Chum (2026)

Remember last year when Dangerous Animals came out and it was quite brilliant? I definitely do. In fact, it was almost impossible to forget while watching Chum, a shark-centred thriller that is best described as Sadly Not Dangerous Animals. Or maybe some meme with someone saying "but we have Dangerous Animals at home" alongside an image of Chum being shown as that disappointing version owned by someone unaware of the big difference in quality between the two titles.

Alice Eve is Tina, a woman who has just married Tom (Eric Michael Cole). It wasn't exactly a happy wedding day though, considering an ongoing conversation that has led to them realising how different their values seem to be. There's not too much time to sulk and argue though, thanks to friends who have spent money on a private boat trip. It's all fun in the sun, or it should be, until a great white shark attacks the boat. That leads to Tina, Tom, and the rest of their party being picked up by a fisherman named Roy (Jim Klock). Roy still has some fishing to do though, and now he has much better bait to use.

While this isn't the first film from director Jonathan Zuck, who also co-wrote the weak screenplay with Joe Leone, it certainly feels like it. While there are some moments that work surprisingly well, some of the shots of the shark are far better than many other moments in many other low-budget shark movies, it's really just a very thin premise anchored (no pun intended) by one main star performer, who also bags a producer credit. That one star is Alice Eve, although her performance here makes it seem as if she has spent most of the past two decades trying to forget everything she ever knew about acting convincingly onscreen.

The fact that Eve isn't on top form wouldn't be so bad if the rest of the cast made up for things. They don't. Cole is completely unmemorable, characters played by Elle Haymond, Sarah Siadat, Lisa Yaro, and Johnny Gaffney are all people you hope might be placed in dangerous proximity to the big shark, and Klock is terrible, not helped by the moments that have him delivering the kind of pretentious voiceover that would work better in an indie drama from the early 2000s.

As I have said many times before, it's a burden to be a fan of shark and/or zombie movies. There are so many of them out there, and a large proportion of them are quite rubbish. You have to wade through the rubbish to find the hidden gems though. Chum is not a hidden gem. It does well enough in the middle section to save it from being one of the absolute worst I have seen, and Eve, although not great, still has just enough presence to help things along slightly, but it's definitely not that good. And it's definitely not Dangerous Animals. 

4/10

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Prime Time: The Good Boy (2025)

AKA Heel.

Starting off with a montage of a main character (Tommy, played by Anson Boon) acting like one of the very worst people that you'd never want to meet on a night out, The Good Boy is going to be an uncomfortable watch for many. There's some dark humour running through it, but the more disturbing moments make it harder to appreciate some of the lighter touches.

The plot stays focused on Tommy, to a degree, but he's kidnapped and held prisoner by a family determined to help him change his ways. You have Chris (Stephen Graham), Kathryn (Andrea Riseborough), and the very young Jonathan (Kit Rakusen). These people want to show Tommy how it feels to be respectful and part of a family unit, but Tommy wants nothing to do with their mad plan. Initially. 

I wish I could say that this works as intended, but it doesn't. It's no surprise to find that it's the first screenplay from Bartek Bartosik, working with Naqqash Khalid (who wrote and directed the excellent In Camera), although I was disappointed to see director Jan Komasa taking a step backward after he already gave us the slightly similar, but far superior, Corpus Christi. That film was a great blend of darkness and sly humour. It nails the tone that this film just misses.

Saying that Stephen Graham is great in his role is like saying water is wet. The same can often be said of Andrea Riseborough, but she has the harder role here, quieter and more delicate, yet somehow controlling the household in a subtle and cruel way. Boon is very good, although he's very much playing a version of his yob that keeps everything suitable enough for a 15-certificate movie, and young Rakusen is entertainingly carefree for most of the runtime. The other main character is a housemaid named Rina, played perfectly by Monika Frajczyk.

I suspect there are plenty of things buried within this film that could have made for some interesting cinema. It wants to explore the concept of rehabilitation, wants to look at the culture that helps to create someone like Tommy, and takes the idea of "being cruel to be kind" to ridiculous extremes. It needed to have more edge though, and the courage of its own convictions. What's here is watchable, the main cast members ensure that's the case, but it's not a film that will stay on your mind after the end credits have rolled. And a film like this should really linger for some time.  

5/10

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The End Of Oak Street (2026)

I think it's fair to say that a large amount of pop culture over the past half century has been shaped and dominated by two Steves. There's Steven Spielberg and Stephen King. I mention both here because The End Of Oak Street, the latest film from writer-director David Robert Mitchell, takes samples from both of those icons. Maybe that would have happened anyway, I don't know Mitchell well enough to know all of his preferences, but it's hard to think that it's not a sign of J. J. Abrams doing a lot of work in his producer role.

It’s 1982. Anne Hathaway and Ewan McGregor are Denise and Greg Platt, a couple who seem to be struggling to remain in a pretty unsatisfying marriage. They have two teenage children, Audrey (Maisy Stella) and Brian (Christian Convery), and a loyal family dog named Starbuck. Life may not be great, but it's fairly normal. Until they wake up one morning to find that the neighbourhood has been transformed into a prehistoric area, complete with ancient vegetation and a number of dinosaurs. So begins an adventure to find their way home again, or . . . to get their home back home again. 

Other titles I considered as viable options for this movie were Jurassic Shrug and Jurassic World: Inconsequence. It's not a bad film while it's on, there are a number of very enjoyable little set-pieces throughout, but it's in line with pretty much every other David Robert Mitchell movie in how there's ultimately no proper feeling of resolution.

The cast all do well, Hathaway is having herself a hell of a year, but they're only present to be surprised and terrorised by the dinosaurs. Any other character development feels clumsy and trite, whether they're plucked from the fields planted by Spielberg or the fields planted by King. Both Stella and Convery have to be more reckless than the adults, and they're eventually joined by Jordan Alexa Davis, who does good work alongside them. P. J. Byrne is an annoying neighbour, Anne Gee Byrd and Emily Kuroda are nicer neighbours, and Hudson Meek plays the kind of bully who seems capable of killing one of his victims (which is VERY much in line with every bully written by Stephen King).

A basic screenplay isn't a huge problem when it comes to something aiming to sell itself as mainstream blockbuster fare. While it's not great, Mitchell does enough here to give us identifiable relationships and moments of dino tension. He just doesn't do much more, and most of the better moments will have you wondering what movie is being homaged (hint, it's usually a Spielberg one, hence the unnecessary early-1980s setting).

The special effects are as good as they need to be, although I think that the best creature designs feature in a fun moment that hints at other directions the film could have gone in before something threatens our leads once again, the score from Michael Giacchino doesn't make much of an impression, and the 99-minute runtime at least shows an attempt to stop the film from overstaying its welcome. It's a failed attempt, but an attempt nonetheless.

Take 10 minutes off this, figure out whether you want to write a better explanation for the strange events or just leave things completely mysterious, and throw in a few more species of predators and this could have been a winner. As it stands, it's just a pale cross-pollination of those two big Steves. And we have lots of them to choose from already. 

5/10

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Mubi Monday: Lars And The Real Girl (2007)

Wow. Just . . . wow.

It's a good job that I already like most of the people involved in Lars And The Real Girl, on both sides of the camera, because seeing this first would have been enough to put me off everyone involved for a long time. I know some people like this, apparently, but it was a bewildering and painful viewing experience for me.

Ryan Gosling plays Lars, a painfully shy and lonely man who lives in the garage of the family home now co-owned by himself and his brother, Gus (Paul Schneider). Gus is living in the house with his pregnant partner, Karin (Emily Mortimer). They keep trying to welcome Lars into the home, but he resists their attempts to offer him their company. Things take a strange turn when Lars orders a sex doll off the internet, introduces her to Gus and Karin, and starts to spend his time with the doll as if the two are a couple in a serious relationship. A local doctor (played by Patricia Clarkson) doesn't see any harm in the situation, and everyone in the local area decides to go along with the delusion. Because Lars is a very nice man, apparently, and pretending his sex doll girlfriend is a real person isn't a major hardship.

Written by Nancy Oliver, who has some great TV work to her credit, this is a big swing that simply doesn't work. It's a car crash in slow motion, although every cast member does well with what's asked of them. I know how we're supposed to view the whole thing as it plays out (quirky and sad becomes heartwarming and incisive), but it doesn't work for two main reasons. One, Lars is now the kind of repressed and lonely male that we now all too often view as a ticking timebomb. Two, everyone goes along with the situation far too easily. In fact, Gus is the only one who seems fully appalled by the whole thing, initially anyway. And as everyone became more comfortable with treating the doll as an independent human being I became more exhausted with the preposterousness of the whole thing.

Director Craig Gillespie can do offbeat films, as we've seen so often throughout his career, but this early effort from him feels like a potentially good idea ruined by everyone having far too much faith in the screenplay. Having just one or two people supporting Lars could have made things interesting enough as he battled against others and was forced to work harder to create his own level of normalcy that would help him work through whatever was affecting his mental health.

Gosling is very good in the lead role, unsurprisingly. In fact, his presence is the only thing that stops you from assuming that Lars is also creating a long list of targets while stockpiling guns and ammo in the garage area that he calls home. Schneider is a lot better here than he has been in many other roles, perhaps helped to raise his game by the ever-wonderful Mortimer. Despite having to keep a straight face in some of the most ridiculous scenes, Clarkson also delivers the kind of greatness that she always delivers, and there's a sweet and fun supporting turn from Kelli Garner as an actual real human woman who seems to like Lars, despite the many layers keeping him at a distance from reality.

You can find a lot of praise for this elsewhere. And you might end up agreeing with all of that praise. I wasn't won over though. The cast do their best, but, and apologies for not coming up with a less crude analogy, a turd with shiny gems scattered over it is still a turd.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Last House (2026)

Best known for the many action movies that he's helmed (some great, many not so great), director Louis Leterrier here turns his hand to something a bit more mysterious and dramatic. But he then has to throw some hard-to-follow action into the third act. 

The story is quite simple. A family find themselves locked inside their own home. It seems to have been sealed by the rain. And it also seems to have happened to everyone else. The first few days are easy enough to tolerate, but things become very difficult as days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months turn into years. The family are all alone . . . but they're not really alone. Not whenever the rain starts again.

Having Wagner Moura and Greta Lee in the two main roles here is a big help. Both are very good, and they make it a lot easier to believe in the implausible premise for a decent amount of the runtime. The actors playing their children also do well, with the younger performers (Riley Chung and Alexander Sosnowski) being slightly superior to those who take over the roles (Emma Ho and Gabriel Barbosa) after a time jump.

Leterrier does a decent job of keeping things well-paced throughout the first hour, and the screenplay from Matthew Robinson mixes some tension in with a lot of fun. It's just a shame that, like so many features today, this has to go on for just under two hours. It's actually 112 minutes, but feels a bit longer as the whole thing loses momentum once it starts to deliver the more predictable moments (someone always ends up needing medicine in a post-apocalyptic scenario, and there's a very standard creature feature ending that leads up to a frankly preposterous final revelation). There's also some voiceover narration that really doesn't work.

I doubt many will enjoy this. If you're intrigued by the idea of the family trying to survive while locked in their own home then you won't enjoy when the plot moves sideways. If you're after something more exciting then you won't enjoy all the time spent watching the family trying to survive while locked in their own home. As easily pleased as I am, I even spent some time wondering "when did the toothpaste run out?" and "how have the kids got clothes that still fit them as they have grown older?", questions which wouldn't have popped into my head if I had been more immersed in the film.

And, despite the fact that I usually forget to note such things, animal lovers would be advised to stay away from this. There's quite a lot of animal death here, enough to create what amounts to a montage of hunting/killing as Moura's character creates what he calls "chimney fishing" in an attempt to help keep the family from starving to death. 

Maybe worth a single viewing for those with nothing else to watch. I enjoyed more than half of it, but my criticisms and questions were certainly not answered satisfactorily by the time it ended. 

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Ghost Killer (2025)

Revenge from beyond the grave has been happening for a very long time now, and it's the basis for many feature films. Ghost Killer tries to offer a slight twist on the formula, pairing up the spirit of a killer with a young college student, but it feels surprisingly straightforward and by the numbers for most of the runtime.

Akari Takaishi is Fumika, the young woman who finds out that a spirit has latched on to her when she handles a spent bullet. That bullet was fired into Kudo (Masanori Mimoto), a hitman we saw being murdered at the start of the movie. Once Fumika accepts the presence of Kudo then she soon finds out that he can temporarily possess her if they clasp hands. That allows him to use his considerable fighting skills, which turns Fumika into a deadly weapon. She can deal with her friend's bad boyfriend, and she can deal with sleazebags in a bar who want to drug her, but will she be able to deal with the people that Kudo used to work for?

Written by Yugo Sakamoto (who also wrote the popular Baby Assassins movies, also starring Takaishi . . . and I really need to make time for those), Ghost Killer is pretty good, but could have been even better. What it really needed was a better backstory for Kudo, and maybe some more entertaining juxtaposition between the fighting skills of our killer and the astonishment of the young woman suddenly able to make use of those skills. There are a few good fight scenes, but more of them would have been greatly appreciated.

Director Kensuke Sonomura does a good job of presenting the rules of the supernatural interaction and showing the development of both main characters, but it feels as if the job was mostly done by the time the screenplay was written and the casting was decided. The movie then either needed some more big moments placed throughout the 105-minute runtime or it needed trimming to be much more lean and mean in an entertaining way.

Takaishi is great in her main role, easily able to flit between sweetness and danger on the turn of a dime. Mimoto is onscreen a bit less, understandably, but gets plenty of time to show how he connects with the young lady who inadvertently caused him to become linked to her. Aside from a mean crime boss casting a shadow over proceedings, the other main characters are played by Mario Kuroba (a cleaner who could be helpful, but could also be very dangerous indeed) and Ayaka Higashino (a friend named Maho).

With plenty of energy and attempts to keep things fun and creative, Ghost Killer ultimately succeeds in doing exactly what it sets out to do. I may have wanted some adjustments, but that doesn't mean I was particularly unhappy with the final result. I'd watch it again, I'd happily watch a sequel, and I really really need to get around to those Baby Assassins movies. 

7/10

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Normal (2026)

Seemingly happy enough to continue in his new role as unlikely action hero, Bob Odenkirk this time reteams with Derek Kolstad for a screenplay that is then entrusted to director Ben Wheatley. The end result is just about amusing enough for fans of the star, but it won't necessarily satisfy those hoping for something else in the vein of Nobody.

Odenkirk plays Ulysses Richardson, a man acting as temporary sheriff in the small town of Normal, Minnesota. It should be the kind of place where nothing much happens, but Ulysses is about to find himself in the middle of a very messy situation when a couple of bank robbers accidentally reveal a huge secret that connects everyone living in the area.

Aiming to be quirky and darkly comedic, Normal is, in some ways, exactly what you think it's going to be. When the violence finally erupts, it is as amusing as it is wince-inducing, thanks to the juxtaposition alongside the calm and quiet everyday town life. Odenkirk does well at being a calm presence, and is reluctant to fight so many enemies as he tries to figure out a way to end the carnage.

Wheatley has fun in the director's chair, adding another fun entry to a filmography that is now much more eclectic and unpredictable than it used to be. Wheatley was the guy who could deliver impressive low-budget thrills and drama, but he's spent the past decade or so moving smoothly and confidently between smaller-scale dramas and films like Meg 2: The Trench. I would say that his bigger films are far from his best work, but he's had enough success with them to keep being entrusted with decent budgets and a number of major stars, which means he doesn't have to care one bit about what I think.

Aside from the enjoyable lead performance from Odenkirk here, the cast also includes both Henry Winkler and Lena Headey, although both are sadly underused. It's a shame that there couldn't have been a few more big names scattered throughout, although people should recognise the likes of Brendan Fletcher and Jess McLeod in supporting roles, but I enjoyed the involvement of people like Reena Jolly, Ryan Allen, Billy MacLellan, and Peter Shinkoda.

Considering everyone involved, I don't think it's wrong to expect more from this. Everything could have been helped by a bit more tension running throughout every scene. There are very few moments that keep up the kind of momentum you expect to experience once guns start being fired, and the entire third act is a bit of an anti-climax. I still had some fun with it, but that was more to do with my love of Odenkirk than everything onscreen.

5/10

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Deep Water (2026)

A plane crash AND a shark or two? Deep Water seemed like it had two main ingredients to easily keep me happy and entertained. It's also directed by Renny Harlin, which is something I would have viewed as a plus about 20 years ago.

Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley play the two main men in the cockpit, and their passenger list includes the very annoying and entitled Dan (Angus Sampson), young Cora (Molly Belle Wright) and her stepbrother, Finn (Elijah Tamati), and a number of people who will become more and more disposable as the danger level increases. What should be a standard international flight is turned into a disaster by a fire in the cargo hold, forcing the pilots to make an emergency landing in the ocean, fortunately close to a coral reef that helps to keep sections of the plane from immediately sinking down into the depths. And then some sharks start to realise that they've basically had a takeaway dropped off for them.

Starting off well enough, everyone is given obvious little moments to allow viewers to identify them once the sharks start circling, Deep Water quickly takes a bit of a nosedive, no pun intended. The cheesy and formulaic nature of the whole thing is only fun while it doesn't feel cheap and lazy, but it's not long until it starts feeling cheap and lazy. Six writers worked on this, SIX, and none of them do enough to make this as fun as it could be. Not only does it suffer in comparison to Harlin's own work (Deep Blue Sea remains one of the best shark movies from the past few decades), but it's also not quite as good as the very similar No Way Up. Maybe a better Harlin from the past could have saved this with his direction, but the Harlin of today doesn't seem capable.

Eckhart tries his best in the lead role, playing his reluctant hero as expected. He's matched by the young Wright, doing even better than many of the older cast members around her. Sampson is enjoyably loathsome, making you root for the sharks each time one seems close enough to eat him up, and everyone else seems to have come straight from their "How To Play Generic Characters In A Weak Ensemble 101" class. Nobody is helped by the screenplay, but some seem to be trying notably harder than others.

Without the benefit of a bigger budget, Deep Water should have at least piled on the ridiculousness. A dangerous criminal/psycho on the plane would have livened things up. An important cargo of refrigerated organs could have also added to the fun. Sadly, you just get Harlin and co. working their way through what feels very much like a box-ticking exercise, with the more ridiculously entertaining moments hampered by the fact that they've already been done better in past movies. Sometimes by Harlin himself.

And yet . . . if you don't mind the varying levels of quality when it comes to the CGI, and you're happy enough to add yet another shark movie to your watchlist, then this will help pass 106 minutes without causing you too much pain. I doubt anyone will ever give it a second viewing though.

4/10

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Prime Time: Armour Of God (1986)

Although not mentioned too often when people list off their favourite Jackie Chan movies, Armour Of God has some phenomenal action sequences that make it well worth your time. I'm not implying that people are unaware, or unappreciative, of it. I just think that it's easy to see it bumped down any ranked list by a number of titles that have remained a bit more celebrated throughout the past few decades.

Jackie plays Asian Hawk, an adventurer and purloiner of rare artefacts not entirely unlike Indiana Jones, with one big difference being his past life as a member of a popular pop band. Some people want him to get the famed Armour Of God for them, and they try to guarantee his co-operation by ensuring that an old flame is held hostage. So it's up to our hero, accompanied by an old friend, Alan (Alan Tam), and a woman named May (Lola Forner), to infiltrate various locations and crowds to get hold of the titular treasure.

Although Armour Of God may be admittedly weak and silly when it comes to the dialogue and plotting, that shouldn't detract those used to overlooking such flaws when watching something that they hope delivers on the action front, and this absolutely delivers on the action front. You get an exciting and fun opening sequence, and there's a finale that deserves to be as praised as anything else Chan has done throughout his career. The rest of the runtime may not contain as much fun, but there are enough enjoyable set-pieces to help the 88-minute runtime pass by briskly enough.

As usual, a number of people worked together on the screenplay, and Chan is also in the director's chair for this (although some work was overseen by Eric Tsang after a fall from a tree that resulted in a bad injury for our hero). The comedy isn't great (is it ever in Chan movies from this period?), but I've endured more painful material in many other Hong Kong action flicks.

While our lead is his typical talented self, although arguably even more acrobatic and slippery than usual, credit needs to go to the many other performers taking the hits and helping him to look good. Tam and Forner do fine with what they're given, Rosamund Kwan has to be the "damsel in distress", and Ken Boyle, John Ladalski, and Robert O'Brien play a selection of key figures in the unfolding adventure. The most memorable people onscreen are the Amazonian fighters involved in the end sequence though, and they are played by Marcia Chisholm, Linda Denley, Stephanie Evans, Alicia Shonte, and Vivian Wickliffe.

If you like Jackie Chan movies then you'll have a blast with this one. If you don't then you won't take any notice of this anyway. Me . . . I'm already planning to revisit the sequel.

8/10

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Mother Mary (2026)

I often think that I'm a big fan of director David Lowery. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I have just been so completely won over by one of his features (The Green Knight) that it has affected my view of his entire filmography. Regardless, I was very much looking forward to Mother Mary, especially knowing that it would be a film keeping both Anne Hathaway and Michaela Coel front and centre throughout.

Hathaway plays a pop star, Mother Mary, in the midst of a crisis. She needs a new dress for an upcoming show, and there are only a few days left to get things just right. So she visits Sam Anselm (Michaela Coel), a woman she used to be very close to. Their relationship soured though, so much so that Sam hasn't even listened to any of her ex-friend's music since they parted ways. Can things be sorted out, or are there too many dark spirits clinging to them like wet fabric to make a new start impossible.

Let's start with the positives. Both Hathaway and Coel are on superb form here. The former is particularly brilliant, absolutely convincing as a performer in the mould of Madonna/Lady Gaga, while also equally convincing as someone completely drained and more vulnerable when not bathed by the glow of the stage lighting. Coel does a line in delivering absolutely unvarnished truth to others that puts most other performers in the shade, and she's brilliantly prickly and scabrous here. While Hunter Schafer, Sian Clifford, and FKA Twigs do well in supporting roles, the film works best when playing out as a two-hander between the leads.

There's also an impressively realistic vibe when it comes to the music and performance. This is another movie featuring work from Charli XCX, and she's proving to be quite the asset to film-makers after a soundscape that feels very much blended from the chart hits of recent years.

There's also very little to complain about when it comes to the visuals. The cinematography, set decoration, and costume design are all absolutely on point, helped along by some editing that allows for interesting transitions between past and present, and reality and anything that feels at least just a step away from it. 

That's all of the good stuff though. But I understand if you're thinking that what I've just praised is more than enough to make this seem like an excellent film. If you're after something stylish and visual then this may work for you. Sadly, Lowery really lets everyone down with his writing. What could have been an interesting and intriguing exploration of two characters viewing their shared history in different ways instead becomes weighed down by far too many metaphorical moments. It's too much, the dramatic equivalent of the "hat on a hat" problem that's usually complained about in comedy material. 

I'm glad that I watched this, because Hathaway is THAT good in her role, and Coel does well enough to match her, despite the two very different energies, but it's not one I'll ever revisit. Lowery the director should have given Lowery the writer more time to figure out better ways to approach the material. 

5/10

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Mubi Monday: I Am Love (2009)

Luca Guadagnino and Tilda Swinton are two people I have admired for years now. That isn't to say that I always like what they do. Far from it. But I appreciate the ways in which they look to keep themselves very much immersed in the art of film, as opposed to easier audience-pleasing fare. That makes it more likely that some of their work won't land with people though, of course, and this collaboration between the writer-director and a performer who seems so well-suited to his approach falls disappointingly short of what should have been something magnificent.

It's basically the story of a rich and powerful family going through a time of change. Someone dying creates a shuffle in the power hierarchy, and Emma (Tilda Swinton) seems to start feeling a bit smothered and deadened by constantly playing the role of good wife and mother. That changes when she begins an affair with Antonio (Edoardo Gabbriellini).

There's a real mixed bag here when it comes to the writing, with Guadagnino joined by Barbara Alberti, Ivan Cotroneo, and Walter Fasano (the latter being involved with a number of the director's films). You would think that this blend of talent would bring some interesting ideas to the table, but all you end up with is standard "slightly sad woman finds out more about her family, and finds herself becoming happier during an affair". It's a poor cliché at this point, and was a poor cliché back in 2009 when this was released, but it's really all the film has to offer, aside from an excellent lead performance from Swinton.

Guadagnino also gives us some nice visuals, I suppose, but this isn't on a par with what he would become capable of only slightly later on in his career. It's just a shame that it's all so unremarkable and dull, making the 120-minute runtime a bit of a slog in places.

Aside from Swinton, who is making a grand effort to keep the whole film supported on her narrow shoulders, there's a decent performance from Gabbriellini also helping things along. Alba Rohrwacher is the other person doing her best to hold your attention, but that's about it. Flavio Parenti, Diane Fleri, and Pippo Delbono play other important characters, but you'll be struggling to remember their impact on events once the end credits roll.

There are moments here to reward viewers, and most of those come courtesy of Swinton and/or Gabbriellini. They are too few and far between though, especially when you consider what must be going on in every other part of the family unit that we don't get to observe. Very disappointing stuff, although others who are interested in those involved may wish to consider that I seemed to want a very different story from the one that Guadagnino wanted to tell.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: Set It Up (2018)

There was a time, up until very recently actually, when I hadn't really taken much notice of Zoey Deutch. I didn't view her as a standout in supporting roles, I didn't realise she was the daughter of Lea Thompson and Howard Deutch, and there was nothing in her filmography that seemed to pique my interest. That's all changed now. Not only have I recently watched a few films in the past few weeks that have featured Deutch, I've also been completely won over by her ability to move between comedy and drama with a very obvious likeability. 

Deutch plays Harper in this, a young woman struggling with the constant demands from her workaholic boss, Kirsten (Lucy Liu). Glen Powell is Charlie, a man who works in the same building as Harper and has the same problem with his boss, Rick (Taye Diggs). Once they meet and share their woes, Harper and Charlie eventually come to realise that their lives could get easier if they can set up a love match between their bosses. It should be easy enough, considering how much Harper and Charlie plan and maintain the schedules of their respective bosses. All they need to do is keep pushing them together.

One of only a few feature films directed by Claire Scanlon, and one of the better screenplays from writer Katie Silberman, Set It Up is easygoing and fun for those who don't mind watching something that follows a very well-known formula. The laughs may not be big, but they're impressively consistent throughout the 105-minute runtime, and the whole thing is carried on the shoulders of the two leads, as well as some great supporting cast members. So your enjoyment of it is going to depend on just how much you like the leads, and I am certainly a big fan of both by now.

Both Deutch and Powell are on top form, effortlessly working so well together that their journey to the expected big moments in the finale is satisfying and very easy to root for. There's enough friction between them, and enough obstacles, but no potential problem is insurmountable. Both Liu and Diggs are also doing great work, frequently being so enjoyable that it might make you wonder (as I did) why they never got that one major role to insert them into the mainstream collective consciousness. Joan Smalls is entertainingly vain and selfish, Meredith Hagner plays a good BFF, and Pete Davidson is a lot of fun in his small supporting role, but everyone works so well here because they're complementing two leads who already make the movie well worth your time.

It could be a bit funnier, it could spend a bit more time delivering some very heightened romance, and it could work harder to subvert the rom-com tropes that are being commented on by our two leads as they attempt to force a meet-cute and develop a relationship between two unaware individuals. I admit that there's a lot that could have been better. That didn't stop me from watching most of it play out with a doofy smile on my face though. I suspect most won't enjoy it as much as I did, but I still recommend it nonetheless. 

6/10

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Shudder Saturday: Queens Of The Dead (2025)

If you're going to wade into the overcrowded territory of zombie movies and think you can make your mark on the sub-genre then I guess it could be a huge help, or a huge hindrance, to be the child of George A. Romero AKA "the father of the zombie film". It also helps to put a different spin on things, even if that's just setting most of the movie in a club largely populated by drag queens, for instance.

Queens Of The Dead is just that, a club-set zombie movie directed and co-written by Tina Romero. There's supposed to be a big night happening, which would help club owner Dre (Katy O'Brian), but the plans are interrupted by an unexpected influx of hungry creatures. They're not the only ones who can seem fierce and fearless though. 

A debut feature for both Romero and Erin Judge (the other writer), Queens Of The Dead feels very much like a debut feature, yet it could have easily avoided the usual pitfalls. There are enough good performers, and enough familiar faces, to help it stand out from the crowd. There's a fun idea at the heart of it. And there's also a soundtrack with a few hit songs features (which, admittedly, may have taken up too much of the budget). 

O'Brian has been doing very well over the past few years, and she makes a great central character here. She's not the only one given a full journey to go on, but she has the ability to stand out from the others and feel like the actual lead. Jaquel Spivey, playing Sam, is the other person allowed to show growth and development during the escalating crisis, and does a very good job. There are smaller roles for both Margaret Cho and Riki Lindhome, two comics you may well recognise, and other core group members are played by Quincy Dunn-Baker, Tomás Matos, Nina West, Jack Haven, and Dominique Jackson. Most of them do well, but there's a very wide range of acting skill levels on display. And let's not forget a Tom Savini cameo that is neither clever nor amusing, but I guess it ticks a box when it comes to trying to appeal to fans of Romero's legacy.

It's a great shame that the screenplay isn't better, especially with the excellent potential of the premise. Some amusing insults are peppered throughout, but there's a disappointingly small amount of full-blooded snark and cutting comments. The character played by Dunn-Baker is shown to be a typical guy struggling to use the right terminology, but even he isn't used as well as he could be. And the fact that he's on his own ensures that tensions remain pretty low. Yes, that's the other big problem. There's no tension. The characters onscreen rarely accept the full seriousness of the situation, which makes it impossible for viewers to be truly concerned about the fate of anyone.

Tina Romero does just enough to keep this above the very worst of the worst zombie movies, thanks to the characters assembled and the spirit of "existence is resistance" that bonds so many of them during this horribly tough time in the real world around us, but she needs to spend more time on the writing and ways to cover up the low budget when she gets around to making whatever her next feature may be. I hope she moves away from zombies, or figures out how to mix in more horror and threat with the comedy.

5/10

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Power Ballad (2026)

If you want a film mixing some heart, some humour, and some very good tunes then you want a film from writer-director John Carney (here sharing the writing credit with Peter McDonald). Not only does Carney know how to entertain viewers, he knows how to give you one or two fantastic earworms when the plot requires it.

Paul Rudd plays Rick, a singer in a wedding band. He used to be in a very different kind of band, but life offered him a different path. He might spend some time trying to relive his past glory days, but he's also very happy with a life that includes a beloved wife (Aja, played by Beth Fallon) and a beloved daughter (Rachel, played by Marcella Plunkett). He's also very happy when he gets to spend an unexpected night of drunken reminiscing and song-writing with the famous Danny Wilson (Nick Jonas), an ex-boyband member trying to ensure that his solo career hits the heights needed to keep him relevant. The two part ways, and life goes back to normal . . . until Rick hears the latest hit single released by Danny. It's VERY familiar. It's his song. But can he prove it?

While it was advertised in line with the plot summary I've just written there, Power Ballad has a bit more to it. Not that the core idea isn't enough. It's a fun premise, a fantastic dilemma for a man who wants to be grateful for all he has, but also doesn't want to be stiffed out of what he might be due. The real beauty of the film is in conveying the power of authenticity in art and creativity though. Rick isn't just bothered by the idea that someone rich and powerful may have stolen his work. He's bothered by the idea that someone has repurposed part of his story without them even recognising the true meaning of it.

Carney knows the power of music. It's the theme that has resonated throughout every one of his films. The impressive thing is that he seems to be able to find so many variations on a central theme. He's shown us how music connects people, he's shown us how music provides an escape and a chance for growth, and now he's shown us how it remains attached to memories and core emotions from every stage of our life.

Rudd is a great choice for the lead role. He's always easy to like, and feels believable as a man who once tried to make it as a rock star. Both Fallon and Plunkett are very good alongside him. They're slightly sidelined as the focus stays on Rudd and Jonas, but they're allowed to become frustrated by the man in their life becoming a bit obsessed over one song without ever being portrayed as unsympathetic and too harsh. Jonas also does well, particularly in the scenes that have him being a bit cold and harsh to a man who believed that they shared a common love of music and one memorable night of mutual appreciation. As well as his co-writing credit, McDonald also delivers some fun moments in the role of Sandy, a bandmate and die-hard bestie. It's also worth mentioning another great performance from Jack Reynor, this time playing a cynical and hardened music producer named Mac.

Many who end up watching this may find themselves tougher nuts to crack. Not me. I was smiling often, I was sniffling occasionally, and I had a conflicting mix of chuckles and lip-quivering during some final scenes that were predictable enough, yes, but also hugely satisfying. Looking at it objectively, it's a bit weak compared to the better films from Carney. I struggled to look at it objectively while being moved by the titular power ballad though, and that's why I still highly recommend it to those wanting something sweet, and enjoyable . . . and surprisingly beautiful when everything opens up like a blooming flower in the third act.

7/10

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A Knight's Tale (2001)

I never loved A Knight's Tale. I figured that I should start with that confession, mainly because I have always found it slightly bewildering to be reminded of how beloved it is by many. I'm really not sure why. There are things that work very well (the main cast members being a big plus), but many other things reflect some poor decision-making from writer-director Brian Helgeland.

Things start with a death. Despite winning his latest joust, a knight has succumbed to some mortal wounds. There's still some money on the line, however, and that leads one of his squires, William Thatcher (Heath Ledger), to don the armour and do well enough to win the much-needed prize. Getting a taste for it, and knowing he could become very good, Thatcher decides to maintain his charade, travelling between tournaments with Roland (Mark Addy) and Wat (Alan Tudyk). They pick up a couple of strays on their travels, in the shape of the verbose Geoffrey Chaucer (Paul Bettany) and a female blacksmith named Kate (Laura Fraser). There's a fair maiden to impress (Jocelyn, played by Shannyn Sossamon) and a mean nemesis to be conquered (Count Adhemar, played by Rufus Sewell). That's about all you need to know. Oh, and the soundtrack was/is praised for being enjoyably anachronistic.

Ledger is the main selling point here, providing a lead performance that is charming, adorable, and impossible to be impressed by. Poised on the very edge of greatness throughout the 1990s, this 2001 feature allowed him to fully showcase his charisma and presence in a way that declared him a fully-fledged star. He's helped by the fun performances from Addy and Waltz, but things step up a notch when Bettany joins the fun, the actor relishing the opportunity to deliver such great dialogue with a consistent selection of theatrical flourishes. Fraser doesn't get to do as much, but she's a good addition to the team in time for the third act. Sewell makes a fine villain, really just in that position because of his talent for jousting, as well as his attitude to the rules and rigid social hierarchies that he prefers to rigidly adhere to. The only one who doesn't really work is Sossamon, who remains one of the very worst model-turned-actress individuals to have ever been given big roles in some big hit movies. She's absolutely awful here, although admittedly not helped by the screenplay not knowing how to best treat her character. Imagine this film as it is though, but replace Sossamon with someone like Rachel Weisz, and tell me it isn't immeasurably improved.

For as much as he gets right, Helgeland must also be held responsible for what he gets wrong. The use of a huge Queen hit at the start of the movie works really well. The rest of the song choices aren't as good, due to them being less attuned to a primal beat, and also not incorporated quite as seamlessly. There's also that big failing when it comes to the romantic element, messed up by the casting and the writing. Last, but not least, it's worth considering that, unless you're at a live event, jousting . . . isn't really that exciting, certainly not in a cinematic sense. It's two people covered in metal trying to hit one another with pointy poles. And if they aren't fully in your vision at all times, as happens when a film sequence is edited, then you might just struggle to remember who you're supposed to be rooting for.

And yet, despite the mis-steps, and despite the convenience of plot points converging in time for the expected final battle (thanks, in no small part, to a very enjoyable performance from James Purefoy), I enjoy A Knight's Tale more nowadays than I ever used to. It feels more old-fashioned and cute now, a film based around a simple enough concept and one star turn, and I can see why many would happily revisit it when they want a sweet escape from the wild world around us. I still don't understand ALL the love it gets, and I don't think I'll ever view it as a great movie, but I am pleased that I gave it a rewatch after all this time (I'm pretty sure my first, and only, viewing of this was on a VHS copy rented from my local Blockbuster). It may not rock me, but it's worthy of being more than just a one knight stand.

7/10

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Prime Time: The Devil's Mouth (2026)

A shark movie. Kathryn Newton in the lead role. Available for "free" as a streaming service choice. The Devil's Mouth ticked all of the boxes I wanted ticked for an easy weekend viewing option. Sadly, I should have taken more notice of the fact that it was directed by Jeff Wadlow, a man who has all of the directorial talent of a sentient vanilla latte.

A group of friends are holidaying in Thailand. All seems well until of them ends up encountering a large school of jellyfish while swimming in the sea. This is understandably unnerving, making her even more wary than usual when they head out on a trip to swim and dive around in an impressive submerged cave system. It's all freshwater in there, which should make things safer, but a recent storm has brought in some of the nearby seawater. And something big and dangerous that doesn't belong in the cave environment.

Newton does well in the main role here, Sara, whether she's being surrounded by jellyfish or finding reserves of courage as the film moves on to a predictable enough finale. It's a shame that nobody else is quite as good as her though. Lana Condor tries her best, playing Max, but she's hampered by a screenplay that makes it hard to overlook how much of the events are directly caused by her, mainly due to her main characteristic being the ability to always get her own way. Nico Hiragao, Gavin Casalegno, and Tommi Rose are the other main members of the friend group, and may as well have "chum" tattooed on their foreheads, Tayme Thapthimthong is pretty good as the the cave guide, Wat, and Harrison Luna plays someone clearly placed in the narrative to add an extra potential victim.

It's fair enough to complain about the majority of the writing by Aja Gabel and Myung Joh Wesner, especially when it comes to the lack of any decent character work, and how many times will I have to suffer through shark films that put an emphasis on their ability to see prey? (sharks can see, but I doubt one of them ever struggled to find a meal because they couldn't find an underwater branch of Specsavers) But they're not responsible for how truly ugly and dull this is. That travesty lies squarely at the feet of director Wadlow and cinematographer James Kniest.

Things don't start off too badly. There's a bright sun and some clear water being enjoyed by the main characters. It's a party vibe, and viewers know, given the title, that the carefree nature of the onscreen antics and sunny skies will be juxtaposed with whatever is about to come along once we get into those caves. That's fine, going from light to dark as things turn deadly, but those making this film should have really figured out a way to deliver a variety of light sources. This was unwatchable in places, and I could only make out what was going on when I temporarily turned up all of the available brightness settings on my TV. Wadlow wants to make a shark movie with no small amount of The Descent mixed in, but he should have spent more time studying that film to figure out how to better plan his shot choice and lighting levels. 

I don't go into any shark movie nowadays with high expectations. I'm the same when it comes to straight-to-streaming movies. So I can tell you that I was simply hoping for this to be a diverting enough 106 minutes. It failed to achieve even that modest aim. And I know that I'm not the only one so displeased by it.

3/10

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Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026)

When looking through the canon of movies in the MCU, which is now something I type out with a bit more resentment than affection, it's clear that Spider-Man remains a firm favourite. It's also pleasantly surprising to see that he's now the character to be featured in standalone movies (relatively speaking) that should remain at the top end of any ranked list of modern superhero movies.

After the events of the last movie, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) has to get used to a life of loneliness. He still pines for MJ (Zendaya) though. And misses his friendship with Ned (Jacob Batalon). Having fewer distractions does seem to help him fully grow into his "friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man" form though, but there's something within him that might be wanting to help him evolve even further. It feels dangerous, and Parker doesn't want to go out of control. That's why he heads along to get some advice from Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo). Meanwhile, a new villain is using people like puppets, which makes the city of New York an even more dangerous place, as if it wasn't dangerous enough with Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal) causing carnage as he delivers his own brand of justice.

Written by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers, who have plenty of experience in the Spidey-verse, Spider-Man: Brand New Day feels like the most straightforward and well-plotted Marvel movie in years. While a couple of important plot points act as connections between the past and the future of the MCU, most people should be able to enjoy this without having to remember every detail of every past movie and TV show that Marvel have given us this century. You should be aware of the main characters who come in and out of the narrative, but none of the key players are minor figures in this long-running universe.

Director Destin Daniel Cretton, who previously helmed the very enjoyable Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings, seems very comfortable here, taking the opportunity to present numerous images and moments that could easily appear in any omnibus of Spidey comics. It's probably a bit lazy and tiresome to say that many scenes here feel as if they could have been ripped straight from the pages of the source material, but it's very true.

Holland has been growing better as an actor in line with the growth of his character, and this may well be his best Marvel performance yet. He also has the benefit of looking so young that it's even more hurtful to see his character being properly beaten down by various villains. Zendaya remains a great MJ, cool and considerate, and Batolon is still good fun as Ned. Ruffalo gets a couple of great scenes, in both Banner and Hulk form, Bernthal allows his Punisher to stay true to the essence of the character while also warily making a connection with someone he strongly suspects is just a bit too young and optimistic to deal with what the world will throw at them, and the plot creates reasons for both Florence Pugh and Marisa Tomei to be back in the picture. Liza Colón-Zayas is enjoyable in the role of Detective Jean DeWolff, Tramell Tillman continues to do well in roles that make the most of his ability to be charming and slightly unnerving, and there's very good work here from Sadie Sink, being introduced into the MCU in grand style. Other names to keep an eye/ear out for include Naomi Watts, Michael Mando, Keith David, and Marvin Jones III. 

Like most of these movies, it's a bit overlong. I'm also a bit irritated, as I have said many times before, when we get so many movies nowadays that can't just give viewers a standard and harsh villain. These are minor criticisms though. This works well enough as blockbuster entertainment. As a Spider-Man movie, specifically, it's right up there alongside the very best of them. I can't wait to rewatch it, and I may even allow my rating to move up after I've absorbed more of the details and treats packed in to so much of the runtime.

8/10

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Mubi Monday: The Fall Of Sir Douglas Weatherford (2026)

You may struggle to find many glowing reviews for this film, but everything else I have seen written about it online seems to share one common compliment: Peter Mullan is fantastic in the lead role. If you have also seen all of those other reviews then you may as well skip this one. I'm in complete agreement with most people. This is an okay film, at best, but it's lifted up by Peter Mullan being fantastic in the lead role.

Mullan plays Kenneth, a tour guide in a small Scottish town who takes great pride in telling people all about a local notable figure, Sir Douglas Weatherford. Nobody really seems to understand the historical importance of the man though, or maybe Kenneth is in the wrong for trying to maintain the legacy of someone who has already been forgotten, if he was ever known at all, by so many. The town suddenly becomes very busy, however, when a very popular TV show is filmed there, resulting in an influx of fans, which means even more people who aren't all that interested in what Kenneth has to tell them.

What could have been a fantastic comedy drama exploring the ideas of tourism, the preservation of history, and small communities trying to stay thriving and relevant, often by any means necessary, is, sadly, a huge missed opportunity. Having lived in Edinburgh for numerous decades, I know very well what division is caused when businesses and entire areas focus on catering to the money coming in from the tourist industry. I also know that I have enjoyed visiting various small villages and sites throughout the UK, and further afield, and have been more than happy to play the role of the grinning tourist happy to be the centre of so much attention, relatively speaking, as I decided to spend some of my money on tat and souvenirs that often end up languishing in a box somewhere in the darkness of the attic. 

Having given himself such a great starting point to work from, writer-director Seán Dunn helps himself further with a very good cast, a perfect location for the fictional area being depicted, and a unique and wonderful score from Gazelle Twin. Which all makes it even more frustrating that he doesn't do well enough when it comes to the clarity and sharpness of the points that he wants to make.

It would be redundant for me to praise Mullan here once again, take that as given, although it is worth saying that this is, for all the faults of the film itself, one of the best roles he's ever had, in terms of screentime and being allowed to carry a movie with a mix of humour and grit. Jakob Oftebro is pretty good, playing the star actor who becomes the lightning rod for what our main character so strongly dislikes, Lewis MacDougall is fun as a youngster who ends up assisting in an attempted push back against the pandering to the TV show fanbase, and both Saskia Ashdown and Gayle Rankin do very good work as women who, for different reasons, end up concerned for men in their lives. 

I didn't chuckle much, I didn't really stay invested in the fate of the main character, and I didn't appreciate the many ways in which this fell flat. I do consider some of the film thought-provoking, but only in the way that I was often thinking about how there was a much better film to be made from this concept. But, and feel free to repeat after me, Mullan is fantastic in the lead role.

4/10

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Netflix And Chill: 72 Hours (2026)

It's almost impressive how Kevin Hart has managed to move from mediocrity to painfully unfunny in an attempt to keep cashing the streaming service paychecks. I have often gone for his movies as an easy choice for a weekend distraction, and they used to work in a very basic way, but now I'll just keep associating him with absolute awfulness. Because even many Kevin Hart fans will tell you how bad this is.

Hart plays Joe, an advertising exec trying to land a big contract with a vodka company. He has his life together, in many ways, but also hasn't given full commitment to his partner, Jennifer (Teyana Taylor), or his own career ambition. And he might be in trouble. His latest pitch hasn't gone down well, with many thinking that he's now too old to figure out how to make ads appeal to the younger generation. Thankfully, he ends up accidentally added to a WhatsApp group chat between four young guys out to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of their friend, Mason (Mason Gooding). After initially having a bit of fun with them, Joe offers to fund most of their trip in exchange for spending some time with them. The guys think that Joe just wants to party, which is partly true, but Joe is also aiming to get an insight, and some covertly-filmed footage, to help him in his job. He's certainly not aiming to cross paths with a dangerous drug dealer (Jaze, played by Michael Mando).

Tim Story is the director here. While rarely one of my favourites, he's been delivering moderately enjoyable fare for a few decades now. You wouldn't know that from watching this. Both the direction and the screenplay, written by four different people, ends up relying far too much on the star power of Hart, putting him in a variety of situations where he can do his usual mix of mugging, insults, and nervousness.

Things wouldn't be so bad if Hart was surrounded by some top-tier talent. He's not. That isn't to say that those playing the younger characters (Gooding, Marcello Hernández, Kam Patterson, and Ben Marshall) are bad. Gooding continues to be an easy onscreen presence to like, and the other three work well enough with the material they're given, but they're not up to the task of pushing one another in ways that could have turned weak material into something more amusing and entertaining. Mando does well in another role he could play in his sleep by now, Taylor is woefully underused, considering the caché she has right now, and there's not much added from the likes of Zach Cherry, Kevin Dunn, and Andy Garcia in supporting roles. It's actually another Garcia (Anna, no relation to Andy) who rises above the predictable and tired plotting to provide a couple of welcome extra laughs.

Connections are made, life lessons are learned, and things look at their bleakest before taking an upturn during the third act. You know this is going to happen from the start. Not only does the film provide no surprises, not a one, but it presents itself as if it has been created by people who believe they are doing something genuinely good. Which makes it even more saddening and infuriating. If I could at least see someone struggling to hide their pain then I would have hope. I don't, and I wouldn't be surprised if we eventually got something like Another 72 Hours in the next year or two.

3/10

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Shudder Saturday: I Heart Willie (2025)

Sometimes I watch a film and I know that I won't feel the need to be nice and polite about it. It doesn't happen often, and I have mentioned recently that I try not to be too personal or too rude, but there are certain films that feel so cynical and lazy that they deserve as little of my time and energy as possible, making me far less inclined to be pleasant to those involved in it.

I Heart Willie is one of those films. It's another in the current crop of films made by people who thought they were clever when the copyright on certain specific properties expired. I've heard from people I trust that some of the others aren’t actually that bad, but the few I have been brave enough to endure so far have all been pretty dire, and this is the worst of them . . . so far.

Written by David Vaughn, who also plays the main monstrous character, all you get here is a group of weak and unsympathetic characters ending up trapped by a skin-carving killer. Each main death is underlit, grossly mishandled, and so dull that it feels like a determined artistic statement on the monotony of the life of a compulsive serial killer.

Director Alejandro G. Alegre doesn’t show any desire to do anything interesting, but equally shows no desire to provide simple thrills and entertainment. There’s a tiresome moment of gratuitous nudity from the one actress I presume was persuaded to take her top off, some very poor special effects, and a killer backstory that is much more laughable than it had to be.

I won’t even mention the cast. Nobody is good here, aside from maybe one person who is involved in one scene near the start that has him pushed out of the proceedings far too early. Everyone else is either so weak or outright awful that the kindest thing I can do here is not name them.

The only thing stopping this from being among the very worst things I have ever seen is the sheer quantity and variable quality of my viewing choices. Most people will struggle to name a worse modern slasher. I was more thrilled and entertained years ago when I used to play Castle Of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse on my SEGA system.

2/10

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Driven (2001)

There have been a number of very enjoyable movies based in the world of car racing (not least of which is the excellent F1). Driven is not one of them. It's a star vehicle for Sylvester Stallone, an empty slice of dullness from director Renny Harlin, and a film you can easily point to as an example of the worst of mainstream "blockbuster" entertainment.

Kip Pardue plays Jimmy Bly, a young racing car driver struggling to achieve his full potential. His big main rival is Beau Brandenburg (Til Schweiger). He needs to gain an edge though, and that's not going to come from his brother (Robert Sean Leonard), who is also thinking in terms of branding and profits. Never fear, because here comes Joe Tanto (Sylvester Stallone), an older legend who may be able to help Jimmy get the victories that he needs to end the season on top.

As well as starring, Stallone is the one responsible for the screenplay here (fleshing out what I can only presume is a slim story concept from Jan Skrentny and Neal Tabachnick). Although he's written some great films in the past, Stallone now often seems most concerned with writing tales that add to the legend that is Stallone. This is one of his weakest efforts, absolutely not helped by the fact that most viewers may struggle, as I did, to figure out just who is supposed to be our lead. 

Harlin helps when he can, actually delivering a couple of driving sequences that are fun and visceral, but he also settles far too easily into sticking with material that is flawed, at best, and absolutely preposterous. There's an excitement during the race scenes, yes, but it's not enough to make up for the flat and one-dimensional characters, and I don't have the time or space to lay out all of my complaints about the mistreatment of the characters portrayed by Stacy Edwards, Estella Warren, and Gina Gershon.  

Pardue doesn't have the charisma or presence to carry a movie like this. In fact, he has NO charisma or presence. Schweiger at least has something to him, but he's stuck playing someone that viewers aren't sure whether they're supposed to like or hate. Stallone is Stallone, and he does Stallone stuff (being the wise old man who the young whippersnappers underestimate). Burt Reynolds gets to add nothing, Leonard is almost consistently annoying throughout, and the aforementioned ladies must have started every day on set hoping for a major script change that would allow them to be more than just reflectors for the glow of the leading men.

There's a pretty good soundtrack, although it's also a very "of the time" soundtrack, and some of the CGI works well (although some really doesn't). That's about all of the positives though. I could tolerate this while it was on, but I don't ever want to see it again. Even in comparison to other trashy "treats" from the past few decades, this is painful stuff. And nobody should even consider it when you have the likes of F1, Gran Turismo, Rush, and a few other superior racing features to choose from nowadays. 

4/10

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Maid Droid Origins (2024)

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I watched Maid Droid? Of course you do. Who could forget such an experience? I decided to watch the next film in that series. To the surprise of nobody, it was quite awful. And I do mean that it's MUCH worse than the first film.

Eve (Katie Kay) is the main droid this time. She starts the movie murdering one of her clients, but then runs away and ends up at the home of her creator, Timothy (Bryan Brewer). Timothy finds that he still has some feelings for Eve, which makes things tense with his wife, Belle (Cassie Ghersi).

Where to begin with this one? Writer-director Rich Mallery obviously thought that he's struck on a great idea when he came up with the simple concept for Maid Droid. I wouldn't say that he makes the mistake of over-complicating things here. It's actually the opposite. This is a lesser film than the first, mainly because it's somehow even sillier, adds nothing to the potential lore of the tech creations, and simply forces viewers to spend some time with a less interesting, and less entertaining, main character.

As much as I try not to dismiss people with harsh insults, and as much as I try not to get too personal with my criticisms (with the notable exceptions of those who have made very cynical and lazy trash), one of the biggest problems here is the casting. Kay is disappointingly bland in the lead role, unable to hold the screen and make a surprisingly strong impression in the way that Faith West did in the first film). Brewer is also not very good, but actually ends up being less watchable simply due to being moderately competent and less amusingly clumsy than other actors Mallery has worked with. Ghersi doesn't get to do much with her few onscreen moments, and Fawn Winters is the only cast member who seems to have been given permission to have some fun (although her character will feel a bit tired and overused to anyone who has watched more than their fair share of cheap schlock). 

It's not all the fault of the cast though. They wouldn't be under such scrutiny if Mallery was able to provide enough distractions in other aspects of his film, but he doesn't. Although he avoids making something that should send you straight to sleep, there's nothing here that you'll remember a day after you've finished watching the thing. Trust me, I didn't write this review while the end credits were rolling and I'm kicking myself as I realise that those end credits were the low-budget movie equivalent of a neuralyzer flashing in my face and giving me a strong bout of amnesia. 

Although this is only my second Mallery movie, and although it was a big step down from the last movie I managed to enjoy, I am looking forward to checking out more of his features. He at least knows what he's aiming to present to people, and it's just a shame that he's found his calling a few decades after his titles would be guaranteed easy "second/third choices" for those picking a selection of small-screen trashy treats from their local video rental store.

3/10

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