For It Is Man's Number

Wednesday, 5 August 2026

Prime Time: The Devil's Mouth (2026)

A shark movie. Kathryn Newton in the lead role. Available for "free" as a streaming service choice. The Devil's Mouth ticked all of the boxes I wanted ticked for an easy weekend viewing option. Sadly, I should have taken more notice of the fact that it was directed by Jeff Wadlow, a man who has all of the directorial talent of a sentient vanilla latte.

A group of friends are holidaying in Thailand. All seems well until of them ends up encountering a large school of jellyfish while swimming in the sea. This is understandably unnerving, making her even more wary than usual when they head out on a trip to swim and dive around in an impressive submerged cave system. It's all freshwater in there, which should make things safer, but a recent storm has brought in some of the nearby seawater. And something big and dangerous that doesn't belong in the cave environment.

Newton does well in the main role here, Sara, whether she's being surrounded by jellyfish or finding reserves of courage as the film moves on to a predictable enough finale. It's a shame that nobody else is quite as good as her though. Lana Condor tries her best, playing Max, but she's hampered by a screenplay that makes it hard to overlook how much of the events are directly caused by her, mainly due to her main characteristic being the ability to always get her own way. Nico Hiragao, Gavin Casalegno, and Tommi Rose are the other main members of the friend group, and may as well have "chum" tattooed on their foreheads, Tayme Thapthimthong is pretty good as the the cave guide, Wat, and Harrison Luna plays someone clearly placed in the narrative to add an extra potential victim.

It's fair enough to complain about the majority of the writing by Aja Gabel and Myung Joh Wesner, especially when it comes to the lack of any decent character work, and how many times will I have to suffer through shark films that put an emphasis on their ability to see prey? (sharks can see, but I doubt one of them ever struggled to find a meal because they couldn't find an underwater branch of Specsavers) But they're not responsible for how truly ugly and dull this is. That travesty lies squarely at the feet of director Wadlow and cinematographer James Kniest.

Things don't start off too badly. There's a bright sun and some clear water being enjoyed by the main characters. It's a party vibe, and viewers know, given the title, that the carefree nature of the onscreen antics and sunny skies will be juxtaposed with whatever is about to come along once we get into those caves. That's fine, going from light to dark as things turn deadly, but those making this film should have really figured out a way to deliver a variety of light sources. This was unwatchable in places, and I could only make out what was going on when I temporarily turned up all of the available brightness settings on my TV. Wadlow wants to make a shark movie with no small amount of The Descent mixed in, but he should have spent more time studying that film to figure out how to better plan his shot choice and lighting levels.

I don't go into any shark movie nowadays with high expectations. I'm the same when it comes to straight-to-streaming movies. So I can tell you that I was simply hoping for this to be a diverting enough 106 minutes. It failed to achieve even that modest aim. And I know that I'm not the only one so displeased by it.

3/10

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Tuesday, 4 August 2026

Spider-Man: Brand New Day (2026)

When looking through the canon of movies in the MCU, which is now something I type out with a bit more resentment than affection, it's clear that Spider-Man remains a firm favourite. It's also pleasantly surprising to see that he's now the character to be featured in standalone movies (relatively speaking) that should remain at the top end of any ranked list of modern superhero movies.

After the events of the last movie, Peter Parker (Tom Holland) has to get used to a life of loneliness. He still pines for MJ (Zendaya) though. And misses his friendship with Ned (Jacob Batalon). Having fewer distractions does seem to help him fully grow into his "friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man" form though, but there's something within him that might be wanting to help him evolve even further. It feels dangerous, and Parker doesn't want to go out of control. That's why he heads along to get some advice from Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo). Meanwhile, a new villain is using people like puppets, which makes the city of New York an even more dangerous place, as if it wasn't dangerous enough with Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal) causing carnage as he delivers his own brand of justice.

Written by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers, who have plenty of experience in the Spidey-verse, Spider-Man: Brand New Day feels like the most straightforward and well-plotted Marvel movie in years. While a couple of important plot points act as connections between the past and the future of the MCU, most people should be able to enjoy this without having to remember every detail of every past movie and TV show that Marvel have given us this century. You should be aware of the main characters who come in and out of the narrative, but none of the key players are minor figures in this long-running universe.

Director Destin Daniel Cretton, who previously helmed the very enjoyable Shang-Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings, seems very comfortable here, taking the opportunity to present numerous images and moments that could easily appear in any omnibus of Spidey comics. It's probably a bit lazy and tiresome to say that many scenes here feel as if they could have been ripped straight from the pages of the source material, but it's very true.

Holland has been growing better as an actor in line with the growth of his character, and this may well be his best Marvel performance yet. He also has the benefit of looking so young that it's even more hurtful to see his character being properly beaten down by various villains. Zendaya remains a great MJ, cool and considerate, and Batolon is still good fun as Ned. Ruffalo gets a couple of great scenes, in both Banner and Hulk form, Bernthal allows his Punisher to stay true to the essence of the character while also warily making a connection with someone he strongly suspects is just a bit too young and optimistic to deal with what the world will throw at them, and the plot creates reasons for both Florence Pugh and Marisa Tomei to be back in the picture. Liza Colón-Zayas is enjoyable in the role of Detective Jean DeWolff, Tramell Tillman continues to do well in roles that make the most of his ability to be charming and slightly unnerving, and there's very good work here from Sadie Sink, being introduced into the MCU in grand style. Other names to keep an eye/ear out for include Naomi Watts, Michael Mando, Keith David, and Marvin Jones III.

Like most of these movies, it's a bit overlong. I'm also a bit irritated, as I have said many times before, when we get so many movies nowadays that can't just give viewers a standard and harsh villain. These are minor criticisms though. This works well enough as blockbuster entertainment. As a Spider-Man movie, specifically, it's right up there alongside the very best of them. I can't wait to rewatch it, and I may even allow my rating to move up after I've absorbed more of the details and treats packed in to so much of the runtime.

8/10

Monday, 3 August 2026

Mubi Monday: The Fall Of Sir Douglas Weatherford (2026)

You may struggle to find many glowing reviews for this film, but everything else I have seen written about it online seems to share one common compliment: Peter Mullan is fantastic in the lead role. If you have also seen all of those other reviews then you may as well skip this one. I'm in complete agreement with most people. This is an okay film, at best, but it's lifted up by Peter Mullan being fantastic in the lead role.

Mullan plays Kenneth, a tour guide in a small Scottish town who takes great pride in telling people all about a local notable figure, Sir Douglas Weatherford. Nobody really seems to understand the historical importance of the man though, or maybe Kenneth is in the wrong for trying to maintain the legacy of someone who has already been forgotten, if he was ever known at all, by so many. The town suddenly becomes very busy, however, when a very popular TV show is filmed there, resulting in an influx of fans, which means even more people who aren't all that interested in what Kenneth has to tell them.

What could have been a fantastic comedy drama exploring the ideas of tourism, the preservation of history, and small communities trying to stay thriving and relevant, often by any means necessary, is, sadly, a huge missed opportunity. Having lived in Edinburgh for numerous decades, I know very well what division is caused when businesses and entire areas focus on catering to the money coming in from the tourist industry. I also know that I have enjoyed visiting various small villages and sites throughout the UK, and further afield, and have been more than happy to play the role of the grinning tourist happy to be the centre of so much attention, relatively speaking, as I decided to spend some of my money on tat and souvenirs that often end up languishing in a box somewhere in the darkness of the attic.

Having given himself such a great starting point to work from, writer-director Seán Dunn helps himself further with a very good cast, a perfect location for the fictional area being depicted, and a unique and wonderful score from Gazelle Twin. Which all makes it even more frustrating that he doesn't do well enough when it comes to the clarity and sharpness of the points that he wants to make.

It would be redundant for me to praise Mullan here once again, take that as given, although it is worth saying that this is, for all the faults of the film itself, one of the best roles he's ever had, in terms of screentime and being allowed to carry a movie with a mix of humour and grit. Jakob Oftebro is pretty good, playing the star actor who becomes the lightning rod for what our main character so strongly dislikes, Lewis MacDougall is fun as a youngster who ends up assisting in an attempted push back against the pandering to the TV show fanbase, and both Saskia Ashdown and Gayle Rankin do very good work as women who, for different reasons, end up concerned for men in their lives.

I didn't chuckle much, I didn't really stay invested in the fate of the main character, and I didn't appreciate the many ways in which this fell flat. I do consider some of the film thought-provoking, but only in the way that I was often thinking about how there was a much better film to be made from this concept. But, and feel free to repeat after me, Mullan is fantastic in the lead role.

4/10

Sunday, 2 August 2026

Netflix And Chill: 72 Hours (2026)

It's almost impressive how Kevin Hart has managed to move from mediocrity to painfully unfunny in an attempt to keep cashing the streaming service paychecks. I have often gone for his movies as an easy choice for a weekend distraction, and they used to work in a very basic way, but now I'll just keep associating him with absolute awfulness. Because even many Kevin Hart fans will tell you how bad this is.

Hart plays Joe, an advertising exec trying to land a big contract with a vodka company. He has his life together, in many ways, but also hasn't given full commitment to his partner, Jennifer (Teyana Taylor), or his own career ambition. And he might be in trouble. His latest pitch hasn't gone down well, with many thinking that he's now too old to figure out how to make ads appeal to the younger generation. Thankfully, he ends up accidentally added to a WhatsApp group chat between four young guys out to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of their friend, Mason (Mason Gooding). After initially having a bit of fun with them, Joe offers to fund most of their trip in exchange for spending some time with them. The guys think that Joe just wants to party, which is partly true, but Joe is also aiming to get an insight, and some covertly-filmed footage, to help him in his job. He's certainly not aiming to cross paths with a dangerous drug dealer (Jaze, played by Michael Mando).

Tim Story is the director here. While rarely one of my favourites, he's been delivering moderately enjoyable fare for a few decades now. You wouldn't know that from watching this. Both the direction and the screenplay, written by four different people, ends up relying far too much on the star power of Hart, putting him in a variety of situations where he can do his usual mix of mugging, insults, and nervousness.

Things wouldn't be so bad if Hart was surrounded by some top-tier talent. He's not. That isn't to say that those playing the younger characters (Gooding, Marcello Hernández, Kam Patterson, and Ben Marshall) are bad. Gooding continues to be an easy onscreen presence to like, and the other three work well enough with the material they're given, but they're not up to the task of pushing one another in ways that could have turned weak material into something more amusing and entertaining. Mando does well in another role he could play in his sleep by now, Taylor is woefully underused, considering the caché she has right now, and there's not much added from the likes of Zach Cherry, Kevin Dunn, and Andy Garcia in supporting roles. It's actually another Garcia (Anna, no relation to Andy) who rises above the predictable and tired plotting to provide a couple of welcome extra laughs.

Connections are made, life lessons are learned, and things look at their bleakest before taking an upturn during the third act. You know this is going to happen from the start. Not only does the film provide no surprises, not a one, but it presents itself as if it has been created by people who believe they are doing something genuinely good. Which makes it even more saddening and infuriating. If I could at least see someone struggling to hide their pain then I would have hope. I don't, and I wouldn't be surprised if we eventually got something like Another 72 Hours in the next year or two.

3/10

Saturday, 1 August 2026

Shudder Saturday: I Heart Willie (2025)

Sometimes I watch a film and I know that I won't feel the need to be nice and polite about it. It doesn't happen often, and I have mentioned recently that I try not to be too personal or too rude, but there are certain films that feel so cynical and lazy that they deserve as little of my time and energy as possible, making me far less inclined to be pleasant to those involved in it.

I Heart Willie is one of those films. It's another in the current crop of films made by people who thought they were clever when the copyright on certain specific properties expired. I've heard from people I trust that some of the others aren’t actually that bad, but the few I have been brave enough to endure so far have all been pretty dire, and this is the worst of them . . . so far.

Written by David Vaughn, who also plays the main monstrous character, all you get here is a group of weak and unsympathetic characters ending up trapped by a skin-carving killer. Each main death is underlit, grossly mishandled, and so dull that it feels like a determined artistic statement on the monotony of the life of a compulsive serial killer.

Director Alejandro G. Alegre doesn’t show any desire to do anything interesting, but equally shows no desire to provide simple thrills and entertainment. There’s a tiresome moment of gratuitous nudity from the one actress I presume was persuaded to take her top off, some very poor special effects, and a killer backstory that is much more laughable than it had to be.

I won’t even mention the cast. Nobody is good here, aside from maybe one person who is involved in one scene near the start that has him pushed out of the proceedings far too early. Everyone else is either so weak or outright awful that the kindest thing I can do here is not name them.

The only thing stopping this from being among the very worst things I have ever seen is the sheer quantity and variable quality of my viewing choices. Most people will struggle to name a worse modern slasher. I was more thrilled and entertained years ago when I used to play Castle Of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse on my SEGA system.

2/10

Friday, 31 July 2026

Driven (2001)

There have been a number of very enjoyable movies based in the world of car racing (not least of which is the excellent F1). Driven is not one of them. It's a star vehicle for Sylvester Stallone, an empty slice of dullness from director Renny Harlin, and a film you can easily point to as an example of the worst of mainstream "blockbuster" entertainment.

Kip Pardue plays Jimmy Bly, a young racing car driver struggling to achieve his full potential. His big main rival is Beau Brandenburg (Til Schweiger). He needs to gain an edge though, and that's not going to come from his brother (Robert Sean Leonard), who is also thinking in terms of branding and profits. Never fear, because here comes Joe Tanto (Sylvester Stallone), an older legend who may be able to help Jimmy get the victories that he needs to end the season on top.

As well as starring, Stallone is the one responsible for the screenplay here (fleshing out what I can only presume is a slim story concept from Jan Skrentny and Neal Tabachnick). Although he's written some great films in the past, Stallone now often seems most concerned with writing tales that add to the legend that is Stallone. This is one of his weakest efforts, absolutely not helped by the fact that most viewers may struggle, as I did, to figure out just who is supposed to be our lead.

Harlin helps when he can, actually delivering a couple of driving sequences that are fun and visceral, but he also settles far too easily into sticking with material that is flawed, at best, and absolutely preposterous. There's an excitement during the race scenes, yes, but it's not enough to make up for the flat and one-dimensional characters, and I don't have the time or space to lay out all of my complaints about the mistreatment of the characters portrayed by Stacy Edwards, Estella Warren, and Gina Gershon.

Pardue doesn't have the charisma or presence to carry a movie like this. In fact, he has NO charisma or presence. Schweiger at least has something to him, but he's stuck playing someone that viewers aren't sure whether they're supposed to like or hate. Stallone is Stallone, and he does Stallone stuff (being the wise old man who the young whippersnappers underestimate). Burt Reynolds gets to add nothing, Leonard is almost consistently annoying throughout, and the aforementioned ladies must have started every day on set hoping for a major script change that would allow them to be more than just reflectors for the glow of the leading men.

There's a pretty good soundtrack, although it's also a very "of the time" soundtrack, and some of the CGI works well (although some really doesn't). That's about all of the positives though. I could tolerate this while it was on, but I don't ever want to see it again. Even in comparison to other trashy "treats" from the past few decades, this is painful stuff. And nobody should even consider it when you have the likes of F1, Gran Turismo, Rush, and a few other superior racing features to choose from nowadays.

4/10

Thursday, 30 July 2026

Maid Droid Origins (2024)

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I watched Maid Droid? Of course you do. Who could forget such an experience? I decided to watch the next film in that series. To the surprise of nobody, it was quite awful. And I do mean that it's MUCH worse than the first film.

Eve (Katie Kay) is the main droid this time. She starts the movie murdering one of her clients, but then runs away and ends up at the home of her creator, Timothy (Bryan Brewer). Timothy finds that he still has some feelings for Eve, which makes things tense with his wife, Belle (Cassie Ghersi).

Where to begin with this one? Writer-director Rich Mallery obviously thought that he's struck on a great idea when he came up with the simple concept for Maid Droid. I wouldn't say that he makes the mistake of over-complicating things here. It's actually the opposite. This is a lesser film than the first, mainly because it's somehow even sillier, adds nothing to the potential lore of the tech creations, and simply forces viewers to spend some time with a less interesting, and less entertaining, main character.

As much as I try not to dismiss people with harsh insults, and as much as I try not to get too personal with my criticisms (with the notable exceptions of those who have made very cynical and lazy trash), one of the biggest problems here is the casting. Kay is disappointingly bland in the lead role, unable to hold the screen and make a surprisingly strong impression in the way that Faith West did in the first film). Brewer is also not very good, but actually ends up being less watchable simply due to being moderately competent and less amusingly clumsy than other actors Mallery has worked with. Ghersi doesn't get to do much with her few onscreen moments, and Fawn Winters is the only cast member who seems to have been given permission to have some fun (although her character will feel a bit tired and overused to anyone who has watched more than their fair share of cheap schlock).

It's not all the fault of the cast though. They wouldn't be under such scrutiny if Mallery was able to provide enough distractions in other aspects of his film, but he doesn't. Although he avoids making something that should send you straight to sleep, there's nothing here that you'll remember a day after you've finished watching the thing. Trust me, I didn't write this review while the end credits were rolling and I'm kicking myself as I realise that those end credits were the low-budget movie equivalent of a neuralyzer flashing in my face and giving me a strong bout of amnesia.

Although this is only my second Mallery movie, and although it was a big step down from the last movie I managed to enjoy, I am looking forward to checking out more of his features. He at least knows what he's aiming to present to people, and it's just a shame that he's found his calling a few decades after his titles would be guaranteed easy "second/third choices" for those picking a selection of small-screen trashy treats from their local video rental store.

3/10

Wednesday, 29 July 2026

Prime Time: Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)

The argument has been made that 1999 was one of the greatest ever years for movies. I don't know if I buy into that, although it's hard to dismiss any one of the major titles that a movie fan could namecheck for you. It was an undeniably strong year though, and a number of movies created a butterfly effect still reverberating through the cinematic landscape to this day, and may keep affecting things far into the future. Drop Dead Gorgeous, on the other hand, is one 1999 movie that didn't necessarily have that kind of impact. I would argue that it's equally deserving of praise and celebration though.

The debut feature from director Michael Patrick Jann, working from a screenplay by Lona Williams (who also gave us the very enjoyable, and sadly forgotten, Sugar & Spice), Drop Dead Gorgeous is a mockumentary that I would actually rate higher than many of the films directed by Christopher "master of the mockumentary" Guest. It's all about a teen beauty pageant, and allows viewers to follow the determined Amber Atkins (Kirsten Dunst), the seemingly destined Becky Leeman (Denise Richards), the absolutely impartial, honest, pageant host, and mother to Becky, Gladys Leeman (Kirstie Alley), and a number of other wonderful and quirky characters.

As well as those already mentioned, the cast list here includes Ellen Barkin, Allison Janney, Brittany Murphy, Amy Adams, Mindy Sterling, Alexandra Holden, Matt Malloy, Michael McShane, and Will Sasso (if you don't recognise the names then, rest assured, you should recognise the faces). They're all doing great work, and everyone gets such an equal chance to shine that I would find it impossible to single anyone out ahead of anyone else. Dunst, Richards, and Alley feel like the three sides of an important trio though, and they should be happy to have this film on their respecting CVs. Between this and some of her other roles at the time, Richards shows such a knack for slyly comedic material that I am always sad we didn't get her in more features that could have made better use of her talent.

There are some moments of dubious taste, to put it mildly, and one or two words are thrown around casually that wouldn't be thrown around so much nowadays, but there's a consistent effort made to ensure that most of the jokes are targeting the concept of beauty pageants, whether it's mocking the importance bestowed upon them by people who may keep that as an all-time high point in their lives or showing the damage caused by the focus on looks, weight, and generally being viewed as an ornamental object capable of stating vapid platitudes instead of a fully-rounded human being.

The real test of any mockumentary is just how convincing it is though, how easily can you forget that you're watching something scripted and acted. This is where Drop Dead Gorgeous manages to remain high in my own list of great 1999 movies. I struggle to think of any one moment that strikes a wrong note. Maybe a couple of the gags are just a bit too hilarious to ensure the purity of the format, but I'll happily put up with that if I can continue to cry tears of laughter as Denise Richards presents a very special interpretation of "Can't Take My Eyes Off You".

Every one of the main people involved with this, behind and in front of the camera, has delivered other work in the years since it was released. Some of that other work is great, particularly when you think of the powerhouse performances we've had from Dunst and Janney in the last quarter of a century, but I would still hold this as a very high benchmark for everybody named in the credits. It's still as beautiful as ever.

9/10

Tuesday, 28 July 2026

The Furious (2025)

Sometimes you want the latest Spielberg magic. Sometimes you want to spend some time being amused by a slick rom-com. Sometimes you need to check out the latest hot horror movies. And sometimes . . . sometimes you really want something with a very slight plot that's just an excuse to have people punching and kicking one another in the face.

Xie Miao stars as a mute handyman living with his young daughter (Rainy, played by Yang Enyou). He needs to start tearing through bad guys when Rainy is snatched up by men involved in a child trafficking ring. That's almost the entirety of the plot. Okay, Joe Taslim is involved, playing a journalist named Navin who is looking for his missing partner, and there are a number of main baddies standing out from the crowd, but this film boils down to watch Xie Miao dismantle a large crime ring in pursuit of his young daughter.

There's a ridiculousness to this whole thing, from the slight plotting to some of the bad dialogue, but I'm less concerned with criticising the four people who shaped the screenplay and more concerned with praising director Kenji Tanigaki. What he's done here is present a slice of pure adrenalin-pumping action insanity, with fights and savage violence that will have even the most hardened action movie fan picking their jaw up off the floor on a number of different occasions.

Even the relatively small-scale opening sequence has some impressive fight moves, but things really step up to another level once our hero sees his daughter in trouble and shows his determination to save her at any cost. An impressive two-on-one fight is quickly followed by some dangerous driving, but that's nothing compared to what unfolds after that. Take one man, one hammer, and a club with a MMA octagon in the middle of it and you have the ingredients for one fantastic set-piece. A room with plenty of large ice blocks is the setting for another highlight. And I can't even begin to describe the extended final sequence, which features such an astonishing blend of inventiveness and savagery that I actually think I almost forgot to keep breathing a couple of times.

Taslim may be the more well-known of the leads, but it's Miao you'll be researching once the end credits roll. He's an incredible talent, up there with the likes of Iko Uwais and Tony Jaa when it comes to making a strong impression with his fighting skills. Yayan Ruhian portrays another memorable bad guy, Brian Le combines bulk and grace in a way that reminded me of the mighty Sammo Hung, and Joey Iwanaga is the sharp-suited "final boss" who eventually shows that his bite can be just as bad as his bark.

I can't tell you that I'm writing this review without some rose-tinted glow affecting me, having been blown away by the choreography and the fighting styles on display (there's also a fantastic score helping things along). But I CAN tell you that I've watched this twice in the last week, aiming to watch it again whenever I get the free time, and will probably be waiting quite some time until something else comes along that absolutely blows my socks off in the way that this did.

9/10

Monday, 27 July 2026

Mubi Monday: A Useful Ghost (2025)

When I read the very brief plot summary available for A Useful Ghost I knew that I had to make it a top priority. That summary told me that a vacuum cleaner was haunted by the spirit of a woman wanting to spend some more time with her husband. I understand that most people would probably scoff at such an idea, especially if they were more interested in standard mainstream movie options, but I was ready for whatever this film wanted to deliver.

And, oh boy, did it deliver something special.

There's a bit of a tale within a tale here, and things begin with a self-described academic ladyboy (Wisarut Homhuan) calling for someone to come and repair his vacuum cleaner. He thought he heard it coughing during the night, and then he woke up to see his floor covered in the dust that had previously been cleaned up. Krong (Wanlop Rungkumjad) soon arrives, and he has a story about a haunted factory, one that had a very special vacuum cleaner haunted by a woman (Nat, played by Davika Hoorne in non-vaccum cleaner form) aiming to reconnect with her husband (March, played by Witsarut Himmarat). March's mother, Suman (Apasiri Nitibhon), isn't pleased, of course, but soon realises that Nat could be used to help reverse the fortunes of the factory, which has been adversely affected by more than one ghost.

The debut feature from writer-director Ratchapoom Boonbunchachoke, this is a wildly inventive and fun work of art that uses the potential silliness of the concept to sugar-coat one hell of a bitter pill about the ways in which those in power will use any means necessary to return things to their preferred status quo, more often than not with the help of workers and/or lower-class citizens convinced to turn on their colleagues and associates in exchange for a fleeting improved lot in life.

Hoorne is excellent in her role, and manages to stay surprisingly sympathetic as she is unwittingly primed to become a major weapon against those who act like grit in the gears of the industrial machinery that ensures the ongoing success of trickle-up economics. Nitibhon is also very good, the overt villain of the piece as things are moved into place for the turbulent second half of the film. Both Homhuan and Rungkumjad are very watchable in their scenes, and it's always a treat when the film cuts back to remind viewers that Rungkumjad's character is the one telling the tale to Homhuan's character, and Himmarat works hard to be more than just a passive man bewitched by a vacuum cleaner.

Love or hate it, and I am very much in the former camp, A Useful Ghost is unlike any other film I can think of. Some come close, whether they're about sentient pieces of technology or the tactics used to ensure that members of various social classes stay firmly in the space allotted to them, but nothing else blends the two in such a perfect proportion, and manages to add the fun of some profane monks, a brawl between a vacuum cleaner and a large fridge, and a reminder of how our loved ones are kept alive by the burning flames of our memories and the sparks of powerful ideas.

9/10

Sunday, 26 July 2026

Netflix And Chill: Fathers & Daughters (2015)

I am not surprised that Fathers & Daughters was written by someone, Brad Desch, who has no other screenplay credits to his name. It feels very basic in the way the predictable storyline is plotted, and ultimately relies on the talent of the two main stars. What is more surprising is the fact that director Gabriele Muccino is no newcomer. He's done a number of movies in a very similar vein, and a number of his previous films are much better than this one.

Russell Crowe plays Jake Davis, a writer and a loving father who loses his wife in a car crash that also leaves him with some health issues that impact his everyday life. He's also now the single parent of young Katie (Kylie Rogers), but there are other people who don't think that is the best situation for both of them. In the here and now, viewers get to see Katie (now played by Amanda Seyfried) making her way through life, her father absent for reasons to become clear before the end credits roll, and making her way through a number of one-night stands. Until she meets Cameron (Aaron Paul). Happiness may be belatedly coming back into her life, but will she be able to deal with it?

If you like Seyfried and Paul then this movie should work for you. They both try hard to compensate for the weak material with performances that deserve a better movie around them. Crowe, on the other hand, settles into a performance that makes use of far too many familiar "ACTOR" tricks, whether he's angrily defending his ability to look after his young daughter or dealing with the problematic tremors afflicting him post-accident. Diane Kruger is disappointingly underused, but Bruce Greenwood excels as her partner, and the man who has the money and willingness to be diplomatic in offering to welcome young Katie as a permanent resident of their home, and it's good to have Octavia Spencer, Quvenzhané Wallis, and Jane Fonda doing well enough with their limited screentime to make it easier to enjoy things in between moments that have Crowe overdoing things.

Things are quite jarring when you move between watching scenes with a main character as an innocent young girl and then scenes in which she's a woman using sex as some band-aid for a deep well of pain, but the rest of the film is very standard and manipulative stuff. Desch seems to have spent less time writing a full screenplay and more time stringing together a whole load of dialogue and moments he's picked from many superior movies, Muccino thinks that he can rely on his cast to lift everything out of the doldrums, and the cast are too restricted by the material. There are intermittent highlights for fans of the supporting players, but not enough to make this more worthy of your time ahead of at least a hundred other melodramas that people could recommend to you.

4/10

Saturday, 25 July 2026

Shudder Saturday: Saccharine (2026)

Although I had forgotten her name, it turns out that writer-director Natalie Erika James is someone I have been following throughout her full feature career. Her first film (Relic) worked well with an interesting premise that she handled quite well. Her second film (Apartment 7A) couldn't move beyond the restrictions of it being a prequel to a very well-known horror classic. And now we have Saccharine, which is her best yet. I think I need to go back now and check out the short films that she made between 2011 and 2018, if they're available. The completist in me would be very pleased.

Midori Francis stars here as Hana, a medical student who has her life changed one day when she is offered a new "miracle" diet pill. Examining it to find out the ingredients, Hana soon discovers that it contains human ashes. It seems to work though, which leads Hana to attempt to make her own. She soon finds out that using part of a human body to make a diet supplement can affect more than just your appetite.

Taking things to a horror movie extreme, Saccharine is an obvious warning against putting things into your body in the search for a "quick fix". It's also an exploration of the various daily interactions, and personal baggage, that can contribute to insecurity and confusion, which can then lead to a chain reaction of bad decisions. It's a funny coincidence that I watched this while I am currently reading a book titled Butter (by Asako Yuzuki), which I recommend to those interested in the themes being explored here.

Both Danielle Macdonald and Madeleine Madden do very well in their supporting roles here, and there are others involved in one or two key scenes, but this feels very much like a film resting on the shoulders of Francis, and she acquits herself superbly. Even as her behaviour becomes more erratic and dangerous, Hana remains someone you can root for and like. That's as much to do with the performance from Francis as it is to do with the writing that allows her to become an unwitting victim of whatever is now controlling her appetite.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and viewpoint when it comes to movies, of course, but I would say that the many comments I have seen referring to this as a body horror didn't feel right. There is an element of that, I guess, considering how the main character views herself, and the journey that she goes on, but this is more of a straightforward bit of spookiness, and all the better for it. There are a number of scenes that will feel very familiar to those who appreciate their J-horrors, and everything leads slowly but surely to a brilliantly dark and extreme finale.

Benjamin Morgan and Charlie Sarroff are credited with the cinematography, both doing work that deserves to be praised here, and Hannah Peel also needs singled out for her interesting and breathy soundscape. In fact, it's hard for me to think of any one element here that doesn't work well. Saccharine is easily one of my favourite horrors of the year, and it's already been such a good year for the genre.

9/10

Friday, 24 July 2026

Minions And Monsters (2026)

I have heard some people recently wonder just who Minions And Monsters is for. It takes the well-liked animated characters and puts them in a film packed with jokes and references to the entire history of cinema. Personally, I think many younger viewers will still enjoy the jokes for the simple silliness of the minions, but if there's one specific demographic being catered for then I'd have to say . . . it's me.

Bookended by scenes that show people wandering around a movie studio and being given information by a tour guide (Allison Janney), this starts off with familiar scenes from the past showing us the minions seeking the most appropriate horrible master to serve. Things don't go to plan, as ever, and the minions end up gate-crashing a movie production in the 1920s. Their anarchy and energy leads to them becoming major movie stars, but that stardom, as happened with people in real life, is threatened by the advent of sound becoming a fixture of movies. Maybe the minions can boost their careers by making a great monster movie. Especially when they have a powerful book of spells to help them create a proper monster.

I am absolutely aware of the fact that my opinion here may run contrary to so many others, but this is easily the best minions movie yet (and there have been a lot of fun adventures featuring these small and servile "crash test dummies"). The animation throughout it wonderful, the plotting and pacing are both perfect for the 90-minute runtime, and writer-director Pierre Coffin continues to excel as the main vocal performer, and the expert on speaking the cute gibberish that is Minionese.

Coffin is joined in the writing duties by Brian Lynch (who has worked on a number of these movies, including the almost equally good Minions). Both of them seem to relish a chance to add some mayhem and cute catastrophes to iconic movie moments, and it helps that the animated form allows for a whole heap of wonderful cameos and caricatures.

It's not just all down to the writing, direction, and voice work of Coffin though. There's a fantastic mix of other celebrities willing to lend their voices to the onscreen silliness, from Janney to Christoph Waltz (a director who feels very much based on the likes of Otto Preminger, Josef von Sternberg, etc), Jeff Bridges (two powerful studio execs) to Zoey Deutch (Debbie), as well as Trey Parker (a cute monster) and Jesse Eisenberg (a cute robot named Dort).

Whatever the joke, whether it's the standard silliness or something a bit smarter, Minions And Monsters always feels as if it has been made with care and genuine love for cinema. Every main sequence has at least one fantastic homage, and many squeeze in multiple references without feeling as if the film is losing any energy or momentum. I know that some will keep wondering how this is supposed to be aimed at children who won't be aware of most of the references, but I think they'll still have fun with everything on a surface level, and will hopefully develop a sense of curiosity that will actually make it a lot easier to introduce them to a lot of classic cinema in non-animated form.

9/10

Thursday, 23 July 2026

The Invite (2026)

I have really enjoyed hearing Olivia Wilde on the publicity trail for her latest directorial outing, The Invite. There have been some interviews that have allowed her to address some of the unfair misogyny and commentary that she received during the PR rounds for her last feature, but most interviews have just allowed her to celebrate her latest work, and appreciate the fact that many others have also already been celebrating it. Wilde has also been admirably open about this being based on a previous film, Sentimental, written and directed by Cesc Gay, adapting his own stage play to the screen. And she's not the only one to be drawn to the material. Sentimental has been remade and retitled in countries such as France, Italy, Switzerland, and South Korea, and there may be more still to come.

The premise is quite simple. An unhappily-married couple (Angela and Joe, played by Wilde and Seth Rogen) are about to host a small dinner party for their upstairs neighbours (Hawk and Piña, played by Edward Norton and Penélope Cruz). Joe would like to mention how often they can hear Hawk and Piña having enthusiastic and noisy sex, but Angela doesn't want any difficult conversations or disagreements. Hawk, on the other hand, seems to relish full and refreshing honesty. And there's plenty to be honest about, if only everyone is willing to be brave enough to speak out.

This incarnation of the tale is written by Will McCormack and Rashida Jones, with a decent amount of improvisation and development from the actors, and everyone works together to make the most of what should be a lean and fun four-hander. The 107-minute runtime certainly zips by, and I did enjoy a couple of the lead performances.

A four-hander really needs all four leads to be delivering top-notch turns though, and this film only delivers half of what I was expecting. Wilde remains a very savvy and skilled director, and does well to keep the apartment setting feeling intimate without it getting claustrophobic (apart from one or two moments that want to get even closer to some of the main characters), but I didn't view her performance here as anything special. She's fine, but it never felt like any kind of stretch, and perhaps she's not helped by the fact that she's given herself the least interesting of the four roles. Seth Rogen gets to stretch even less, basically doing his usual Seth Rogen schtick, but in the form of a semi-responsible husband. Thankfully, both Norton and Cruz are great. Anyone who has seen Death To Smoochy will already know how good Norton can be with comedy (he was also great in Birdman), and he easily gets one or two of the biggest laughs here, but Cruz is the highlight, mixing her sexy persona with cutting insights and commentary that often make others uncomfortable as they're faced with a big truth they spent ages trying to avoid.

I'm very much in the minority here, but this just didn't work for me as I hoped it would. Loving two performances out of the four isn't enough, nor is the approximate success rate of the lines that actually made me laugh. That's a simple measurement for a comedy, whether something broad or something more sophisticated, and The Invite sadly didn't tickle my funny bone.

It's well-made, there are one or two very good moments (mainly in the third act), and there's very good use of a Sade song in a key scene, but all of that isn't enough to make me rate this as something barely above average. Norton and Cruz save the whole thing. I'd love to watch their characters in a better vehicle.

6/10

Wednesday, 22 July 2026

Prime Time: Whistle (2025)

There are many fine examples of whistling throughout the horror genre. Okay, there's one, but it's one that casts a mighty shadow. That one is the great M. R. James tale, adapted a number of times (most notably with Michael Hordern in the lead role). And now we have Whistle, a film based around an Aztec death whistle. It causes very bad things to happen to anyone who hears it being blown. You would think that the easiest thing to do would be to just not blow it, but then we'd have no movie.

Written by Owen Egerton and directed by Corin Hardy, two people who should already be known to horror fans, this is a teen horror movie interested in doing nothing more than being a teen horror movie. It's not very good, but it at least clears the low bar that it sets for itself.

A group of students end up in possession with a skull-shaped whistle. They soon find out that anyone who hears it ends up dying, but not in a normal way. They are actually visited by an apparition of their future selves, and die in the way they were due to die in the future. And so begins a race against time, the teens eventually realising what is happening and then trying to figure out if there's a way to stop it.

The screenplay is the problem here. Egerton has a fun idea, but doesn't do enough to make the most of it. This should have been full of impressive set-pieces, blood and gore thrown around in lieu of any proper scares, but it's a disappointingly bloodless affair, for the most part. The one major highlight just serves to remind viewers of how weak the rest of the film is. It doesn't help that none of the characters are very interesting, not even the leads (played by Dafne Keen and Sophie Nélisse), and also doesn't help that the cast give such flat performances.

Neither Keen nor Nélisse manage to feel like the best casting choices here, but the same can be said of almost everyone in the cast, from Sky Yang and Jhaleil Swaby to Ali Skovbye and Percy Hynes White. Even the "star cameo" from Nick Frost feels like a role that could have had someone better there (perhaps someone with more of a presence in the horror genre).

I am happy to enjoy some dumb fun, not every film needs to be layered and deep. I expected to be an easy mark for Whistle. It's a shame that it couldn't do better when it comes to the simple pleasures I was hoping for. Considering how forgiving I often am, or am often accused of being, the fact that I can't even bring myself to rate this as anything more than average should serve as a warning to those who are a bit more discerning with their viewing choices. It should still just about work for those wanting a slick and mindless distraction for 100 minutes though.

5/10

Tuesday, 21 July 2026

The Odyssey (2026)

An epic tale requiring an epic runtime. A non-linear narrative structure. A cast more stacked than the latest attempt from Marvel to win back their fanbase. It must be a Christopher Nolan movie.

When it comes to classic tales of heroism and overcoming overwhelming odds, it's hard to understate the enduring impact of the hefty poetic work by Homer, one of the oldest surviving works of literature. If you're ever stuck on a desert island then you just need this book, The Bible, and the works of Shakespeare, and you have the seeds of every main story ever told

I'm not going to insult people by providing a summary of the plot. Nor will I work through each individual cast member. It's enough to say that Matt Damon is our flawed hero, Odysseus, trying to return home to his wife, Penelope (Anne Hathaway), and son, Telemachus (Tom Holland), while many suitors hope that he remains absent, allowing them to compete for his wife, and the throne. There are various monsters, a big wooden horse, and an incursion into the city of Troy.

I have never professed to being one of those people who absolutely loves everything that Nolan has directed. There's no denying, however, that he makes films that get people believing they need to get along to see them on the big screen. To help with his obsession, he has managed to make this the first film shot entirely on IMAX 70mm cameras, which should be appreciated by the relatively small amount of the population able to get themselves along to a proper IMAX screen. Nolan does two things very well: intelligence and spectacle. The Odyssey has those elements in place, and also has a decent amount of heart.

I admit to being worried when I saw the opening line of text stating "In a time of apparent magic...". I assumed that Nolan would be using that phrasing to avoid presenting a world overshadowed by gods and monsters, which is something I think is inherent to The Odyssey. That wasn't the case though. Yes, this is a bit more grounded in some ways (you don't see gods moving pieces around a board as you might in some classic adventure movies from yesteryear), but you get everything that should be here, from a cyclops to a dangerous beast picking off passing sailors, from a powerful witch to deadly sirens. There are giant warriors, there are prophecies delivered by the dead, and there's at least one nymph happy to keep someone captive and feed them amnesia-inducing lotus flowers. There are also a lot of human moments though, which all works in tandem with the more fantastical and spectacular moments. Odysseus MUST get home to his loved ones. Penelope has held out hope for his return over many difficult years. Telemachus can barely restrain himself from upsetting and fighting the suitors, and the half-blind Eumaeus (John Leguizamo) does everything he can to keep the household ready for his master's return.

Nobody here is mis-cast. Nobody. I was most worried about young Tom Holland in his role, but his role requires him to still convey the emotions and inexperience of a young boy pining for his lost father, and he works brilliantly in the role. Damon is superb, particularly impressive in the sequence that shows him dealing with the song of the sirens (as well as the entire third act), Hathaway gets to play arguably the best female character that Nolan has included in any of his films, and Leguizamo is only equalled by Samantha Morton when it comes to supporting cast members delivering career-best moments. Robert Pattinson is delightfully snide and villainous, Jon Bernthal is surprisingly impressive, and there are also excellent supporting turns from Himesh Patel, Corey Hawkins, Lupita Nyong'o, Logan Marshall-Green, Ryan Hurst, Elliot Page, Andrew Howard, and many others.

There may be one or two very minor complaints, I didn't even really process the score from Ludwig Göransson while immersed in the spectacle (although I have been listening to it over the past few days, and it's quite wonderful and a worthy companion to the visuals) and I do think the character played by Theron felt slightly mishandled, so I am happy for now to rate this as highly as I rate my other favourite Nolan movies. At his best, Noland matches his own desire for spectacular film-making with a knowledge of what audiences will want to see. He does that here, a number of times, and also makes use of the non-linear structure to tease us all on the way to a climax that has at least two incredible, and yet incredibly different in scale, set-pieces. It's hard to think of how he will top this (I suggest either Gulliver's Travels or a dark Jack The Ripper movie would be the way forward, personally), but he doesn't really need to. He could rest on his laurels now and rest safe in the knowledge that he's already an established cinematic great to so many.

That includes me. Even if I've yet to give one of his films a perfect score. There's either something just holding them back from being absolutely perfect, or I may need to revisit his entire filmography one day with the idea of reconsidering why I've been reticent to just agree with so many others and overlook some minor flaws.

9/10

Monday, 20 July 2026

Mubi Monday: Alpha (2025)

Like many others, I have enjoyed the first two cinematic features from writer-director Julia Ducournau so much that I'm already willing to make time for anything she does. I was excited to check out Alpha, a film I had heard some good word on already. Sadly, this feels like a bit of a step down, and it's so frustratingly simplistic and heavy-handed that I wonder why she felt compelled to make it now. It feels decades too late, considering the main metaphor at the heart of it, but it also feels disappointingly half-baked.

Mélissa Boros is Alpha, a young girl living with her single mother (Golshifteh Farahani) in a dangerous world. Alpha's mother is also a nurse, helping many people who have succumbed to a disease that starts to turn their flesh into something resembling marble and their blood into red dust. Nobody wants to catch the disease, which is why many become afraid and harsh when Alpha gets a strange tattoo on her arm that looks as if it could keep bleeding, signifying that Alpha herself is infected. With many quick to react, Alpha finds herself bonding with her uncle, Amin (Tahar Rahim), a heroin addict who doesn't seem too bothered by the idea of accidentally overdosing one day.

The performances are all excellent. No complaints there. Young Boros makes a very capable lead, easily carrying the film on her slender shoulders through many scenes, and both Farahani and Rahim do well as two adults with very polar opposite attitudes to life and responsibility. Louai El Amrousy also does good work, although it's hard to enjoy his presence as his character acts out in ways that we've seen young men act out so many times before in this kind of situation (aka a potential sexual health situation they want to stay away from while blaming a young woman), and both Finnegan Oldfield and Emma Mackey are a welcome inclusion, the latter also being quite the pleasant surprise, considering the other things I have seen her in recently.

Considering what they have to work with here, everyone deserves even more credit than usual. Because this isn't great material. It's sombre and heavy-handed, but also doesn't feel as if it's handled in the best way possible by Ducournau.

This may have been a very personal story for her, or she may have seen it as a metaphor applicable to many other issues we can see around us now on a daily basis, but that doesn't necessarily make it connect more with viewers. I might be very much in the minority here, but this felt like the cinematic equivalent of some elderly relative warning you about the dangers of unsafe sex after you've already spent years having your fun responsibly. It's a PSA about something that needed more people to take heed of it over 40 years ago. I'm not saying that STIs and AIDs have gone out of existence, but the information and resources are out there to avoid the kind of horrors we saw back when things were at their worst.

There are some other positives though. I enjoyed the music from Jim Williams. I also enjoyed the cinematography from Ruben Impens, and there are a few images here that will absolutely live in my memory far longer than anything else in the film. Maybe those images came to Ducournau first, leading her to create the film around them. She should have spent longer thinking about exactly how to couch everything, what points she could make most effectively, and how to justify what basically amounts to an all-too-minimal exploration of the AIDs crisis of the 1980s through a 21st century lens.

4/10

Sunday, 19 July 2026

Netflix And Chill: Speak No Evil (2024)

There are times when everyone else seems to make time for a film that I know I won't get around to for quite a while, for all kinds of different reasons. Speak No Evil was one of those films. I just couldn't bring myself to be enthusiastic about it, despite the amount of people I know who said it was a surprisingly good remake of the original film.

While those people were quite correct in their general assumption, I think they should have also admitted that, despite the content throughout most of the runtime, there are a number of mis-steps in the third act that make this absolutely on par with so many other remakes that exist simply due to people not wanting to read subtitles. Speak No Evil is dark and mean-spirited, for the most part, but it's defanged and neutered just in time for the end credits to roll, leaving anyone who was impressed by the original sorely dissatisfied and disappointed.

Scoot McNairy and Mackenzie Davis are Ben and Louise Dalton, a married couple with one daughter, Agnes (Alix West Lefler), and a lot of obvious tension in their relationship. While on holiday in Italy they meet Paddy (James McAvoy), Ciara (Aisling Franciosi), and their son, Ant (Dan Hough). Ant is unable to speak, but his parents are very friendly and chatty. And they invite Ben, Louise, and Agnes to visit them when they're all back in the UK some time. But things quickly become a bit strange and uncomfortable when the sheen of that "new holiday friendship" has gone and Paddy continues to tease and antagonise his guests.

Based on the original screenplay, this has been written and directed by James Watkins, possibly still a bit infamous for the darkness and horror of his debut feature, Eden Lake (one of the few films I rate very highly and never want to rewatch). Watkins is a great choice to helm this, and he's helped by the casting, which makes it even more of a shame to see how things ultimately play out. It's good that he didn't feel the need to change too much for the set-up though, which basically creates a twisted comedy of manners around the nightmarish notion that people who made casual mention of some future time socialising together actually meant what they said.

McAvoy is the overwhelming dark star of the film, dancing his way from mirth to menace repeatedly in a performance that taps into the impressive depths of scariness he's displayed in a number of other features. As the one who finds herself most often the target of his questions and barbs, Davis is also very good. Both she and McNairy play their characters with a slight snobbery and fragility that allows viewers to consider their downfall with some glee until the scales start to tip in their favour as they strive to remain calm and polite in the face of ever-increasing unpleasantness. Franciosi is on a par with everyone else, and both of the younger cast members are enjoyably natural and believable, whether they're just playing around or becoming afraid of the situation developing among the adults.

This is a good one to try and endure. And it's slightly easier to endure than the original movie. That's what makes it more entertaining and enjoyable. But it's also what leads to the biggest weakness. So, weighing up the good and the bad, I would have to rate this on a par with the original. It's a very solid thriller, and impressively dark. Until what feels like an obvious number of concessions in the third act.

7/10

Saturday, 18 July 2026

Shudder Saturday: Jimmy And Stiggs (2025)

The latest slice of neon and bloodshed from writer-director Joe Begos is arguably even more lo-fi and low-budget than usual. Fans of his work will find plenty to enjoy, I suspect, but others may be turned off by the strange energy of it.

Begos also stars onscreen as Jimmy Lang, a man who has a close encounter of the probing kind one evening. Determined not to let it happen again, he prepares to fight back against anything else that enters his home. That includes his friend, Stiggs Randolph (Matt Mercer), although maybe the two can work together to cause some harm to creatures that certainly don't come in peace.

This is a mess, but I expected that from a Begos movie. Unfortunately, it's a strangely boring and unimpressive mess. That's certainly not what I expected. Apparently shot in the home of Begos over four years, starting during wild times of the Covid pandemic, this may only run for 79 minutes, but it feels at least twice that long. And that's not to do with my viewing being extended by some fake movie trailers at the start (the best one being "The Piano Killer") that ensure you cannot forget Eli Roth being on board as a producer.

Moving between POV shots and more standard camerawork, Begos tries hard to make up for the single location. That cannot be done with energy and movement alone though. I would politely suggest that Begos spends more time on his next project working on the script. While I disagree with the idea that swearing equates to less intelligence, there's an obvious reason why one of the main bits of trivia for this film on IMDb states "the F-word and its variations are uttered over 700 times during the film." Begos has nothing else to fill in the gaps between flashes of violence.

He does a better job as an actor than a writer, but it's still not quite enough to make it easier for viewers to spend time stuck alongside someone so irritating and uninteresting. The same goes for Mercer. Viewers don't get much of a chance to dig below the surface of either character, making it even harder to care about the ultimate outcome of the fighting and killing.

I'm not going to namecheck the specific splattery film with a third act that this felt as if it was trying to emulate, that could spoil both that film and this one, but I will say that this fares even worse when there's a point of comparison. If you're big fan of Begos then you'll already be predisposed to like this, and kudos to him for just using his time and resources to get something made (he's many things, but an easy sell is not one of them). Everyone else should approach with extreme caution, or maybe completely stay away from something that should have been used as the framing story for the last V/H/S/ anthology.

3/10

Friday, 17 July 2026

Thunderbolt (1995)

I would never claim to be any expert on the films of Jackie Chan (although I can point you towards one or two friends who definitely are), but it's not often that I come across a star vehicle for him that I spent years being completely unaware of. Thunderbolt is a film that has Jackie and co. involved with lots of racing cars, which meant my expectations were high for some major vehicular carnage.

Thorsten Nickel plays a criminal/racer nicknamed Cougar, and the police want nothing more than to be able to throw the book at him. They get the chance when he crosses paths with Jackie Chan (playing a talented mechanic/fighter/ex-racer named Chan). Unfortunately, Cougar isn't able to be held long enough to make the case against him. This leads to him terrorising Chan and his family, and ultimately challenging Chan to a race. Meanwhile, a tenacious reporter (Amy, played by Anita Yuen) keeps trying to get a big exclusive while the story is playing out.

Directed by Gordon Chan, who would also direct his star in one of his worst mainstream features (The Medallion), Thunderbolt is an enjoyable enough action flick, co-written by the director, Chan Hing-Kai, and Kwok Wai-Chung. It's slightly overlong, clocking in at about 110 minutes, and action movie fans might be slightly disappointed by the pacing, as well as the scope of the stuntwork, but there's still a hell of a lot to appreciate here, not least of which is an extended sequence in which our main villain attacks our unprepared hero via a hugely destructive shipping container being swung around on the end of a crane. You also get Jackie Chan singing the theme song, some decent car stunts (as you'd expect), and an absolutely superb fight in a Pachinko parlor.

Chan is as he is in so many other movies. He's super-skilled, very noble of heart, and eminently watchable throughout, whether behind the wheel or doing his best to avoid confrontation. Nickel is a fun villain, completely over the top and cocky, but also working with his own specific code as he engineers (no pun intended) a grand duel with a worthy opponent. Yuen has to be won over by our hero, of course, while eventually giving up on her career ambitions. It's not a great role, most female roles in these movies never are, but Yuen is always very watchable. Everyone else, whether they're a determined Interpol agent (Michael Wong) or members of Chan's family, does what is needed of them, but they remain sidelined for most of the action beats, unless being placed in danger and needing to be rescued.

Maybe my expectations were a bit too high when I pressed play on this. I wanted some insane car stunts, lots of crashes, and the kind of life-endangering antics that you don't get to see in action films from countries with pesky health & safety regulations and insurance terms. What I got was an entertaining racing film with three memorable set-pieces (and two of those didn't involve cars) and a very standard sports movie final act. But the more time I have spent thinking on what is actually here, especially the wild and crazy shipping container sequence, I appreciate what it actually is, compared to any negativity I was feeling about it not matching what I thought it might be.

There are better options for you if you want dazzling Jackie Chan fight choreography or fast car action, but this does well enough in blending those two elements to make it a fun time for action movie fans.

7/10

Thursday, 16 July 2026

Maid Droid (2023)

I was very recently made aware of the filmography of writer-director Rich Mallery. It would appear that he is carving out a niche for himself making what we could kindly refer to as disposable entertainment for those wanting to spend some time in the company of attractive young women. Because there's a shortage of movies made with that in mind, of course.

Maid Droid is exactly what you think it is. A self-pitying man (Harrison, played by Jose Adam Alvarez) is persuaded by a friend to invest in renting a maid droid. You can hire them for all of your menial tasks, and they will do whatever is asked of them during that rental time. And they're absolutely like a live human woman in every way, as Harrison's friend informs him. And so it is that Harrison ends up with Mako (Faith West) in his home. Mako helps make the arc of the movie all too clear when she turns up in the kind of maid outfit that looks as if it was bought from the nearest branch of Ann Summers. But will things go smoothly for a man falling in lust with a household device?

Before I go any further I must pause to remind people of one important point: Movies should be examined and rated based on what they're aiming to do, not based on how they compare to every other movie in existence. While Maid Droid isn't great, the low budget and some poor performances really work against it, it's not that bad for what it is. Mallery has a simple idea that he stretches out to a bearable 91 minutes, and he knows that West is good enough casting to make up for some of the other shortcomings.

While she's not brilliant, West is the best thing here, and tries her best to portray her droid character realistically without falling into the trap of making herself too stiff and preposterously ignorant of the ways of us humans. Alvarez, on the other hand, sometimes feels more like the character who cannot understand normal behaviour. He's not helped by the script that only wants him to be either horny or morose, but it's a shame that he can't do anything to make a better impression. Kylee Michael does okay as the other main woman integral to the plot, although the focus of Maid Droid always remains the titular maid droid.

This is easy to sneer it, and it's equally easy to completely dismiss. It's not helped by the scenes that effectively bookend the main storyline, nor is it helped by the backstory given to Mako that is teased throughout. It's not terrible though, for the kind of film it is. Those after sexy sexy times may be disappointed, it's actually a very tame film when you consider where it could have gone, but those after some titillation and diverting silliness will find that this delivers just that.

5/10