The Naughty Nine (2023)

This is the story of Andy (Winslow Fegley), a young criminal mastermind who is so good at what he does that he ends up on Santa's naughty list. Determined to right what he sees as a terrible injustice, Andy assembles a team of other kids on the naughty list, each one possessing a different particular talent to add to the team, and enlists the help of an airplane pilot to get them all to Santa's village in an attempt to pull off the most important hesit of their lives. The clock is ticking, and the odds are stacled against them, but if anyone can do it, Andy can.

It can sometimes still seem strange nowadays when you stumble across a movie on a streaming service that has a modern sheen, but otherwise feels like the kind of cheap schedule-filler from a few decades ago that would have passed some time before disappearing from your mind, and from the listings, within a matter of weeks. The Naughty Nine is one of those movies. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, and younger viewers should be kept amused and entertained for the runtime, but there's nothing especially right about it either, barring a pleasingly brief runtime of approximately 83 minutes.

Jed Elinoff and Scott Thomas continue to deliver screenplay results as a team, putting together the most formulaic and tame Christmas adventure that you could ask for. Actually, that's not strictly true. The film starts with a pretty great little school-set heist, as Andy and his bestie, Dulce (Camila Rodriguez), free a selection of confiscated toys they can then return to their rightful owners, but it's all a bit downhill after that.

Director Alberto Belli does what he needs to do, which basically means moving around often enough between the enjoyably diverse team members and ensuring that viewers see a number of the details that make up the security measures of Santa's village. It's competent, but nothing more than that.

Fegley isn't a bad lead, although he and his fellow cast members suffer from often being made to act older than their young ages. There's an odd clash of the childish innocence and sophistication of the whole plan. Rodriguez is fine, Madilyn Kellam works well as the sibling who ends up dragged into the whole scheme, and Ayden Elijah stands out as he is shown being able to affect people while he does his own equivalent of the Puss In Boots "big eyes". Everyone else has fun, but maybe they feel as if they're having more fun than most viewers. Or maybe that's just me being so far removed from the target demographic.

The end delivers a fun cameo when Santa Claus finally appears, but also delivers a final scene that feels strangely irritating in what it seems to be setting up. Overall, however, most people should find this to be a pretty inoffensive time-waster. It's just a shame that it wasn't a bit better.

4/10

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The Banana Splits Movie (2019)

If you are of a certain age then you'll know of The Banana Splits, an anarchic and fun TV show that featured four characters (Bingo, Fleegle, Snorky, and Drooper) played by people in fluffy suits. Think of a more kid-friendly version of The Monkees and you'll be close. Anyway, I have fond memories of the show, as do so many others.

Which makes this horror-comedy makeover all the stranger. The trailer seemed to appear out of nowhere last week, when it was picked up and shared around by various sites, and here we have the film already. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I knew I definitely had to check it out.

Finlay Wojtak-Hissong plays Harley, a young boy who is taken along to a recording of The Banana Splits show for his birthday. He's there with his mother (Beth, played by Dani Kind), his inconsiderate father (Mitch, played by Steve Lund), and his brother (Austin, played by Romero Carere). And he's taken along a friend named Zoe (Maria Nash). Everyone watches the show, but things start to get weird when a select few members of the audience are allowed to stay behind and meet the gang. It turns out that the gang are robots, and something has gone wrong with their programming.

What. The. Hell?

Looking up The Banana Splits Movie brings up a number of interesting points. First of all, although I haven't seen anything else from director Danishka Esterhazy, but I'll check out anything else she does after this, I HAVE seen another movie written by Jed Elinoff and Scott Thomas. They've done a fair bit of TV work, including The Mistle-Tones (one of the many Christmas movies I have seen in my lifetime) and they have a history of mashing up TV show formats with some extra blood and death (as they did with their My Super Psycho Sweet 16 movies). Second, this was apparently based on an idea for a Five Nights At Freddy's movie. Whether that is true or not, it's hard to unsee the similarities once you consider that possibility.

Although never as wild or inventive as it could be, this ticks a lot of the boxes if you were somehow waiting on a horror comedy featuring the Banana Splits as deadly killers. The main characters look pretty much the same as ever, a number of familiar accessories are put to good use (such as the cars that the characters used to drive and Fleegle's magic tricks), and you get a version of the familiar theme song played here and there. Some of the kills are gory fun, and the central premise ensures that the horror is underscored with a current of dark comedy.

Wojtak-Hissong is a decent young actor, as are all of the humans here, but each main sequence is really a waiting game until the Banana Splits get involved. They are too much fun, in normal or killer mode, and so you just have to give props to Kind, Lund, Nash, and Carere for playing second fiddle to them. Richard White does fine as Stevie, the one human character who stars alongside the Banana Splits, and Naledi Majola tries her best in the role of Paige, a put-upon member of staff who looks after the show's live audience members. There are numerous others onscreen, all of them potential victims, and they're all acceptable enough in their roles.

I liked this movie. I wasn't sure who the hell thought it would be a good idea, but I liked it nonetheless. It's just a shame that it seemed to hold back when the potential was there to go even darker and crazier. Because if you're going to create a film around this ides then you may as well make up a mess of fun.

7/10

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The Mistle-Tones (2012)

Tia Mowry-Hardrict plays a young woman, named Holly, who really wants a chance to join a local Christmas singing group (headed up by Tori Spelling). When she misses out, despite being the best candidate, she decides to instead create her own group and compete in a hastily-arranged "sing off" at the local mall. Working with a number of colleagues, it's a race against time to get everyone whipped into shape and believing in their own abilities.

The cast all do fine with this big bundle of predictability and Christmas schmaltz. Mowry-Hardrict (billed here just as Tia Mowry) is a pleasant enough lead, Spelling is a fun baddie, and Jonathan Patrick Moore stands out as Nick Anderson, Holly's manager who ends up being a big help once Holly discovers a secret  that she uses to temporarily blackmail him. Andy Gala, Megan Kathleen Duffy and Jason Rogel, as well as the others appearing onscreen, are all just fine.

The script, by Jed Elinoff and Scott Thomas, does everything that it has to do, with no surprises. Okay, there may be one or two twists to the standard formula, but not enough to worry seasoned viewers of such seasonal fare, and everything is in place by the time the end credits roll.

Director Paul Hoen keeps everything moving along nicely. There isn't a lot of time wasted - with the very first scenes showing Holly waking up late and rushing to get along to the auditions - and one or two montage moments are enjoyable enough. It's never hilarious, or too exciting, but it manages to avoid dullness for most of the runtime.

Pleasant enough, this sits alongside many other mildly diverting TV movies made with Christmas in mind. Your life will be just fine if you never see it, but it's not a bad one to help get you into the holiday spirit.

5/10

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