Netflix And Chill: Norbit (2007)

This is where my brain takes me, and I hate it as much as you do. I had seen Norbit many years ago, and I remembered not liking it. I couldn't find anywhere I had reviewed or rated it, however, since my reformed completist attitude to logging my movie viewings on both IMDb and Letterboxd. I saw it was on Netflix and figured I might as well give it a go.

Ouch.

The basic plot revolves around Norbit (Eddie Murphy), a timid young man who was abandoned as a baby and taken in by Mr. Wong (also, ummmmm, Eddie Murphy, in a bit of stunt casting more troubling than most of his multiple roles over the years). Norbit ends up in a relationship with Rasputia, an obnoxious and overpowering woman who doesn't really treat Norbit as he might deserve to be treated. And the adult Rasputia is played by, yes, Eddie Murphy. Things start to look different when an old flame, Kate (Thandie Newton), comes back to town.

The first of a few movies that Murphy starred in while being directed by Brian Robbins, this remains arguably the worst of their collaborations, despite the stiff competition from their other outings. Based on a story by Eddie and his brother, Charlie, the screenplay was then worked on by the two of them, with additional work from Jay Scherick and David Ronn, a writing duo who have a filmography most politely described as a bit hit and miss. Nobody involved can really make the material more palatable, which leaves the comedy falling flat at almost every turn.

Murphy is decidedly okay as Norbit, but only because he's more relatable and human in that incarnation than he is in either the role of Rasputia or Mr. Wong, with both of them being exaggerated caricatures designed to get easy laughs from the low-hanging fruit. Fortunately, although Murphy gets the lion's share of the screentime, there's some enjoyment to be had with the supporting cast. Terry Crews is as fun as ever, Eddie Griffin and Katt Williams have a couple of fun moments, Marlon Wayans is more amusing here than he has been in anything else from the last couple of decades, and Newton is an appealing romantic interest. You also have Cuba Gooding Jr. here, and he ends up being a LOT of fun as the man due to marry Newton, the fly in the ointment of Norbit's potential happiness.

Any fan of Murphy nowadays will know that they have to suffer through some real clunkers if they are completing a journey through his filmography. I've not seen EVERYTHING yet (that Pluto Nash movie has never felt like a high priority), but it's hard to think of anything he could do that is worse than this. It's not funny, it's full of characters you don't ever really care about, and it's just another excuse for Murphy to get made up and act in scenes alongside himself. And did I mention that it wasn't funny? Because it REALLY isn't.

2/10

https://ko-fi.com/kevinmatthews

Scary Movie 3 (2003)

Written by Craig Mazin and Pat Proft, and directed by David Zucker, Scary Movie 3 tries hard to undo all of the bad work that led to the second instalment in the franchise being such a stinker. It's interesting to note that things seem considerably improved thanks to the removal from the series of anyone with the Wayans name.

The plot is absolute nonsense, blending The Ring with Signs and mixing in plenty of references to Eight Mile, The Matrix movies and The Sixth Sense. Anna Faris returns as Cindy, the nominal heroine of the franchise, and Regina Hall is Brenda Meeks once more, but this time they are joined by Simon Rex and Charlie Sheen, two actors who do much better with the comedic material than anyone named Wayans. Rex and Sheen play two brothers living on a farm, with the former wanting to make his name as a renowned rapper and the latter just wanting to be left in peace after a personal tragedy revealed during the movie.

Although I enjoy this instalment more than any other in the series, including the first movie, it still suffers from the fact that it crams in so many juvenile, lowbrow gags amongst the better moments. The Eight Mile scenes, in particular, are both amusing and absolutely on target, while so many of the other gags are thrown onscreen to see what sticks and what doesn't. The good news for all involved this time is that many of them stick.

Zucker is an old hand with this stuff, and he does fine by the material. The script may not win any prizes but it's so much better than the awful movie that preceded it that, well, maybe it should.

Faris is as likeable as ever, Hall is a lot of fun as Brenda and both Rex and Sheen are great additions to the franchise. The cast also includes Jeremy Piven, in a small but enjoyable role, Anthony Anderson and Kevin Hart having a lot of fun, Queen Latifah, Eddie Griffin and George Carlin helping to gently mock the world of The Matrix, and Leslie Nielsen as an incompetent President Of The United States.

Is it a movie I will seek out to rewatch again and again? No, none of the Scary Movie comedies will ever top my list of viewing priorities. This third outing, however, is one that I can always enjoy watching if I chance upon it while it is being shown on TV.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Scary-Movie-Collection-DVD/dp/B001ECPV6Q/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&qid=1377373211&sr=8-11&keywords=scary+movie

Urban Justice (2007)

Steven Seagal is a motherfucking hardass. Oh, if you’ve seen one or two Seagal movies before this one then you’ll already know that he’s a hardass. But this movie goes to great lengths to prove that he’s a MOTHERFUCKING hardass. I think so, anyway. Because every other word in the script seemed to be “motherfucker” or “nigga”. Unlike real life, I don’t have a problem with these words being bandied about in a movie. Sadly, when those two words seem to make up half of the script then it signifies a bit of a problem. We get the fact that Seagal is a hardass and that a bunch of badass black guys are all gangsta ‘n’ shit and gonna get all up in his face but we get that fact within the first 15 minutes or so. The rest is just, well, laziness.

The plot this time is actually a decent one – Seagal is back in town to find out who shot his son. He doesn’t care about anything else, he just wants his revenge and that’s it. Oh, he’ll punch and kick anyone who gets in his way but it’s not personal. That's it.

It's a shame that the script is so lousy here because, in many other respects, this is one of the better Seagal movies that has appeared in the first decade of the 21st century. It has some decent actors, including Eddie Griffin and Danny Trejo (though the latter has little more than a cameo role, sadly), a budget that makes the film look like it cost more than all three of his previous movies put together and a nice grittiness that's reminiscent of the leading man's earlier movies.

Director Don E. FauntLeRoy keeps things moving along and throws enough action into the mix to keep fans happy. We are all well aware that Seagal is well past his prime but he throws a few moves together that make him look believeable tough and . . . . . . . . . . . like a motherfucking hardass. The effort, at least, is appreciated.

Gilmar Fortis II gets the blame for the script. Oh, there have been many terrible scripts written for Seagal but the annoying thing about this film is that it didn't have to have a terrible script. The storyline makes sense. It's simple and action-packed. That's why it's more annoying when the dialogue is full of Seagal being "down with the kids" and gangstas being gangsta with each other, for the sake of just being gangsta, dog. Aaaaiiiight. If you think it's laughable to see me try to act all tough and urban in written word form then just wait until you see Seagal doing his thing onscreen.

Having said that, this is still a lot less painful than you would expect it to be.

5/10.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Urban-Justice-DVD-Region-NTSC/dp/B000VECACQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327065338&sr=8-1