The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)

And here we are, at last, with the last entry in The Conjuring movie series. Yeah. Sure. If you believe that then I have a lovely bridge to sell you. But let’s take things at face value for now.

You should know what to expect by now. People are affected by spooky shenanigans. Ed (Patrick Wilson) and Lorraine Warren (Vera Farmiga) eventually turn up to help them, and the Warrens have never encountered a ghost that they couldn’t actually label a demon. The movies allow them to be presented as Super-Exorcists. Meanwhile, reality has left viewers more and more equipped to see the Warrens as con artists, at best, and very dangerous and exploitative abusers, at worst. This time around they are assisted by their equally "gifted" daughter, Judy (Mia Tomlinson), and it's the Smurl family who are at the mercy of horrible demons.

I could spend the majority of this review mentioning the screenplay by the three writers (Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, and David Leslie Johnson-McGoldrick, none of them strangers to the extended Conjuring cinematic universe) . I could throw a bit of shade at director Michael Chaves, who has been allowed to helm this after two of the weakest movies in that aforementioned selection of films. I could also point you towards The Haunted, the 1991 TV movie that generally does a better job of showing the real-life case this film is based on. That film has lead roles for Sally Kirkland and Jeffrey DeMunn, has Stephen Markle and Diane Baker portraying the Warrens, and is a more completely satisfying telling of the tale.

I could do all of those things, but it would only allow me to delay myself admitting that this is decidedly okay. I would probably enjoy it a lot more if it didn't seem so determined to get us all to buy into the "cult of the Warrens", but there are some individual scares that are effective and fun. There's also a lot of stuff that will have you rolling your eyes, and I thought it was bordering on parody to have Ed Warren uttering multiple warnings to people about their special relic room chock full of allegedly haunted and cursed objects.

Wilson and Farmiga can do this in their sleep by now, but they never feel as if they're sleepwalking through the whole thing. The dialogue is bad, and there isn't a scene that isn't overstuffed with ridiculously melodramatic lines about demons and souls and love, but both Wilson and Farmiga play it all as admirably straight as they have done throughout the other movies in this series. Tomlinson also does well, and Ben Hardy works nicely alongside her (he's a young man brave enough to consider marrying into the Warren family). As for the Smurl family members, the cast all do well enough, but are overshadowed by the shadows and spectres whirling around them for most of the runtime.

I didn't like this. I wouldn't recommend it to horror fans. It's hard to deny that it works how it is intended though. It's a mainstream chiller punctuated by some jumps and spooky moments, and many will consider it a perfect viewing choice when looking for something to watch and be thrilled by on a dark night in front of the TV. I just wasn't impressed. Maybe the next movie in this series will work for me. Oh, of course, I almost forgot that this was the last one. Hmmmmm. We'll see. Don't be surprised if we hear news in the next few years that we're getting something titled "The Conjuring In Connecticut".

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: We Have A Ghost (2023)

The trailer for We Have A Ghost didn't make it look that good, but I decided to give it a go anyway. I'm optimistic/stupid like that. Often. Anyway, not to beat around the bush, the film is as bad as the trailer makes it out to be. Maybe even worse.

Adapted from a short story by Geoff Manaugh, this is the tale of a family moving into a house and finding out, as you may have already guessed, that they have a ghost. His name is Ernest (David Harbour), although that might just be the name on the shirt he is wearing. While Ernest starts to form a firm friendship with Kevin (Jahi Winston), it's not long until dad, Frank (Anthony Mackie), upsets things by trying to capitalise on the situation, making use of viral videos to hopefully make the situation profitable. Kevin really wants to help Ernest, but Frank seems to just want to help himself (and, by extension, the family bank balance). All of the interest in Ernest, and the house, draws young Joy (a neighbour, played by Isabella Russo) into the situation, and piques the interest of a long-time ghost hunter named Dr. Leslie Monroe (Tig Notaro).

Written and directed by Christopher Landon, who has given us a few enjoyable genre mash-ups over the past few years (he helmed both Happy Death Day movies, as well as Freaky), We Have A Ghost is a hugely disappointing mess. If you want something that mixes ghosts with a mystery thriller, adding quirky characters and a real emotional heart to everything, then the gold standard is still The Frighteners, which I encourage everyone to watch ahead of this. Instead of focusing on how to better balance the different aspects of the plot, Landon instead seems to become preoccupied with showing how quickly a ghost would be embraced by everyone on social media. 

The cast aren't at fault, but they are restrained by a script that doesn't treat them as well as it should. Harbour, a likeable and charismatic actor, is given a role that doesn't allow him to speak, with one notable exception. Winston and Russo sometimes feel like the lead characters, but aren't fully trusted to carry the film. They do well though, despite some horribly misjudged moments forcing their relationship towards something more than just friends. Mackie is stuck having to play the selfish dad, Erica Ash plays the scared mother (her initial reaction to Ernest could have been pulled from a 1940s Universal movie, and I don't mean that in a good way), and Niles Fitch is enjoyably unfazed by things, playing Kevin's slightly older, and more vain, brother. Notaro is good in her role, but her role is rendered quite redundant by the third act, and both Tom Bower and Steve Coulter take on the most predictable roles in the whole movie. Seriously, you will have their character journeys fully plotted out by the time you first see them.

There are a few good moments here and there, particularly the scenes that have Winston and Russo fast becoming firm friends, and a sequence featuring Jennifer Coolidge is as fun as it is marred by horrible CGI, but there's far too much here that just doesn't work. The 2+ hour runtime should have been trimmed down, none of the music choices work (some of the score from Bear McCreary is okay, but attempted needle-drops miss the mark by a long way), and the third act is so unsatisfying that it will probably disappoint all but the most forgiving of viewers.

Viewers in just the right age bracket for this may enjoy it much more, young enough to enjoy the idea without being too young to be freaked out by the bits that try to be a bit more tense, but everyone else would do well to avoid this one. Like the central character, it's dead on arrival.

3/10

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Prime Time: Shotgun Wedding (2022)

A destination wedding can be a stressful affair. It is just like any other expensive wedding, but usually even MORE expensive. You have to work even harder on curating your guest list. You want everyone getting along while they stay in the one location. You have a lot of work to do in order to enjoy the big day. The last thing you would want is for everyone to be upset by armed pirates. Unfortunately, that is what happens at the wedding of Darcy (Jennifer Lopez) and Tom (Josh Duhamel).

Yep, Shotgun Wedding is a mix of rom-com and action that stars some attractive people in a sun-bathed location. It’s ridiculous fluff, and it’s easygoing entertainment if you are in the mood for something slick and predictable.

I am quite happy to watch anything directed by Jason Moore (who also did Pitch Perfect and Sisters, two comedies I really enjoyed) and this continues his streak of mainstream comedies that manage to deliver a good time without trying too hard to break or subvert any kind of formula. Formulaic entertainment isn’t necessarily bad, not when you have a decent selection of people behind and in front of the camera. Okay, the script is by Mark Hammer, and I don’t think anyone is rushing to see the next film from the writer of Two Night Stand, but this is a marked step up from that film, perhaps due as much to the canny casting as the script.

Lopez and Duhamel pair up nicely here, despite the fact that I have never seen Duhamel in a role that I didn’t think could be improved by replacing him with Johnny Knoxville (this film included). They bicker with one another well, enjoy moments of sweetness in between bursts of chaos, and both keep looking ridiculously attractive, even after spending a lot of time fighting to stay alive. Jennifer Coolidge tries to steal a number of scenes with her supporting role, playing the mother of Duhamel’s character, and there’s fun to be had with Cheech Marin, Sonia Braga, Lenny Kravitz (playing a hilariously “perfect” ex-boyfriend), Steve Coulter, D’Arcy Carden, and Callie Hernandez, as well as one or two others.

Impressively, everyone gets time to make an impression without the runtime becoming bloated (this clocks in at 100 minutes, and that feels only slightly too long), the balance of the comedy and the threat to lives is well-maintained, and, rightly or wrongly, you get the feeling that those making the movie were all having fun, whether in the midst of the action or spending most of their day standing in a swimming pool (where the guests are held hostage for the majority of the film).

I am not going to rush to rewatch Shotgun Wedding, I would never need to own it, nor will it be one I am likely to recommend to people after it has vacated my memory in a few weeks. But I won’t pretend that I disliked it. It did make me laugh, it was comfortingly simple, and I would happily watch an unnecessary sequel entitled, I dunno, Shotgun Honeymoon. This was a star vehicle that managed to get a lot of things right, and that is worth a bit of praise, because we can all name a LOT of star vehicles that get plenty wrong.

7/10

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Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

After an interesting, and spooky, prologue, Insidious: Chapter 2 gets straight down to business by continuing on from the events at the end of the first movie. Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai Lambert (Rose Byrne) have their son back, after rescuing him from supernatural entities, and everyone hopes that things will get back to normal. But that's just not going to happen. There's a murder to be investigated, and there are also some strange things still happening to the family. Renai is at the end of her rope, Josh doesn't want to believe that anything else will try to harm them, and granny Lambert (Lorraine, played by Barbara Hershey) eventually pieces enough together to re-enlist the paranormal investigators, Specs (Leigh Whannell) and Tucker (Angus Sampson).

James Wan returns to direct, and Whannell once again multi-tasks as he acts onscreen after completing his duty as the writer of the screenplay. The two work well together, creating horrors that mix atmospheric moments with jump scares and unnerving imagery. Still, if you didn't like the first movie then you're not going to like this sequel. It's more of the same, and even reworks a few scenes in a nice wrinkle added to the standard paranormal activity.

The cast do what's asked of them, but the acting on display here isn't really the best that you'll see. Mind you, it's pretty good stuff compared to what viewers CAN be made to endure within the horror genre. Wilson has some fun, Byrne does well while not being allowed to relax for a minute (spending the entire movie with frayed nerves, bless her), and Hershey is good enough to help make the weaker moments work. Whannell and Sampson will annoy everyone who was annoyed by them the first time around, but I enjoyed the comic relief that they provided. Lin Shaye gets to return, playing Elise Rainier, albeit a changed version of her. Although she's not onscreen for that long, her character is shown to be, arguably, the most important one caught up in the whole situation. Steve Coulter is a new addition to the team, playing another paranormal investigator named Carl, and he does well with his role, particularly in a tense scene that sees him challenged over his method of divining results.

Perhaps not quite good, or intense, enough for more experienced horror fans, the Insidious movies definitely contain enough thrills and chills to scare plenty of money out of mainstream audiences. While I can see flaws in both movies, I must admit that I'm happier to see a film like this succeed than yet another remake of some '80s movie that someone erroneously thinks needs a big dollop of CGI to improve it. There are some big plot points here that will either please or turn off viewers, but you have to give the film-makers some credit for trying to twist the material into something a bit more interesting and unique. Okay, you don't HAVE to give them credit. But I do.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Insidious-2-Blu-ray/dp/B00FG5L2OC/ref=tmm_blu_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1405227344&sr=8-2