Monster Hunter (2020)

It's almost as if the way in which some people are easily pleased, and the way in which some people will tolerate any crap that is accessible enough, has created a monster in modern movie-making. And that monster is Paul W. S. Anderson. I'm exaggerating, of course, but not by much. Because Anderson has tended to make films that have allowed him to keep making films, and that has allowed him to assume that he's been doing something right. Which ensures that he has never attempted to correct any of his bad habits, with the two worst being his over-reliance on CGI and his inability to hold a shot for more than five seconds. I can overlook these things easier when I can still find enough to enjoy in his films, as is the case with the Resident Evil movies. It's a lot tougher in a movie like this.

Thankfully, or perhaps not (depending on your view), he keeps casting his wife, Milla Jovovich, in his movies, and that guarantees I will watch them. I like Jovovich. She's not the best actress ever, but she often does very well at being a strong and sexy heroine. Here she plays Artemis, a strong and sexy heroine. So the movie has that going for it.

Artemis is with a group of fellow soldiers when the group is transported to another world, one in which giant monsters can pop up out of the earth and pick off humans like scampering ants. There's also a character named Hunter (Tony Jaa) in this world, and it's not long until Artemis and Hunter start to work together in order to survive against the dangerous creatures around them.

That's really all there is to Monster Hunter, a film so light on plot that I am amazed it has a runtime of just over an hour and forty minutes. Although I am unfamiliar with the videogame source material, and others can judge for themselves if this is a good adaptation or not, Monster Hunter seems to have nothing else really going for it, cinematically. As usual, Anderson wants to provide some slo-mo action overstuffed with CGI (to be fair, the actual creature design here is very good) and wants to allow Jovovich to kick ass. He does that. He just does nothing else, and that includes creating a world that feels as if it expands beyond the perimeters of any screen edges.

Jovovich is sadly disappointing in the lead role, less convincing than usual and hindered by a weak script. Jaa fares slightly better, developing nicely as he and Jovovich learn from one another. There are some other people onscreen, but the only one of note is Ron Perlman, who is wasted in his small role.

A real waste of time, for both viewers and the people involved, this is infuriatingly horrible for almost every minute. Characters are thinner than rice paper, the plotting is lazy and careless (one of those scripts that you can easily imagine was written by an impatient child), and it fails to do what Anderson has sometimes managed with his other movies, which is to provide mindless and enjoyable entertainment that is best accompanied by popcorn and fizzy drinks. 

3/10

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Prime Time: Rat Race (2001)

With Jerry Zucker in the director's chair and a whole load of talented comedic performers in front of the camera, Rat Race certainly sets itself up as a film that wants to be in the top tier of modern comedies. The fact that it isn't, and the fact that it fails by such a large margin, is as surprising as it is disappointing.

The main premise is very simple, and very similar to another whacky comedy from decades ago, one that made use of an all-star cast. A group of people are selected to participate in a race to a locker some distance away. The first person to get there will get to keep the contents of the locker. $2M. It's that simple. Yes, this is basically a reworking of It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.

There are moments that work in Rat Race, and some of those moments provide some hearty laughs. Jon Lovitz and Kathy Najimy bundling their two kids into a car that once belonged to Adolf Hitler pans out pretty much as you think it would, and is a real highlight, and there's a fun cameo from Kathy Bates, playing a woman obsessively trying to get people to buy one of her squirrels. A bus full of Lucille Ball fans also provides some fun. But there are so many other moments that either don't work as well as they should or just don't work entirely. The characters played by Seth Green and Vince Vieluf don't work, and neither do those played by Whoopi Goldberg and Lanei Chapman. Breckin Meyer and Amy Smart are helped by the script, although hindered by the fact that they're, well, Breckin Meyer and Amy Smart (to be fair, Meyer isn't as bad as Smart . . . but few actors are). Cuba Gooding Jr. is just fine, as is Rowan Atkinson, and John Cleese is helped along by super-white, larger, teeth to define his character.

Perhaps hampered by the script from Andy Breckman, Zucker feels like he could have been replaced by anyone in the director's chair. There's no sign of someone monitoring quality control, there's no sign of anyone taking on the responsibility to make the best of every comedy moment. All you get is a star vehicle without any big enough stars, but it's also very much a time capsule from 2001. From the cast to the plotting, despite it hewing so close to that 1963 movie mentioned above, and to the inclusion of Smash Mouth in the finale (not just a song, they get to make a cameo appearance and interact with all of the main players).

While it's not a film I'd recommend to anyone in the mood for a modern comedy, it IS a film I'd recommend to anyone looking for some easy entertainment that keeps throwing enough at the wall that one or two bits should stick. You can find a multitude of better comedies out there, but this is for people who want some recognisable faces and a general sense of familiarity (Atkinson, for example, is doing little more than a Mr. Bean act with an accent on top of his usual schtick). Passable enough. Just not often very good.

5/10

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Revenge Of The Nerds (1984)

A 1980s comedy viewed as a bit of a classic from the decade, for what it aims to do, Revenge Of The Nerds holds up quite well nowadays if you can overlook some of the more problematic elements. Be warned, however, that at least one of the problematic elements is quite difficult to just shrug off, but I still think it is worth trying to compartmentalise the issues away from the essence of the plot and comedy.

Gilbert (Anthony Edwards) and Lewis (Robert Carradine) are the main nerds here, off to Adam’s College to continue their studies. Once there, it’s not long until awful alpha male types see them as another target. Because it is tradition to mock and abuse the nerds. Losing their main residence, which is given over to “the jocks”, and being pushed to, and beyond, breaking point, the nerds come up with a plan to try fighting back. They will compete against the jocks in a variety of disciplines, and hope that their smarts outweigh the muscles.

Written by Steve Zacharias and Jeff Buhai, this is chock full of stereotypes and situations that we’ve now seen in hundreds of other movies. But this was one of the earliest to do it all in a film focusing on “the losers”, and that is worth remembering. The characters are generally a fun mix, the challenges are enjoyable, and the third act is a fun up and down journey to a finale that could go either way.

It is a good job that Edwards and Carradine are just about likeable enough, although the former is more likeable than the latter, but they are helped by the fact that they are battling against some major assholes. Both of the leads really play up every potential ounce of nerdiness, probably advised to do so for the sake of the comedy. Curtis Hanson is fun as “Booger”, Ted McGinley is a suitably loathsome villain, Donald Gibb is hilariously overrun by his testosterone, Julie Montgomery and Michelle Meyrink are two very different young women who get involved with our leads (although that wording is far too polite to the way in which Montgomery is treated), and there’s a wonderful turn from John Goodman as a typical coach who will think there is nothing wrong with the “antics” of the young men who are part of his team. 

Director Jeff Kanew doesn’t have to do anything fancy here, therefore he doesn’t. It’s all a case of simply setting up the main premise and introducing more characters who can be used in various set-pieces on the way to the final act, with another highlight being Bernie Casey as U. N. Jefferson, leader of an all-black fraternity that finds itself gradually supporting the nerds. 

If you caught this back in the 1980s then you will probably still be a fan. Discovering it nowadays is a very different experience, but you can still enjoy the jokes that works, enjoy a lot of the characters, and spend time in the company of the entertaining clichés and stereotypes while cringing at the casual racism, casual sexual assault, and casual approach to anything that can be used as the butt of a joke.

7/10

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Mubi Monday: The Unbelievable Truth (1989)

The second film I have seen from writer-director Hal Hartley (with the first being Amateur), I am starting to think that his work may not be for me. I will keep giving him a chance, and two movies from an entire filmography isn’t exactly a massive sample size, but he has a style that never seems to sit comfortably within the boundaries of cinema. Perhaps he’s more of a playwright, which is a great thing to be, but sometimes I watch films that should be plays and resent people involved for trying to force the material to be a film.

Let me clear something up before I go any further though. I did like The Unbelievable Truth. There were some great performances, a brilliant idea at the heart of it (a man returning home after spending time in prison for homicide, being judged by people who don’t actually know what happened), and some individual scenes that are strange, and sometimes fun. It’s just a shame that the more serious moments remain too quirky and almost confrontationally detached from any real emotion. This is the debut from Hartley, and maybe he just wanted to indulge himself, in case it was his only movie. Or maybe, as I suspect could be the case, it is just his style.

Young Audry may want to head off and do well in studies, which will cost her dad plenty, but also has her head turned by the idea of becoming a model. She also has her head turned by a stranger who has come back into town, one with a dark and macabre past. Characters wrestle with their feelings, be they for love or social standing, or both, and viewers are guided along a winding path towards a hopefully satisfying ending.

Robert John Burke is Josh, the man who comes back into town, and he is very good in that role, somehow emanating a sense of both calm and danger at the same time. His character isn’t necessarily a bad person, viewers can only go by what others think, but he is often treated like one. The star, however, is Adrienne Shelly, who plays Audry, a young woman in love with literature and the idea of getting away from home. She also finds herself drawn to Josh. Julia McNeal is Pearl, a young woman who plays an integral role in the perceived guilt or innocence of Josh, Chris Cooke is Audry’s father, Vic, a man very happy to get to a stage where he can make some money from his daughter after spending so much on her for years. There’s also a very fun turn from Gary Sauer as Emmet, a young man who just wants to start a fight with everyone around him.

Hartley writes well, certainly when it comes to depicting young adults navigating their way into the next stages of their life, dangerous terrain that could lead them to promised lands or energy-draining bogs, but he doesn’t write well for movies. Things here feel as if they are taking place in a vacuum, with the world outwith the main characters simply feeling like it’s “offstage”. And every technical aspect of this film, from the camerawork to shot framing, from the music to the editing, feels the same way. It is all beholden to the writing of Hartley, as I am sure he feels it should be. But perhaps he would do better to hand his words over to someone who might not treat them in such a precious way.

6/10

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Netflix And Chill: Nightbooks (2021)

Although set in modern times, Nightbooks is a very standard fairytale premise of children who have been ensnared by an evil witch. It's a story about stories, and one that celebrates what we like about the classics we are introduced to at a very young age, from the basic moral lessons to the sheer fun of evil beings being simply evil.

There's not much time spent setting things up here. Viewers are introduced to young Alex (Winslow Fegley), a boy who has suddenly stopped writing the scary stories that he used to have so much fun with. Alex enters an apartment, drawn there by a TV screen that has The Lost Boys playing on it, and a moment later he is trapped. His captor is a witch named Natacha (Krysten Ritter), and there's another youngster, Yasmin (Lidya Jewett), being held there against their will.

Based on a book by J. A. White, Nightbooks feels like an easy hit for Netflix, although I am surprised that they didn't hold it back a few weeks, or even a month, to time the release more in line with Halloween. It's a fun horror movie that pitches things almost perfectly for both adults and younger viewers (although every parent will need to carefully judge whether or not their children will enjoy this without being too scared - the final act does ramp things up a bit).

Director David Yarovesky, who previously helmed the enjoyable Brightburn, does well enough, guided along the way by a screenplay co-written by Mikki Daughtry and Tobias Iaconis. It's very simply put together, with a few stories within the main story (as Alex is ordered to entertain Natacha with his tales), an exploration of the magical apartment, and an ongoing attempt to figure out a way to escape. The fact that the third act involves an actual "gingerbread house", an even more dangerous enemy, and a big oven underlines the simplicity of it all. It's Hansel & Gretel wandering through Tales From The Darkside: The Movie.

The production design is generally pretty good, although a middle section overuses CGI for one extended set-piece that I can't help feel would have been better with some practical effects, and there are some great uses of makeup and lighting to keep things feeling magical, spooky, and off-kilter. The music may not be great, but fans of Cry Little Sister will enjoy how that is used and covered.

As for the cast, both Fegley and Jewett are fine in their roles. They are believable and likeable enough. It's Ritter who is allowed to have the most fun though, making a strong impression from the very beginning with her mistreatment of the children she has caught. That covers the main cast, aside from a memorable cat named Lenore, although you get a few people popping up to lend support occasionally, usually in flashback scenes.

Obviously primed to kickstart a potential film series, Nightbooks is enjoyable and undemanding fun. I'm not sure if I would rush to watch a second one, but I certainly wouldn't be strongly opposed to the idea, especially if a bit more thought was given to showcasing the stories being told to keep the witch entertained.

7/10

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Shudder Saturday: Follow (2015)

The feature film debut from writer-director Owen Egerton (who followed this up with the more enjoyable, but not necessarily better, Blood Fest), Follow is a small-scale thriller that uses that enjoyable trope of someone waking up next to a dead body without remembering how the fatality happened. It definitely won't be for everyone, basically mixing some elements of American Psycho with Les Diaboliques, but it's certainly worth watching. I'd like to think that more people end up enjoying it than not.

Noah Segan plays Quinn, a young man who appears to be very much in love with his girlfriend, Thana (Olivia Grace Applegate). But Quinn is set to move to a big city, something Thana isn’t comfortable with. She gets Quinn a very unusual Christmas gift, strangely trying to illustrate the solidity and trust in their relationship. It’s a gun. And she wants Quinn to put it in his mouth and pull the trigger. Is it loaded? It certainly seems that way when Quinn wakes up alongside Thana’s corpse. Will Quinn remember what happened? Will he sort things out? Will people stop visiting the house?

Although I cannot tell if it is intentional or not, Egerton seems to be having a lot of fun with a literal manifestation of your partner asking a loaded question. The two main characters here seem to have spent some time ignoring cracks that should have been dealt with sooner, particularly when it comes to the upcoming relocation of Quinn. And then there's his close friendship with Viv (Haley Lu Richardson), a young woman who works alongside him at his bar job. Those things don't always lead to the insanity that we see unfold here, but I think that Egerton liked the idea of taking very relatable moments from relationships and using them to take his characters to a place that none of us would want to visit. Setting it at Christmas, although it's not a focus of the film, also underlines a key concept being played with, the couples who plaster a grin on their faces and act as if everything is just fine and dandy while getting through major family events (such as . . . Christmas).

I like Segan as an actor, and he excels at somehow managing to keep you on board even while playing some repugnant characters. He's fantastic here, the role feeling quite tailor-made to play to his strengths and give him a bit of a showcase. Applegate and Richardson are also cast very well, with both given some interesting moments throughout. Although there's a very small cast, most of the main players earn their screentime. And it was a pleasure to see Don Most in a very small role.

Not only does this film do a great job with fairly limited resources, it's one that would reveal more with one or two rewatches. There's a lot to take in here, from the sly humour and metaphors running throughout it to the ambiguous development of scenes that show Segan's character trying desperately to keep a grasp on a reality that is becoming increasingly slippy. I liked this, certainly enough to recommend it to others, but I suspect I could grow to like it even more if I make room in my busy viewing schedule to watch it again.

7/10

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Body Cam (2020)

Horror films can, and often do, throw a bright light on parts of society that we don’t always want to look at, whether that is a major problem we don’t know how to improve or the worst aspects of human nature. So Body Cam deserves a point or two for using the genre to look at a problem that has been in and out of the news over the past few decades, with good reason. It’s all about police officers, and eventually turns into an exploration of certain individuals who can get away with murder because they’re wearing a badge.

Mary J. Blige is Renee Lomito-Smith, an officer just starting back to her duties after an incident that involved her hitting a member of the public. That incident was, of course, caught on camera. Keen to get back to work, Officer Lomito-Smith is also battling to stop herself from becoming consumed by the grief stemming from the sudden death of her young son. Out on patrol with Officer Danny Holledge (Nat Wolff), it soon becomes clear that someone is out to take out a number of police officers in a night of killing. That someone has some strange powers, or so it would seem, and they might just have a very strong motive for their actions.

Writers Nicholas McCarthy and Richmond Riedel have one or two decent ideas at the heart of their script, and maybe if they had worked with a strong third writer then this could have been something really good. Unfortunately, the whole thing ends up being a half-baked mess, completely I helped by the direction from Malik Vitthal. None of the characters are developed well enough, the plotting is careless and illogical, and it all builds to a final act that would be laughable if it wasn’t so confusing in how earnestly it seems to undermine some really . . . misguided decisions.

Blige does well enough in the lead role, and she's certainly the one person trying their best in this mess. She shows someone striving to do right, even after a major mistake, and she also conveys her worry and stress without horribly overdoing things. Wolff isn't too bad, but that's mainly because most of his scenes have him alongside Blige. David Zayas, someone I normally like seeing onscreen, is given a pretty thankless role, there are a lot of other people who make little to zero impression at all, and Anika Noni Rose is given the role of sympathetic protagonist.

I can see why some people might enjoy this as simple, lightweight, horror fare. It attempts to tell a decent story, provide some social commentary, and deliver a few jump scares here and there. Unfortunately, the apparent lack of care made it a miserable viewing experience for me, and other people may feel the same way. Because it's crap.

3/10

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The Last Seduction II (1999)

There are few sequels more likely to disappoint than a sequel to any erotic thriller/drama that has developed a huge fanbase. The second Basic Instinct, Showgirls, and 9 1/2 Weeks attest to this. As does this film. This rule generally works if there have only been two films, but don’t let that dissuade you from checking out the likes of the Poison Ivy and Wild Things movies (films with about three sequels each, providing a more positive rule about erotic films that try to stay classy being followed by instalments that are happy to get down and roll around in the trash).

Anyway, I can only delay it so long, let’s get to this film. Joan Severance plays Bridget Gregory, the femme fatale we last saw playing out a very devious scheme in The Last Seduction. She heads off to Spain, connecting with a businessman/crook named Troy (Con O’Neill). She is also being pursued by a detective (Murphy, played by Beth Goddard), hired by the father of the man she turned into her main patsy in the first film.

The last film to date directed by Terry Marcel (and thank heavens for small mercies), The Last Seduction II is a bad film, often amusingly so, but it’s a hell of a lot worse if you have very recently revisited the superb The Last Seduction. Nothing here has the intelligence, wit, or style of the first movie. The script, written by Dave Cummings, is a real mess. It takes some simplistic plotting, tries to cover it up with a mix of characters and random scenes, and fumbles absolutely every aspect. There’s no tension, no sexual chemistry between any of the characters, and no actual entertainment factor here, leaving it a flaccid mess that makes you feel sorry for Severance.

Feeling sorry for Severance is better, I guess, than feeling nothing at all. I have had a crush on Severance since seeing her as one of the main baddies in See No Evil, Hear No Evil (playing someone memorably held “at gunpoint” by Gene Wilder’s erection), but she exudes nothing here that makes her feel like a worthwhile successor to Linda Fiorentino. She is better than O’Neill, but a balloon animal could have been better than O’Neill (he’s just terrible in almost every scene), although he does get an amazing scene that leads to him punching a pregnant woman in the face, displayed in a weird slow-mo way that wouldn’t look out of place in a cheap Turkish rip-off movie. Goddard comes out of this best, simply thanks to her character often appearing to be smarter than everyone else around her, but I would assume this is still unlikely to be a film she parks at the top of her C.V.

Filmed in the exotic climes of Spain and, errr, Wales, The Last Seduction II feels exactly like a film that would use some minimal location shooting and hastily-redressed sets to make you think it is taking place in a hot and sunny environment. It’s a soap opera special, sadly lacking any special guest star or plot bombshell to make it worth your time.

The best thing to remember as the end credits roll? There has so far not been a third The Last Seduction. The fact that there was a second film that didn’t even attempt to rejig the title wording tells you all you need to know before you even press play and attempt to endure this.

2/10

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Prime Time: Black Box (2020)

There’s the germ of a good idea in Black Box, but the biggest problem it has is that you could easily imagine it being handled so much better in an episode of Black Mirror, and at half the runtime.

Directed by Emmanuel Osei-Kuffour (who also co-wrote the screenplay with Stephen Herman), I will state clearly now that nothing here made me eager to seek out other films from him. This film is pedestrian, at best, and shows how to mishandle a concept so badly that it wrings every drop of potential interest out of it before serving it up to audiences. It’s like a plate full of chicken and veg that has had all flavour boiled out of it.

Mamoudou Athie plays Nolan, a pained man trying to carry on with his life after an accident that affected his memory and led to the death of his wife. He is supported by his young daughter, Ava (Amanda Christine), with the two of them digging deep into reserves of strength to keep muddling forward. One doctor (played by Phylicia Rashad) has a new procedure that may help Nolan tap into all of his memories. But it soon becomes clear that it is bringing out a very different side of him.

If a director and writer work with a team of talented people to create a film that is their finished work of art then Black Box is a canvas lazily covered in magnolia matt paint. It is that dull, despite having the potential to go in a number of different directions. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few decent moments here and there, and one or two intriguing ideas, but the film seems determined to leave them just hanging there, like laundry on a washing line that has been forgotten about for days.

Athie does well enough with what he’s given, and Rashad is a fairly standard “obsessive scientist” type, but they are seriously hampered by the ways in which the script has to make them deliberately dumb to keep the plot moving along. Christine comes out of this best, her character being smart, strong, and sweet, a real highlight in a film with too few of them.

It’s all competently constructed, and technically fine, and the third act really drags you into a situation that quickly becomes more intense and uncomfortable. But this is a thriller that fails to thrill, fails to make you think enough about the elements being moved around in the plot, and simply fails to properly do anything that it should have easily managed.

3/10

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Screwed (2000)

The only film both written AND directed by Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, Screwed is an enjoyably silly comedy starring Norm MacDonald in the lead role. The acting isn’t amazing, the plotting is unbelievably stupid, but fans of the star will have a great time with it.

MacDonald plays Willard Fillmore, a man who has spent most of his adult life as a butler/chauffeur/cleaner for the thrifty Miss Crock (Elaine Stritch). She is so mean to him that she won’t even buy him a new suit, making him wear the same one that she had removed from his father’s dead body. Hatching a plan that involves kidnapping her beloved dog, Willard and his friend, Rusty (Dave Chappelle), end up committing to a life of crime, which ends in disaster. The dog escapes, which means Miss Crock is left with the impression that Willard is the one kidnapped. And why would she pay ransom money for Willard?

If you only see one Norm MacDonald movie then you should definitely see Dirty Work, which is his best actual movie, thanks to the gags and supporting cast. But if you see two then you should easily make room for this one, which is a lot of fun. Highlights include a battle with the small dog, the main characters making a video of Willard “pleading for his freedom”, and a meeting with a gross and inappropriate morgue attendant (Danny DeVito).

Even if you were unaware, it’s clear that Alexander and Karaszewski are much more comfortable as writers than directors. There’s no real style or finesse here, from the shot choices to the soundtrack, and the focus is always on simply moving from one gag to the next. That isn’t necessarily the worst thing ever though, especially in a comedy that you don’t expect great cinema from. This isn’t great cinema. It’s just great fun.

MacDonald was never a great leading man, which I am sure he would agree with, but he was used a couple of times in films that managed to use his style without trying to change him. That works well, probably because he seemed to never change for the sake of others anyway. Love or hate him, Norm was unique. Chappelle is a fun co-star here, his nervous energy working well alongside the laconic and dry style of MacDonald. Stritch is good as the tight-fisted employer who mistreats her staff, Sherman Hemsley has a few scenes as another member of staff, Daniel Benzali is a tough detective who doesn’t like loose ends (which is obviously problematic for our leads), and Sarah Silverman has a small role as an ex-girlfriend who might be able to help MacDonald’s character, if she is filled in on the details of the scheme. And DeVito steals a couple of scenes as that aforementioned morgue attendant.

The more I think about it now, the more I can recall that made me heartily chuckle. It may never appear on many “favourite movie” lists, and it won’t ever be discussed in the context of cinema that made an impact on psyches and pop culture, but it is a comedy that delivers a steady stream of good gags. Which makes it worth your time when you just want to laugh.

7/10

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Mubi Monday: Sweat (2020)

Magdalena Kolesnik plays Sylwia, a young woman who works as a fitness instructor, which involves putting herself out there online, building up a fanbase and building up an inspirational image. But it isn’t all smiles and fitness. Sylwia is going through a very rough time, feeling lonely and having to deal with a stalker who has parked up outside her home.

What’s interesting nowadays is how perception of celebrity has changed in the arts, as celebrity itself has changed. We used to see movies about famous actors and musicians, films that explored their persistence, and often their need to feel love emanating from a receptive audience of fans. Now we see different journeys, and different levels of effort made, as it has become so much easier to attain a certain level of fame. If you want fame then you can have it. If you don’t figure out how to become famous, you can become notorious. And all of this usually happens with a filter that keeps the truth hidden away.

Writer-director Magnus von Horn wants to look at the fairly common modern phenomenon of living your life with consideration for your public image, and he takes things in a couple of interesting directions. Unfortunately, the best of the points being made end up buried by a lot of familiar moments that pad the runtime out far beyond what was needed. It’s actually hard not to imagine Sweat working better as a short film, but Von Horn tries to justify his feature runtime with a number of varied plot beats, some that work much better than others.

Although there are a number of solid supporting players here, from the stalker to Sylwia’s relatives, this film relies on the attention of viewers being held by Kolesnik, and she is more than up to the task. Finding ways to increase her energy levels, and often put on her best smile, Kolesnik managed to convey the enthusiasm and dedication of her character without coming across as vapid and fake. The script helps her out a lot, especially when presenting conversations about one piece of content that people view as “off brand”.

Admirable for not going in the most obvious direction, Sweat is also a film that ultimately cannot provide viewers with a truly satisfying experience. It shows someone struggling to be the best they can be on a stage they have built for themselves, and some of the more interesting points to be made about that life are lost, arguably much like the central character. This is a nice character study, intriguing for choosing to reveal more about someone who alternated between being as transparent as possible and being a marketable commodity, but it never feels like essential viewing. 

6/10

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Netflix And Chill: Kate (2021)

When will movie assassins learn? You cannot live that life and then be allowed to retire to a happy life. It just rarely happens, and is more often the case that the last job leads to a potential victim who the assassin perceives as a way to get a small amount of redemption. Kate is happy to follow this template.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays the main character, an assassin wanting to retire after one last job. Her handler, Varrick (Woody Harrelson), will be sad to see her go. But, wouldn’t you know it, things go wrong with her very last hit, a powerful target named Kijima (Jun Kunimura). It turns out that Kate has been poisoned, which puts her on a race against the clock to finish her last job, something she might be able to do by grabbing Kijima’s niece, Ani (Miku Patricia Martineau). 

As I have said so many times before now, if every other film was either an Escape Room movie or a John Wick riff then I would be easily pleased. Kate is a John Wick riff, with the main character being one of the very best at what she does, which happens to be killing people.

Directed by Cedric Nicolas-Troyan (only his second directorial feature after The Huntsman: Winter’s War), this is a fairly simple film that relies on action set-pieces to help viewers forgive the mass of clichés. And it works. The set-pieces are pretty great, especially an extended firefight/chase sequence that showcases the physical skills of everyone at about the halfway mark. The fact that this comes along soon after a sequence that shows Winstead as a formidable force tearing through a building full of gangsters who might have information she needs means you never feel that the main character is incapable of getting her revenge. She may be hurt, and weakened, but her intelligence and tactics help her to maintain an edge, even against overwhelming odds.

Writer Umair Aleem (who previously did Extraction . . . not that one) does a great job of sketching out the main characters, positioning the lead perfectly between wounded woman seeking that oft-sought redemption and superwoman, and uses a lot of familiar elements in a way that feeds nicely into the satisfying, and bloody, final act.

Winstead is excellent as Kate, compensating for her slight build with moves and viciousness that make her a very believable killer. Harrelson has fun in his supporting role, even if he is barely present for most of the middle section. Kumimura is strong and noble, Tadanobu Asano is his second in command, which makes him a potential threat to everyone around him, and Martineau grows nicely into her role as the film drags her along on a journey that features some touchstones recognised by Winstead’s character.

The soundtrack is very energetic, there are a lot of neon-lit action sequences (Japan makes a great backdrop for the main sequences), and the stunt team do a fantastic job of taking the hits and co-ordinating fights that should easily please every action movie fan. 

8/10

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Shudder Saturday: Bleed With Me (2020)

Another low-budget film that relies on a slow burn, strange character interactions, and a fairly sudden ending (although, thankfully, this doesn't just cut to the titles at a very ambiguous moment), Bleed With Me is an interesting oddity for those who have the patience for it. Mind you, I'm not sure exactly how many people WILL have the patience for it, but I hope there are a few.

It's time for a little break in a cabin in the woods. Emily (Lauren Beatty) is there to spend time with her boyfriend, Brendan (Aris Tyros), but has decided to bring along a friend, Rowan (Lee Marshall). Rowan is a bit awkward and quiet, but soon starts to come out of her shell more in the company of Emily and Brendan. Everything is going quite well, but that changes when Rowan starts to become convinced that at least one of the people keeping her company on this break is also stealing her blood during the night.

The first feature released by writer-director Amelia Moses, who had both this and Bloodthirsty come out in 2020, Bleed With Me is a film that makes good use of limitations. Sticking mostly to the setting of the cabin, the fact that viewers get to delve further and further into the troubled mind of Rowan makes it easy to overlook the lack of any meaningful movement and variety. It also helps that Moses presents the material in a way that can allow people to feel satisfied with events as they are depicted, while also allowing for the option of creating your own interpretation of events. Everything seems quite firmly set out by the very end of the film, but I was left considering some interesting options, despite the fact that the script seemed to have an air of certainty about it.

The big weakness, I'm sorry to say, comes from the performances. Tyros may be the best of the three leads, and he's the person onscreen for the least amount of time. Marshall isn't bad, even if she overdoes the timidity and twitchiness, but Beatty is. While I understand the way in which certain scenes were being played, Beatty is unable to feel natural and real at any point during the film, giving you a sense of something being off from the very first scene. Beatty is also the lead in Bloodthirsty, which means I will eventually check her out in that film and discover whether her performance here was a directing decision or whether that's just how she is onscreen, but this turn certainly didn't make me a fan.

Moses, on the other hand, is someone I will be keeping an eye on. She is able to mix the familiar and the strange with aplomb, spinning a number of small moments here into a nicely-crafted tale that looks at potential vampirism, stalking, co-dependency, self-harming, and more. Even more impressive is the fact that Moses handles all of these topics sensitively enough without bringing the main narrative strand to a clumsy halt. I just hope she starts to work with better actors, or perhaps starts to get better at directing the actors that she hires. Because two out of the three people starring in this film do enough damage to drag it down from a good viewing experience to an average one.

6/10

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The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (2008)

The third instalment in this particular selection of Mummy-centric tales, focusing on heroic Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and his family, is pretty much what you'd expect it to be, considering the turnaround behind the cameras. It's now Rob Cohen directing, and the writing duties have been taken over by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, but the central concept is still all about someone wanting to come back from the dead and take his place as a beloved warrior and leader. 

There's an opening sequence that explains who the new villain is this time around, the titular Dragon Emperor (played by Jet Li), and then it's time to catch up with the O'Connells once again. Rick is sort of content, but also kind of bored, while Evelyn (Maria Bello replacing Rachel Weisz in the role) seems to be just fine about a life where she's not being put in mortal danger every so often. Or maybe she's just better at keeping up a pretence. Young Alex (Luke Ford) is now old enough to be gallivanting about on his own adventures, which is why he is in Shanghai, as is his uncle, Jonathan (John Hannah). The whole O'Connell family soon ends up in Shanghai, and they end up having to work hard to stop the resurrected Emperor from becoming immortal.

Fraser, Li, Bello, Hannah, Michelle Yeoh, and Isabella Leong, and even Liam Cunningham, all do pretty good here, in relation to the script that they have to work with. It's a messy film that wants to recapture the spectacle of the previous movies without slavishly repeating any of the set-pieces, but it ends up falling flat. I'll put a small part of the blame for that on Ford, playing the youngest of the O'Connell clan. Whether it's a weak script that he can't overcome or just his own inability to emanate any sense of real charisma, Ford is the least of the cast members onscreen here, and that is a problem exacerbated by the way in which his character is foisted upon us as if he could somehow become a natural successor to Fraser's character. I'm maybe being a bit unfair to Ford here. He's certainly not terrible, but he cannot overcome the failings of the script in the same way that everyone else can, because we already know, and already like, most of the other main players.

Gough and Millar obviously wanted to work with a certain structure, but also wanted to keep things at a certain distance from the previous two movies. They want to deliver a nice, comforting, helping of filmic fun that is the same . . . but different. Unfortunately, they completely forget to add the actual fun. Even the fact that the villain doesn't really have any seriously misguided motive for his actions, other than his selfishness, brings everything down a notch. You don't watch this movie for the script, or direction. You watch it to enjoy some of the stars, mainly Li and an underused Yeoh.

Cohen can be a dependable pair of hands for this sort of thing, but he doesn't seem to have any enthusiasm for this story. The plotting has a number of predictable moments you have to trudge through, the set-pieces have their entertainment factor hidden by horrible CGI and cack-handed editing, and any amusing calbacks to past events in the movie series just make you wish that you'd spent your time revisiting the previous films.

It’s a shame that this ended up being the end of this series (although there are a good number of separate The Scorpion King movies by now) because it almost turns the entire trilogy into a warning to others, perfectly illustrating the standard law of diminishing returns for this kind of stuff. I hope to never watch this again, but the completist in me is happy enough that I finally marked it off the list.

4/10

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Unhinged (2020)

With a talented writer and director having fun with their material, Unhinged would have been a decent enough thriller for film fans to enjoy easily enough. The addition of Russell Crowe in the lead role, giving a performance as gleefully psychotic as any I can think of, makes it even better, turning it into something that feels surprisingly unmissable for this particular subgenre.

Essentially, this is a “*insert noun* from hell” movie. Crowe plays a character who is having such a bad time, apparently, that his only solution is to kill some people. And with that killing done, he is sitting in traffic, and zones out while a traffic light turns to green, when he is given a horn honk from Rachel (Caren Pistorius). Rachel is late, a bit stressed, and also has her son, Kyle (Gabriel Bateman), in the car with her. Thinking that she is having a bad day, the man she upset with her horn honking becomes determined to show her just how bad her day can get.

Director Derrick Borte has an interesting filmography that includes Cat Run (very enjoyable stuff) and The Joneses (excellent). He doesn’t seem drawn to any one genre, but rather seems to simply react to material he thinks he can treat well. Carl Ellsworth, on the other hand, definitely feels comfortable writing thrillers, having also worked on the excellent Disturbia, Red Eye, and the remake of The Last House On The Left. Ellsworth knows how to make the most of a cracking concept, and both he and Borte do superb work here. Because the unique aspect to this movie is the fact that Crowe’s character gives absolutely zero shits. He doesn’t care who seems him acting like a psycho, and doesn’t care who else he has to hurt by his one-man tsunami of violence and pain.

Crowe is more than up to the task when it comes to being intimidating, vicious, and also playing things in a way that feels very darkly comedic. Pistorius is a solid lead, starting off bewildered by the sharp turn of events before accepting the madness and digging deep to find extra reserves of strength. Bateman is a decent child actor, there’s a great little scene for Jimmi Simpson that underlines just how dangerous Crowe’s character is, and Austin P. McKenzie, Juliene Joyner, and others do a good job portraying likeable individuals who could very easily become unable to continue breathing due to the actions of one madman.

If this had gone along the same lines of many other films we have seen like it then Unhinged would not be as memorable as it is. It goes from zero to one hundred within the first few scenes, and that makes it a memorable viewing experience. It allows the film to feel different from others in this subgenre, despite heading to the same third act. And I like to think that some candy cane scissors owned by the lead character were a nice nod to another superb thriller about a vicious psycho behind the wheel of a big engine. 

Highly recommended. In fact, you will be mad at yourself if you dismiss it as something not worth your time. And the fact that it's a nice and well-paced 90 minutes (something becoming increasingly rare nowadays) is another reason to recommend it.

8/10

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Prime Time: Initiation (2020)

There’s an idea here that could have been developed into a good movie, but let me quickly state that this is not a good movie. Social commentary that falls flat, slasher movie moments that fall equally flat, Initiation is just a huge missed opportunity that seems too focused on depicting social media and shared text messages onscreen.

The ball really starts rolling when a young woman, Kylie (Isabella Gomez), ends up in a room full of young men, including Wes Scott (Froy Gutierrez). Taken home by a friend, Ellery (Lindsay LaVanchy), who also happens to be the sister of Wes, Kylie starts to worry the next day about just what may have happened.  It may be tied to a horrific “game” that the males play once a year, marking their victims out online with an exclamation mark, and Ellery has to accept the fact that her brother is complicit in a sexual assault, unsurprising as he was accused of the same thing just one year before. Then the killing begins.

Directed by John Berardo , who co-wrote the screenplay with Brian Frager and LaVanchy, Initation seems so focused on getting exploring the damage that can be done through social media that it forgets to deliver anything worthwhile, including a proper look at the damage that can be done through social media. It’s as if everyone was so happy to fill the screen with photos and messages characters send/receive on their phones and computers that they forgot all about what they were actually targeting with their material.

Aside from the character played by Gomez, nobody makes a strong impression. Nobody, whether they are supposed to be good or bad. I liked seeing Yancy Butler and Lochlyn Munro, but just because of the recognition factor, nothing to do with the characters they play. One of the other main actors shared a surname with the director, which I suspect explains his inclusion, and I think that sums up the approach to making this. It feels like a group of people who were lucky enough to get a budget allowing them to turn their pet project into a feature.

It may not be entirely bloodless, but Initiation will certainly disappoint anyone seeking it out as a standard slasher. The runtime clocks in at just under 100 minutes, and the first half really drags. Absolutely nothing stands out, except the staggering ability the film has to have nothing standing out.

Lacking any courage, in terms of both the commentary on culture and the “boys will be boys” mantra that has people overlooking so many serious assaults and in terms of standard slasher movie fare, Initiation is so weak that it has me hoping those involved work with much stronger individuals, or people with much clearer vision, on any future projects. This is an initiation to avoid.

3/10

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Malignant (2021)

There are some things to consider about the conversations people have been having about Malignant, the latest horror movie from James Wan. First of all, the fact that it is a very divisive film isn’t necessarily a negative. Whether you end up loving or hating this, kudos to Wan for taking such a huge swing with it. Secondly, someone having a different opinion of it does not mean they didn’t “get it”, even if the film has a lot in there that will be recognised mainly by older horror fans who are more likely to spot the many influences, from giallo to grindhouse films. Third, you can enjoy a movie without loving absolutely everything it does. Despite what the internet may be telling us, reactions still do not have to be absolutely weighted to one end or the other.

Now we can get to the film itself. Annabelle Wallis plays Madison Mitchell, a woman who starts to experience visions of violent murders. Knowing a bit too much, and the victim of an attack herself, the police start to consider Madison as a suspect, especially when it turns out that she has connections to the victims. Does this mean that Madison’s childhood friend, a presence nobody else would ever see, has reappeared?

Although it’s not just Wallis onscreen, with supporting turns from Maddie Hasson, George Young, Michole Briana White, it’s a film that stays so focused on her character, and people are asked to act in a certain way, most of the cast are secondary to the vision of Wan. Simply there to be puppeteered, ironically. It’s hard to judge people for performances that have been directed in a very specific way. Although Marina Mazepa deserves a special mention for her outstanding physical performance.

The script, written by Akela Cooper (from a story thrashed out in conjunction with Wan and Ingrid Bisu), is pretty terrible. It’s the combination of bad writing and weak acting that has led to so many people saying that Wan has delivered a wild American giallo, but that claim forgives a lot of mis-steps. There’s no style here good enough to feel faithful to the giallo flicks it wants to emulate, a lot of it overshadowed by horribly unnecessary CGI, and the bonkers ending is disappointingly telegraphed from the earliest scenes (and giallo fans will know that most of the maddest endings they have enjoyed have been anything but predictable).

As inevitable as the final act is, it is also where Wan pulls out all of the stops and presents an audaciously fun sequence that makes the whole film worth your time. Perhaps that is a sign that he is more at home wallowing in gore and carnage than trying to be stylish and homaging giallo flicks, but it certainly allows him to provide nods, some bigger than others, to the works of Frank Henenlotter, Stephen King, Brian De Palma, and his good friend, Leigh Whannell. I don’t mind this pick ‘n’ mix approach when the end result is such a hoot, and nobody will feel bored by the time the end credits roll.

Malignant is good, sometimes really good, but the first hour or so isn’t. You have some disappointingly weak death scenes, characters it is hard to really care about, a score from Joseph Bishara that doesn’t really work alongside the visuals most of the time, and constant overuse of CGI when practical effects would have added to the overall feel that Wan was aiming for. That final act makes up for a multitude of small sins, however, and how far it pushes the envelope towards real cinematic insanity makes it one of the strangest horrors to be pushed into the mainstream in a very long time. Which makes it worth your time and support.

7/10

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Mubi Monday: Good Vibrations (2012)

This is the story of Terri Hooley, a man with a passion for music so great that he ended up opening a record store in Belfast, and forming a label, that would support, and hugely influence, the punk music scene in Belfast. Not that either business made any money. Profit was never a motivation for Terri. It was always just about the music.

Hooley is certainly someone who deserves to have their life story shared and celebrated, whether you read any books written about him or (like me) just watch this movie. Taking place during the infamous years of bloodshed and death in Northern Ireland known as The Troubles, Hooley did his best to stay apart from everything he viewed as unnecessary distractions from the music. It was a view that ended up being infectious, allowing him to gather together a number of like-minded individuals, all of them using music in different ways to the same ends. Escape. Whether that is physical or mental.

With the role of Hooley played by Richard Dormer, Good Vibrations is a film lifted by that performance and, appropriately, the music pumping through it. Dormer has a blast, portraying Hooley with charm and savvy, if a lack of business sense, and there’s a lovely supporting role for Jodie Whittaker, playing his partner, Ruth. Aside from the people portraying some key figures in the industry, Kerr Logan as Feargal Sharky and Kieron Forsyth as John Peel, the cast also has consistently solid turns from Liam Cunningham, David Wilmot, Karl Johnson, and many others. 

Directors Lisa Barros D’Sa and Glenn Leyburn do a fine job of capturing the time and the place, and conveying that feeling of stumbling on to some life-changing music, and the script, by Colin Carberry and Glenn Patterson, keeps the humour, that seems to have been a central part of Hooley’s nature, juxtaposed alongside the very real threat posed to so many people in Northern Ireland during that time. 

It may not be an essential story, although it will inevitably be essential to those impacted by it, and it may not be a standard feelgood film, with the highs and lows leading to a fairytale happy ending, but Good Vibrations mixes the authentic with the fantastical and perfectly illustrates that way in which we can all be transported from mundanity by one great song that resonates through our entire body. It also has a predictably great soundtrack.

You could say that . . . it's well worth keeping an eye open for it.

8/10

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Netflix And Chill: The Block Island Sound (2020)

Written and directed by The McManus brothers (Kevin and Matthew), The Block Island Sound is an enjoyably atmospheric horror movie that ends up taking viewers through very familiar territory.

Harry (Chris Sheffield) is devastated after the sudden death of his father (Neville Archambault), which sends him on a downward spiral as he struggles to maintain his sanity while forces continually try to mess with his mind. Harry’s sister, Audrey (Michaela McManus), wants to help her brother, but she also starts to fear for the safety of her daughter, Emily (Matilda Lawler). Although people are trying to find some answers, or a “cure”, Harry seems destined to follow his father to the other side.

The best thing about The Block Island Sound is, undoubtedly and unsurprisingly, the sound design. There is an audio mix here that tries to unsettle at every turn, especially when viewers are placed closely alongside Harry as he struggles to keep a grasp on reality. But it’s not just about the sound, you get some fantastic scares dotted throughout, mainly from the sudden appearance of the character played by Archambault. Traditional scares are executed well, but the main thrust of the plot allows them to feel a bit different from genre standards that we have seen so many times before.

Sheffield does well in his role, often having to act like someone who has had his mind addled (which he has) while he fights against an invisible tormentor. McManus is easy to root for, especially as she finds herself torn between the love for her brother and the overriding need to keep her daughter safe. Archambault plays his part very effectively, allowing himself to be used as a vessel for some of the more discomforting audio moments, and everyone else, from Lawler to Jim Cummings, Ryan O’Flanagan, and Heidi Niedermeyer, puts in absolutely solid work.

Although not a debut from the McManus brothers, this feels like it. I don’t mean that as an insult. It is an interesting film, working with one main idea in a way that makes the most of its potential, and the budget is used well to deliver one or two impressive moments in a narrative that keeps you unnerved throughout.

Although things end with a fairly traditional resolution, The Block Island Sound is not a film for anyone wanting something in line with many other horror movies from recent years. It’s not an easy viewing, especially in the first half, but it’s an interesting and rewarding one.

8/10

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Shudder Saturday: Martyrs Lane (2021)

As some may have noticed, I tend not to ever go out of my way to join in with things like "52 movies directed by women" or other ways that movie fans seek to make up for the imbalance that works against females in the movie industry. This isn't any bias on my part, and it's certainly not me trying to say that "it shouldn't matter who is directing, as long as it is good" as an excuse to go along with the status quo that has men still getting the bigger opportunities, whether they succeed or fail. There is some truth to that, however, and why I have never taken on any mission to see more movies directed by women is simply because, well, I do my best to consume SO many movies every week that I thankfully end up watching a lot more movies from female film-makers than the casual film fan. This here blog has a review on it every day (so that's 7 films a week), I watch between 2 and 5 films for the podcast, and I have, for the past few years, done my best to keep up with every movie that appears daily on the MUBI streaming service. It may be the latter that exposes me to a much more interesting variety of film-makers, but this Shudder selection for this week has shown me the impressive talent of writer-director Ruth Platt. Considering how impressed, and moved, I was by Saint Maud last year (the astonishing debut from writer-director Rose Glass), not to mention the emotional punch packed by Tigers Are Not Afraid (from Issa López), I felt that it was time to remind others of how much excellent work has been done recently by women mixing horror with sadly identifiable traumas.

Martyrs Lane focuses on young Leah (Kiera Thompson), a girl who lives in a large vicarage. It's a busy environment, but can prove to be an equally lonely one for a young child. Leah feels disconnected from her mother, Sarah (Denise Gough), and her father, Thomas (Steven Cree), is more comfortable discussing aspects of faith and spirituality than being a relaxed father. Then there's the older sister, Bex (Hannah Rae), who likes to torment Leah. The dynamic could feel very normal, a standard family that often has members rubbing each other up the wrong way, but there's something a bit off, something that nobody seems to want to address. Leah finds herself receiving visits from another little girl (played by Sienna Sayer), and the conversations between the two of them may end up laying out the problem at the heart of the family that nobody wants to discuss.

Although a tale of a mother and her children, Martyrs Lane stays focused on the viewpoint of a young child. It's a great approach, with Platt convincingly creating moments that will be familiar to anyone who had strange sensation of walking in on adults who you know had just been arguing with one another, or had been discussing something not to be spoken about within earshot of the kids. That's what this is, essentially, but that feeling is also wrapped in a layer of something that evokes loss and grief, but without young Leah being aware of what others are missing. As she gets closer to discovering the truth, helped along by her new friend, she also reminds her mother of pain that was barely being held back by the smallest of dams.

All of the cast are superb in their roles, and all play things perfectly. Gough and Cree are flawed parents who feel absolutely real at all times. Rae is the typical older sister, with her own teen turbulence distracting her from the bigger picture for most of the runtime. But the heart of the film lies with Thompson and Sayer, and both give performances so good that I hope other directors can figure out ways to keep making the most of their talents. Both are very natural, but Sayer has to act up a little bit more, playing her character as she is, someone wearing a costume/mask who wants to be completely honest with others, but fears the full repercussions.

Perhaps a little bit undecided on tone and look throughout, Platt nevertheless makes the right choice in being committed to keeping most of the film as events observed by children. Would I have liked a more gothic style? Would I have enjoyed a few more moments of creepiness, some actual scares? Yes. This isn't a film to watch if you're after some standard jumps and a bit of bloodshed, but it could have added a little bit more of either without losing its way (as far as I can tell). Platt clearly had her mind set on the way to best tell this story, however, and it's hard to really fault an end result that feels as if it accomplished everything she wanted.

I was enjoying Martyrs Lane while it was on, especially when I realised what kind of film it was, but I was a little bit in love with it by the third act. The ending may be a bit too unambiguous for some, especially after the dreamy quality of many moments in the first two acts, but it worked for me. As the end credits rolled, accompanied by some more of the lovely music provided by Anne Müller, I knew it was a film I would have to hastily recommend to others. I suspect few will like it as much as I did, but I'll be happy if one or two others share my view.

8/10

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Popcorn (1991)

Originally helmed by Alan Ormsby, his directorial role soon taken over by Mark Herrier, Popcorn is a substandard slasher movie boosted by a fun central gimmick that will appeal to fans of the antics of William Castle.

In a bid to raise funds for their film department, a group of university students decided to put on a horror movie marathon in a run-down cinema. The films being shown are wonderfully cheesy, and each one will be accompanied by an interactive feature (a giant mosquito that “flies” over the audience, electric shocks, the always dangerous odor-ama). They will also be accompanied by a number of murders, but those were never part of the plan. The killer seems most intent on targeting and terrorising a young woman named Maggie (Jill Schoelen), but what is the motivation for this night of terror?

When I call Popcorn a substandard slasher, I am not meaning to write it off completely. It is an enjoyable horror film, if a bit daft throughout, but just doesn’t sit alongside the many better slasher movies. If you want some decent gore and a high bodycount then you should look elsewhere, although there are some excellent special effects where they are needed, but if you want something that has a palpable sense of affection for the kind of film experience that forms the core of the plot then you should give this a go. It IS a popcorn horror, and it wants you to remember that throughout.

Schoelen is a decent potential final girl, whether she is wandering through a nightmare sequence in the opening sequence or being astounded when the killer is revealed. Other characters are played by Derek Rydall (playing someone amusingly “mistreated” at every opportunity by a script ensuring he is repaid for bad behaviour),  Dee Wallace (the mother of Schoelen’s character), Kelly Jo Minter, Tom Villard, Malcolm Danare, and Tony Roberts, as well as a number of others all doing absolutely fine for the kind of film that they’re a part of.

As messy as it could have been, considering the departure of Ormsby and the arrival of Herrier, Popcorn is a surprisingly coherent, and enjoyably inventive, horror film that relies on viewers sharing the obvious love for the genre that it has running through it. The technical side of things may seem a bit less inventive than the main “gags”, but it all comes together to create something more than the sum of its parts. And ends up being one I recommend.

7/10

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Vice Academy (1989)

It’s easy to remember the cinematic trends that ended up making a huge impact. The template for buddy cop flicks, for example. Superhero-populated cinematic universes. Films about little creatures that came out not long after Gremlins. But it’s also worth noting the cinematic trends that came and went without making anywhere near the same amount of impact. Like the films that came along after Police Academy. Not only did you get a number of forgettable comedy films about hopeless amateurs being thrown into situations way over their heads, there were also a number of films that tried to cash in on that film’s success by cannily re-using the word “academy” in the title. I have seen Combat Academy (starring Keith Gordon, and also featuring a role for one George Clooney). I never did see Mortuary Academy (which I do want to see). And now I have finally seen Vice Academy.

Written and directed by Rick Sloane, Vice Academy is a paper-thin comedy with very few laughs, although there are one or two there for the more forgiving viewer. The best way to view it is simply as a fan of some of  the stars, and those stars are Linnea Quigley, Ginger Lynn, and Karen Russell. So you should know what kind of film you are in for.

If you think I have forgotten to mention the plot, I haven’t. The plot is irrelevant. Essentially about some hopeless trainees working towards earning a spot in the vice squad. Those trainees are played by Quigley, Russell, and Ken Abraham. They aren’t impressing their teacher/boss (Jayne Hamil), and their progress is being hampered by the “good girl” scheming to ensure they fail (played by Ginger Lynn). But maybe they can accidentally find a way to show everyone how good they are before the end credits roll, even if they still never actually seem to deserve their chances.

Technically, this is lousy. It feels cheap and rushed throughout, the acting from everyone involved is far from great, and the plot could have been written down on the back of a small sachet of salt. There’s nothing of note in any part of the production, from the camerawork to the editing, from the production design to the score. Having said that, it at least sometimes attempts to look more like a film than a cheap project allowing friends to work together in some nice house they have found (*cough* David DeCoteau *cough).

You don’t put on a film like Vice Academy when you want to watch an actual good movie. It is the epitome of something to watch with “beer and pizza”, even if you don’t indulge in either of those things. Switch your brain off, wait for the occasional bit of nudity, and keep your frame of mind receptive to humour that wouldn’t feel out of place in a Fred Olen Ray movie, or even a tame Troma flick.

4/10

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Prime Time: Cinderella (2021)

Writer-director Kay Cannon has a number of films to her credit, but is arguably best known for her work on the Pitch Perfect movies. I enjoy the Pitch Perfect movies, despite them generally going along with the usual rules of diminishing returns. So I went into this new version of Cinderella with a sense of optimism that many others lacked. Even when the bad review started to appear, I tried to have a little faith in the idea that I would be simply entertained. That faith didn’t take long to start dissipating.

Cinderella isn’t terrible, not all of the time anyway. It’s just often not that good, and then some sequences get worse than that. And you have to tolerate small appearances from certain cast members that I just keep finding less and less tolerable each time I see them.

I won’t summarise them story. I cannot help you if you don’t know about poor Cinderella already. The titular character is played here by Camila Cabello, the Prince is played by Nicholas Galitzine, and the cruel stepmother is played by Idina Menzel. Pierce Brosnan, Minnie Driver, and Tallulah Greive are the other royals, Billy Porter takes on the fairy godmother role, although it is reworked slightly, and British panel shows were robbed to place Rob Beckett, James Acaster, Romesh Ranganathan in amongst the fairytale antics. And James Corden gets some screentime, unfortunately. 

Mainly placing itself in that specific category now known as “jukebox musicals”, Cinderella starts off well enough, with an enjoyable mash-up that includes the excellent “Rhythm Nation”. It’s a shame that the rest of the film doesn’t do as well, with most of the other song choices being mistreated by their rearrangements. A Queen song is murdered, an En Vogue song just reminded me of their appearance in Coming 2 America, and the less said about “Seven Nation Army” the better.

Cannon knows what she wants to present to viewers, and she delivers something obviously straining to blend the modern and cool with all of the traditional fairytale moments that you expect. This is olde worlde antics with modern sensibilities laid over everything, but it doesn’t work as well as it could.

A big reason for that is cast. The “old guard” have a lot of fun in their roles, particularly Brosnan and Driver, but the leads fail to convey any real sense of them actually enjoying themselves. I don’t like the singing style of Cabello (all whiney, quivering, use of five syllables in words where two are present) and she doesn’t have the right presence to hold your attention in the non-singing parts. Galitzine is no better, lacking charisma and unable to sell either the heart or humour in his main scenes. Porter is fun in his small amount of screentime, which is really just one main scene, and Maddie Baillio and Charlotte Spencer raise some smiles as “the ugly sisters”, but it must be said that the British personalities don’t get enough to do, so are just there to prompt thoughts of “oh, look who it is” when they appear. At least Nandi Bushell also gets to join in with the fun for all of two seconds.

Fairytales have been adapted and twisted so often over the past few decades that you are spoilt for choice. Almost all of the other movies you could think of, right now, are better than this. It isn’t absolutely terrible. It is just a mess that consistently feels like it is trying to hard to be clever and cool, while rarely managing to be either.

4/10

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