Netflix And Chill: Tremors (1990)

I have seen Tremors before. In fact, I have seen it many times. I own it in a couple of different formats, I own the excellent book by Jonathan Melville, I even own the t-shirt (a great design from the now-defunct darkbunnytees). It is very much comfort food in movie form, and I know that many others agree. It's also up there with the very best creature features. Who doesn't like Tremors? People with no soul, that's who. 

The plot here is simple. Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward are Valentine and Earl, two friends and co-workers who are looking forward to getting away from Perfection, the small desert town they have felt trapped in for many years. They end up feeling more trapped than usual, however, when the local area becomes a hunting ground for a number of subterranean creatures. The creatures are blind, but they're able to pick up on vibrations and sound, and they're fast and powerful. But the local residents, including the heavily-armed Burt (Michael Gross) and Heather Gummer (Reba McEntire) aren't going to be easy pickings.

The feature film debut of director Ron Underwood, (who spent a decade or so working on numerous shorts, knocked out a few movies, and almost ended his career by helming The Adventures Of Pluto Nash) this is a perfect storm of great ingredients, from the cast to the creature design, from the screenplay, by S. S. Wilson and Brent Maddock, to the ingenuity of the team all making the most of the relatively small budget.

Bacon and Ward are perfect in the lead roles, easygoing guys with a very believable friendship connecting them. Bacon has had his star shining brightly for decades now, but it's a shame that Ward rarely received due credit for the many wonderful performances he's delivered over the years. This remains one of his best turns, however, and we can just be thankful to the casting department for their great taste. That taste also gives us a lot of fun in the characters portrayed so wonderfully by Gross and McEntire, both highly proficient with their huge selection of weaponry. Finn Carter works well as Rhonda LeBeck, a graduate student conducting a number of seismology tests in the area, and a way to deliver more exposition at times (as well as being a potential romantic interest for one of our leads), and there are moments for Bobby Jacoby, Charlotte Stewart, Tony Genaro, Ariana Richards, and Victor Wong that provide a great mix of memorable moments for memorable characters. Everyone gets to be involved in the unfolding action, and nobody lets the team down. 

It's actually very easy to pull Tremors apart and show why it works as well as it does, and the biggest reason for the enduring success of it lies in the script. Following a structure that is familiar to any fan of decent creature features, or even most disaster movies, the pacing of every scene allows for beautifully-developed characterisations to run parallel to the increasingly dangerous threat to the lives of everyone onscreen. Add some creature POV shots, and a nice streak of humour, and the end result is something memorable, eminently rewatchable, and, well, almost perfectly designed to grab your attention and keep hold of it. And many of the films that would follow on from this (a number of sequels and one film set in the past) are also highly recommended, even if they aren't quite as good as this one.

Most people will have already seen this, which makes this yet another redundant review in a long line of redundant reviews. But if you haven't yet seen it . . . make it a priority. Today. treat yourself. You will definitely enjoy it. Unless you have no soul.

9/10

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The Adventures Of Pluto Nash (2002)

Famous for being a massive flop when it was released, The Adventures Of Pluto Nash is a film that you cannot help going into with low expectations. If you ever decided to watch it. So it's perhaps inevitable that it exceeds those expectations, but only does so by being generally watchable throughout. Not good. Watchable.

Eddie Murphy starts as Pluto Nash, an ex-prisoner who ends up owning the hottest nightclub on the moon. Having already been relatively famous for his criminal life, Nash is now a very big fish in the small pond that he swims around. He has a robot bodyguard, Bruno (Randy Quaid), and a buyer who really wants to buy his club for a lot of money. He also ends up with an employee named Dina Lake (Rosario Dawson) who ends up on the run with Nash when the lively nightclub is blown up. Someone really wants that club, and they also want Nash dead.

The last film written by Neil Cuthbert, I'd assume the phone stopped ringing after this was released, this is a comedy that isn't very funny, a sci-fi film that doesn't do enough for sci-fi fans, and a family film that won't satisfy any family who sits down to watch it. There's not enough of anything to make it of interest to any one demographic, and I struggle to think about who it was aimed at. There are no satisfying action beats, the jokes that feel more like adult humour feel out of place, and even the final sequence feels like something that just limps along to the end credits.

Director Ron Underwood does nothing to help, although I suspect that he was hampered by his star (Murphy seems to have a tendency to not listen to those who don't want to do things his way). He is at least helped by a supporting cast full of welcome faces, but that's about the only main positive. Don't even start me on the soundtrack, which put my back up from the very beginning with a horrible rendition of "Blue Moon".

Despite not being on top form, Murphy isn't terrible in the lead role. Make his character a bit more worthy of the attention that he receives and you could have a fun person you want to spend time with. A fast-talking hustler who made it big? Yes. And that's how the character is meant to be, but it doesn't really come across that way, certainly not after the first scenes. Dawson is a fine addition, because Dawson is a fine addition to most movies that she's involved with. It may be far from the best thing that Randy Quaid has ever done, but he has some mildly amusing moments throughout. Elsewhere, Jay Mohr is a club crooner, and annoying for almost every minute that he's onscreen, Joe Pantoliano and Victor Varnado are the main villains (both working for a mysterious boss figure), Peter Boyle and Pam Grier have a couple of good scenes, Illeana Douglas is a lot of fun as a doctor with shady ethics, and there are roles for Luis Guzmán, James Rebhorn, Burt Young, Miguel A. Núñez Jr, and John Cleese.

In much the same way that most films people rush to call the latest "best thing ever" don't actually end up being the best thing ever, most films that people rush to call the "worst of all time" aren't usually anywhere near as bad as the very worst of all time. The Adventures Of Pluto Nash isn't good, and it's not one I'd recommend anyone to watch, but it's not irredeemably bad. It's just bad, and mostly dull. The latter is quite an impressive feat, considering all of the stuff thrown around onscreen.

3/10

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Holiday In Handcuffs (2007)

If Holiday In Handcuffs was a layer of snow outside your front door on Christmas morning it would be yellow. It's a bad, lazy and unfunny film that doesn't even try to treat viewers as if they have more than two braincells (which may, in fact, be the case by the time the end credits roll). The plot is this - Melissa Joan Hart plays Trudie, a young woman who is due to take her boyfriend home with her for Christmas until he dumps her. This would normally be a bad thing to happen but for Trudie it's a bad thing coming after a number of bad things and she snaps. She just can't face going to visit her parents alone and so, of course, she kidnaps a man (David, played by Mario Lopez) and forces him to pretend that he is her boyfriend for the duration of the holiday trip. David is quite the catch and Trudie's mother and father (Markie Post and Timothy Bottoms, respectively) are happy to have him with them for their seasonal celebrations, even if he does react to uncomfortable social situations by "pretending" to be a kidnap victim.

I think that even that last sentence lets you know just how awful this film is. Yes, viewers are supposed to just accept that characters in this movie will believe that someone would pretend to be a kidnap victim as some strange joke they make when things get a little awkward.

Director Ron Underwood has fallen so far and it's sad to see. I mean, he's the guy who directed Tremors and City Slickers at the start of the 1990s and then he bottomed out, I suppose, with The Adventures Of Pluto Nash (which I've not seen yet, I'm simply going by its reputation) before concentrating on TV shows and TV movies like this one. Concentrating on TV shows and TV movies isn't the worst thing for a director to do but making something that stinks as badly as this is. It's not all Underwood's fault though, as the worst parts are the overall premise, thought up by scriptwriter Sara Endsley, and the increasing lack of plausibility and logic in every scene.

It doesn't help that the cast isn't great either. I've seen Melissa Joan Hart be a lot worse than she is here (in that awful Nine Dead, to cite the best example) but she's still pretty awful, as is Mario Lopez. The pair of them aren't helped, of course, by that script but it would still have been nice to see some chemistry or charm or just anything showing a spark of life in those dull eyes. Markie Post, Timothy Bottoms, June Lockhart (as grandma) and Layla Alizada (playing Trudie's friend) all fare a bit better but they're pulled down by the quicksand script. Kyle Howard and Vanessa Lee Evigan are stuck in the same boat while playing Trudie's brother and sister and I feel most sorry for Howard, who almost drags himself above the effluence in one or two moments but can't quite rinse off the bad smell. I went too far with my analogies in this paragraph but at least it saved me from having to use profane language.

I disliked Holiday In Handcuffs from, pretty much, start to finish. There were perhaps three or four moments that made me smile. Those few moments save it from an even lower rating.

3/10

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Santa Baby 2 (2009)

Jenny McCarthy returns as Mary Class (aka Santa's daughter) in a sequel that nobody wanted and, unbelievably, it's actually an improvement on the first film. Okay, so the first film didn't exactly set the bar high but I still went into this movie fully expecting to have to tolerate it as opposed to try and enjoy it. I can't say that I loved it but I can say that it didn't make me want to smash in my TV screen in a blind rage.

A few faces have changed onscreen (Santa Claus is now played by Paul Sorvino and Luke Jessop is now played by Dean McDermott) but the rest all remain the same and behind the camera it's still Ron Underwood directing from another script by Garrett Frawley and Brian Turner.

The story this time around is all about Santa having what can only be described as a bit of a mid-life crisis. Mary did such a good job organising Christmas the previous year that he has more free time on his hands than ever before and spends it playing in jazz bands, playing golf and just being anywhere but where he's needed most. He's left everything being overseen by the efficient Teri (Kelly Stables) but then expects Mary to step in and finish everything off in the last stretch. Mary isn't happy about this and nor is Teri, who has been working hard to gain recognition and possible promotion.

Everything just works a bit better this time around. McCarthy has some spark to her once again, helped by the fact that this film kind of pits her against the meddling character played by Stables. McDermott is an adequate replacement for Ivan Sergei in the role of Luke, here elevated from potential love interest to actual boyfriend, and Sorvino has a lot of fun as a Santa who just wants to cut out and enjoy all of his new free time. Mig Macario, Gabe Khouth and Richard Side have some fun while Jessica Parker Kennedy makes a very, very cute elf, and also has fun with her role.

It's as predictable and inoffensive as the first movie but it's just that bit more fun. The sugar and schmaltz starts to pile up in the last 15 minutes or so but it's offset ever so slightly by the preceding cheating, scheming and manipulation.

5/10

http://www.amazon.com/Santa-Baby-2-Jenny-McCarthy/dp/B003H8F2VE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355078559&sr=8-1&keywords=santa+baby+2

Santa Baby (2006)

Jenny McCarthy plays Mary Class, a high-flying business executive, in this Christmas TV movie that starts off pretty dull and then quickly slides downhill from there. She's a busy, busy lady but is forced to take some time out during the holiday season when her father takes ill and she is required to help run the family business. Oh, and her father (George Wendt) happens to be Santa Claus.

I can't bring myself to rate Santa Baby highly, I can't even give it an average score because it's just too unexciting and unfunny for the entire runtime, but I can't bring myself to really "put the boot in" either. It's a little TV movie that tries to be mildly distracting fun and I'm sure that there are at least one or two undemanding viewers who will enjoy this when it's shown on TV during the Yuletide season. It's inoffensive and somehow caters for almost all sections of the viewing demographic. Kids will like the elves, the parents won't mind McCarthy and co. in most of their scenes and the grandparents will like the element of traditional values. There are also some sweet moments to please couples while single folks can enjoy the whole way in which McCarthy has to stand up to her partner Grant (Tobias Mehler) to assert her independence and protect the Claus way of life. Men get to watch the not unattractive Jenny McCarthy while women can wait for scenes that include the handsome Ivan Sergei.

Director Ron Underwood is seemingly happy to go along with the flat script by Garrett Frawley and Brian Turner, as are all of the actors. McCarthy is a world away from the loud, sassy gal she used to be and it's a shame that she doesn't get to at least once remind people of the ballsy woman she used to be. George Wendt turns up and wears the Santa suit, which is really all he's required to do. Ivan Sergei is nice enough in his nice man role while Tobias Mehler has to play the nominal villain of the piece. Poor Michael Moriarty is given a couple of scenes and doesn't even have the good grace to look embarrassed while he's given the most cringeworthy and ridiculous moment in the whole film. Kandyse McClure fares quite a bit better thanks to the double whammy of her not being well-known at all (at least, not to me) and also playing the most sympathetic character of the lot - the poor assistant dragged into the middle of the Christmas madness.

If this comes on TV at some point over the holidays then you may find yourself leaving it on and you may even smile once or twice but you won't laugh and you won't ever rush to rewatch it. It's not a good film, it's just so irritatingly inoffensive that I can't really bring myself to completely trash it. To think that they made a sequel. And to think that, so help me, I'll be watching that sequel very soon, obsessive completist that I am.

3/10

http://www.amazon.com/Santa-Baby-Jenny-McCarthy/dp/B000VKKV30/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1354570601&sr=1-1&keywords=santa+baby