Twelve ingredients for every Christmas movie.

Yes, it's that time of year again. I get to drink mulled wine, wear amusingly horrid sweaters, and watch lots and lots of Christmas movies. Of course, not every Christmas movie can be an It's A Wonderful Life, an Elf, a Christmas Vacation, or a Bad Santa. And Shane Black only has so many workdays to provide us with snow-covered action greatness. But you can still have a lot of fun exploring the movies that can be found on Hallmark Channel, ABC Family, Channel 5 (here in the UK), and any other channel screening one bauble after another during the festive season. Many of them hit the same beats, many of them contain the same ingredients, and that actually ends up providing part of the enjoyment. I don't watch Christmas movies to be blown away by great cinema. I watch them to feel Christmassy and see the type of settled, crisp snow that we don't get here in Edinburgh (when we get snow here it either tends not to melt away quickly or become churned up by traffic and footfall).

So here are the main ingredients I see as necessities for every Christmas movie.

1) A title with an obvious festive link. Throw in the word Santa or Christmas, of course, and you're all set. But you can also use anything with the number twelve (The 12 Dogs Of Christmas, The 12 Disasters Of Christmas, 12 Dates Of Christmas, Twelve Trees Of Christmas, etc, etc) or just stick the word holiday in there (Holiday Inn, obviously, Holiday Affair, Holiday In Handcuffs). And using, or misappropriating, a famous Christmas Carol title or phrase can always work (a la every movie in the Silent Night, Deadly Night series).

2) Snow. You CAN have a Christmas movie without snow but I can't think of any examples just now. Snow doesn't automatically equal a Christmas movie, however, but the two go together like milk and cookies. There's even a Christmas movie simply called Snow (which also has a sequel).

3) An abundance of decorations, HUGE trees, and everything else that we don't always tend to have here in the UK. Much like the Halloween decorations, America really pulls out all the stops for Christmas. There are people who also do the same over here but they're a bit fewer and farther between. If you can reach the top of your tree without a stepladder in America then you may need to go shopping for a bigger tree. And it's that kind of spectacle that makes me watch average Christmas movie after average Christmas movie.

4) The main character names. Here are the most popular choices, based purely on my recollection of the many movies I have watched and with no grounding in actual facts or scientific study (apologies, but it's the way of the internet so I should be okay): Carol, Nick, Chris, Kate. The first three are obviously connected to the season. The fourth is just a popular common name to use in TV movies, as far as I know.

5) The cast can make the difference between your movie being simply distracting or moderately enjoyable. You could always choose to rope in some celebrity who is a bit past their prime, either for a main or supporting role. Or you could hire Christina Milian,who has popped up in a few Christmas TV movies, or Lindy Booth.

6) Romance. Many of the movies I've already mentioned have a love story at the heart of them. Even Santa himself has been looking for love in a few movies (such as Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus). It would seem that Christmas is the best time of year to find love, possibly because it can be viewed as a gift and a shot at redemption for some.

7) A non-believer. Whether it's someone doubting the existence of Santa Claus or even completely refusing to give in to the many delights of the season, every festive film should have a Scrooge.

8) Santa. Why did it take me this long to list Santa? Well, just as many Christmas movies don't feature the jolly fat fellow. But even when he's not in the middle of the action he's often watching over the main characters, perhaps helping to tweak destinies and cause happiness whenever possible. When he's not running the operation at The North Pole, figuring out how to keep his magic working  and trying to make sure Christmas isn't ruined for everyone (e.g. Santa Claus, The Santa Clause, and many more).

9) Elves. You could easily argue that elves have saved Christmas a lot more times than Santa. They make the toys, they often make the best hot chocolates, and someone has to clean up all that reindeer dung. Yes, elves appear in many Christmas movies. And if they're not onscreen then you can usually find a character who has certain elfin qualities.

10) Kids. I know, I know, I should have mentioned them earlier. Christmas is for the young, and the young at heart, so it's no surprise to find so many of the movies featuring children. If there's not a main role for a doe-eyed minor then you can usually find them in a supporting role that will either perk up the lead or remind everyone of the true meaning of Christmas. Having a "Tiny" Tim often helps to add some extra magic to the grand finale.

 
11) Ending on a miracle is acceptable in any Christmas movie. In fact, it's almost obligatory. The miracle can be big (someone finding the power to get up out of a wheelchair and walk, for example) or small (friends coming around to help someone with that competition entry that could lead to a much-needed grand prize win).

12) If you can get a popular tune in there then that is the bow wrapped around the main present. A bit of "Let It Snow" is always welcome, but the musical score just has to reference "The Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy" and I am happy.

And there you have it. All the ingredients for a fine bit of Christmas fare. Here is a Letterboxd list I keep adding to, for all your Christmas movie needs. And for anyone still doubting it, of COURSE Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

Ho ho ho.

I Am Santa Claus (2014)

If you saw Becoming Santa in the past few years then you probably owe it to yourself to watch this, similar, outing. Directed by Tommy Avallone, with a lot of input from Santa-loving Mick Foley (yes, THAT Mick Foley), this is a documentary that looks at a handful of men who look forward to the last month of every year, that time when they get to play Santa once more and give joy to the many children they meet.

So who are these men? Well, there's Russell Spice, a man who really doesn't seem to have much going for him apart from his Santa gig. I don't mean to sound nasty. Spice has had his share of bad luck, it seems, and as the documentary covers a full year we get to see him struggle to find a step back up the ladderof life. Even his Santa job may be in jeopardy. Then there's Jim Stevenson, also known as (to me, at any rate) Big Lovable Gay Santa. Stevenson is such a sweet man, and has many moments when his emotions bubble up to the surface as he talks about his life and the love he has for his partner, who stays too far away to make regular visits possible. Frank Pascuzzi takes his Santa duties so seriously that he legally changed his name to Santa Claus. Seriously. And Bob Gerardi is a real estate agent who enjoys putting on the suit and hat when equired. Oh, and Mick Foley gets his share of screentime, obviously.

While this isn't a terrible way to spend 90 minutes or so, by any means, it just never feels as if it delves deep enough into the psyche of men hardwired to be Santa. Most of the main participants give some background details, telling us when they realised that they could be a good Santa, but it still somehow feels like just skimming the surface. Perhaps that's because the selection isn't big enough to cover more interesting ground. It's obvious that Avallone thinks he has enough characters to work with, but only two stand out - Stevenson and Spice. Pascuzzi AKA Santa Claus is a nice enough guy, but he just seems like so many other men who found out that they were good at something and went overboard in attempting to be the best at it. Gerardi, on the other hand, just always feels like a real estate agent with a nice Santa suit on. Foley is fun, and his enthusiasm for the joy of the season proves to be the most infectious. There's also a moment with 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper that will raise a smile on the face of any fan.

I Am Santa Claus is good. It's just not great, and I'm surprised that we haven't had a great documentary on what it takes to play Santa during "the most wonderful time of the year". Call me cynical, but it has to be a job full of just as many lows as highs. Where is the footage of the day an excited toddler threw up all over Santa? What does Mr. Claus do if he had too much coffee in the morning and keeps needing to nip to the loo? What about those having to use false beards, just how do they stop the kids from tugging at them constantly? And COULD anyone get away with being as bad as Billy Bob Thornton? I want the Santa documentary that also shows me THAT stuff. In the meantime, I guess this will do.

7/10

http://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Santa-Claus-Blu-ray/dp/B00O2H4SQO/ref=sr_1_2_twi_2_twi_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1417606536&sr=8-2&keywords=i+am+santa+claus

Santa Claus (1959)

Thanks to those who recommended this one to me, and please let me know of any mistakes that I may have made in this review. This is one tricky film to keep track of.

Currently sitting amongst many other stinkers in the IMDb Bottom 100, Santa Claus really isn't THAT bad for a bizarre bit of Christmas entertainment for the family. Oh, it's bad, but the ineptitude is often outweighed by the enjoyable imagination on display and the commitment from everyone involved to provide audiences with a new seasonal tale, full of memorable characters and valuable lessons.

The devil doesn't like Santa (Jose Elias Moreno), what with him spreading good cheer and positivity. And that's why he gives Pitch (Jose Luis Aguirre) the job of turning kids against him and ruining Christmas. If Pitch succeeds then the devil will be pleased, but if he fails then the punishment will be to eat lots of ice cream (which is painful to those who enjoy the heat of Hades). As Santa goes about his duties on Christmas, he tries to stay one step ahead of Pitch, who is busy setting traps and whispering in the ears of children he thinks he can use against Santa. This includes young Lupita (Lupita Quezadas), who yearns to receive a beautiful dolly on Christmas morning.

Directed by Rene Cardona, who also created the story with Adolfo Torres Portillo, this is sometimes cringeworthy stuff. In the first 5-10 minutes we see that Santa has a selection of children from all countries helping to make his toys, and those children are shown in the most racially stereotypical way possible. It does not bode well. But, thankfully, the film gets beyond that, as clumsy as it is, and manages to become mildly entertaining, if still very simplistic and thoughtlessly put together (Santa has Merlin on hand to help him out, for example, and let's not mention his creepy reindeer).

Moreno is perfectly fine in the role of Santa, he fills out the suit and says "ho ho ho" a lot, and everyone else does what is asked of them, with Aguirre jumping around in frustration or rubbing his hands in glee, depending on how his scheming is going. The child actors aren't particularly great, but Quezadas is sweet enough as the little girl wanting a dolly that her parents can't afford to get her.

It's easy to point and laugh at this movie, and it's certainly more of a curio piece than something that you would seek out to watch for any cinematic value, but it's also no worse than hundreds of other confections that use the magic that infuses Christmas as a main plot point.

4/10

http://www.amazon.com/Santa-Claus-Jose-Elias-Moreno/dp/B0006HU2YG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388173210&sr=8-1&keywords=santa+claus+1959

Becoming Santa (2011)

People always used to tell me that if I worked in a factory that made chocolates I would soon get sick of eating the chocolates. I have a very sweet tooth, and argued that I would never tire of eating chocolate. I didn't realise when I was a young boy that this was just a variation on a well-worn piece of advice: "be careful what you wish for."

In Becoming Santa, Jack Sanderson wants to find some holiday spirit. He dies his beard and hair white, invests in a suit and sets out to become, yes, Santa. On his journey he attends a Santa School (run by the sweet, but clearly a bit bonkers, Susan Mesco), meets many other Santas and starts to realise just how important it is to keep this figure alive and pure in the eyes of the children who look up to him.

While it is at pains to show both the good and the bad of the figure of Santa Claus, and what he means to children and to those who are young at heart, Becoming Santa stumbles a couple of times, for two main reasons.

First of all, almost everyone involved equates Santa Claus with the spirit of Christmas. Even though I'm a happy, fully-fledged atheist I can see why some people might have a bit of a problem with that. Hey, I LOVE Santa, and I have encouraged a love of Santa in my kids over the years, but when discussing the spirit of Christmas I have never first gone to Santa as the embodiment of all that. I've not gone straight to the religious roots either. Instead, I simply think that the season, and its traditions, bring out the goodness in people who wish to engage with it. The spirit of Christmas, as cheesy as it sounds, is in each and every person who works to make it as magical as can be. Santa can embody that, of course, but it's more often the case nowadays that Santa is just the person that kids reach their hands out to for everything that they want. This is highlighted in a sequence that features the "Letters To Santa" program in New York. I thought it was wonderful that these letters were being dealt with, and that the kids would get a little reply from Santa, but it turns out that these letters are browsed by people who then try to get gifts for the kids. I'm sure this is greatly appreciated by the kids - especially one child who needed a wheelchair that the family just couldn't afford - but if parents can't afford to get their kids a gift from Santa then there are bigger problems that a new toy won't fix. The spirit of Christmas should be about helping with those problems.

The second big problem with Becoming Santa stems from the first problem, as it shows how people will spend any money on bizarre little moments to impress their kids (by the way, Santa should never use "the K word"). From a trip on The Polar Express (with Santa working voluntarily, I should add) to an actual visit to the house on Christmas Eve, Santa doesn't seem like such a special, magical figure when you know that he's being hired to pretend to care. With no offence to Santas who also have a real need to spread joy, I realise that this is often the case (hey, even Santa has to eat), but to watch it unfold is to chip away at that Christmas magic. True or not, it feels like time spent watching parents spoil their kids, and I always dislike spoilt children. A Christmas parade through Quincy, Massachusetts, on the other hand, feels like a job well done, so maybe that's just me bristling at something I shouldn't.

Despite these two big flaws, Becoming Santa works quite well. Jack Sanderson is an affable, wry character and there are many little moments that try to clarify the origin of Santa Claus, and his development in to the character we know and love today.

I think, by the time the end credits roll, this documentary will have reaffirmed your opinion of Christmas, whatever that may be. If you love the season then you will still love it, but if you hate it then this will give you at least a couple of reminders of just why that is. An enjoyable, if rather insubstantial, piece of work. Like many other Christmas treats.

7/10

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