Val (2021)

With a premise that will be very familiar to most horror fans, Val is a low-budget comedy thriller that tries hard to make up for some obvious limitations with a healthy dose of wit. It doesn’t quite manage, but the spirited performance from Misha Reeves, in the title role, almost makes up for some of the weaknesses.

Zachary Mooren plays Finn, a young man hiding from the law after a criminal escapade leaves him with blood on his hands. He ends up in the home of Val, a woman who is about to have a client joining her for an evening of adult company and sexy time. Although he thinks he can control the situation and get his own way, Finn is soon incapable of keeping his grip on reality. His mind is spinning in a number of different directions at once, and Val really won’t help him. She also won’t help the two officers (played by Kyle Howard and Sufe Bradshaw) who are looking for Finn.

Directed by Aaron Fradkin, who also co-wrote the script with Victoria Fratz (who also appears onscreen in a small, fun, role), Val is an amusing idea that needs more packed into it. There aren’t enough memorable characters, there aren’t enough side-trips into more madness, and there just isn’t enough done to make the most of what they have in Misha Reeves.

The supporting cast do well, with Erik Griffin especially fun in the role of Freddy, Val’s main client for the evening, but they aren’t really given enough to do. The film-makers seem unsure of what tone they want, and unsure of how far to take things. Or maybe they were unable to film scenes exactly as they wanted to. These things are easy to forget about when Reeves is onscreen though. Clearly having an absolute blast, her portrayal of Val gives viewers a devious and witty entity that I think should be given at least one more movie outing. This film is okay. Reeves is unforgettable and brilliant.

Very few people will be surprised by the third act, with a point being made that has already been put out there in a wide variety of horror movies, but it isn’t badly handled. Again, nothing stands out, aside from Reeves.

A bit more work here and there, to improve everything from the score to the effects, from the staging of certain moments to the amount of amusing lines throughout the script, and this would have been one to highly recommend to everyone. Maybe Fradkin and Fratz can use this as a template, refining and developing their craft in a remake of their own doing. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened, and I would be happy to see their progress.

6/10

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Holiday In Handcuffs (2007)

If Holiday In Handcuffs was a layer of snow outside your front door on Christmas morning it would be yellow. It's a bad, lazy and unfunny film that doesn't even try to treat viewers as if they have more than two braincells (which may, in fact, be the case by the time the end credits roll). The plot is this - Melissa Joan Hart plays Trudie, a young woman who is due to take her boyfriend home with her for Christmas until he dumps her. This would normally be a bad thing to happen but for Trudie it's a bad thing coming after a number of bad things and she snaps. She just can't face going to visit her parents alone and so, of course, she kidnaps a man (David, played by Mario Lopez) and forces him to pretend that he is her boyfriend for the duration of the holiday trip. David is quite the catch and Trudie's mother and father (Markie Post and Timothy Bottoms, respectively) are happy to have him with them for their seasonal celebrations, even if he does react to uncomfortable social situations by "pretending" to be a kidnap victim.

I think that even that last sentence lets you know just how awful this film is. Yes, viewers are supposed to just accept that characters in this movie will believe that someone would pretend to be a kidnap victim as some strange joke they make when things get a little awkward.

Director Ron Underwood has fallen so far and it's sad to see. I mean, he's the guy who directed Tremors and City Slickers at the start of the 1990s and then he bottomed out, I suppose, with The Adventures Of Pluto Nash (which I've not seen yet, I'm simply going by its reputation) before concentrating on TV shows and TV movies like this one. Concentrating on TV shows and TV movies isn't the worst thing for a director to do but making something that stinks as badly as this is. It's not all Underwood's fault though, as the worst parts are the overall premise, thought up by scriptwriter Sara Endsley, and the increasing lack of plausibility and logic in every scene.

It doesn't help that the cast isn't great either. I've seen Melissa Joan Hart be a lot worse than she is here (in that awful Nine Dead, to cite the best example) but she's still pretty awful, as is Mario Lopez. The pair of them aren't helped, of course, by that script but it would still have been nice to see some chemistry or charm or just anything showing a spark of life in those dull eyes. Markie Post, Timothy Bottoms, June Lockhart (as grandma) and Layla Alizada (playing Trudie's friend) all fare a bit better but they're pulled down by the quicksand script. Kyle Howard and Vanessa Lee Evigan are stuck in the same boat while playing Trudie's brother and sister and I feel most sorry for Howard, who almost drags himself above the effluence in one or two moments but can't quite rinse off the bad smell. I went too far with my analogies in this paragraph but at least it saved me from having to use profane language.

I disliked Holiday In Handcuffs from, pretty much, start to finish. There were perhaps three or four moments that made me smile. Those few moments save it from an even lower rating.

3/10

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