Prime Time: Call Me Claus (2001)

In an oft-used trope of the Christmas movie, Call Me Claus revolves around a central idea of someone hiring a Santa Claus “actor” who claims to be the real Santa Claus. There’s no ambiguity here. We know it is the real Santa Claus. We just need to see how long it takes to convince the central character, played here by Whoopi Goldberg.

Goldberg is Lucy Cullins, a powerful producer for a home shopping channel that is gearing up for that busy holiday shopping season. Desperate to find a Santa host, she ends up inadvertently hiring, yes, Santa (Nigel Hawthorne). This isn’t entirely coincidental. Santa is due to retire, and he knows that Lucy is due to inherit his role (he put his hat on her when she was a child visitor and he started to glow, which is THE SIGN). Lucy might not believe him though, her Christmas spirit seems to have been usurped by her hunger for continued career success. Oh well, it isn’t as if there are dire consequences expected if Santa doesn’t sort out his replacement in time. Oh wait . . . there are.

Director Peter Werner has an extensive selection of TV work throughout the past few decades, and his handling of this material shows what a steady and confident presence he is at the helm. This is what you expect it to be, a star vehicle that manages to play to a family audience, and everyone tries their best to make it something fun and light, while allowing Goldberg to feel like the right fit in the lead role.

She absolutely does. Yes, it’s fun to see her in movies where she can be more outrageous, whether that is in her physical performance or her choice of swear words, but this role allows her to play up the cynicism she does so well, as well as making good use of her in a Santa hat (because, quite frankly, seeing a black woman as a potential Santa still feels like a uniquely positive bit of seasonal representation over two decades after this was made). Hawthorne makes for a surprisingly good Santa, and I say surprisingly because of being familiar with his usual body type in his other roles. His manner is as kind and earnest as required, and he looks convincingly stressed and tired during the scenes that remind viewers of his urgent quest. Victor Garber, Alexandra Wentworth, and Brian Stokes Mitchell are all good fun, playing other people at the network in various positions of power, and Taylor Negron as an elf is an inspired bit of casting, because he seems both too tall and too grumpy for the role. You will also spot Frankie Faison, Bruce Vilanch, and Allyce Beasley in the cast. You may not recognise those names, but you will recognise the faces.

It may not be surprising that the writers involved with this don’t have the most extensive filmographies, and I say that in terms of the unique feeling of the film, not in terms of the quality. More interesting, however, is the fact that these people don’t have the “time served” in Christmas (TV) movies you usually see, although this is reflected in the way that the movie avoids slavishly copying every other seasonal TV movie. 

Although you may prefer many of her other movie roles, this film is a lovely mix of Whoopi Goldberg and festive trimmings. It has more proper laughs than you get in most films in this vein, but it also remembers to deliver the comforting glow and occasional “ho ho ho” that make it a sweet Christmas treat.

7/10

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Ani-MAY-tion Month: The Plague Dogs (1982)

I knew this was going to be a tough film to watch. It was from the makers of Watership Down (which I still haven't seen . . . . . . yet), and it was a movie that left an impression on most who saw it. Well, from the very first scene, it soon became apparent that this IS a tough film to watch. Very, very tough.

Not recommended for animal lovers or very young children, The Plague Dogs is a dark adventure story about two dogs who escape from a research lab. Both have endured numerous horrors, all in the name of science, at the hands of "the white coats" and neither dog wants to end up back in that situation. Ever. Not really sure of what to do out in the wild, the two escapees end up receiving guidance from a canny fox. Meanwhile, a search is organised and it looks like time is running out for the furry fugitives.

Based on the novel by Richard Adams, The Plague Dogs was adapted into movie form and directed by Martin Rosen, and the man doesn't pull any punches. It's hard to imagine people thinking of this being pitched to younger viewers, but it's also admirable that the subject matter has been dealt with in a way that will cause all viewers to be upset by what they see, and to consider just how animals are inconsiderately, and sometimes cruelly, treated.

The animals are easy to sympathise with, and easy to root for, without being transformed into anthropomorphic Disney creations. Voiced by John Hurt and Christopher Benjamin, both of the dogs are likable without ever being made cute. The bigger dog, especially, has moments in which it snaps at humans, but with good reason. Anybody/anything would react in the same way after such maltreatment. The fox (voiced by James Bolam) is a bit harder to warm to, seemingly sneaky and selfish on occasion, but as the movie develops it becomes easier to understand him, and to realise that he's just acting according to his nature.

Parents will want to vet this one, no pun intended, before deciding whether or not to let youngsters watch it, but I hope that most people realise how good, how worthwhile, it is. It's the kind of family film that we don't really see any more in the timid, sanitized products that tend to rule the box office nowadays (with one or two exceptions). I encourage families to watch the film together, to deal with the emotional turbulence, and to then discuss it after the end credits roll.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Plague-Dogs-DVD-Martin-Rosen/dp/B000VIRDBA/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1400214738&sr=1-1&keywords=the+plague+dogs

Ani-MAY-tion Month: The Black Cauldron (1985)

Often cited as a low point for Disney, I am not going to beat about the bush with this review. I absolutely agree with the majority. This is a big disappointment. More than that, it's just a bit too bizarre to have come from the house of mouse (and, don't get me wrong, I LIKED some of the bizarre elements).

The black cauldron is an evil receptacle that would allow someone to raise an army of the dead. Someone like, ohhhhh, The Horned King (John Hurt). But, thankfully, The Horned King doesn't know where the cauldron is. Nobody really does. Apart from a cute little pig that can be put into a trance, allowing it to display a talent for second sight not often seen in porcine individuals. That little pig is to be looked after by Taran (Grant Bardsley), a young man who dreams of one day being a hero and of seeing more excitement than anything he has experienced in his life so far. So, being a bit of a moron, Taran loses the pig within minutes, ends up almost hand-delivering the creature to The Horned King and soon has to seek out the black cauldron before it falls into the wrong hands.

Based on work by Lloyd Alexander, it's hard to know whether the fault for the poor material onscreen lies with the source material or the people who had a hand in adapting it for the screen. Well, anyone who has read the any of the books will know, but I am sadly unfamiliar with them. I do, however, trust more in one author taking care with their creation than the dozen or so people that it took to put this script together. Considering the final result, it certainly seems as if too many cooks well and truly spoiled the broth this time around. And then poured the broth all over the animated cells. And then urinated on them.

Directors Ted Berman and Richard Rich don't seem to have done anything to improve the situation. The sub-par animation drags viewers along from one disparate scene to another, with the whole movie lacking any kind of fluidity whatsoever. It doesn't help that a little creature called Gurgi puts itself forward for consideration as the most irritating Disney "sidekick" of all time. He may not be in it for the whole runtime, which is a small mercy, but he's in it enough to make you hate him. Which makes any moment when you're supposed to care about him completely ineffective.

The cast providing the voices are perfectly fine. As well as Hurt and Bardsley, we get Susan Sheridan as Eilonwy, Freddie Jones as Dallben, and Nigel Hawthorne as Fflewddur Fflam. Yes, even the names of the characters are quite irritating, especially when you have to spell them correctly while writing out a review. I would explain who these characters are, but it doesn't seem worth it. Nothing about The Black Cauldron really feels like an actual film. It's more like a selection of deleted scenes that have been stitched together to create the semblance of a feature.

Having listed numerous complaints here, I must just finish by saying that this isn't an unwatchable movie, as surprising as that may seem. No, it's just a very poor one. There are some nice animated moments here and there, and a scene in which Taran and his companions meet three witches is amusing enough, mainly due to one witch blurting out a couple of innuendos and comments that seem out of place in an animated Disney movie from this time.

As with any Disney movie, this one has its fans. I'm just not one of them.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/The-Black-Cauldron-Anniversary-Special/dp/B003RACGZM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398912670&sr=8-1&keywords=the+black+cauldron