They Will Kill You (2026)

As anyone who has been keeping track of my movie viewings will know, this is the reason I recently revisited Why Don't You Just Die! I had enjoyed the trailer for this movie, and wanted to see how director Kirill Sokolov would do with macabre fare that seemed to be aimed at a more mainstream audience (aka his English-language debut). The verdict? He doesn't do a bad job. I wouldn't call They Will Kill You great, but it certainly has one or two moments of greatness in it.

It's a familiar tale, at least on the surface. A group of rich and powerful people need to kill someone in order to retain their status. They're all inhabitants of one large building, and Asia Reaves (Zazie Beetz) is the new housekeeper who ends up being their new target. Asia has a hidden agenda though, and she's also very good at staying alive while dealing savagely with anyone silly enough to attack her.

Co-written by Sokolov and Alex Litvak, this may have underperformed at the box office, perhaps due to how close it was released to what seemed a very similar film (Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come), but I hope people will give it their time at home. There are a couple of twists and turns that make it much more fun than expected, and the violence on display is often as entertaining and inventive as it is savage and bloody.

Beetz is a very good lead, easy to root for and easy to believe as someone capable and deadly. It helps that the ensemble cast also includes Patricia Arquette (dubious accent choice and all), Paterson Joseph, Heather Graham, Tom Felton, Angus Sampson, and the voice of James Remar. There are many others too, including Myha'la, playing a character who provides the main motivation for the leading lady. Not everyone is at the same standard when it comes to the performances being delivered, but those who add to the fun far outweigh the few who don't.

I admit to not being won over by this from the very beginning. It seemed like it was a half-baked idea that would barely hold my interest for half an hour, let alone a full 94 minutes. The first couple of twists and turns were executed well enough to perk me up though, and then I was delighted by some superb gore gags and wonderfully-choreographed fight scenes until the curtain was pulled back for a final act that keeps delivering more of the same, but also adds even more insanity to the mix.

Sokolov proves himself as someone to absolutely keep an eye on. He has a great sense of the cinematic, is able to create stylish mayhem on a relatively low budget, and accompanies his visuals with some appropriately driving soundtrack choices. I may have been keen to see this, but I'm just as keen to see whatever he ends up doing next. And I wouldn't be disappointed if it was some contrived sequel to this. Maybe titled They Will Still Kill You. 

7/10

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Netflix And Chill: Best. Christmas. Ever! (2023)

With no shade or disrespect intended, it's wild to see the long and winding road that director Mary Lambert's career has taken since hitting a relative high when she helmed a notorious Stephen King adaptation back in 1989. She has since jumped around in a number of different genres and styles, and has recently started to deliver some cheery and cheesy Christmas movies for Netflix. The good news for Christmas movie fans is that she's as good with this material as she is with anything else she could choose to direct.

Best. Christmas. Ever! is a comedy with plenty of heart to it, a standard Christmas movie format, that sees Charlotte Sanders (Heather Graham), her husband, Rob (Jason Biggs), and their young children, Grant (Wyatt Hunt) and Dora (Abby Villasmil), end up at the home of Jackie Jennings (Brandy Norwood) for Christmas. Jackie has the gorgeous Valentino (Matt Cedeño) for a husband, and a young prodigy in the shape of daughter, Beatrix (Madison Skye Validum). Is that a bad thing? It is for Charlotte, who has spent years being irritated by the seemingly perfect family life that Jackie sets out in her annual family newsletter. Maybe she can take this opportunity to see what lies below the surface though, and to prove that all isn't as lovely as it appears to be in the Jennings household. You might already be able to guess how this works out.

Co-written by first-timer Todd Calgi Gallicano and the much more experienced Charles Shyer, this is a fun film that sets up everything you expect to happen in any standard Christmas movie around some enjoyable set-pieces that are elevated by the star power of the cast. And you can stop your sniggering now. They may not be at the top of the Hollywood tree, but this central cast feel a step or two up from the usual assortment of bland and inoffensive people used in so many of these films.

Lambert works well with everyone, and there are times throughout the first half of the film in which things come together with surprisingly effective results. It's still very standard fare, but it feels as if it might be a bit more amusing, and even a bit more risqué, than most. That's only temporary though, and the halfway point turns sharply to drive headlong into much more familiar territory. It's still a bit better than many other festive viewing options though, thanks to the development of the main characters, and the fun performances from the people portraying them.

Graham is the nominal lead, with viewers watching her go on a complete journey from start to finish, and she's used well here. I like Graham in most things, whether or not she's the right person for the role, but she's very comfortable with the particular blend of comedy and drama she has to work with here. Brandy may not be as firmly established as a working actor, but she's really good in her role, allowed to act with a constant air of optimism and joy that works because of her earnestness and warmth. Biggs is decent in support, and Cedeño is used mainly for his handsome looks (but also does well in complementing his onscreen wife with equal amounts of heart and unselfishness). Young Villasmil may not have much to do, but does just fine, and both Hunt and Validum get one or two moments to shine in their respective plot strands, although I am using the words "plot strands" fairly loosely here.

I liked this. Although still constrained by the requirements of the specific kind of movie it is, Best. Christmas. Ever! feels like something that hasn't been made with the same focus on budget and formula than many others that are released around the festive period every year. I won't rush to rewatch it, it's no new holiday classic, but I also wouldn't mind if I was in the same room with someone else putting it on for their first viewing. How's that for a glowing endorsement.

6/10

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Suitable Flesh (2023)

No Netflix and chill on the blog this week, mainly because I had the opportunity to cram some of the latest horror movies at a local cinema.

Loosely based on "The Thing On The Doorstep", a short story from H.P. Lovecraft I read many years ago now, Suitable Flesh is a horror film written by Dennis Paoli that feels very much like a new film from director Stuart Gordon, despite it actually being directed by Joe Lynch. I don't say that to unfairly compare the film to past glories. I say it as a very deliberate compliment.

The framing of the main narrative involves Heather Graham as Dr. Elizabeth Derby, a therapist who is locked up and being interviewed by a friend and colleague, Dr. Daniella Upton (Barbara Crampton). It turns out that Dr. Derby has been going a bit off the rails, to put it mildly, since her first encounter with a patient named Asa Waite (Judah Lewis). Asa kept making claims about out of body experiences, a problem that he kept linking to his father, Ephraim (Bruce Davison). Although it's easy to believe that Asa has mental health issues, it soon becomes easier for Dr. Derby to believe that there's something to his feeling of being taken over by another entity.

Made with what seems to be fairly limited resources (I would imagine that the budget went mainly on the cast and a couple of very impressive practical effects moments), Suitable Flesh won't necessarily draw people in from the opening moments. It takes a while to really settle in to what it wants to deliver, with that time laying groundwork that helps to acclimatise viewers to the wild ideas at the heart of the script. Paoli has adapated many Lovecraft tales before this one, of course, but he does some of his best work here when it comes to translating a head-scratching concept from page to screen in a way that doesn't lead to complete confusion and unintentional comedy.

Lynch does a very good job of working with everyone in a way that feels in line with the material. The emphasis here is on macabre fun, and the tone is perfect throughout, although it's just a shame that this is a film that has received comments for the amount of sexual content when it still feels rather tame compare to the films it is otherwise successfully emulating. Lynch keeps a lot of humour and transgressiveness onscreen, but there's a sense that he remains slightly restrained, trying to balance things out between the potential craziness and the ability to have the film be a marketable commodity.

Graham has a lot of fun in her lead role, going wonderfully over the top when playing the wilder incarnation of her character, I'd be tempted to even say that it is her best role in years, and Crampton is as good as she always is alongside her. Lewis moves between understandable nerviness and unnerving cool confidence, Davison makes a strong impression with his few scenes, and Johnathon Schaech is the confused husband of Graham's character, and someone who proves to be surprisingly easily seduced by some of the new ways in which his wife wants to fool around. Graham Skipper has a small role, a lot of fun as the kind of pathologist who eats his lunch over a corpse on the slab, and Hunter Womack is a likeable security guard who gets caught up in the escalating madness of a satisfying third act that pulls out all the stops.

Weird, wild, and brilliant, Suitable Flesh is a real treat for horror fans. The pairing of Lynch and Paoli is a rewarding one, I hope this isn't their only collaboration, and if they make any more vehicles for some of my favourite actresses then all the better.

8/10

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My Dead Boyfriend (2016)

Directed by Anthony Edwards (yes, THAT Anthony Edwards), My Dead Boyfriend is the kind of film that thinks it is being quirky and cool and fun. And it's the kind of film that fails miserably at being all of those things.

Heather Graham plays Mary, a young woman who finds her day going from bad to worse when she gets home to discover that her boyfriend is, as you may have already guessed from the title, an ex-boyfriend, in the shuffled off the mortal coil sense. This isn't the worst thing in the world really, mainly because he was a lazy loser. Or was he? As Mary tries to make arrangements for the deceased, she starts to discover that he was quite a talented and well-known figure. He just didn't seem to make the same effort for her.

Did you know that Heather Graham is now 48 years old? 48??? I was going to replace a standard review of this movie with many paragraphs of me simply verbalising my incredulity at how Ms Graham looks almost exactly the same nowadays as she did two decades ago but then I realised that people would think me a tad shallow, and maybe obsessed with Heather Graham (whom I first fell a little bit in love with when she starred in Licence To Drive). But, come on, can we all just admit that she must have spent at least the past few years bathing in the blood of virgins? No? Okay, sorry, I'll move on.

Anywayyyyy . . . Graham is always someone I like seeing in films, which isn't the same as saying she is always right for the role. Her quality of work can vary wildly, and many would say she misses more than she hits, but I will always watch a film with her involved. This performance is a miss. She doesn't exude the right appeal that the character needs to make up for her many lousy decisions, she doesn't do well with any of the potential comedy, and she doesn't handle the dramatic moments any better.

The script, by Billy Morrissette (based on a novel by Arthur Nersesian), doesn't help, and nor does the direction from Edwards. As I said in the first paragraph, this is trying to be cool and quirky and fun and ends up not being any of those things. The characters never feel like more than paper-thin figures only moving around to make things inconvenient for one another, and the visuals and soundtrack both fail to liven up the proceedings, somehow sapping the energy from every scene rather than adding to it.

Katherine Moennig is good, but not onscreen enough, as Zoe, Mary's best friend, Scott Michael Foster is okay as a decent guy who ends up in the right place at an odd time, Griffin Dunne can't do enough to make his mishandled character seem any better, Gina Gershon gets to do an accent, and Martha Millan gets to have a chip on her shoulder, which she does well.

My Dead Boyfriend is one of the least memorable films I have watched in recent years, certainly in terms of films with one or two familiar names involved. And this is coming from someone who loves Heather Graham. If you don't like her (because some people are weird like that) then feel free to deduct another point from my rating.

3/10

You can stream the film here.
Americans can buy it on disc here.

Horns (2013)

Based on the popular novel by Joe Hill, Horns is a supernatural drama directed by Alexandre Aja. And a damn fine one it is too. I LOVED the book, it became one of my instant favourites of the past few years, and this movie is a decent adaptation. As long as you remember that things have to change from page to screen.

Daniel Radcliffe plays Ignatius "Ig" Perrish, a young man who isn't very popular in his home town, to put it mildly. He's just gotten away with the murder of his loved one, Merrin (Juno Temple), and nobody believes that he's actually innocent. Well, nobody except perhaps his brother (Joe Anderson) and his best friend, who is also acting as his lawyer, Lee (Max Minghella). And his parents (James Remar and Kathleen Quinlan), of course. Except . . . . . . . Ig finds out that his parents actually have concerns about just what their son is capable of. He finds out after waking up with horns growing out of his head one morning. Horns that seem to cast a spell on the people around him. They find themselves suddenly telling Ig their darkest thoughts. There's a chance that Ig can use the horns to find out what happened to Merrin, but there's also a chance that they will just cause him more pain and suffering than he's already been through.

Written into movie form by Keith Bunin, Horns gets a hell of a lot right for an adaptation. Changes are made that help maintain focus on the most important characters, extraneous background stories are ruthlessly chopped out, and the unfolding "whodunnit" structure is successfully ported over, allowing viewers to make discoveries alongside Ig as he tries to use his new powers to find out what really happened, even if it turns out that he still has some blame to carry upon his own shoulders.

Aja isn't as at ease with the direction here as he has been in with most of his past movies, seeming to struggle with the balance of drama, love and mystery here that he hasn't really had to deal with before now. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is more The Lovely Bones than Satan's Little Helper, although it has the streak of dark humour that helped make the book such a great read.

Radcliffe is pretty great in the lead role, it has to be said. It's another big stride out from the shadow of Harry Potter, and he seizes the opportunity with relish, making a great Ig Perrish (wavering American accent aside). Temple is a good choice to play Merrin, a character who has more of a presence in her death than many others have while living. Anderson and Minghella both do really well, Remar and Quinlan are always good to watch, Heather Graham has fun in a small role, and the always-great David Morse is great, obviously, as the father of the deceased, a man who wants to hate Ig more than his inner gut and heart will allow.

Horror fans may find this a bit lacking, it's not especially bloody and never tense or scary either, but it's something a bit different from the norm, and it mixes the dark and delightful in a way that should please those of us who acknowledge that "the devil has all the best tunes" and, as AC/DC once sang, "Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be".

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/Horns-Daniel-Radcliffe/dp/B00O4UAXRM/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1413065972&sr=1-1&keywords=horns

Bowfinger (1999)

Frank Oz directs this great little comedy that sees Steve Martin (who also wrote the screenplay) starring as the titular wannabe Hollywood player.

Robert Bowfinger has a dream and that dream is to make a major, hit movie. Impressed by the script for sci-fi actioner "Chubby Rain", he decides to get his cast and crew together and finally make something happen. It helps that his movie is going to star the hottest leading man of the moment, Kit Ramsey (played by Eddie Murphy). The big problem, however, is that Kit has no idea he is in the movie, which forces Bowfinger to . . . . . . . . . get creative.

Upon its initial release, many people hailed this as a return to comedy form for both Martin and Murphy and, somehow, I disagreed with them. Well, time has passed and now, finally, I see what everyone else saw back then. A hilarious, sharp, brilliant comedy featuring two men who would never again be quite this funny ( at least, that's my opinion as of today's date).

The script is full of great one-liners (such as my personal favourite: "let's try it one more time Slater, this time without the erection") and digs at the quagmire of modern movie-making with all that entails, including temperamental stars, young actresses doing whatever it takes to get ahead, the reach and influence of Scie . . . ummm any modern system of religious belief and the power of a beautiful lie.

Thankfully, we have a great cast delivering these points. Martin is on the same kind of hilarious, smoothly lying form that saw him entertain so much in the likes of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels while Murphy gets to show more than one side, as he usually does, without overdoing things, as he usually does. Then we have Heather Graham playing a not-so innocent . . . . innocent, Christine Baranski as a leading lady wanting her one shot at true stardom, Jamie Kennedy as a very resourceful car valet and, well, everybody else who gets screen time. The whole cast is great, even the smaller roles are filled by the likes of Terence Stamp and Robert Downey Jr.

Maybe you felt the same way as I did, that Bowfinger received far more praise than it deserved at the time, but if that's the case then I hope you revisit it some time. And I hope you also find that Bowfinger actually received just as much praise as it deserved. Because it's a fantastic comedy.

8/10

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/Steve-Martin-Collection-DVD/dp/B000QJMSFA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373823371&sr=8-1&keywords=steve+martin+box+set

Lost In Space (1998)

When I was a young lad I became a big fan of Lost In Space, a TV show that was given a Sunday morning/afternoon timeslot on British TV and made for perfect viewing on a lazy day. The show may have been from a previous generation but when it was repeated in the 1980s it was just as entertaining and enjoyable (I always did prefer it to the other show that usurped its timeslot, Land Of The Giants). So when I heard that they were making a movie version of the show in the late 1990s, with a cast including Gary Oldman, William Hurt and Heather Graham, I was pretty damn excited.

I'm not sure if the movie was considered a flop when it was released in cinemas but it certainly didn't live up to expectations, in both a financial sense and in the treatment of the material that the fans wanted to see. I didn't get to see the movie in the cinema but I bought it on video and enjoyed it for what it was. In fact, I spent years defending the movie against those who claimed it was complete rubbish. Sadly, after a gap of many years, I have now revisited the film and found that I was wrong for many years. It IS rubbish. It's dull, it's cheesy and it takes a great TV show and makes it into nothing more than a visual FX showcase with numerous videogame moments taking up time that could have been given over to the few really interesting aspects of the plot.

The plot is summed up by the title and is, essentially, the same as it was in the TV show. The Robinson family (William Hurt as the father, Mimi Rogers as the mother, Lacey Chabert and Heather Graham as the daughters and Jack Johnson as young Will) head off into space and get a bit lost. They also have a stowaway on board in the shape of the devious and cowardly Dr. Zachary Smith (Gary Oldman), a large robot that could be a major asset or a major threat and a brave pilot (Matt LeBlanc) who isn't at all happy about being given what he sees as a babysitting gig. There are some decent special effects throughout, some dangerous space spiders and a third act that has the potential to be exciting and interesting before throwing away all potential in a mess of dull cliches that we've seen a hundred times before.

But when the end credits roll we get this fantastic tune from Apollo Four Forty. Which turns out to be one of the few highlights of the movie.

It's frustratingly easy to see the many small ways in which Lost In Space flounders and becomes a big mess. William Hurt does very well, as usual, and Gary Oldman is a delight whenever he's onscreen (playing the best character of the lot, so wonderfully played by Jonathan Harris in the TV show) but most of the other cast members are ill-served by the script. Heather Graham shines as she usually does, though even she is stuck with a number of super-lame moments, and Jared Harris does quite well with his small amount of screentime but Lacey Chabert is just annoying 95% of the time, Mimi Rogers is pretty much just there for the sake of being there and young Jack Johnson tries his best but is stuck with playing Will Robinson, who always struck me as a bit too much of a smartass to be a likeable kid. The least said about Matt LeBlanc the better, sadly, as he gets all of the worst lines and delivers them with no conviction or gusto.

Director Stephen Hopkins tries to distract you with pretty visuals but it's not enough when none of the action sequences excite, the chemistry between the characters fails to fizz and the whole thing starts to feel more and more pointless as it goes on. Akiva Goldsman, given the scripting duties, can get a lot of the blame but he's not left on his own. So many wrong decisions are made here - from the choice of plot to go with to the casting to the lack of intelligence or wit or style - that it's only fair to blame everyone equally. Apart from maybe Hurt and Goldman.

There are a few moments that entertain, and it's nice to see cameos from some of the original cast members and to hear that familiar robotic voice exclaiming "danger, Will Robinson", but there's just no way that this film does enough to warrant even an average rating in the grand scheme of things.

4/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Lost-Space-Blu-ray-Region-Free/dp/B003IHVKRE