April Fools: The Naked Gun (1988)

Anyone who watched Police Squad! was already aware of how great both it, and the main character (a cop named Frank Drebin, played by Leslie Nielsen), was. Unfortunately, not many people watched Police Squad! At least, not on the first time around anyway. It was poorly rated and cancelled after one season of six episodes. Thankfully, that scenario eventually led to a trilogy of movies developed from the premise, which just goes to show you that sometimes bad decisions lead to great consequences.

Nielsen is still Frank Drebin, and Drebin is still as insensitive and incompetent as ever. But he may be the best man for the job when he realises that there's a plot to assassinate the Queen while she's in his fair city. He's convinced that it's something to do with the smooth Vincent Ludwig (Ricardo Montalban) but he can't get any proof, meaning that nobody else will believe him. At least he manages to find solace in the arms of the beautiful Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley), but will their relationship survive the situation. And will the Queen survive her visit?

ZAZ (David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, and Jerry Zucker) give comedy fans another modern classic here. They helped to craft the script, with help from Pat Proft, and it's almost as good as the mighty Airplane! Almost. The character of Drebin is hilariously oblivious throughout the movie, an American take on Inspector Clouseau, with an even richer seam of stupidity to be mined, and this helps to make every gag funnier. One-liners mix with hilarious visual jokes and set-pieces to provide non-stop laughter for fans of this particular type of comedy, and David Zucker also does a good job in the role of director. He doesn't need to do anything too special, but he makes room for each and every gag, even if it's something that viewers don't notice until a second or third viewing.

Nielsen is great in a role that he seemed born to play (even if he turned to comedy relatively late in his career), but he's given great support from George Kennedy, the lovely Miss Presley, Montalban, Nancy Marchand and O.J. Simpson back when he was best known for being an ex-sportsman. Everyone plays it admirably straight, no matter how ridiculous things get, and that's always been the brilliance of the best ZAZ comedies.

Hilarious and eminently rewatchable, no comedy collection should be without The Naked Gun.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Naked-Gun-Trilogy-DVD/dp/B0029OMEY0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1396140126&sr=8-1&keywords=naked+gun

April Fools: Frankenhooker (1990)

Directed by Frank Henenlotter. That should be all you need to know. If you only see one film in your life that involves a loved one who is killed in a tragic accident involving a lawnmower, a man who uses trepanning as a way to relieve the pressure in his head, and prostitutes putting themselves in danger by using explosive supercrack then that film had better be Frankenhooker, my favourite Frank Henenlotter movie.

James Lorinz plays Jeffrey Franken, a happy, if unbalanced, young man. He's always meddling with stuff int he name of science, but he's in love with Elizabeth Shelley (Patty Mullen). That's why Jeffrey reacts, ummm, badly when his beloved is turned into a chopped up selection of body parts by a lawnmower. Determined to bring his loved one back, Jeffrey realises that he will need a selection of body parts. And he then realises that if he has a selection of parts he can not only rebuild his love, but also make her even better. That's when the prostitutes and explosive supercrack comes into play. And that's also when a badass pimp named Zorro (Joseph Gonzalez) makes it his business to know Jeffrey's business.

If you've not seen a Frank Henenlotter movie then shame on you. In fact, rectify that now. Right now. Go on. I'll be here when you get back. Watch either this movie or Brain Damage, or Basket Case. Heck, Bad Biology may be far from his best, but it's still defiantly a Henenlotter flick, so feel free to also check that one out. He does wonders with low budgets, and bags of energy and creativity, and Frankenhooker is a cult horror comedy gem. The script, co-written by Henenlotter and Robert Martin, is the best that he's ever worked with, balancing the gross with the offbeat with the downright hilarious, and the direction is solid. The man has never been aiming to emulate Brian De Palma, preferring instead to just get down and dirty with his camera shots, and valuing entertainment above anything else.

It's hard to decide on who is better onscreen. Lorinz is very funny, going wildly over the top as the young "mad scientist" desperate to resurrect his loved one, while Mullen indulges in some fantastic mugging as the titular creation (she's only onscreen for a moment or two in her pre-death incarnation). Gonzalez is suitably mean as Zorro, there are lots of women willing to get nude and pretend to be prostitutes, and everyone does what is required of them.

Despite the (seemingly) ridiculous nature of the premise, this is pretty sharp and sly stuff, at times, and is also packed full of references to the classic Frankenstein movies by James Whale. It's entertaining from start to finish, and I'll never lose my love for it. Even if my wife rolls her eyes every time she notices it sitting there on my movie shelf.

9/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Frankenhooker-Blu-ray-James-Lorinz/dp/B005QW2RMQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391527434&sr=8-1&keywords=frankenhooker

April Fools: Silent Movie (1976)

One of my favourite shots in any film ever!

It does exactly what it says on the tin. Oh yes, Silent Movie is a silent movie, for the most part (only one person gets to speak, and it's a brilliant punchline), directed by Mel Brooks, who co-wrote the film with Ron Clark, Rudy De Luca and Barry Levinson.

The plot is a brilliant slice of meta fun, as Brooks, accompanied by Marty Feldman and Dom DeLuise, convinces a studio to let him make a silent movie, and then sets out to convince a variety of big stars to appear in his silent movie. That's the excuse for one set-piece after another, from going to great lengths to talk to Burt Reynolds, to keeping things perfectly balanced in James Caan's trailer while trying to get him on board. As the film starts to look more and more appealing to those in the business, a rival studio sends out a secret weapon to scupper the whole thing, the lovely Bernadette Peters.

For film fans, this is almost as enjoyable now as it was nearly 40 years ago, when first released. The comedy, as you could probably guess, is pretty universal and timeless, and it's only some of the stars who may be slightly unfamiliar to modern audiences (even if I do dislike the thought of a world in which people don't recognise Anne Bancroft, Burt Reynolds, or Paul Newman).

Brooks and DeLuise are very funny, but Feldman is the highlight for me. The man can be funny even when not playing with material, and I thank Brooks for giving him two great movie roles (with this and Young Frankenstein). A bit of praise, however, must also be given to those stars already mentioned, as well as everyone else who joins in with the fun.

Although the movie is little more than a loosely connected series of sketches, the format allows for this without it ever feeling like a major negative. Many silent movies were broken down into a number of different acts, of course, and this feels just the same.

If you're a fan of Brooks then you should enjoy this. If you're a fan of comedy then you should enjoy this. In fact, most people should enjoy this.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Mel-Brooks-Collection-DVD/dp/B000AM6NCM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391351938&sr=8-1&keywords=mel+brooks

April Fools: Magicians (2007)

David Mitchell and Robert Webb try to make the transition from TV to film with this fairly amusing comedy vehicle. While it's not great, and certainly nowhere near their TV work, it's not that bad, and it's a hundred times better than many other British comedies that I could name.

Mitchell and Webb are, respectively, Harry Kane and Karl Allen, a pair of stage magicians. They're pretty damn good, and they've been working together for years. Unfortunately, Harry finds out that Karl has been sleeping with his wife just before they are due to go on stage and perform their grand finale, which involves Harry's wife being put in the guillotine (she's the assistant, you see). Even more unfortunately, the trick goes horribly wrong, leading to Harry becoming a widow and the magical pair going their separate ways. Years later, a competition tempts the two to reunite. That doesn't last long, thanks to the unresolved issues between them, and so the former partners end up competing against one another.

Written by Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain (who helped to thrash out the story details along with a number of other people), Magicians goes through everything that you might expect. The world of stage magic is one ripe with comic potential (just see The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, because more people should see that film anyway), which is why it's such a shame that Magicians just isn't as funny as it could be. But it's decent enough, and also surprisingly sweet in places.

Director Andrew O'Connor may not work any magic on the material (no pun intended), but he doesn't really do himself a disservice either, especially considering this is his directorial debut. His many producing credits, including Peep Show and a number of magic shows among many others, seem to have stood him in good stead for this step into movie-making.

Mitchell and Webb don't stretch themselves here. They are reprising personas that fans of their TV work will recognise, which is fine because fans of their TV work LIKE those personas. The two of them work well together, of course, and it's just a shame that the movie often keeps them apart. Thankfully, a spirited supporting turn from Jessica Stevenson, as a wannabe magician's assistant with more enthusiasm than skill, and some fun moments are had with the likes of Darren Boyd, Andrea Riseborough, Tim Plester and Peter Capaldi, among others.

It may not be the best way to spend 90 minutes, but it's not the worst. It's just a shame that Mitchell and Webb couldn't successfully transplant their particular style of awkward humour from TV to film.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Magicians-DVD-David-Mitchell/dp/B000R9TS3O/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1391351745&sr=8-1&keywords=magicians

April Fools: The General (1926)

It would only be a fool, surely, who would come along and call The General anything less than a stone cold classic. Well, I AM that fool. Before anyone starts making voodoo dolls in my likeness, however, do bear in mind that I really enjoyed The General. In fact, there were a lot of sequences that I loved. Unfortunately, the best stuff - on the train - is bookended by weaker material that makes this slim movie feel as if it's been unnecessarily padded out.

Based on a true story, detailed in a couple of books by William Pettinger, which were subsequently adapted into a screenplay by a couple of people before being written and directed by Buster Keaton and Clyde Bruckman, the basic story concerns Johnnie Gray (Keaton). Johnnie is in love with Annabelle Lee (Marion Mack), but his declaration of love comes just as war begins. Annabelle cannot love a man who won't fight for his county, so Johnnie duly heads off to enlist. Unfortunately, he's refused because of his vital role as a train engineer. One year later, without the love of his life, Johnnie is fired up into action when Union spies steal his locomotive, planning to use it as a way to ensure their victory. It's up to Johnnie to defeat numerous enemies, and perhaps even win the war.

As mentioned above, this movie has about 10-15 minutes at either end that just don't feel funny or energetic enough, BUT that may be down to the fact that the middle section (all of the action with Keaton on a train as he chases after his stolen locomotive) is just so damn good. There are so many moments of physical comedy gold that to pick out just one is nigh on impossible, but I'll personally nominate the scene in which Keaton tries to line up a spectacular cannon shot as one particular highlight.

Keaton is, of course, the star of the show, but it's also worth remembering just how much spectacle this movie puts on the screen. With the large cast of extras, the amount of destruction and those trains being onscreen for most of the runtime, this is a BIG film. In fact, one shot in the movie (that I won't spoil) remains the most expensive ever filmed in the silent movie era.

A great comedy, and a great tribute to the bravery of Pettinger, The General remains well worth a watch, and has maintained its reputation over the years with good reason.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Buster-Keaton-Chronicles-Repackaged/dp/B001IRFWFW/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1391373294&sr=8-3&keywords=buster+keaton

April Fools: The Heat (2013)

Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy are the odd couple thrown together in this standard buddy cop comedy that ends up providing a fair amount of chuckles, thanks to the talents of the cast and a consistently amusing, if not outright hilarious, script.

Bullock is Agent Ashburn, a Fed who takes great pride in her work. Well, it's basically all she has in her life. Except for her cat, which actually belongs to her neighbour. When a big case takes her to Boston it's not long until she bumps into the aggressive and unorthodox Mullins (McCarthy). Which means, of course, that the two of them have to work together to crack the case.

Director Paul Feig, who scored a huge hit with his previous movie, Bridesmaids, proves here that he has a knack of working well with talented comedic actresses. Or that he has a knack of working well with talented female writers, as it's Katie Dippold who wrote the script. Or maybe he just does well when paired up with McCarthy, who was one of many highlights in Bridesmaids, of course.

I've always been a fan of Bullock, and I think she's particularly good in comedic roles. The Heat reminds people of just how good she is with the right material. McCarthy gets most of the big laughs, of course, but Bullock does well as the uptight agent who might just learn to loosen up a little bit over the course of the movie. McCarthy really shines here, unlike her turn in the misjudged Identity Thief, and I hope she considers clearing her schedule for any future opportunities to work with Feig, who obviously knows how to get the best out of her.

While none of the other main characters are played by any BIG names, I must say that the supporting cast had a great selection of talent. Marlon Wayans, Michael Rapaport, Bill Burr, Thomas F. Wilson, Jane Curtin and others all join in with the fun, and everyone seems to have a good time.

The script could have been sharper, the film could have been tightened up a bit (the runtime is just under two hours), and there's a fine line being walked between filling the movie with cliches and having fun with them, but there's plenty here to enjoy, especially for fans of the two leads.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Heat-Blu-ray-UV-Copy/dp/B00DHB410E/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1391201784&sr=8-2&keywords=the+heat

The Crow (1994)

Forever enshrouded in an air of macabre, due to the death of star Brandon Lee during the filming of the movie and the whole premise, The Crow was a great success when first released, and has since maintained a loyal following over the past two decades. Some of that success, undoubtedly, stems from people who became curious about the movie after hearing of the fatal on-set accident, but I like to think that some, if not most, of it stems from the fact that it's a great movie, boosted by a charismatic lead turn from Lee, working at his very best.

Eric Draven (Lee) is a musician and a man very much in love with his fiance, Shelly (Sofia Shinas). Well, he WAS. You see, a bunch of thugs broke into their apartment, raped and assaulted Shelly and threw Eric out of a window. Eric died, while Shelly battled with pain for 30 hours before finally succumbing. A police officer (Ernie Hudson) stayed with her, in the hope of getting a statement that would help him catch the criminals, but nothing could be done. One year later, Eric is brought back from the dead. He crawls out of his grave, watched by a crow, and staggers around while he figures out just why he is back. It soon becomes clear what he has been brought back for. Revenge.

Based on a comic by James O. Barr, The Crow has a solid screenplay, by David J. Schow and John Shirley, and is directed brilliantly by Alex Proyas. From beginning to end, this is a treat for the eyes. Some (okay, quite a few) of the special effects have already dated a bit, but whether it's a view of events through the eyes of the crow or a shot showing Brandon Lee athletically swinging around on a window frame, every scene has at least one or two gorgeous moments. The ears are also well looked after, with a soundtrack that features a great score by Graeme Revell weaving in between tracks by The Cure, Stone Temple Pilots, Rage Against The Machine and many more.

Michael Wincott is a villain, accompanied by the likes of Tony Todd, David Patrick Kelly, Angel David, Laurence Mason, Michael Massee and Bai Ling. Wincott rules every scene that he is in, as you might expect, but the pleasant surprise is just how each villain gets just enough time to show their defining characteristics before death comes calling for them. Jon Polito also gets a few good moments, playing a cowardly pawnbroker profiting off the misery of others. Anna Levine is good as the drug-addicted mother of the young girl (Rochelle Davis) who soon puts two and two together to work out the identity of the avenger with the painted face. Hudson is warm and likable and brilliant in his role, and then there's Lee, who gives a performance that I like to think would have taken his career up to another level, had his life not been cut short by that terrible accident. But that's something that we'll never know.

What I do know is that The Crow has aged pretty well. Detractors can pick apart some of the FX work and the excessive rock video style of a number of moments, but there are plenty of set-pieces and electric scenes that more than make up for any failings. Fans will enjoy revisiting this one, and anyone who has yet to see it should do so whenever they get the chance.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crow-Collectors-Edition-Blu-ray-Brandon/dp/B000IMVMFM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1391374402&sr=8-2&keywords=the+crow

A Little Bit Zombie (2012)

It's another zombie comedy, yes, but it's also another one that's at least mildly amusing for most of its runtime. In fact, zombie comedies have, for the most part, been pretty good over the last few years. Few have ever come close to being, as claimed, "the next Shaun Of The Dead" but a skewed premise often leads to at least half-decent results.

Kristopher Turner is Steve, a man who is trying to enjoy a little break with his fiance (Tina, played by Crystal Lowe), his sister (Sarah, played by Kristen Hager), and her fella/his mate, Craig (Shawn Roberts). Unfortunately, things are a bit stressful, mainly because Tina can never seem to switch off and just enjoy herself. She's actually made a schedule for their vacation, much to the annoyance of the others. Then things start to get worse when Steve is bitten by a mosquito. It's no ordinary mosquito. It is, in fact, a mosquito that had previously been feeding on some zombie blood. When Steve is infected by the blood he starts to turn funny, but battles against it. He is, as the title says, A Little Bit Zombie.

Written by Christopher Bond and Trevor Martin, this is a film that has some funny moments, but it's never quite as good as it could be. There are some laughs, and it's fun to see the zombie problem in the movie treated as more of an irritating obstacle by Steve and his determined bride-to-be, but the comedy is a bit too broad to prove wholly satisfying.

Director Casey Walker does a good job with the cast, the effects and the small set-pieces. The movie jumps about, trying to fit in a number of different styles and framing devices for gags, but that's the biggest mistake. Everything else is at least competent, and often quite nicely done (especially the opening sequence).

Turner is good in the main role, and provides enough amusement as he starts to crave brains more and more. Lowe is the star though, being very hard to like from the very beginning, but also being a woman so determined to do right by her fiance that she will adapt quickly to any situation. Hager and Roberts are fine in their roles, and Stephen McHattie and Emilie Ullerup raise the whole movie up a notch with their scenes, both playing zombie hunters. McHattie is particularly brilliant, and at his coolest, as a man who doesn't even think twice while destroying zombies, while Ullerup is hoping to find a cure (something that perhaps Steven might provide them with, at long last).

It's not great, and it's far from the best of the crop of zombie comedies to have come along in the last decade, but A Little Bit Zombie is decent fun while it's on. Will you remember it a year or two down the line? I don't think so.

6/10

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Anatomy AKA Anatomie (2000)

Strike a pose

A dark and disturbing thriller from Germany, Anatomy (or Anatomie, the title which makes it a bit easier to find on Amazon and other DVD sites) is as entertaining as it is hugely implausible. It has some great set-pieces, and a shock, about 8 minutes in, that really hammers home the nastiness of the main premise.

Franka Potente stars as a young woman, Paula, who wins a place at the Heidelberg medical school. On the way there she befriends Gretchen (Anna Loos), a young woman who was also at her school but who never appeared to be aiming for the top tier of further education. It turns out that Gretchen is smarter than she likes to make out, but she also really, really likes to make out. When the two get to Heidelberg, and are allocated to their shared room, they soon start to realise that the challenge ahead of them is as tough as they expected. And, to make things tougher, one of the dissecting tables carries the body of a young man that the girls just bumped into on the train journey to the school. Paula starts to investigate further, wanting to find out where the body came from, and she soon upsets some of her classmates, as well as her professor (Traugott Buhre). And, eventually, she finds herself in a pretty dangerous situation.

Thanks to some solid writing and direction from Stefan Ruzowitzky, with help from Peter Engelmann, Anatomy is never less than good entertainment. The solid cast help a lot, but the fact is that this is a fantastic premise, exploited to great effect. While aiming for tension on most occasions, there are still some great moments of gore, and there's plenty of black humour to make it all more entertaining.

Potente is a likeable lead, and Loos develops into a lovely supporting character alongside her. Benno Furmann, Sebastian Blomberg, Holger Speckhahn and Oliver Wnuk also do good work, playing a variety of characters who may or may not have something to hide, and Buhre is perfectly fine as the harsh, but fair, professor.

If you think about it for more than a minute or two then Anatomy is undone by its own ridiculousness, but while the film is on it keeps you entertained and distracted enough to stop you from thinking about it. I highly recommend this one to thriller fans.

7/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Anatomy-DVD-Franka-Potente/dp/B00005956R/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1395529572&sr=1-1&keywords=anatomy

The Invisible Man Returns (1940)

Time for another man to turn invisible, and possibly a bit insane, in this enjoyable movie that I guess could be class as a sequel of sorts to The Invisible Man.

Vincent Price is Geoffrey Radcliffe, a man who has been charged with the murder of his brother. Luckily, a couple of people believe that he is innocent, including the lovely Helen Mason (Nan Grey) and Frank Griffin (John Sutton). Griffin is especially useful, as he is the brother of the main character in the 1933 movie. He has recreated the formula that makes people invisible, but he also needs to find a way to reverse the procedure before madness sets in. As Geoffrey sets out to prove his innocence, he becomes more and more unbalanced, and it's not long until Helen and the doctor suspect that they may run out of time. Meanwhile, Inspector Sampson (Cecil Kellaway) goes to great lengths to capture the invisible fugitive, and he knows a trick or two to make him appear.

Directed by Joe May (with a script by Lester Cole and Curt Siodmak), this is a competent and entertaining movie. The special effects are pretty good, although they don't quite seem as impressive as they were in the original movie, and the plot unfolds with a few enjoyable twists and turns that mix in enough elements to stop everything feeling like a simple retread of the first movie.

Vincent Price has, as we all know, a great voice, which makes him a great actor to put in the central role. He's as good as ever here, although it's a shame that it's, by necessity, mostly a voice-only performance. Grey and Sutton are both fine as his main allies, and Kellaway is good as the dogged Inspector. Cedrick Hardwicke is the smooth Richard Cobb, and Alan Napier is the rough Willie Spears.

Overall, this is a good bit of fun. There are one or two enjoyable set-pieces, a good set of characters to spend time with, and the sheer fun that comes from any movie using invisibility as a main plot point.

6/10

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TJs Ramshackle Movie Guide.

So I put together a book, yes I did.

The UK version can be bought here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1395945647&sr=1-3&keywords=movie+guide

And American folks can buy it here - http://www.amazon.com/TJs-Ramshackle-Movie-Guide-Reviews-ebook/dp/B00J9PLT6Q/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1395945752&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=TJs+ramshackle+mov

As much as I love the rest of the world, I can't keep up with all of the different links in different territories, but trust me when I say that it should be there on your local Amazon.

Many of the reviews are from this blog, many are from Flickfeast, and some haven't appeared elsewhere yet, as they've been scheduled for the latter half of this year. I hope some people pick it up, and I hope some people even enjoy it.

Why buy it if most of the reviews are already online? Well, it brings them all together in the one place, and it helps me to spend more time and energy on more and more movie reviews, which makes for a nice, karmic, circle of life kinda deal.

Yes, it includes my recent reviews of Nymphomaniac, and much more.

Gruesome AKA Salvage (2006)

Gruesome isn't a bad film, it really isn't. It shows admirable restraint, maintains a nice, creepy vibe for a lot of the runtime, and tries to be a bit different from so many of its peers. Unfortunately, there's enough going against it to stop it being really good.

Lauren Currie Lewis plays Claire, a young woman who starts to have nightmares that involve a nasty man named Duke Desmond (Chris Ferry). The nightmares aren't always exactly the same, but the common thread running through them is Desmond wanting to kill Claire. Claire is terrified, thinking that somehow Desmond really IS out to get her. Her boyfriend (Jimmy, played by Cody Darbe) doesn't believe her, of course, and thinks that she's going a bit crazy. The local police (headed up by Dectective Miller, played by John P. Miller) think the same way. IS Lauren crazy, or is Desmond going to get her?

Written and directed by Jeff and Josh Crook, the biggest thing going against Gruseome is that it's not as clever as it thinks. The ending, while enjoyable enough, will be spotted by horror fans within moments of the movie starting. The next main thing going against it is the inane soundtrack. Sorry, I know low budget movies struggle, and they can't licence any well-known songs a lot of the time, but the tunes that are played here, often repeatedly, are distractingly irritating. Then there's the pacing. Although the film runs for just 80 minutes it feels a bit too long, mainly because the main portion of the runtime is devoted to a number of moments that simply repeat a variation on the opening scenes. Claire meets Desmond, gets scared, and tries to get away from him. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Lewis is okay in the lead role, and Ferry is suitably menacing as the man making her so scared, but nobody can shake off that low budget, amateurs trying too hard, vibe. It's a hard thing to pin down, but it's a self-conscious feeling that comes from actors. You don't know it until you watch a movie like this, and then you can't help but notice it in every scene. It's as if people aren't engaged in conversations, they're waiting for their cue to speak. People don't rant, they deliver dialogue with the level of emotion that they think is appropriate. You can see the wheels turning. The worst offender in this instance is a scene in a police station that involves two sniggering deputies. Unfortunately, one of those deputies is played by Jeff Crook, which tells me that he should stick to the writing and directing for any future projects.

Having listed the pros and cons, Gruesome still manages, just, to be watchable enough. Some people might like it more than I did. But some people might be even less forgiving. Give it a watch if you have the time, and let me know what you think.

5/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Gruesome-DVD-Lauren-Currie-Lewis/dp/B0014T7EPK/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1395577896&sr=1-1&keywords=gruesome

Dirty Deeds (2005)

Typical teen comedy fare, Dirty Deeds may not be all that well known, but it's not a terrible time-waster. Thanks to a decent cast, a fun premise that has the potential for greatness, and one or two enjoyable set-pieces, this puts itself slightly ahead of the seemingly hundreds of American Pie sequels that went straight to DVD.

Milo Ventimiglia plays Zach Harper, the young man at the centre of all of the excitement in this comedic adventure. In an attempt to help out the brother of a girl he likes (Lacey Chabert, and who can blame him for liking her) he ends up putting himself forward to do the dirty deeds. These are ten tasks so fiendishly difficult that few people rarely make it past the first two or three. And they have to be completed between dusk and dawn of one night. It's a very tough challenge, but complete all ten and you become a legend. That's definitely not the outcome that Dan Watson (Matthew Carey) and his band of jocks want. Zach has to deal with them, the police, some local tough lads, and more, as he attempts to make his way through the list. Meanwhile, some younger lads try to make the most of their luck when forced to host a party to commemorate the big event.

Written by Jon Land and Jonathan Thies, Dirty Deeds doesn't really have a sharp script or any memorable one-liners, but that's okay. The ten tasks, and the lengths that Zach has to go to in order to complete them, that's where all of the fun comes from.

David Kendall does a decent enough job as director, keeping things well paced and simple. It's only in the final 10-15 minutes where the film really stumbles, but it's a stumble so bad that it undoes a lot of the good work that came beforehand.

Ventimiglia is fine in the lead role, cool and confident at almost every turn. Carey is enjoyably unlikable, as is Tom Amandes (playing the Vice Principal who ends up . . . . . . well . . . . you'll see). Charles Durning is fun in a small role, Zoe Saldana shows a hint of the presence that would help her become a bigger star just a few years down the line, Arielle Kebbel is cute, and Lacey Chabert is always a welcome addition to any movie, in my opinion.

Not as outrageous or funny as it could/should be, Dirty Deeds is still an amusing way to spend 90 minutes. It's not unmissable, but it's not too painful either. It's just a real shame about that lame ending.

6/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Dirty-Deeds-DVD-Milo-Ventimiglia/dp/B0010Z9ORY/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1394059142&sr=1-1&keywords=dirty+deeds

Manborg (2011)

Manborg is, basically, every cheap action/sci-fi movie that ever went straight to videotape in the 1980s. It was made for a ridiculously small amount of money, and relies on a lot of goodwill from viewers, but if you share the affection for those halcyon days of big box VHS gems then you should enjoy Manborg as much as I did. In fact, my rating here is a baseline. I already want to rewatch the movie, and I'm sure that it's a film that just gets better on repeat viewings.

Matthew Kennedy IS Manborg. He's part man, part machine, all hero. Sort of. It's not long until he finds himself in trouble, and in a prison that's overseen by The Baron (Jeremy Gillespie). Prisoners are taken from their cells when required to compete in battles that almost always end in death, but Manborg has an edge that other prisoners never had. His very manborg-ness. Battling alongside a few other incarcerated folks (#1 Man, played by Ludwig Lee, Justice, played by Conor Sweeney, and Mina, played by Meredith Sweeney), it's not long until a plan is hatched that may lead to freedom and the downfall of a great evil.

Directed by Steve Kostanski, who also wrote the script with Gillespie (which may explain why The Baron gets so many great lines), Manborg is chock full of so many references and homages to past cinematic "gems" that to list them all would be almost impossible, by my reckoning. It may have been made on a budget that doesn't look much bigger than my monthly pay, but that doesn't stop it from packing in more cinematic reference points, heart and sheer entertainment than most movies that have millions of dollars to play around with. Necessity is the mother of invention, and despite often looking cheap it has to be said that these guys can make their budget stretch a hell of a long way.

Kennedy is good in the lead role, but the most fun is had by Lee and both Sweeneys, with Gillespie also creating a lot of laughs every time he appears as the Baron. If someone stumbles across Manborg, somehow, with no prior knowledge of it then I am sure that they will rate it as a worthless piece of trash, and also dismiss the main performances. But knowing what movies are being homaged, and knowing that the cast are all serving the material in the way that they rattle off numerous hilarious cliches, allows greater appreciation of the effort being made by everyone.

If you dig the humour running throughout Manborg then you'll be won over within the first few minutes. If you don't understand how anyone could enjoy the movie then nothing will convince you of its merits.

7/10

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Super (2010)

In 2009 and 2010 viewers were given not one, not two, but three movies concerning people trying to make themselves into superheroes. The biggest release of the three was the enjoyable Kick-Ass. The one that kind of got lost between the cracks was Defendor (which I highly recommend). And then we have this movie, Super.

Rainn Wilson plays a man who is driven into action when his wife (Liv Tyler) is taken away from him by a local criminal kingpin (Kevin Bacon). At a low point in his life, he receives a vision that blends the message of a character on TV named The Holy Avenger (Nathan Fillion) and the touch of god. He'll become a superhero, fighting crime on a path that will lead him to taking down the kingpin and rescuing the one he loves. It's not long until The Crimson Bolt starts to cause problems for criminals, including anyone who cuts in line at the cinema, and a girl (Ellen Page) who works in a small comic book store doesn't take long to figure out just who the new superhero REALLY is.

James Gunn is a talented guy, capable of writing scripts that blend very dark moments with great entertainment, and he shows that again with this movie, which he both wrote and directed. Super really gets its strength from clashing child-like naivete up against the harsh realities of the world around us. A world in which criminals will draw a gun and shoot a man, superhero or not. A world that replaces the "kapow" and "whammy" of comic book panels with broken bones and blood. It's no place for the main character to try out his deluded plan, but he does so anyway.

Wilson is very good in the main role, a lovable schmuck who overreaches, but does so with good intentions. He's unbalanced, but his moral compass always tends to point the right way, even if the punishment he metes out can sometimes outweigh the transgression. Page is also great, countering the dark and disturbed mental state of Wilson's character with her brighter, though equally disturbed, outlook. Liv Tyler doesn't have as much to do, mainly being the damsel in distress, but she's very good, while Bacon has a blast as the main villain, helped out by a right hand man played by the great Michael Rooker. Gregg Henry fills out the cast, playing a detective who ends up in the middle of quite a crazy situation.

Super is a good film. It's interesting and funny and dark and warped. There's just something that stops me from liking it as much as some others do. I think that may be to do with the fact that I just prefer the two other movies mentioned in the first paragraph. Kick-Ass embraced the idea to provide brilliant, bloody entertainment. Defendor used the notion to really explore perception and mental health. Super sits in between the two, which leaves it slightly less satisfying, cinematically, than either.

7/10

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Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Mario Mario (Bob Hoskins) and Luigi Mario (John Leguizamo) are a pair of plumbers who don't seem to be having much luck lately. After losing out on another job to a competitor they end up stopping when their van temporarily breaks down. And that's when Luigi meets Daisy (Samantha Mathis), a young woman working on an archaeological dig. Move forward a couple of scenes and, for reasons I won't go into right now, Daisy has been whisked away into an alternative dimension, and Luigi and Mario set out to rescue her in a strange land overruled by the harsh, power-hungry King Koopa (Dennis Hopper).

It's hard to pin down just where Super Mario Bros. went so wrong in the transition from videogame to big screen outing, but the main thing to point out, surely, is that the film does absolutely nothing to please fans of the game. Taken just as a film, it's an interesting failure. Taken as a film version of the Nintendo property, it's just a failure.

Leguizamo is the better of the central pairing, having some fun as the open-minded and optimistic Luigi, while Hoskins does okay, wobbly accent aside. He at least looks the part. Mathis is there to be put in peril, and she does that. Thankfully, Hopper livens up every scene that he's in. Film fans know that Hopper can be a great villain, and this is a family-friendly baddie that he portrays with gusto. Fisher Stevens and Richard Edson both provide some amusement as a couple of idiotic goons, and Fiona Shaw is just as good as she always is in the role of Lena, the woman by the side of Koopa who also has plans of her own.

Perhaps it's because this was the first major theatrically released movie based on a videogame, but it's hard to think of what writers Parker Bennett, Terry Runte and Ed Solomon were thinking when they cobbled this script together. Yes, there are videogame elements incorporated into the movie, but they're not prominent enough and at no time does this film actually feel like Super Mario Bros. It may have been difficult, admittedly, but the groundwork for more creativity was easily laid out when the premise involved throwing the characters into another dimension.

Directors Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel don't help. Super Mario Bros. may well be one of the drabbest, ugliest "big" movies to ever see the inside of cinemas. The design, the colour scheme, even the shot choices, almost every decision just feels wrong. It's all so wrong that it's hard to believe that Morton and Jankel weren't on some kind of mission to sabotage their own movie.

But that cast, thank goodness for that cast. There IS fun to be had here. Yes, you have to sit through a lot of rubbish to get to the good bits, but I disagree with anyone saying that this movie is entirely worthless. It's bad, no arguing with that, but it's not unwatchable. If only I'd been writing this blog back in 1993 perhaps I could have allowed them to quote me on the posters: "Bad, but not unwatchable".

4/10

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Rise Of The Zombies (2012)

Another zombie movie from The Asylum, and another one directed by Nick Lyons (who also gave viewers the poor, but slightly better than this, Zombie Apocalypse), Rise Of The Zombies features the usual selection of jobbing actors trying to invest their paper-thin characters with something, anything, to make the movie more watchable as it repeats the same cycle for 90 minutes until a weak, weak ending.

Things start off promising. Survivors of the zombie outbreak are holed up in Alcatraz. There's potential here, but it's soon squandered. Zombies still get in and the main characters all make stupid decision after stupid decision, culminating in the moment when they set off from the island in search of safety elsewhere. Because that's a better decision than killing the zombies that managed to get in and reinforcing the huge stronghold that is Alcatraz. Zombies munch on folks, people bicker, zombies munch on folks, people bicker, repeat ad nauseum. Oh, there's also LeVar Burton, stuck with having to play possibly the stupidest doctor that I've ever seen in any zombie movie. Ever. He is determined to find a cure that will save the one he loves.

There are one or two decent moments here, with one scene showing how easy it is for zombies to climb up the Golden Gate bridge being as enjoyable as it is ridiculously stupid, but there's no reason to ever seek this film out beyond stumbling across it accidentally on the TV schedules. Lyons isn't the worst director, but writers Keith Allan and Delondra Williams didn't make his job any easier by churning out such a laughable and lame script.

The cast includes Mariel Hemingway, Danny Trejo (currently tied with Ving Rhames in the "pay me and I'll turn up for anything" category), Ethan Suplee, the aforementioned Burton, French Stewart, and Chad Lindberg. The rest of the cast is made up of the usual supporting players for The Asylum AKA people who can rack up a long list of credits on IMDb thanks to their portrayal of "screaming zombie victim #8". Hey, nothing against that, a job is a job, but all I'm emphasising is that the rest of the cast features nobody truly memorable. There are one or two other main characters, but the cast can't do enough to overcome the weak script. Without having any recognition factor they just blur together into one featureless crowd.

Rise Of The Zombies isn't good, in case you didn't gather that already. Some of the effects are okay, but a lot of the film just feels rushed and/or lazy. Critics of The Asylum may rush to tell me that ALL of their films feel that way, but I'd disagree. Sometimes they do appear to be trying. Just not on this occasion.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rise-Zombies-DVD-Danny-Trejo/dp/B00BFCJLT8/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1395320665&sr=1-1&keywords=rise+of+the+zombies

Ong-bak (2003)

Action movies are great, aren't they? Okay, you can wade through a LOT of rubbish to find the gems, and I'd say that a rubbish action movie is often less entertaining than a rubbish horror movie, but when you discover an exciting new talent it's usually in an exciting new film. Which is what happened when Tony Jaa arrived on our screens in the punchy-kicky-bruise-fest known as Ong-bak. This wasn't the first movie that Jaa had starred in, but it was his first major leading role, his breakout film, and rightly so.

The head of a statue is stolen from a village and the locals are most distressed. The statue is something they look after in order for it to bless them with good fortune. It's a very important piece. Ting (Jaa) volunteers to head to the city to retrieve it, and that's when his troubles start, as he ends up unwittingly entering a building that pits fighters against one another, while spectators bet on who will still be victorious.

Ong-bak isn't really the kind of film that lends itself to standard criticism. Do I pick apart the script by Suphachai Sittiaumponpan or comment on the shot choices made by director Prachya Pinkaew? Do I weigh up the lead actor against the solid support from Petchtai Wongmalao, Pumwaree Yodkamol and everyone else onscreen?

No. I tell people that this is, once it gets going, just a brilliant, brutal action movie that showcases the skills of Jaa. He jumps through stuff, he runs, he jumps through more stuff. And when people get in his way he ends up causing some serious pain using his feet, hands, elbows and any body part that he can cause pain with.

There are only two main negatives to this movie. First of all, the first third of the movie seems a bit slow, but that's partly down to just how brilliant and action-packed the second half of the movie is. Second, once you've seen Tony Jaa in action it's hard to take any threat against him seriously. He's not invulnerable, far from it, but you can't help but feel sorry for everyone who tries to give him trouble.

Action movie fans should already be well aware of this film. If you somehow missed it, rectify that immediately.

8/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ong-Bak-Disc-Special-Collectors/dp/B0009VK74E/ref=sr_1_2?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1395261533&sr=1-2&keywords=ong-bak

The Last Starfighter (1984)

Another slice of '80s greatness, The Last Starfighter is yet another in the long list of films that I took far too long to watch. Thankfully, it holds up as a fun sci-fi action movie.

Lance Guest plays Alex Rogan, a young man who lives in a trailer park but dreams of the day when he can move away and start to make something of his life. He wants to take his lovely girlfriend, Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart), with him, despite the fact that she doesn't seem quite so keen to get away. At the end of a bad day, Alex unwinds by playing the arcade game entitled The Last Starfighter. He breaks the record and defeats the game, much to the delight of the crowd gathered around him. But it turns out that The Last Starfighter is more than just an arcade game. It's a simulator/test, developed and planted in various locations by aliens who are under attack and in need of skilled fighters. When he is picked up by a man named Centauri (Robert Preston) and taken into outer space, Alex reacts as expected. He doesn't want to risk his life in a space battle if it's not in safe videogame form.

Directed by Nick Castle (a name familiar to any John Carpenter fan) and written by Jonathan R. Betuel, The Last Starfighter is a delightful mix of practical effects, very basic computer FX work (crude, but charming in this context) and sheer escapism. It's family entertainment from back when those two words didn't equate to something that had been completely neutered to appease everyone offended by the merest hint of an immoral thought.

Guest is perfectly fine in the lead role, and also has a lot of fun playing the robotic unit that replaces him while he's away in space. He's a standard teenager, imperfect but likable enough. Catherine Mary Stewart is equally fine as his girlfriend, and the two work well together. When it comes to the space bods, Preston has the most fun as Centauri, but Dan O'Herlihy is constantly entertaining onscreen, hidden under a LOT of make-up for his character, Grig. Then there are the main baddies, played by Norman Snow and Dan Mason. Both do solid work.

It's very cheesy in places, and it's often a bit ridiculous, but The Last Starfighter is also fine entertainment. It's eager to please, and the perfect pacing helps (a few different alien agents are sent to take Alex out of action when his skill becomes known). I'll be buying it ASAP, rewatching it every so often, and simply regretting the fact that I didn't get to see this when it was first released back in the 1980s.

7/10

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Seance: The Summoning (2011)

Seance: The Summoning is the kind of horror movie that gives horror movies a bad name. It's not as if it's THAT bad, in many ways, but the good aspects of it make the bad seem all the worse. Know what I mean? Well, bear with me and I'll try to clarify.

There's a decent (I guess) young cast assembled here, and some proper production values. The movie may benefit from being, for the most part, all in one location, and writer-director Alex Wright may know where to point the camera sometimes, but the shine doesn't cover up the stale odour emanating from almost every scene.

Bobby Campo, Nazneen Contractor, Devon Ogden and Chris Olivero play four people who sneak into a morgue to hold a seance, because that's such a good idea. Anyway, the seance will be recorded, and Eva (Contractor) expects to have success in contacting the spirits. She's a gifted woman and she knows what she's doing. Unfortunately, who would've guessed, something bad butts in and sets about, ummmm, putting a serious strain on the friendships of the quartet.

Contractor and Ogden are both okay, Olivero is pretty unmemorable, and Campo has the most fun, but none of the actors can rise above the incredibly weak script that they have to work with. Ogden suffers the most, given some characterisation so horrible and clumsy that it almost seems as if Wright initially wanted to create a parody, before changing his mind at some point.

There are a few standard jump scares, but that's about all this gets right, in terms of the basics. The characters are uninteresting and hard to root for, there's pretty much no atmosphere created (despite the movie being set in a large morgue), the few gore gags are far too fleeting to make any impression, and the whole thing is littered with dialogue about faith and morality that seem to have come from the pen of a fifteen-year-old.

It just never feels, at any point, as if Seance: The Summoning is trying. Although, in a completely different way, it IS trying.

3/10

http://www.amazon.co.uk/S%C3%A9ance-The-Summoning-Bobby-Campo/dp/B0077NF7RO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394058418&sr=8-1&keywords=seance+the+summoning