Fountain Of Youth (2025)

There's no real question about what Fountain Of Youth is, but there is a lack of clarity about who it belongs to. Is it the film of director Guy Ritchie? Perhaps writer James Vanderbilt would want to claim some ownership. And star John Krasinski is certainly given a role that makes the film feel like a star vehicle for him. Maybe we should just ignore these people, however, and spend some time instead acknowledging those who gave us the National Treasure movies and (of course) Indiana Jones. 

Krasinski plays Luke Purdue, a man who we first meet escaping pursuers while trying to keep hold of a painting that doesn't belong to him. It may not belong to those pursuing him either, but it's established that Purdue isn't too bothered by pesky things like security measures and legal recriminations as he aims to get his hands on various paintings. This isn't the best news for his sister, Charlotte (Natalie Portman), who happens to have an important role in a large art gallery. One hijink follows another as we learn that Luke and his crew (Patrck and Deb, played by Laz Alonso and Carmen Ejogo, respectively) have been tasked by a mega-rich individual (Domhnall Gleeson) to find a mythical fountain of youth. Some people don't want it found though, and the main one running interception is the dangerous and lovely Esme (Eiza González), allowing for a number of scenes in which both she and Luke fight one another while engaging in surprisingly ill-timed flirty banter. Oh, Charlotte also ends up letting her young son (Benjamin Chivers) tag along, and there's a determined cop (Arian Moayed) also on their tail.

Hugely derivative, tonally odd, and with a level of smarm and predictability that ensures you will know the ending even as the opening credits play out (especially if you've watched any of those Indiana Jones movies . . . and if you watch any of those instead of this then you have chosen wisely), Fountain Of Youth also relies almost completely on the appeal of Krasinski, who is allowed to dance through the events of the film as if wearing some cloak of invulnerability. His character has no depth, he never really takes anything as seriously as he should, and he is as selfish and careless as his sister accuses him of being. BUT, and I'll admit that this was unexpected, I did end up enjoying a lot of his patter, for want of a better word. There are a number of other actors who could have done better in this role, but it feels a bit more fun because of it being a bit of a step away from the other movie roles that Krasinski has had in the past decade.

It may also be a fact that Krasinski seems better in comparison to the rest of the cast. González is also good fun, no complaints there, and young Chivers has a few good moments, but everyone else is pretty bad. Alonso and Ejogo aren't given enough to do, sadly, Moayed is as misplaced as the tone, Gleeson is forced to play someone usually seen in a 1980s cartoon series, and Portman suffers while being forced to play the wet blanket (although, as mentioned above, she's proven to be quite correct in her disapproval of her brother's actions).

Neither the script nor the direction have anything helping to define their creators. Vanderbilt seems to have done no more than watch a pile of better movies that he then threw into a mental blender and poured into a book titled "Dan Brown Plotting For Dummies". The set-pieces generally work well though, and Ritchie helps out there with his handling of all the moving parts, but even those are shaded with a feeling of something just being a bit off, probably due to the light-heartedness of the "antics" while real blades are being swished around and real bullets are being fired at people. This is a movie with a bodycount that tries to make use of the adventuring and charisma of the main character to distract you from the fact that it has a bodycount. 

In case you didn't notice, I have to end this review by saying that I did still manage to enjoy this.  It was a fast food film. I enjoyed it while it was on, as derivative and predictable as it was. I won't ever watch it again, and there's a part of me that thinks I should jump in the shower and scrub myself down after writing this, but it was a perfectly serviceable way to spend part of your evening. Nobody excels, but everyone works together to try and help viewers escape reality and have something to laugh at (intentionally, but also unintentionally) for a couple of hours. 

6/10

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Prime Time: This Christmas (2007)

As is evidenced by the many posters you can view and by almost every Hallmark TV movie you can choose to view, Christmas movies are largely populated by smiling, white, heterosexual characters all just waiting to kiss the right person under the mistletoe. You do get exceptions, and some of those exceptions have opened the gates for some better movies, but straight, white people still seem to be the norm. I watch many of those movies, some would say that I watch more of them than anyone should, but I do try to widen my viewing options sometimes. When I remember.

This Christmas is a traditional Christmas movie that features a superb cast portraying members of an African American family, the Whitfields (headed up by a matriarch, Ma’Dere, played by Loretta Devine). Everyone has their various problems and/or secrets, but the ones who get more screentime are Lisa (Regina King), a woman married to a man who is taking her for granted, Quentin (Idris Elba), a man home for the holidays while he also tries to evade some bad people he owes money to, and Claude (Columbus Short), a young soldier who has a partner he is reluctant to introduce to the whole family. Then there’s Joseph aka Big Joe (Delroy Lindo), a man living with Ma’Dere while they pretend otherwise in front of some visiting relatives. There’s more going on, a young woman has a good time with a man who is also playing the role of a Santa Claus and one young man is hiding a great singing voice, but those characters I have just named, and their issues, are kept to the fore.

Written and directed by Preston A. Whitmore II, This Christmas is an easy film to enjoy, and a typically sweet-natured and soft-centred seasonal treat. There are scenes that add a bit of grit and/or tension, but they don’t play out long enough to be too jarring in amongst the more standard family scenes.

I will praise the cast in a moment, but it’s worth praising the soundtrack while I remember. A few tunes are well-used throughout, as well as a fantastic number that plays out over the first part of the end credits while the cast get to shake their stuff in turn. It’s a good way to ensure that any residue of sour taste is washed away, and people should be smiling once the screen turns to black.

Short is just fine in his role, but both King and Elba are strong favourites of mine, and both shine in their roles here. They help to elevate the material, basically showing some of the younger cast members how it’s done. Devine is suited to her role, and she plays a character who also needs to learn a lesson on the way to the big finale, and Lindo is . . . well, look, point me to a film on which Lindo isn’t fantastic and I will hold up a mirror in front of your face and point you to a liar. I hope that clarifies how I always feel about Lindo. Everyone else does sterling work, and me not mentioning them by name isn’t to dismiss their performance entirely. It’s just that most of those I just named are big favourites of mine.

This gives you everything you could want from this type of film, and it feels like everything has been put together with a bit more care, and less of a view towards simply delivering a package of Christmas sweetness. The characters grow as the film unfolds, and the satisfying results feel earned. Well, they certainly feel more earned than your usual Christmas movie endings.

7/10

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Fast & Furious (2009)

New Model. Original Parts. That was the way Fast & Furious was advertised, heavily pushing the fact that Vin Diesel was back, as were Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jordana Brewster. It's apparently what fans of the series wanted. And it's hard to argue with the decision, considering the enduring success of the series across two decades.

Let me try to keep things very simple. After an intro that shows Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and co. pulling off a dangerous heist, Dom knows that he's bringing down too much heat on those close to him. So he decides that it's time to leave. Then Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) is killed. It may have something to do with a major criminal named Campos, which leads to Dom crossing paths once again with Brian (Paul Walker), the famously criminal-friendly cop who is somehow back in the bosom of the FBI workplace. The way to get to Campos is to, obviously, show off your driving skills, and that means Dom and Brian race against one another, and others, to get closer to their target.

You know what, I liked this a little more this time around than I did when I first saw it. I think it has an enjoyable simplicity to it, even as it starts to put the pieces in place for what would define the shape of the series for the next few films. It's more overtly showing Vin Diesel as the smartest and toughest and most desirable male in any situation, which is also irritating, but even that is nowhere as bothersome as it is in other Diesel-fulled cinematic engines.

With director Justin Lin and writer Chris Morgan once again along for the ride, Fast & Furious is a film that shows everyone being very comfortable with the format, with delivering what people expect, and with the chemistry between the leads (the frisson between Dom and Brian is something we haven't experienced this strongly since Tom Hanks started side-eyeing Wilson the volleyball).

I'm not the biggest fan of either Diesel or Walker, but they're both pretty perfect in their main roles here. Diesel gets to do all of his usual stuff, but Walker has a bit more variety and fun, especially in his running "war" with one main colleague (played by the great Shea Wigham). Rodriguez gets taken offscreen very early on, but at least she doesn't have to spend the rest of the film fawning over Diesel, with those moments now taken by Gal Gadot. Brewster, on the other hand, has to split her time between looking lovingly at her brother and looking ready to forgive and fall back in love with the cop who lied to her before. John Ortiz and Laz Alonso are both good fun, playing a couple of main villains, and fans of the third film will be pleased to see a small role for Sung Kang.

It's a different level of ridiculousness than the films that would come along after it, but this is all still quite ridiculous. Fortunately, it's done with an emphasis on sheer entertainment and thrills, with a decent smattering of lively car races and some bruising fights. The more of these films I rewatch, the easier it is to see why the series has developed into the massive success it is.

7/10

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Captivity (2007)

The beautiful Elisha Cuthbert stars in this disappointing movie, one of many to try and make some money after the success of movies like Saw and Hostel. It's basically a thriller but there are enough moments of nastiness to edge it over into horror territory, albeit light horror territory (hardcore gorehounds should look elsewhere for their fix).

Elisha Cuthbert plays Jennifer, a beautiful young model who is kidnapped and awakens to find herself in a pretty secure holding "pen". Her kidnapper seems delighted to torture her in a variety of psychological ways and things only start to look ever so slightly brighter when Jennifer realises that she is not the only person being held against her will. There's a young man (Daniel Gillies) being kept in a room beside her and the two of them work together to try and make good their escape.

I didn't hate Captivity and I could, if I had to, watch it again but let me be clear about something - that's only because of the presence of Elisha Cuthbert, a gorgeous woman who would I would marry today if it wasn't for the fact that a) I'm already happily married, b) I'm probably not her type and c) the restraining order forbids such a joining together, as well as stopping me from ever walking along her street again.

Captivity is just lame. There are a couple of decent moments throughout but barely enough to keep the average viewer alert and interested. The script by Larry Cohen and Joseph Tura is pretty weak, for the most part, and things only pick up in a third act that throws in a couple of twists and turns that don't really surprise as they should. It's a shame because I like Larry Cohen, as do many other horror and thriller fans, but this is far from his best work.

Director Roland Joffe isn't particularly well-suited to the material and it shows. He fails to create any tension, the few fake-out moments cause groans as opposed to gasps and everything feels safe and slick as opposed to full of potential danger. It's watchable but it's a thriller with no real thrills.

Elisha Cuthbert is lovely in the lead, absolutely convincing as a young, attractive woman who makes money from looking young and attractive. Daniel Gillies is okay in his role though he proves to be quite disappointing as things unfold. Pruitt Taylor Vince is pretty good, as he so often is, and Laz Alonso and Michael Harney do just fine with their small amount of screentime.

There are, of course, a lot of movies out there that are a lot worse than this one. There are certainly a lot worse movies that have been "inspired" by the Saw franchise (*cough* Nine Dead *cough*). That doesn't change the fact, however, that this one is simply average at best.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Captivity-Blu-ray/dp/B002BD9DN4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1346921917&sr=8-2