Prime Time: The Sword And The Sorcerer (1982)

I have fond memories of The Sword And The Sorcerer, all based on one time I probably saw about half of the film and was impressed by both of the titular elements. In fact, let me rephrase that slightly. I HAD fond memories of The Sword And The Sorcerer. I was so convinced that it was a minor classic that I recently purchased a shiny new physical disc release it received from 101 Films, and then I saw that it was also tucked away on Prime Video. Fate was ensuring that I get around to it ASAP.

I'm not going to describe most of the plot, but things start with Cromwell (Richard Lynch) being assisted by a resurrected sorcerer (played by Richard Moll) as he violently places himself at the head of a kingdom. He then betrays the sorcerer, but may wish to have his power helping him once more when a skilled warrior (Talon, played by Lee Horsley) looks to change the status quo. 

Directed by Albert Pyun (who also co-wrote the screenplay with Tom Karnowski and John Stuckmeyer), this is enjoyable enough fantasy fare, and it certainly delivers on what the title is selling. It doesn't hold up as well as numerous other beloved (well . . . beloved by some) barbarian films from this time though, and struggles to hold interest throughout the first half.

Pyun can do a hell of a lot with very little, but he's not a miracle worker. The action here is about as good as you can expect from something relatively low-budget (about $4M, apparently) that presents such a great bit of practical FX and makeup work in the early scenes that showcase the sorcerer. The sets and production design feel like a mix of inventive crew members and camerawork that can recycle the same backdrops with a variety of angle changes and crop off all of the sawdust and plywood just on the edge of each frame. And the acting is based almost as much on who can look muscular and capable in the costumes as it is based on those who can actually act (although, to be clear, Lynch and Moll are definitely in the latter category).

Horsley, in his first feature role, comes close to being a decent lead, but doesn't quite manage it. He's just missing that indefinable star quality, leaving him to undermine a script that tries to give him the perfect recipe of charm, toughness, and wit. Lynch is much more watchable, as he so often is when onscreen with anyone, and he's a very entertaining main villain. Although sidelined for most of the movie, Moll makes one hell of an impression whenever he gets the chance, helped by the people behind the camera who transformed him into such an impressively imposing (even more so than usual) character. Kathleen Beller makes for a fine damsel in distress in the role of Princess Alana, George Maharis is enjoyably scheming and untrustworthy in the role of Count Machelli, and I'll avoid saying anything too negative about Simon MacCorkindal, Anthony De Longis, Robert Terrier, Anna Bjorn, and anyone else joining in the fun. They more or less do what is asked of them, and the sense of enthusiasm and proper fun makes up for the lack of polish.

There's also decent music from David Whitaker, fun (if ridiculous) design work on a couple of featured swords, and pacing that tries to keep viewers interested with either some fighting or gratuitous nudity every 10-15 minutes. The script may struggle to clarify how individuals are related to the central battle for the throne, but the other distractions help you to forget bothering about the minor details. It's easy to see why this has remained a bit of a nostalgic favourite amongst those who first saw it back when it was in cinemas and on VHS. Even as I write about it now, I am smiling and wondering when I will revisit it. Which wasn't the frame of mind I was in when I started this review.

7/10

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Prime Time: God Told Me To (1976)

A film that has long been a major omission in my journey through cinema, considering how much praise I have seen heaped upon it over the years, God Told Me To is, as I am sure you are already aware, another excellent film from writer-director Larry Cohen. Sometimes I might use a movie review to highlight some other work from people involved, either behind the camera or in front of it, and to contextualise different stages of their career, but Cohen is someone that I just encourage everyone to check out for themselves. His ideas were often brilliant, and his creativity and daring helped elevate his material into genuinely great movies that were able to overcome fairly limited budgets.

Things begin here with a man sniping random people. He will kill others and then kill himself. Before he completes that last task, however, he explains himself to Detective Peter J. Nicholas (Tony Lo Bianco) by saying “god told me to.” More people start to commit random murders, and they often offer the same explanation, which leads Detective Nicholas down a strange rabbit hole that has him encountering the enigmatic Bernard Phillips (Richard Lynch), as well as his own past.

Considering the many ways in which God Told Me To could have gone, the film that we ended up getting is one of the most brilliantly bonkers ‘70s American horror movies you will ever see. And I implore people not to leave it as long as I did to get around to this. I watched this film a few days ago and am still processing various moments, plot points that now feel like a fever dream. Whether it’s Andy Kaufman appearing as a killer in the middle of the St. Patrick’s Day parade, tales of alien abduction and virgin births, or the many moments that somehow retain a small ounce of ambiguity, despite what viewers are told and shown about the power of the figure at the heart of the film, God Told Me To is many different things, but dull is not one of them.

Lo Bianco is very good in the lead role, a very typical New York cop who ends up on a most extraordinary journey. It helps that he is cast in front of many familiar faces making up groups of his colleagues and peers, all adding that grounded realism that Cohen often used to underpin even his most fanciful stories. Lynch is as strange and riveting as usual (and so good in this kind of role, which he played on a few different occasions), and the scenes between him and Lo Bianco have enough intrigue and energy to distract from elements that would seem more preposterous if not handled by actors committed to playing the whole thing straight. Deborah Raffin and Sandy Dennis both do well in their small roles, and both Sylvia Sidney and Jo Flores Chase portray women who may have greatly influenced the lives of the two main characters.

Maybe not a film I would recommend to people looking to check out their first film from Cohen, thanks to a potent mix of heady ideas that may leave unprepared viewers feeling a bit blindsided by the whole experience, this is definitely one that everyone should get to once they have dipped their toes into other highlights from his filmography. It’s a crudely-assembled masterpiece, underlining how great Cohen was at playing to the strength of his writing, and I could happily sit down and rewatch it right now.

9/10

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Puppet Master: The Legacy (2003)

It seems a bit unfair to review Puppet Master: The Legacy when I have reviewed all of the other movies that came before it. Because this is one of those specials that we've come to expect from Full Moon Features, a film that has about ten minutes of new material in there, if that, with the rest made up of edited sections from other movies. Charles Band, credited as director here (under the name Robert Talbot), never met one movie that he wouldn't try to stretch into three more movies.

The very slim plot sees a woman (Maclain, played by Kate Orsini) trying to track down the secret of Toulon. She eventually tracks down Eric Weiss (Jacob Witkin), who is actually the older incarnation of the boy named Peter Hertz, a child saved by Toulon in the third movie. As Maclain demands answers from him, Eric plays her a number of tapes and tells her a number of stories about the life of Toulon. It's all stuff that viewers will be familiar with, but what is more annoying is that it's also all supposed to be stuff that Maclain also already knows.

I would be kind to this movie and say that it was best viewed as a "greatest hits" swansong for the series, but neither of those things are true. Perhaps it was all meant to end here, although I am glad that it didn't (unless the next instalments can somehow get any worse, which I seriously doubt), but there were so many more good clips that could have been served up to entertain viewers, and remind them of what they loved best about the series. What you get, instead, is just a potted version of every other film (although I don't remember too many scenes from part 5 . . . but it's in there) without a decent enough framing device to make it feel like anything other than the lazy cash grab it so obviously is.

Orsini is quite bad in her role, but she's not given much help from the dialogue she's made to spout (by C. Courtney Joyner). Witkin is slightly better. And then you have to endure more moments you've already endured, as the flashbacks really take over with Greg Sestero talking in his horrible French accent. At least that allows you to know the structure, and to know that once that portion of the story is out of the way it is a Sestero-free zone for the rest of the movie. Thank goodness for small mercies. There are incidental pleasures from seeing the clips that feature action from the second and third movies, but you could always just . . . rewatch the second and third movies, which would save you having to be reminded of the weaker elements of some of the other instalments.

No wonder Band credited himself under a different name here. Taking any directorial credit is a bit of a cheek, considering how much of it is simply placing the work of others in some kind of series overview film collage. Easily avoidable if you've watched the series in order.

2/10

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Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)

Uh oh. I must admit that I was worried when this film started. The third film in the Puppet Master series is a prequel (and not the only one, from what I have gathered). I could already envision the reworked character backstories, the use of footage that had been cut from the previous two movies, and a general feeling of something lacklustre. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. This sees the series at three for three, with all of them reaching the same level of quality - almost unheard of when it comes to Full Moon Features, in my experience.

Guy Rolfe is the actor portraying Toulon this time around, a man who enjoys spending his time entertaining children with his impressive puppets. But there's something about them, something that imbues them with life, and that is of interest to the Nazis. Before you can say "heil who?", Major Kraus (Richard Lynch) has marched in to tell Toulon that his life is pretty much over.

As potentially tricky as this could have been, risks are minimised by using the more experienced hands of David DeCoteau, on directorial duties, and C. Courtney Joyner, writer of the enjoyable Prison and even more enjoyable Class Of 1999, and that clearly pays off. Taking this step back allows viewers to enjoy everything they know about the series, dig a bit further into the background lore, and not find the material already too familiar and boring.

The cast also help, with the majority of the runtime focusing on Rolfe and Lynch in a basic good vs evil battle. Rolfe is a very good Toulon, sympathetic and easy to root for as he puts his talented puppets to deadly use, and Lynch is entertainingly irredeemable as the main villain. Sarah Douglas is good to see in a small role, Ian Abercrombie, Kristopher Logan, Aron Eisenberg, and Walter Gotell all do decent work, and the beautiful Michelle Bauer is onscreen just long enough to add some gratuitous nudity and remind you of the power of Bauer.

As well as some of the puppets already seen in previous movies, the main addition here is a six-armed gunslinger, and it's worth mentioning that the work on him is some of the best seen in the series so far. All of the Puppet Master movies, from the few I have now seen, have impressed me with their work involving the actual puppets, but this is a real high point (a standard I hope the series maintains).

Part of me wants to pick out some more positives, part of me wants to stop before everyone suspects me of completely overselling the thing. Without the context of any future instalments to go by, I will just say that I recommend anyone picking up a box set of these first three films, especially if you find them going for a cheap enough price.

7/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy a decent little set here.

Invasion U.S.A. (1985)

Richard Lynch is a bad man. A very bad man. Well, that's how he is in the role of Mikhail Rostov, the main villain in Invasion U.S.A. Thank goodness that we all have Chuck Norris to protect us from the evil people of the world. He's the man who can repel invaders with nothing more than the right denim clothing and his fists. Oh, and guns. And some grenades. And lots of other weaponry.

That's pretty much all there is to this movie. Rostov brings his men over to America, and sends them off to do lots of bad stuff, while Matt Hunter (Norris) does his best to stop their evil deeds. As the invaders impersonate cops and army personnel, American citizens become rightfully paranoid and mistrustful, making the job more difficult for anyone trying to offer them genuine help. Will Hunter be able to stop the madness before it becomes impossible to fix? Well, he IS Chuck Norris. What do you think?

Directed by Joseph Zito, this is a movie that puts fun ahead of everything else. Well, by fun I actually mean gunfire, explosions, and the endangering of human life. Which, in this context, is fun. The screenplay, by James Bruner and Chuck himself, is as clunky, at times, as you'd expect, but it does all that it needs to do in between some fantastic, riotous set-pieces. Who needs thoughtful, character-building dialogue when you can have Chuck driving a truck into a building, killing off numerous bad guys, and handling Uzi submachine guns like he's been holding them since birth.

Lynch is very good as the main villain, ably supported by Alexander Zale as his right hand man, and Norris stays well in his comfort zone as the one-man army able to keep America safe as it stands on the very brink of disaster. Melissa Prophet is alternately amusing and irritating as the reporter trying to figure out just what exactly is going on, and what Norris has to do with it all, and Eddie Jones is a perplexed cop. Elsewhere, there are small roles for James Pax and, best of all, the ever-brilliant Billy Drago.

Joseph Zito may not have directed too many movies in his career, but with films such as this, and the superior Red Scorpion, he guaranteed himself a place in the hearts of many action fans. Grab the beverage of your choice, wear your most comfortable denim ensemble, and enjoy.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Invasion-U-S-Chuck-Norris/dp/B00005O06W/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1406004304&sr=1-1&keywords=invasion+usa

Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)

Remember Alligator? That was a fun movie, wasn't it? A fantastic creature feature that holds up as a great piece of entertainment today. I may not love it quite as much as I used to, but I'll always have a soft spot for it. Well, this loose sequel doesn't reach the standard of that first movie, but it gives it a good try.

Joseph Bologna stars as David Hodges, one of those rare movie cops who doesn't always play by the rules but, goddammit, gets the job done. When he's not being shouted at by his boss (Brock Peters), or making his wife (Dee Wallace) roll her eyes, he's trying to investigate deaths and find evidence with which to nail slimy businessman Vincent Brown (Steve Railsback). When it looks like a giant alligator is munching on people, nobody can quite believe it. Despite his own reservations, Hodges heads out, with a police officer named Rich Harmon (Woody Brown), and is determined to stop whatever he comes up against.

It may never be as funny as the first movie, but Alligator II: The Mutation certainly maintains a healthy dose of humour throughout, thanks to the script by Curt Allen. Bologna gets to rattle off plenty of sarcastic one-liners and the film revels in the more cliched moments instead of trying to swerve around them. It's an approach that works, for me anyway. The movie may not win any awards for originality or believability, but it's consistently FUN from start to finish.

Director Jon Hess does okay with the material, running through the standard "creature feature" bag of tricks and also reusing some stock footage from Alligator. It helps that he has a decent cast to work with, almost every one of them improving their character.

Bologna is great in the lead, all attitude and no regrets. Wallace is good, though underused, as his wife, and also the woman who helps uncover the truth. Brown is amusingly "wet behind the ears" during the first half of the movie, and he also gets the best, and most bizarre, line in the movie when chatting to the lovely Holly Gagnier (playing the Mayor's daughter). Peters is great fun as the angry Chief Speed, Railsback is a decent villain and Richard Lynch steals almost every scene that he's in as Hawk Hawkins, a good ol' boy who thinks that he knows what he's up against when called in to deal with the alligator.

If you enjoyed Alligator then you should enjoy this sequel. It's the same, but different.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Alligator-The-Mutation-DVD/dp/B000089AT6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1378401735&sr=8-1&keywords=alligator+2