Christmas Bounty (2013)

The Miz. Do you know him? If you're a wrestling fan then the chances are that you do. Or if you have watched any of the many WWE movie products released over the past 5-10 years. The Miz is one of their stars that they have decided to give a helping hand with by building him a movie career. Good for The Miz, but is it good for viewers? Well, he's not that bad onscreen. He has a bit of personality, an ability to engage in moments that show he has a sense of humour (particularly in Santa's Little Helper), and the obvious physicality for the action roles (which I am assuming is on display in his starring role in The Marine movie series).

But Christmas Bounty, while featuring The Miz in a large supporting role, isn't really about him. It's about a character played by Francia Raisa. She plays a schoolteacher who is trying to escape her bounty hunter past. She's so ashamed of her roots that she hasn't explained any of it to her fiance, James (Will Greenberg). Which causes some confusion when she ends up returning home to tie up some loose ends. James follows her, he meets her mother (April Telek) and father (Michael Hanus), and he starts to realise that she may not be who she says she is. While viewers simply keep thinking about how she isn't The Miz.

Director Gil Junger (who many years ago gave us the wonderful 10 Things I Hate About You) takes this silly premise, a silly premise crafted by no less than three writers (Andrew Black, Claudia Grazioso, and Vivian Lee), and does the minimum required to keep it all moving along briskly enough from start to finish.

Junger is helped out a lot by the cast. Raisa is fine, The Miz is just about charismatic enough to warrant his move up the movie career ladder, and Greenberg just has to look suitably bemused and out of place. There's also a small supporting role for Chelan Simmons, and Alexs Paunovic playing a heavy with a vendetta, and Telek and Hanus are a lot of fun as the parents proud of a daughter who now feels a bit embarrassed by her background.

The script isn't as funny as it should be, and the action is lacking, which is a shame. This is a film that could easily be improved by a) some more action beats, and b) a better blend of laughs with the fights, as characters struggled to resolve their different issues and avoid receiving extra bruises.

If you collect films starring WWE alumni then this is one to make a very low priority. If you are after something seasonal to enjoy during the holidays then, again, this should be a very low priority. Despite the timing of the events, it doesn't ever really feel too Christmassy, and you don't get much ho ho ho for your money.

4/10

American readers are lucky enough to be able to buy this here.

Christmas Cupid (2010)

If there is anyone acting in movies lately who is more annoying than Christina Milian then I will be very, very surprised because I almost didn't make it to the end of Christmas Cupid simply because of her annoying and smug presence. She may have been easier to tolerate if the movie had been better but I doubt it.

The plot is a horribly modernised, warped version of A Christmas Carol in which successful and driven Sloane Spencer (Milian) ends up visited by the spirit of prematurely deceased starlet Caitlin Quinn (Ashley Benson, just about the only likeable presence in the movie) and warned that she needs to change her ways. Sloane has been a bad friend, a bad daughter and a bad person to fall in love with so her mistakes are to be pointed out to her by three ex-boyfriends (one from her past, one of her recent dalliances and someone from her future that she hopes she doesn't recognise). So it's kinda like a cross between Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past and Scrooged without any of the appealing elements of either, which I know may not be a lot in the case of the former film namechecked there.

The lazy screenplay by Aury Wallington is lazily directed by Gil Junger and the result is a Christmas film that actually makes you want to say "humbug", at the very least.

Where to begin with Milian? I guess to be nice about it all I could say that I prefer her singing to her acting. And I absolutely hate her singing. She's not helped by the fact that she's playing a character that viewers will struggle to root for but a better actress might have somehow made things more palatable. I've already noted that Benson is about the only likeable presence and she's good fun throughout but her performance is just too little among too much dross to make the movie much better. Chad Michael Murray needs to have a serious word with his agent because going from One Tree Hill and the House Of Wax movie to this is NOT the career path to move along. Burgess Jenkins, Ryan Sypek, Ashley Johnson, Jackee Harry and Patrick Johnson, on the other hand, were all people I'd never heard of before so if they don't move on to anything better I won't be particularly emotional about it.

But it all comes back to Milian - the biggest stench in the middle of a big cloud of . . . . . . stench. If there's any justice in the world then she won't act in any other movie ever again, leaving a role for someone else to take on. But the world is often a crappy place and isn't overflowing with justice. Exhibit A, I give you Miss Milian's career.

One to avoid unless you happen to be a teenager who just loves both Ashley Benson and Christina Milian. But if that's the case I urge you to seek at least some therapy.

2/10

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