Noir-vember: Hard Eight (1996)

It took me long enough, especially considering how big a fan of his filmography I am, but I finally got around to watching the feature debut written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, expanding his short, "Cigarettes & Coffee", from a few years earlier. A lot of things feel in place here that would recur throughout the next few decades, but it's also clear that the director is working on a smaller scale than he would prefer.

Philip Baker Hall plays Sydney Brown, a well-dressed and very polite man who decides to one day help a broke and broken man named John Finnegan (John C. Reilly). He doesn't just help him though. He, metaphorically speaking, teaches him to fish, showing him how to make his way safely and profitably through the waters of Las Vegas casinos. Things go well for a long time, but a situation develops when John falls for a cocktail waitress named Clementine (Gwyneth Paltrow). And when things start getting risky, that's when Jimmy (Samuel L. Jackson) sees his chance to profit from the situation.

There's not much to discuss here when it comes to the plot and the characters. Everything is constructed well, Hall and Reilly are as watchable and captivating here as they have been in any other film roles, and the air of predictability is offset by the earliest scenes setting everything up as a tale more about people looking for ways to pay things forward than get some kind of payback.

While I think a number of the main cast members have done better work elsewhere, there's nothing to criticise in the performances of Reilly, Paltrow, or Jackson. There are also small moments for Philip Seymour Hoffman (stealing a scene, but not given enough time to steal the entire movie) and Melora Walters. Hall absolutely owns every minute of the runtime though. It would be a bit short-sighted, considering the near-200 roles he had in his decades-spanning career, to nominate this as his best ever performance, but I'm still tempted. If it's not the clear winner then it's pretty damn close.

The small cast, the way certain shots are framed, and the economy of the whole thing signify that it's a debut feature, but the confidence and ambition, as well as the main players, help it to feel like a well-made work of art helmed by someone already paving his way to even bigger and better things. This could have easily been a slight bit of entertainment, and it could have leaned more into the expected stereotypes and tropes of the gambling movie. The fact that it still feels so impressive and effective is all down to Anderson being one of the most brilliant and naturally-gifted directorial talents in modern cinema. You could say that it was clear from the very beginning that he had multiple aces up his sleeves.

8/10

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The Marvels (2023)

I have spent most of the last week or so finally getting around to watching Ms. Marvel, the TV show that gave us a 6-episode storyline introducing viewers to Kamala Khan AKA the titular Ms. Marvel (played by Iman Vellani). That's why I am now, FINALLY, getting around to seeing The Marvels. I think I'm almost up to date on my official Marvel entertainment, with only Secret Invasion and season 2 of Loki left to catch up on, but I have to say that it's odd diving back into the MCU after such a fairly extended hiatus. I didn't remember exactly who was who, in terms of enemies and villains, I wasn't sure if there was other stuff I should have watched before this, and there was no feeling of this being an essential piece of a much bigger picture. It was a bit of fun though.

Zawe Ashton plays Dar-Benn, the main villain of the piece. She is the leader of a race who saw their planet effectively sentenced to death by Captain Marvel (Brie Larson). Dar-Benn wants revenge, and her chance comes along when Captain Marvel is stuck with a confusing problem that sees her often swapping places with young Ms. Marvel and Monica Rambeau (Teyonah Parris). It seems that using their powers somehow brings about the switcheroo, and all three need to learn to turn the potential negative into a positive if they want to stop Dar-Benn and co. from destroying the ones they love. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) is also on hand to help, but he's still much more grounded and vulnerable than the superheroes he tries to advise. 

The first half, maybe even the first two thirds, of The Marvels is good fun. The entanglement of powers causing the characters to literally crash into different environments is enjoyably hectic, the dialogue between the main characters (and also the bemused members of Khan's family) is enjoyable, and everything feels enjoyably lightweight, with no need to focus on any potential Earth-destroying threat. Then you get to the third act, which has to focus on a potential Earth-destroying threat, and it becomes sadly tiresome. That's without even mentioning the strange scenes set on a planet where everyone tends to sing instead of just speaking in a normal cadence (unless they're . . . bi-lingual).

Larson continues to cut a fine figure as arguably the most powerful superhero in the galaxy, and she is always helped by having her serious nature juxtaposed alongside some more light-hearted people around her. Parris is very good with what she has to do, although she feels ultimately short-changed by a fairly rushed journey as she makes various discoveries on the way to a final scene that once again serves as a reminder of just how often Marvel wants to have its cake and eat it. Vellani is the one who makes this all worthwhile though, a fantastic bundle of nervous energy and cute awkwardness, she is as good here as she was in her TV show, and the film does well to ensure that she isn't sidelined when it comes to action sequences featuring our main trio. Jackson does his Nick Fury schtick as well as ever, and Zenobia Shroff, Mohan Kapur, and Saagar Shaikh are great fun as the other Khans who end up dragged into the middle of the action. Ashton is stuck playing a disappointingly predictable villain, and you also get a few cameos from characters that, well . . . just don't pack the punch they may have a few years ago.

Highlights include the music by Laura Karpman, some fine editing that is showcased in a hugely entertaining montage/training sequence, and more ridiculous fun with Flerkens.

I'm a big fan of director Nia DaCosta, and love the fact that she also worked on the screenplay with Megan McDonnell and Elissa Karasik, but there's definitely a feeling that she was handed a poisoned chalice with this gig. The MCU was on a downturn, Captain Marvel is one character who seems to be a lightning rod for crybaby fan-boys all around the globe, and there didn't seem to be any cohesive vision at this time for wherever the MCU went next. This had the misfortune of feeling like a place-holder, a disposable bit of fun. But that place-holder just happened to cost over $350M, which meant that it really should have delivered a bit more.

6/10

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Argylle (2024)

The publicity and marketing for Argylle seemed to signify that it was going to be a fun spy romp for film fans. It would though, of course, because publicity and marketing is designed to get us all eager to buy whatever is being sold. Then the film was released, seemed to stumble at the box office (which may be putting it mildly), and one negative review after another started to make it clear that this wasn’t going to be a shining star in the 2024 movie calendar.

I am not sure why others seemed to hate this quite so much. I enjoyed it. I am not going to say that I loved it, and there are certainly moments that go a bit too far (in terms of the ridiculousness, the CGI, or both), but I had a fun time while it was on, and I would easily watch it again. It will never be top of my rewatch pile though.

Bryce Dallas Howard plays a writer, Elly, responsible for a successful series of spy novels about a special agent named Argylle. It is a world far removed from her own, where she simply likes to stay comfortable and spend time with her cat (Alfie), but worlds collide when she is approached by a real spy (Aidann, played by Sam Rockwell). People are after Elly, believing that she knows far too much about the world she is writing about, and there are twists and turns on the way to a final act that will ultimately reveal the true identity of “Argylle”.

It doesn’t matter if you are unfamiliar with writer Jason Fuchs, someone who has a limited number of full screenplay credits. The writing here is one of the least interesting components, and the plot is full of too many big holes throughout. This isn’t a well-constructed piece of work. It is a slice of silliness that seems designed to let director Matthew Vaughn have fun with some ridiculous set-pieces. That is how I saw it anyway, and that is how I managed to enjoy it. Not every action sequence works, but at least four of them kept me hugely entertained for the duration.

It helps that the cast is so good. Maybe I am missing a lot of the conversation happening around this, but I don’t think it can be underestimated how atypical Howard is for this kind of lead role. Does it make sense? No, but the way she is used here more than makes up for the lack of logic. She has to spend most of the first half of the movie looking dazed and vulnerable, but the second half gives her a lot more to do, and she acquits herself well. Rockwell gets one of his most fun roles in recent years, being the light-hearted and cocky pro that he does so well, and always ready to dance at any opportunity. Cavill is fun as the fictional avatar, even if he doesn’t suit the bad hairstyle he is given, and there is room for fun performances from Catherine O’Hara, Bryan Cranston, and, to a much lesser extent, and I do mean MUCH lesser, Samuel L. Jackson, John Cena, Dua Lipa, and Ariana DeBose.

I can see why this wasn’t a resounding success, mainly because of the plotting and the overuse of CGI, as well as a fairly lengthy runtime, and there are a few too many edits between Rockwell and Cavill as we are shown the action from the befuddled POV of our main character, but I just don’t see why it has been so lambasted. The big moments that work, in my view, work really well, including an action sequence on a train that is as energetic and inventive as I hoped it would be. Okay, the film doesn’t maintain that standard throughout, but it keeps trying, and Vaughn once again tries hard to complement his visuals with just the right soundtrack (although maybe it is obvious this time around that he is trying a bit too hard). 

Admittedly a bit complicated and needlessly confusing at times, which stems from the lack of proper plausibility in the plot, this is a good film that tries to be great fun, but only succeeds occasionally in that regard. It’s a mess, sure, but a messy film isn’t automatically a bad film, and I remain in the minority of people who will insist that this isn’t actually a bad film.

6/10

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Kiss Of Death (1995)

Although it doesn't slavishly follow the plot of the original movie, this neo-noir from director Barbet Schroeder does a good job of hitting a number of familiar key points while ensuring that everything feels in line with a slightly grittier and more modern approach to the story. Writer Richard Price did this more than once throughout the 1990s, with varying degrees of success, and his complete body of work illustrates just how good he is at crafting tales of tension, threats, and troubling dilemmas.

David Caruso plays Jimmy Kilmartin, an ex-convict trying to go straight. Unfortunately, he is roped into a job by his wayward cousin (Michael Rapaport), and it isn’t long until things go sour. A cop (Samuel L. Jackson) is nearly killed, Jimmy is caught, and this leads to a spiral and unfortunate fate for his wife (Helen Hunt). Knowing that others are benefiting from him taking the rap, Jimmy is eventually convinced to become an informant, looking to help police get enough evidence to arrest Little Junior Brown (Nicolas Cage).

Kiss Of Death is both helped and hindered by its cast. Cage is a definite highlight, whether he’s bench-pressing a young woman to show off to others around him or getting ready to have some beaten up while listening to House Of Pain. He heads up a brilliant assortment of supporting turns, including the aforementioned Hunt, Rapaport, and Jackson, as well as Stanley Tucci, Ving Rhames, Kathryn Erbe, Anthony Heald, and Philip Baker Hall. Unfortunately, this is another film that should have put anyone aside from Caruso in the lead role. He’s rarely been a good leading man in movies, with his turn in Session 9 being a notable exception, and this film would benefit from almost anyone else being cast in the central role. Sorry, I cannot quite put my finger on the problem, but Caruso just doesn’t emanate any decent amount of charisma or watchability.

Clocking in at almost the same runtime as the original, Price does a good job of moving pieces into place for the finale while also allowing room for a few scenes that just flesh out the characters. Things never feel rushed, yet it never feels too slow or indulgent either. The end result may be far from a perfect film, but all of the ingredients are mixed in perfect amounts. Having Schroeder at the helm seems guaranteed to keep things from excelling, he is a competent pair of hands, but no more than that, so it’s a real bonus that we got this script married up with this cast. There are so many ways this could have gone horribly wrong, and I imagine some big fans of the original will still disapprove, but I am pleasantly surprised that it ended up so enjoyable and effective.

You might be put off by Caruso. You might be put off by Cage (some people still don’t appreciate his brilliance). You might even be put off just by the fact that this is a remake. I would advise you to get over those prejudices and give it a go. You should end up having a good time in the company of some bad people.

7/10

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Mubi Monday: Eve's Bayou (1997)

Note: I have watched/reviewed all of the standard horror movies available on Mubi just now, which is why there may be a few non-horror blog entries this month. Mubi is great for many reasons, but it is not exactly overflowing with lesser-known horror options. Although some would argue that this has enough interesting elements to count, at least as a supernatural thriller.

I find myself, once again, in the position of finally getting around to a film that many people had been telling me to watch for years. Which wouldn’t necessarily be so bad if the films didn’t live up to the hype, but they so often do. This one certainly does.

A tale of memories, community, love, and lore, Eve’s Bayou shows us family life through the eyes of young Eve (Jurnee Smollett). Living in a busy home with her siblings, her parents, and one or two others (it is hard to keep track, considering how busy the house seems and which version of the film you watch, as the director’s cut has a whole extra character in there), Eve absorbs everything around her, for better or worse. She knows that her parents, played by Samuel L. Jackson and Lynn Whitfield, love one another, but she also knows that her father is a philandering scoundrel. He is also charming, and beloved by many due to his work as a local doctor, but philandering doesn’t lead to a consistently happy home life. Eve learns to compartmentalise her concerns, but that becomes more difficult as her father’s behaviour seems to get worse and worse.

Written and directed by Kasi Lemmons, her feature debut in a directorial role, Eve’s Bayou is undoubtedly a bit of a modern classic, as well as being a beautiful and complex look at memory, manipulation, family, and the power of visualization and belief.

Set in Louisiana in the 1960s, the atmosphere and specificity of the setting are essential to the tale being told, and somehow help to soften the edges of something that could otherwise have been too hard to stomach, but the central themes explored will be sadly familiar to many (particularly women) around the world.

All of the cast do great work, with a consistency that makes me reticent to name some while missing out others (simply to avoid regurgitating the entire cast list). Jackson is the dark heart of the film, a thundercloud that also helps to create rainbows, and he gives what could be considered one of his very best performances. Smollett effortlessly carries the weight of the film on her young shoulders, a delight for every minute of her screentime and the best filter/buffer between the reality of the situation and the way viewers are shown things playing out. Whitfield is very good, although given one of the more thankless roles, Debbi Morgan excels as an auntie who may be gifted or cursed, or may just live a life full of timely coincidences, and Meagan Goode does a great job of portraying Eve’s older sister, Cisely, a young woman who eventually confides in Eve something that will change all their lives.

Lemmons has enjoyed a solid acting career for a number of years, but nothing she has done in front of the camera comes close to rivaling her work here. This is an astoundingly assured directorial feature debut, put together with great care (from the script to the cast, from the pacing to the score), and it is a film I am already looking forward to rewatching. The more I think about it, the more I think this might have just rocketed in to become one of my favourite films of all time.

10/10

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Prime Time: The Protege (2021)

It always happens. Great success leads to others looking to emulate that success. Which is why we have recently had so many movies lately trying to rework the reluctant/retired/betrayed assassin schtick that worked so well in the John Wick movies. Not that those movies started this particular sub-genre, but they certainly made it more of an action movie staple over the past few years. And The Protege is another one trying to recreate the success of that movie. Unlike many others, however, it fails.

Maggie Q plays Anna, a dangerous young woman who works with the equally dangerous Moody (Samuel L. Jackson). Together, they specialise in finding people who don’t want to be found. Those people often then end up dead. The latest target is perhaps their hardest yet, someone who has managed to practically disappear off the face of the planet. One of his main men is Rembrandt (Michael Keaton), a charming and cultured individual who you can suspect is a villain due to him being . . . Michael Keaton. Bullets and fists fly, and Anna grows more and more determined to complete the job she was assigned.

There’s a good pedigree behind the camera here. Martin Campbell, who successfully reinvigorated the Bond franchise twice, is the director. He delivered some great swashbuckling with the most recent blockbuster Zorro movies. He also directed The Foreigner, which was a very good action thriller. And I am one of the few people who didn’t hate Green Lantern.

Then we have the writer. Richard Wenk. Wenk has written a number of top-notch action movies throughout the last decade, but he is also the writer-director of Vamp. So Richard Wenk is a firm favourite of mine. This isn’t his best work though. It’s a silly script aiming to be lifted by the main stars, but one seriously lets everyone down.

The disappointment here comes from Maggie Q. She just isn’t good here in the lead role, never convincing in the action sequences and never even able to get her line delivery just right. This is movie dialogue, not dialogue attempting to be realistic, but Q fails to invest the words with any energy or charisma. Jackson is better, playing a character he has played a version of in numerous other films, and Michael Keaton continues to be the magnetic star that he has been for decades. Q has the starring role, yet the film would be pretty worthless without the presence of her main co-stars. 

There is enough here to save this from being an awful viewing experience. It’s technically fine, the pacing is good, and I may have already mentioned Keaton making it better with his presence. But there’s too much here also dragging things down. No other characters stand out, none of the fights hit that sweet spot where they feel both grounded and cinematically satisfying, and I defy anyone to actually care about how things turn out in the grand finale.

The end result is ultimately a bit below average, which feels much more disappointing when the ingredients were mixed in for what should have been an easy success.

4/10

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The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021)

You would, I think it is safe to say, be hard pushed to find someone who really LOVED The Hitman's Bodyguard, an action comedy that starred Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson alongside one another. It was decidedly okay, but below average for that kind of fare. The action wasn't great, the comedy was far too reliant on one of the lead actors swearing, and it just felt a bit careless. BUT you did have the charisma of both Reynolds and Jackson, and a small role for Salma Hayek.

And now, bewilderingly, we have a sequel. Reynolds is back, Jackson is back, Hayek has a bigger role (being the titular hitman's wife), and you also get some screentime for both Antonio Banderas and Morgan Freeman.

Here's the basic plot summary. Michael Bryce (Reynolds) is upset at the fact that he has lost his licence to bodyguard. Attending therapy, he is encouraged to try and relax for a while, keep away from guns and violence. It's during some relaxation time that he is dragged into action by Sonia Kincaid (Hayek), who believes that he is the only person her husband, Darius (Jackson), trusts to get him out of a very tricky situation. Unfortunately, Darius had been trying to tell his wife that she should ask for help from . . . anyone but Bryce. Banderas plays Aristotle Papdopolous, a dangerous man with a dangerous plan involving a major cybercrime, and Morgan Freeman allows the film to explore some amusing daddy issues.

Director Patrick Hughes returns, taking no time at all to reassure viewers that they will be getting exactly whatever it is they enjoyed the first time around. Yes, there may be a few more big names in the main roles here, but the format is very much the same as it was before. Bullets and cursewords fly around each act, neither of them as amusing as they're intended to be. Just keep reminding yourself that there was a time when Hughes made a brilliant impact on the cinematic landscape with his superb feature debut, Red Hill, and maybe one day he will find his way back to that kind of brilliance.

It's no surprise to find that the screenwriters, brothers Phillip and Brandon Murphy, are first-timers, and I can imagine a bit of improvising may have been encouraged, certainly between the three leads. The dialogue throughout is pretty poor, in between gags of varying quality, and the plotting is as predictable as you might expect from something like this.

The leads do lift the material though, just not enough to make this a good film. Reynolds and Jackson once again spark off each other brilliantly, and Hayek is a lot of fun as the fiery Sonia. Banderas is typically suave, Freeman is a fun choice for his role, and there's some time to include the likes of Frank Grillo (an Interpol agent), Richard E. Grant (a drug addict who used to be under the protection of Bryce), and Tom Hopper (a top bodyguard). Caroline Goodall plays another agent, with her scenes generally made more amusing thanks to her main colleague being played by Alice McMillan, confusing some people around her with her strong Scottish accent.

I've not watch The Hitman's Bodyguard in a couple of years, because I've never felt the urge to revisit it, but this sequel feels like a lazy retread. Which means I am sure enough people will enjoy it to somehow make a third movie viable. And that's making me feel grumpier already. That's never a good way to feel after reviewing a comedy film.

4/10

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Prime Time: The Negotiator (1998)

An absolute comfort viewing of the highest order, The Negotiator is a slick and enjoyable thriller, even if it is pretty predictable how things are going to pan out by the final act. The script by James DeMonaco and Kevin Fox mixes in wit and some real tension, and director F. Gary Gray is a dependable pair of hands for the material, leading to what I view as a personal highlight from his filmography.

Samuel L. Jackson plays Danny Roman, a skilled hostage negotiator who finds himself set up on charges of financial wrongdoing and the murder of a colleague. With no other way to get to the truth, Danny takes a number of hostages. This leads to a stand-off in which the hostage-taker can easily stay one step ahead of those trying to resolve the situation. Danny requests to speak to Chris Sabian (Kevin Spacey), another skilled negotiator, famous for de-escalating situations to give him a record free of fatalities. Not knowing which of his friends has betrayed him, Danny decides to put his trust in a stranger. The evidence certainly seems stacked against him though, but we know he's innocent . . . because he's Samuel L. Jackson.

Although this runs for just over two hours (the runtime on PAL format is about 134 minutes) it doesn't feel as if it outstays its welcome. Freidnships and tensions are set up from a smart opening sequence that shows our hero at work, getting the best result while infuriating those who want to barge in and end the situation quicker. Beck (David Morse) is one of those put out, keen to send in the men with guns, which makes him a potential suspect when the conspiracy to frame Danny starts to become clear. There are plenty of others to suspect, however, thanks to the cast being so loaded with great actors.

As well as the leads, both doing brilliant work, you have enjoyable performances from Ron Rifkin, John Spencer, the inimitable J. T. Walsh, Michael Cudlitz, Tim Kelleher, Nestor Serrano, Dean Norris, Regina Taylor, Siobhan Fallon Hogan, and Paul Giamatti. And Morse, of course. By the standards of most people, that is a cast absolutely packed with quality actors, and none of them are just sleepwalking through the film.

More about the brainpower than firepower, those seeking a thriller with some big action moments may be disappointed by this. It's quite removed from the kind of thrillers that were churned out with the names Simpson and/or Bruckheimer attached (not that there's anything wrong with those, especially when you have enough popcorn to hand). This is fairly restrained throughout, with only a couple of important deaths helping to propel the plot forward, but the sparks fly as Jackson gets to outwit and shout down those around him, particularly when he shares the screen with Spacey. It holds up well, and I will happily revisit it any time.

8/10

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Spiral: From The Book Of Saw (2021)

When is a Saw movie not a Saw movie? When it's Spiral: From The Book Of Saw, an attempt to get more golden eggs from a goose that should have been killed off about five years ago. And I say this as someone who has tended to enjoy most entries in the series, including Jigsaw (2017).

Chris Rock plays Detective Zeke Banks, a cop who cannot really trust other cops at his precinct. He's been left to fly solo ever since turning in a dirty cop some years ago, but his latest escapade sees the Captain (Marisol Nichols) pairing him up with young Detective William Schenk (Max Minghella). The two soon have their nerve tested when they investigate a crime scene that feels very much like the kind of thing that would have been planned by Jigsaw. But Jigsaw's dead. So who is doing the killing now, and why are they just targeting bad cops? Detective Banks might be more able than most to follow the trail, even if he ends up asking his father (Samuel L. Jackson) some uncomfortable questions about his tenure as Captain.

With Darren Lynn Bousman back in the director's chair (he helmed the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th Saw movies) and the competent writing team of Josh Stolberg and Pete Goldfinger (who gave us the decent Sorority Row, one of the better remakes, Piranha 3D, and Jigsaw), you'd be forgiven for expecting more from this film than it delivers. These films never hold up to close scrutiny, of course (otherwise every killer has to have perfect timing, in-depth medical knowledge, and access to more real estate than your average billionaire), but if everything moves along well enough, and packs a punch in the final act, then that's okay. Spiral doesn't manage that, which is a shame.

The first problem is how heavily signposted everything is here. As rubbish as I am at spotting twists, I formulated my theory for how this whole thing would play out within about 15-20 minutes. And I was absolutely spot on. Not that the Saw movies have often been impossible to predict, but this feels as if it's a lacklustre ending in search of a trap-filled movie to go before it. It's almost Saw-lite, especially when the victims are people with more reason to be judged than a lot of the previous victims in the series.

The second problem is the cast. I quite like Chris Rock. Not for the lead in a Saw movie though. He's not ever convincing as the tough cop who can do right while so many others are doing wrong, and he's not helped by the fact that the script has him actively putting people in danger just because the bodycount needs to rise. Max Minghella, sorry to say, is someone I have never really warmed to, perhaps due to the characters he tends to play. He's okay here, I guess, but that's only because most people would seem better opposite Rock. And you have Samuel L. Jackson in a main supporting role, doing well enough, but also being underused. Nichols has to work her way through "Movie Police Captain Dialogue 101", but I guess she does what is asked of her well enough. And everyone else is there to either be a red herring, a victim, or both.

There are some decent deaths here, which is what you want from any entry in the series, and a couple of moments should make you wince, but it's also fairly muted, in terms of the really nasty intricacies of each trap. None of the attempts to misdirect viewers work (well, they didn't work for me anyway), some characters are built up only to be discarded by the time it gets to the point where Chris Rock must do everything on his own, and there's even a use of the hyper-editing that feels as if it's bordering on parody.

It's nowhere near as bad as the nadir of the series (which will always be Saw IV to me, but I AM overdue a rewatch of the series), but Spiral just feels like an instalment being steered in a number of wrong directions by people who are well-intentioned, but refusing to double-check their instrumentation and maps.

5/10

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Netflix And Chill: Snakes On A Plane (2006)

Okay, I understand if you hate the idea of Snakes On A Plane because, as it was developed, decisions were made to lean into the silliness of the b-movie concept and try to create an instant cult hit. Some people view that as a cynical ploy, and they think it makes the film a lesser one. That's not really true though, is it? You could say that most major movies are made that way, with a central idea fleshed out and tweaked to appeal most to whatever demographic they're aiming for. Snakes On A Plane may not be a major movie, but it certainly tries to be a hugely entertaining one, with the budget used well as things move quickly from one enjoyable set-piece to the next.

Nathan Phillips plays Sean Jones, a young man who has witnessed an execution carried out by the deadly and powerful Eddie Kim (Byron Lawson). With his life in danger, Sean ends up in the care of Agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson), a man who convinces him that the best way to stay alive is to testify against Eddie Kim and get him in jail. The two board a plane to Los Angeles. And that's where the main plan starts to become clear, with Eddie Kim having apparently exhausted every other possibility in his thoughts about stopping Sean. The plane is full of typical disaster movie stereotypes. You get a flight attendant (Claire, played by Julianna Margulies) on her last job, a young woman (Mercedes, played by Rachel Blanchard) with a small dog, a mother and child, two unaccompanied minors, a horny couple, a moaning Brit (Paul, played by Gerard Plunkett), and others. There's also Three G's (Flex Alexander) and his two "minders" (Troy, played by Kenan Thompson, and Big Leroy, played by Keith Dallas). The timer counts down. The snakes are released from their container in the hold. There have been pheromones sprayed strategically to, in the scientific parlance, send them fucking mental. 

As silly as you expect it to be, Snakes On A Plane is also a fun rollercoaster ride for the runtime of 1 hour and 45 minutes. It is much more terrifying if you really have a phobia of snakes, which I found out this time around while watching it with someone very ophidiophobic. But no matter how you feel about the creatures, there's no denying that this film tries hard to make everyone squirm, showing you snakes casually snaking their way into places they really shouldn't (biting boobs, coming up from toilet bowls, heading up skirts, nestling inside bags, etc). The script by John Heffernan and Sebastian Gutierrez mixes things up nicely, also building up the problems caused with the actual mechanics of the plane.

Moments of dodgy CGI aside, although some of it holds up surprisingly well (it's very hit and miss, as you might expect considering the time it was made and budget), director David R. Ellis does good work at the helm. The layout is easily displayed, the characters get to interact with one another, and one or two deaths are actually unexpected. The snakes are varied enough, although most of the deaths result from them lashing out to bite people, and the perils doted around the plane are numerous as panic takes hold.

Jackson may get to deliver THAT line, and is his usual cool self, but everyone else mentioned does well to remember what film they're in. They play their roles with admirably straight faces, going through some standard soap opera moments. I'm not going to say that anyone here is doing anything worthy of awards recognition, but everyone knows the tone of the film. Lin Shaye, Sunny Mabrey, and Bruce James also do well as the other flight attendants, David Koechner and Tom Butler are the pilots, and Bobby Cannavale and Todd Louiso end up working together, as FBI agent and snake expert, respectively, to race against time in order to deliver a variety of anti-venoms to the victims, IF the plane can land somewhere in time.

It ain't high art, but this is absolutely perfect fodder to liven up an afternoon, or to enjoy any evening when you want something that doesn't require too much thought. I have owned the DVD for years now, and this recent rewatch was an even better viewing experience than the last time I watched it (and not JUST because my girlfriend sometimes cried out "oh, shit the bed" during certain moments of serpentine carnage).

7/10

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Sphere (1998)

Although not released at the same time as the big underwater thrillers that battled it out in the late 1980s (those main three titles being Leviathan, DeepStar Six, and The Abyss, of course), but Sphere is nicely in line with those films, and any other underwater thriller that tends to mix horror or sci-fi with our fascination/fear of the deep waters that cover so much of the surface of our planet.

There's an alien spacecraft found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, which understandably requires some investigation. That leads to the standard assembling of a group of smart people who might be able to get to the bottom of things. There's a marine biologist (Beth Halperin, played by Sharon Stone), a psychologist (Norman Goodman, played by Dustin Hoffman), a mathematician (Samuel L. Jackson), an astrophysicist (Ted Fielding, played by Liev Schreiber), and a U.S. Navy Captain (Harold Barnes, played by Peter Coyote). Once at the main site, our assembled team discover a number of strange details, and then a large and impenetrable, perfect sphere. And things are about to get much stranger, putting the group in danger as sanity is worn down and people start to turn on one another.

Michael Crichton has written numerous best-sellers, and his name has been involved with a number of enjoyable blockbuster movies, but he hasn't always been adapted well to the big screen. Sphere is one of the better Crichton adaptations of the past few decades, although it suffers from the fact that the finale probably isn't as satisfying as viewers want it to be. Adapted by Kurt Wimmer, the final screenplay by Stephen Hauser and Paul Attanasio is a decent attempt to mix in some spectacle, thrills and tension, and some solid psychological horror (albeit mild horror). As with so many Crichton tales, there are a number of great ideas, and the script at least executes many of them very well.

Director Barry Levinson also does good work here, making the most of his all-star cast and the chance to provide a number of set-pieces that build and build on the way to the grand finale. The weakness seems to be in the source material, but only in the way that it doesn't feel designed to provide the most obvious type of third act resolution that so many of us are used to from these kinds of movies.

There's nobody here who feels out of place when it comes to the cast. The leads are just superb, all bringing certain qualities to their characters, which is obviously why they were picked. Stone is another strong female here, although one with a vulnerability that ends up being exploited. Hoffman is a bit arrogant with his intelligence, Jackson is more relaxed and open to seeing how things play out, and Schreiber is, well, just fun to have onscreen alongside the others. Coyote is as dependable as ever, and there's even a good little turn from Queen Latifah, playing one of the few other characters to have actual dialogue.

It may not quite do enough to warrant me making a pun like "the only thing you need to fear is Sphere itself", but this is a sorely-neglected blockbuster from the late '90s that tries to weave between entertainingly dumb and entertainingly smart.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: Shaft (2019)

You know the name. Shaft is the cool cat that we've been digging since he first appeared in cinemas back in the early 1970s. Richard Roundtree played the role, and memorably. A reworking of the bad mother (shut your mouth . . . but I'm talkin' 'bout Shaft) appeared in 2000, with Samuel L. Jackson taking on the main role. And now we have a film that features both of those actors playing the role, although the former isn't onscreen for long, while introducing a new member to the family (played by Jessie T. Usher).

Usher is JJ Shaft, a young man who hasn't seen his father in many years. That's because his mother (Maya, played by Regina Hall) decided to leave, in order to keep her son safe from the kind of trouble that his father would attract. But when JJ needs help to investigate the death of a good friend, he ends up tracking down his father, John Shaft (Jackson). Bones are broken, bullets fly, women start to find the danger arousing, and Shaft and Shaft Jr hurtle towards a grand finale that will require the help of someone equally capable. Grandpa AKA John Shaft, Sr (Roundtree).

Shaft is an enjoyable comedy, with some decent action beats that don't skimp on the gunfire and bloodshed, but that is something that will upset a lot of fans. It's not something that bothered me, however, mainly because the main incarnations of the character that we have seen before were rarely the butt of any jokes. Usher plays a man brought up in a very different world, and with a very different attitude, but the secret to getting things done is usually adding on a bit of that patented Shaft badassery. And it's fair enough to highlight the fact that the classic traits of the character wouldn't necessarily be as appreciated today as they have been in previous decades (although they're only really unappreciated here by other people who have not spent a decent amount of time in Shaft's world).

Kenya Barris and Alex Barnow have put together a decent script, allowing the leads to have some very entertaining moments together, and peppering many scenes with dialogue that both works for the characters and also proves amusing enough. It feels like a good pairing, with Barris having a few more movies under his belt and Barnow having a decent selection of TV shows under his.

As just mentioned, Jackson and Usher work well together. The former is his usual persona, Usher spends a lot of the movie playing catch up (although he does have one or two tricks up his sleeve, and has more skill than is immediately apparent). Roundtree still has his full serving of charisma, which makes his limited screentime all the more frustrating. The villains are decent enough, and Titus Welliver delivers a great little turn as The Man, the immediate boss to JJ who doesn't ever give him an opportunity to reach his full potential. The ladies may be sidelined for a lot of the runtime, but that doesn't stop both Hall and Alexandra Shipp (playing Sasha, a good friend to JJ) doing their best with what they're given. Both manage to stand out in a fill overflowing with testosterone, as does Luna Lauren Velez, in the role of a potential lead/criminal named Bennie Rodriguez.

Director Tim Story keeps everything moving nicely. This is a 110-minute movie that whizzes by. There's a great soundtrack (although it's missing one classic cut), some entertaining set-pieces, and a central investigation with a couple of twists and turns, despite the fact that most viewers will be able to point to at least one of the main villains within their first few scenes. And Shaft is still also very much Shaft. As is Shaft. JJ, on the other hand, well, he needs a lot of work. But he might be able to find his own Shaftiness by the time the end rolls around.

There are already mixed reviews appearing for this, and just as many advising viewers to stay away. Don't listen to The Man. Give it a watch and make your own mind up.

7/10

Get yourself a funky soundtrack here.
Americans can get a Roundtree triple-bill here.

Glass (2019).

Okay, there's no way for me to discuss my biggest problem with Glass without it seeming slightly spoilery so I would ask you to stop reading this review now if you have yet to see the film. I still dislike spoilers, and I am not one of those people who thinks it is okay to spoil movies for other peopler if it is a movie that I personally disliked (and I did dislike this), but I was rooting for Glass to win me over for about 3/4 of the runtime. Then the finale locked all of the pieces into place, and that's where it lost me. Because after giving us a great, unique, superhero origin tale with Unbreakable, M. Night Shyamalan decided to make Split a surprise supervillain origin tale connected to that movie. It wasn't as good as Unbreakable but the cast helped to make it work and the ending had a lot of people (including myself) quite excited. So you have one origin story, another origin story, and then M. Night Shyamalan squanders the opportunity to make something truly memorable by cheekily turning this third entry in what is now a trilogy into . . . a third origin story. Yep, that's really what this is. And that may please Shyamalan, but it's less likely to please those who expected something more.

Here's the basic story. David Dunn (Bruce Willis) now patrols the streets and tries to seek out, and stop, criminals. He is helped by his son, Joseph (Spencer Treat Clark returning to the role that last saw him acting onscreen as a child), and all is going well until he bumps into the dangerous multiple personalities of the character, Kevin/Dennis/Hedwig/etc, played by James McAvoy (let's just call him Kevin from now on). Caught in the middle of a fight, David and Kevin are locked up in a mental health institution, where another notable patient is Elijah Price (AKA Mr Glass, Samuel L. Jackson). Dr. Ellie Staple (Sarah Paulson) wants to convince them that the ideas they have in their heads, the notions that they have superpowers, are merely delusions, potentially dangerous ones. The doctor may soon find herself out of her depth.

Shyamalan still has talent. That's what perhaps remains the most frustrating thing about him, the biggest obstacle to his success is himself. Of course, I am saying this without knowing the general majority opinion on this movie (which, for all I know, could be loved by many people). But his good points are as obvious as his failings. The guy does well with plotting, the look and feel of his films, and I'd argue that he is often also very good at being able to get the pacing just right. Shyamalan rarely makes films that hurtle from start to finish, but he shoots the quieter, slower, moments so well that they are still engrossing in between any more exciting sequences. He also tends to get great work from composers, and the score here by West Dylan Thordson is no exception.

On the flipside, he often creates scripts that seem designed to showcase how good he is with his words and ideas (as good as he views himself, anyway), and he often builds his movies around one major idea or twist. That's all well and good when everything works, as happened with his solid run of four movies spread out around the turn of this century, but not so good otherwise. He's a gambler who continues to bet big with the hope that the last card turned over will be the one to give him the unbeatable hand. That card isn't always drawn, leaving him with a large investment on the table and nothing good enough to lay down at the end.

The cast all do well here, with McAvoy arguably getting to play around even more than he did in Split (and he's the best person onscreen). Willis at least looks present for a number of his scenes, which is more than can be said for many of his other performances in recent years, and Jackson clearly loves the chance to reprise the role of Price. Paulson is fine as the doctor, Anya Taylor-Joy (who was so good in Split) continues to prove herself as an intriguing and excellent screen presence, and it's nice to see Clark as the boy still trying to look after his "superdad".

Breaking everything down to their basic elements, Glass is not a bad film. There are a number of good moments throughout, the script is serviceable, it often looks great, and a couple of the leads are giving it their all. It just fails to come together by the end, and it fails in such a way that genuinely sours the films that came before it, which surely couldn't have been Shyamalan's intention. That failure is enough to drag it down by some margin, and I almost considered going even lower with my final rating.

5/10

You can buy the movie here.
Americans can buy it here.

Netflix And Chill: Unicorn Store (2017)

Unicorn Store is a slight jumble of a film but it's also a sweet and enjoyable one, thanks to a great lead turn from Brie Larson (also making her feature directorial debut).

Larson plays Kit, a young woman who we see growing up in a montage that focuses on her love of art, right up until the day that she is told her work is not good enough. That leads to her moving back in with her parents (played by Joan Cusack and Bradley Whitford), becoming a temp agency worker, and generally resolving to get on with a bland adult life. Until she is invited to a store by a mysterious salesman (Samuel L. Jackson) who tells her that she has been picked to receive a unicorn, but only if she can prove that she is ready to accept one.

Written by Samantha McIntyre, Unicorn Store is anything but subtle, and perhaps falls too in between a couple of main demographics to fully appeal to many. Kit is every dreamer who has ever been given that cold splash of water in the face by people telling them that it is time to grow up and get serious. This happens to her as a young adult, but the way she clings on to hope and bright fantasy puts her more in line with teenagers who have yet to be worn down by the grind and grit of daily adult life. She seems very childish at times, yet it's also easy to see her behaviour as something we would all like to regress to, at least occasionally. Admit it, if you're a parent who has been having a hard time of things lately then it's not just your children who enjoy the times when you let them build a blanket fort and have a day away from the outside world. You join them and remember what it was like when it was so much easier to keep things much simpler.

Larson directs well enough, although it's all very similar to so many other independent movies we've seen over the years, in terms of the quirky characters, developments, and main lesson learned. It just has some big names to help carry the material and make it seem a bit more mainstream.

Leading lady aside, who is as good as she usually is, the highlights include Cusack and Whitford as caring parents who Larson feels are constantly disappointed by her, Hamish Linklater as an odd and awkward boss, Karan Soni as an old friend who seems to have made a great success of his life, and Mamoudou Athie as a hardware store employee who ends up helping Larson to prepare her home for the arrival of the unicorn. Jackson is a lot of fun as the salesman, although it feels like the role is designed more for Jackson to have fun than any other reason.

A unicorn is different things to many people (I still love the fact that here in Scotland it is our national animal) but it's also always symbolises something magical, pure, and very difficult, often impossible, to attain. That may be someone you love, it may be having the time and resources to create your art, or it may even be a sense of acceptance for your current situation in life. Whatever it is, once you prepare well enough for it, you can take a moment to enjoy it. And then maybe help others to find their own.

7/10

Fans of Larson can buy Room here.
Americans can buy it here.

Captain Marvel (2019)

We've been here many times before. You'll have seen a lot of people singing the praises of Captain Marvel and just as many people calling it the worst film they've seen in years. The reality, as it so often does, lies somewhere in the middle.

Another origin story, but one that's a bit different from so many of the others that we've already been given by Marvel, this tells the story of a Kree Starforce member named Vers (Brie Larson), a young woman who may have once been a human being named Carol Danvers. The Kree are currently engaged in a war with the Skrulls, and one battle leads to Vers ending up on Earth in the 1990s. There she meets Nick Fury (a youth-enised Samuel L. Jackson), fights more Skrulls (they can take on the form of anyone they have seen), and starts trying to piece together her past on the way to fulfilling her potential future.

There's a lot to like here, but almost as much to dislike, and it's a shame that so many people on both sides of a dividing line completely separate from the actual quality of the movie itself have decided to use their stances to attempt to build up or tear down Captain Marvel (both the film and Larson).

Let me start with the good. The cast are almost uniformly fantastic, with Larson yet another perfect choice by Marvel. Jackson works very well alongside her, and there's a lot of fun to be had wondering just when he will need the eyepatch we're all so used to him wearing, and the other big names are Jude Law (a Kree warrior/mentor figure), Ben Mendelsohn (appearing in both Skrull and non-Skrull form), and Annette Bening (playing a scientist, a memory, and an incarnation of a Supreme Intelligence . . . it makes sense when you watch the movie). As good as they all are, there are also excellent supporting turns from Lashana Lynch and Akira Akbar, portraying a mother and daughter who have a strong connection to Carol. In fact, Lynch and Akbar have some of the best moments with Larson that emphasise the empowering message of the movie.

Which leads me on to the next big plus point. Although this has been promoted with a message of positivity and strength for women, it also has plenty of other messages in the mix, with some that feel constant, and fairly standard in the realm of comic book movies, and one that feels very relevant, and very well-handled.

What else works? The humour, for the most part. There are numerous laughs to be had here, with targets ranging from the older tech of the '90s to the cuteness of a feline named Goose, but they're interspersed in a way that doesn't tip the balance away from the essence of the story - the superhero origin. There's also a great soundtrack, including big tunes from Elastica, Nirvana, and No Doubt. And then you have the world-building, with fans being allowed a nice sense of satisfaction as you see pieces being moved into place that have already been shown established in previous films.

Now to the bad stuff. Directors Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck, who also helped to write the screenplay, seem as confused and unsure of themselves as the central character does. The opening act is a muddied and fractured collage of scenes that you know will have some context by the end of the film, which doesn't make the start any more enjoyable, and the ending is almost impossible to care about. You get a twist everyone knows is coming from the very start of the movie, you get a superhero up there with Superman (which means they're so powerful that there doesn't seem to be any real threat to them), and none of the action sequences are put together with the care and polish that we've come to expect from these movies in recent years. It's also a dull movie, in terms of both the light levels (unless they were projecting it incorrectly at my local IMAX) and the visual style. Things brighten up once we're on '90s Earth but other moments that should be treats for the eyeballs just don't feel all that spectacular or . . . shiny. And that soundtrack? As good as it is, only one song really works for the scene it is in. The rest feel either completely unnecessary or are just there to sell soundtracks and allow some viewers to enjoy a warm glow of nostalgia. The biggest mis-step may be the way a song is used in a third act fight scene, with no attempt made to at least match the rhythm of the visuals to the audio or actually use the song as part of the experience. It plays. People fight. That's all you can say about the scene.

Despite me sounding like a crotchety old man, I found enough here to have a good time at the cinema. And I'll buy Captain Marvel when it comes to shiny disc. There's a decent middle section, a nice nod to The French Connection, a pinch of The Right Stuff, a moving Stan Lee tribute, and a statement about heroism that proves more effective than many of the others (how many times do we really need to see Tony Stark have fun in his suit and defeat baddies before then feeling tortured and guilty?). It's not a terrible film, not at all. But it's not a great film either. Compared to many of the other Marvel movies, since they started their proper schedule of dominating the box office, it falls short. Not at the bottom of the pile, but maybe just below the other titles I would have ranked in the middle section.

6/10

The movie will be available to buy here.
Americans will be able to get it digitally here.

xXx: Return Of Xander Cage (2017)

Taking a leaf from the later instalments of the Fast & Furious franchise, this third film in the xXx series gives the lead role back to Vin Diesel, as you may have guessed from the title, and surrounds him with a bit of an all-star cast of people who bring various specialist skills to the table.

Xander Cage (Diesel) is asked to help once again when the world is endangered, this time by a group of people who have stolen a device that can control weather satellites. The danger of the situation is made apparent when one such satellite is sent on a crash course to Earth. Reluctant to help "the man", represented this time by Jane Marke (Toni Collette), Cage eventually agrees to do what he does best, on one condition; he gets to pick his team. It's not long until they're facing off against a group of equally talented fighters, but who are the real villains at work?

Directed by D. J. Caruso, xXx: Return Of Xander Cage has three major elements working in its favour. First of all, Caruso himself does well at the helm, working from a fun script by F. Scott Frazier that perfectly blends laughs and enjoyable action set-pieces. I've liked pretty much everything I have seen directed by Caruso, and this keeps his track record consistent for me.

Second, the tone of this is just perfect. The first two xXx movies tried to show that they were working with tongue in cheek, yet it never quite worked, and I think that's because at the heart of each storyline was a hero who wasn't ever really seen to be in on the joke. Diesel, in this instance, has more fun as he gets to play up the legend of his character while bantering with others who share his sense of recklessness, and that works really well.

Third, the cast. Diesel may not be the best thespian around but he knows how to strut around onscreen like someone with such a big ego, even when he's interacting with martial arts stars like Donnie Yen and Tony Jaa (who both get some decent onscreen moments, and I was impressed by how much screentime Yen actually got). Collette is fine as the suit in charge, Nina Dobrev is a lot of fun as the tech support worker who gets flustered around our hero, and Deepika Padukone, Ruby Rose, Kris Wu, and Rory McCann are all good additions to the series, either individually or thanks to how they are teamed up with others.

It may have been a high benchmark to exceed, but it's still surprising just how much more entertaining this film is compared to the two that preceded it. It is, in a way, exactly how this series should have been working from the very beginning. If you disliked the other films then still give this one a try. If you enjoyed the other films, albeit to varying degrees, then definitely check this one out. By the time you get past the main opening sequences (one involving Neymar, one involving a daring raid, and one involving Diesel jumping and skating around at breakneck speeds) then you will know what you have let yourself in for, and you will probably already be grinning.

7/10.

The Bluray is available here.
Americans can buy it here.

xXx: State Of The Union (2005)

If you ever struggle with your place in the world, stressing out as you consider the fact that your IQ may be working against you, because ignorance is bliss, then you should immediately get your hands on xXx: State Of The Union. It WILL help lower that IQ. It's that dumb.

Lee Tamahori, a man who should stop giving us poor action movies and return to making films like the most excellent Once Were Warriors, is the director, working from a script by Simon Kinberg (who has a slightly better track record, but also gave us Fantastic Four), and it quickly becomes clear that it's a hodge podge of ridiculous action and bad decisions, accompanied by a number of obvious soundtrack choices.

Ice Cube is the new xXx, an ex-military rough guy who gets broken out from jail by Samuel L. Jackson (reprising his role of Agent Augustus Eugene Gibbons) and Michael Roof (reprising the much lesser role of Agent Toby Lee Shavers). This all happens because the xXx facility has been raided, people have been killed, and there's suspicion of a conspiracy that may reach as high as the Secretary Of Defence (Willem Dafoe) and the President Of The United States (Peter Strauss). Can Ice Cube snarl and punch-kick-throw enough people out of the way to complete his new mission?

Let me clarify something before we move forward, I can absolutely switch my brain off to enjoy a movie. Anyone who has met me for more than five minutes already knows that it takes me more effort to sometimes switch my brain ON. But the film still has to meet me halfway. This does not do that. It's even more ridiculous than the first film, which would be okay if a) they nailed the tone and b) could make the most of their budget. They manage neither.

Cube can do tough and mean, but he doesn't ever feel convincing in the full action hero role. Sorry, he just doesn't work here for me. Jackson can do his thing in his sleep, and he's okay, and Roof clearly couldn't believe his luck when he found that his minor tech guy role from the first movie had been beefed up for this instalment. Dafoe is fun, Strauss is bland, Scott Speedman is an agent who may end up helping or hindering Cube, and Xzibit pops up long enough to join in with some vehicular carnage. The main female characters are played by Nona Gaye and Sunny Mabrey, with the latter given a bit more to do than the former.

There are so many moments here to either relish or roll your eyes at, depending on your mood. The jailbreak sequence, for starters, features one of my pet peeves - a vehicle that makes no sound at all until it appears in frame. There are some nice cars on display, lots of stuntmen fall down to make Ice Cube look good, a tank on tank battle quickly becomes far too ridiculous, but ends well, and the finale features a car jumping on to some train tracks, shredding the rubber from the tyres, and still catching up to a . . . bullet train. Admittedly, I was laughing out loud at that point. It was a big mess, but I had already gone along with it all and I knew the end must be near.

Despite the twists and turns that the script takes, the biggest thing working against this movie is that it doesn't have the identity of the first film. As dumb as xXx was, it had the central gimmick (extreme sports legend sent in as a secret agent). This film is just an action movie that seems determined to be the dumbest film of 2005. Tamahori and Kinberg can do much better, as can most of the cast members. I suspect even Roof can do better. And I know that viewers can.

3/10.

Buy two movies here. 
Or Americans can get just the sequel here.

xXx (2002)

Do you ever think you're cool? Have you ever played skateboard or snowboard games on a console and imagined living that lifestyle? Ever had daydreams that have you helping to save the world while also sticking it to the man?

Well just stop. You're not cool. Even if you're sometimes a little bit cool, by accident or design, then you need to remember that you'll never be as cool as Xander Cage, the cooler-than-cool main character in xXx.

Cage (Vin Diesel) is a man who spends his time performing EXTREME stunts that make him quite the rock star to his many fans. But it also gets him noticed by Agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson), a man trying to convince his colleagues at the NSA that they need to start using a new type of secret agent for new types of criminals. And that's how Cage ends up dropped into another country and directed to get information on a major villain named Yorgi (Marton Csokas), which may give him an excuse to drive fast cars, pose in mid-air during jumps on a motorbike, skate down rails on a silver tray as he avoids sniper bullets, paraglide around, and cause an avalanche to give him an upper hand while he snowboards towards a big group of henchmen.

All of the above happens in xXx and I don't think listing them here would count as anything spoilery. This is a film made up of scenes built around moments they sold in the trailer. Well, those scenes and Vin Diesel's gravelly voice and attitude.

Writer Rich Wilkes seems to throw in everything that might work for the cool kids in the 21st century, and it works better than it should because of the way in which it's the whole lifestyle of the main character.

Director Rob Cohen handles the material competently enough. The most fun is to be had in the first third - a "training exercise" before the main mission - but the 2-hour runtime never drags, thanks to the spacing of the set-pieces and the mounting ridiculousness as everyone involved wants to prove how much they can deliver the goods while being a deliberate anti-Bond. If something can explode then it can explode BIG, if the soundtrack can fit a bit of nu-metal into a scene then it will (not enough to be grating, but it keeps popping up), and everything revolves around the fact that Vin Diesel is the smartest, strongest man for the job.

Diesel does well enough in his role, with a lot of thanks due to the stunt team here too (sadly, one of the main stunt players, Harry O'Connor, died - a sobering reminder of the efforts made by the people we so often don't see acknowledged enough), Csokas is enjoyable enough as the generic baddie with an accent, Jackson does his thing, and Asia Argento catches Diesel's eye and gets to act tough before the script lets her down by making her little more than a wide-eyed female onlooker during the main stunts that occur during the grand finale.

It's not a film that transforms the action genre but it's one that tries hard throughout most of the main sequences to entertain and provide something not already seen a hundred times before. While not entirely successful, and some of the moments clang like a dropped anvil, it's a fun slice of dumb.

6/10.

Get yourself a double-bill here.
Americans can get a nice disc here.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

Although he's become, arguably, a much more divisive figure in recent years, Quentin Tarantino is a director who certainly knows how to sell his product. The hype machine for The Hateful Eight started up quite a while ago, and continues while the movie is on release (thanks to the limited 70mm screenings - which are even more limited here in the UK, unfortunately). Which makes it hard to process if you come out of the cinema having not completely loved one of his films. Thankfully, that's a rare occurence. Aside from Death Proof (which I still rate as a solid 7/10) and the second volume of Kill Bill, I've never felt disappointed by Tarantino. I have an idea of what to expect going in, and he delivers.

The Hateful Eight is his second Western, coming along after his first full feature in the genre (the superb Django Unchained). Whereas the film before it, however, was a lively mixture of violence, comedy, and discomfort, The Hateful Eight turns out to be quite a different animal. Despite still having a similar mix of ingredients, in differing amounts (which I guess you could say about every Tarantino film, of course).

Kurt Russell plays John Ruth, a man travelling with a woman named Daisy Domergue (played by Jennifer Jason Leigh). He's taking Daisy to the town of Red Rock to collect a bounty and see her hung. Unfortunately, the wagon that the pair are travelling in can barely keep ahead of a blizzard that's on their tails. Major Marquis Warren (played by Samuel L. Jackson) is stuck in the snow, and eventually receives a life from Ruth. As does Chris Mannix (Walton Goggins), a little while later. And the new quartet get themselves to Minnie's Haberdashery, just in time to get much-needed shelter and warmth, where they meet some other men who are also avoiding the blizzard. But everything might not be as it seems.

Taking cues from his previous works, Agatha Christie, and The Thing, Tarantino would seem to have lined up another treat for fans. The cast certainly stay on the top of their game - alongside those mentioned, viewers will enjoy turns from Bruce Dern, Tim Roth, and Michael Madsen, as well as a few others. The premise is solid. And the framing and cinematography is often gorgeous, even if the majority of the movie takes place in the one location.

The big surprise here is also the biggest disappointment. The writing isn't up to scratch. Oh, there are moments that will tickle your earbuds, and moments that I am sure the cast absolutely relished sinking their teeth into, but there are also some big mis-steps. For example, one scene shows a character who barely brings himself to talk to another character, except in anger. But that only last a few scenes, only until Tarantino NEEDS the characters to talk in order to set up a big scene. Then we have two scenes that utilise a voiceover narration because, well, I just don't know why. If the whole movie had the same kind of commentary then it would be fine, or if the scenes couldn't be expressed in a purely visual manner, but it doesn't and they could. Making the decision to clumsily chat over just a couple of random scenes quite a bewlidering one.

The other aspect of the writing to cause some frustration is the level of self-cannibalising that Tarantino indulges in. Viewers know that you can rely on ol' QT to pepper his movies with a veritable cornucopia of references to other films, which is part of the joy, but when he sprinkles in enough moments that feel as if they're referencing his own past glories then it's hard not to think that you're watching a copy of a copy, inevitably appearing as a weaker image. Even the one or two songs used on the soundtrack don't feel right. They just feel as if they've been put there by a man who knows that it's expected of him. This may seem like a minor niggle, and something not worthy of this full paragraph, but once it's noticed it then becomes hard to completely enjoy the movie without considering the shadow cast over it.

But let me clarify something. Although I have gone on about the negative aspects of the movie, I still had a hell of a great time with The Hateful Eight. I was on board as soon as Russell and Jackson started to speak to one another and every subsequent character introduction set another smile on my face (especially Roth, who really should be getting more great movie roles). There's an original score by Ennio Morricone for fans to enjoy. And when the script works, as it does in many instances, then you can revel in the simple pleasure of great actors delivering great lines.

Overall, this is far from his best work. But I'll take a lesser Tarantino movie over many other viewing choices, any day.

NB - due to the fact that I don't live within a reasonable distance of Leicester Square in London, the version of the movie that I watched wasn't the full 70mm version, that comes complete with a few minutes of extra footage, overture, and intermission. BUT all of you lucky Edinburgh folk, and anyone near enough to commute, DO get the chance to see the full version next month, at The Filmhouse - http://www.filmhousecinema.com/showing/the-hateful-eight-70mm-feb16/

7/10

Pick up this Tarantino boxset here, to tide you over until The Hateful Eight is released - http://www.amazon.com/Quentin-Tarantino-Ultimate-Collection-Blu-ray/dp/B00U1QGJBM/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1452156857&sr=1-1&keywords=quentin+tarantino