret Ernst) who is more at ease with their mobster status, but Carlo is required to marry his brother's girlfriend (Patricia, played by Erinn Hayes) in order to make peace between his family and that of a rival mobster (played by Maurice LaMarche). Carlo puts his foot down, but his timing couldn't be worse. Some bad sausage has created an outbreak of zombiefication.

I've previously seen The Funhouse Massacre from director Andy Palmer, which showed that he could make an enjoyable comedy horror movie, but this film makes him look a lot less competent, and a lot of that is down to the script, although a few of the performances also don't help matters. Written by Alazraqui and Jill-Michele Melean, this is a film that seems to have been written by two people who have only ever seen the weaker movies in the zombie sub-genre. Or maybe they just watched Cooties (which I know many people liked more than I did) and figured that was enough research to give them a solid grounding to work from. They were very wrong. And what you end up with is a mix of characters that it is very difficult to care about, sloppy effects, and a sorry dearth of laughs. I understand that the effects may result from a not-entirely-successful crowdfunding attempt (5% of their flexible goal was raised) to add more to the movie once filming had finished. Maybe there's a lesson there, one in which people are reminded to try and use some inventiveness and actual heart instead of relying on money to patch over shoddy work.

Belushi isn't terrible in his main role, but he often feels sidelined as the zombie plot unfolds. The fact that there's no feeling of any real threat doesn't help, it means that viewers are never all that invested in his journey. Melean does better onscreen than she does with the writing, playing Gina, the woman that Carlo is genuinely interested in having a relationship with. Alazraqui and LaMarche are fine in their roles, Hayes does well with what she's given, and Tara Strong is always welcome onscreen (although she doesn't get to do a lot here). It's hard to figure out who is most annoying, however, between Ernst and Vince Donvito. The latter plays a friend to the leads, and someone who is interested in being an amateur film-maker. Which means his only real reason for being there is to make pointed references to other, better, films. That's it. And I'd love to think that we'll soon retire the laziness of the film character being a film fan in order for the film to cram in lots of nods and references they don't have to put any effort into, but it ain't gonna happen.

I didn't get on board with this one from the beginning, and my mood wasn't helped by the fact that it didn't seem to do enough to improve the standards of the audio and visuals, but it went from bad to worse. At least it allowed me to come up with one of my favourite last lines for any review I have written thus far. After the haunted hotdog instalment of Creepshow 3 and now this, perhaps it's best to stop trying to craft horror plots around dodgy weiners. 

3/10

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